A/N: Also known as In Which June Kills Cosima, Yet Again. It just happened because the song played, I swear. You know the drill. I'm sorry. Lyrics from Carry You Home by James Blunt. Beautiful, beautiful song, so I tried to make this a little worth the read.
Part of the Cophine playlist fics on Tumblr.
When it is Quiet
Trouble is her only friend and he's back again
Makes her body older than it really is
When she first tells you that she loved sunsets and beaches, you don't think too much about it. You just smile and kiss her pale lips and pull her closer into your arms as the two of you lay in bed. Then she talks about the sun and the stars and how we are all stardust and then pelagia noctiluca and mertensia ovum and bioluminescence and how beautiful they are, until she runs off track and begins talking about Spongebob Squarepants and his inclination to jellyfishes and the show's logic.
She becomes even more beautiful in your eyes and you fall in love with her even more.
She says it's high time she went away
No one's got much to say in this town
It was a lazy Sunday when she again tells you that she loved sunsets and beaches, while you were on your favorite seats, your pinkies linked as you read Haruki Murakami's 1Q84 and she re-read J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. She just pauses and you see her in your peripheral view and she mentions that she loved sunsets and beaches. You smile at her and squeeze her pinkie with yours. You're about to return to reading when she says the words you didn't expect.
"Delphine? If I die, I want to die on the beach. Even without the beautiful lights or the sunset. Just on the beach."
Trouble is the only way is down
Down, down
You close your book at those words and lace your fingers together before sighing and looking at her. The sadness in her hazel eyes reflect yours but you smile lovingly at her. You nod and kiss the back of her hand. You know that day would come, sooner rather than later. She was so strong and beautiful and you fall in love with her even more. It amazes you how easily she can talk about her own impending death but it hurts you all the same.
You're going to lose her sooner rather than later and it hurts.
But you agree to her request.
If she had wings she would fly away
And another day God will give her some
You lay on the bed on your sides, facing each other, your hands on each other's cheeks. It was morning and the two of you just woke up in a tangle of limbs and sheets. You run your thumb over her chapped, pale lips and she quirks them up before kissing your finger. You smile at her lovingly as she begins to trace the curves of your face, mapping you. She falters in her movements and you notice it but you don't say anything until she stops and looks at you.
Her voice is shaky when she speaks and for a brief moment, darkness passed through her usually bright hazel eyes. "Delphine? Can we go to the beach later?" She asks, and you feel your heart stop as you are reminded off her earlier request.
Trouble is the only way is down
Down, down
You just smile at her and nod before kissing her softly on the lips. Your hand trembles as you reach for hers and you intertwine your fingers together. "Of course, chérie," you reply, your voice just above a whisper. She kisses the back of your hand and then sighs.
"I'm sorry, Delphine," she says as tears glaze her eyes but you shake your head and smile.
"No need to be sorry," you assure her and you wipe the tears that fell down her pale cheeks. "I love you. I love you," you murmur. She begins to weep and you pull her closer to you.
As strong as you were, tender you go
She can barely walk out of the car but she insists on walking by herself. You watch sadly and it pains you to see her like that but you let her.
You just let her and watch, guiding her as close as you can.
The two of you reach the shore and she walks as close as she can to the waters. You watch from a short distance and tears fill your eyes as she spreads her arms wide, like an angel poised to fly. A beautiful angel poised to fly, ready to reclaim her freedom from the cruel world she fell into, so magnificent and elegant against the swirling blues and reds and violets of the setting sun.
She becomes even more beautiful in your eyes and you fall in love with her even more.
You walk behind her and you feel the cool, soothing waves of the sea against your feet. You wrap your arms around her waist and she automatically leans back to you. You hear her sniffle and you know she's crying and it cuts you deeper.
"I'm sorry, Delphine," she whispers, her voice quiet compared to the crashing waves. You hold her tighter and rest your chin on her shoulder, inhaling and memorizing her scent, before kissing her temple softly.
"No need to be sorry, chérie," you reply. You hold back your tears and you hear her sigh. She places her arms over yours. You stay in that moment for a while, watching the sun sink into the horizon, until the flurry of violets and oranges fade into black and cobalt.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time
She takes a shaky breath and you can just feel her heart slow down. She turns in your arms and kisses your lips. The light in her eyes is quickly fading, fading like the sunlight, but the smile on her face is warm.
It comforts you and you are baffled by the beautiful enigma that is Cosima Niehaus.
She smiles at you and cups your face lovingly and all you can do is smile back and wipe her tears away.
"Piggy-back?" She asks and you nod immediately. You turn around and lower yourself as she gets on your back on shaky legs. You guide her up and she wraps her arms around your neck and legs around your waist.
"I love you," she whispers against your ear. "I love you so much and I'm so so sorry." You squeeze your hands softly on her thighs, assuring her that it's alright, even though you have a sinking feeling that it wasn't.
It will never be.
"I love you too," you reply, and you feel her kiss your cheek. You sigh deeply and she pulls you impossibly close. You begin walking along the shore, taking slow, measured steps. She takes a sharp breath and you feel your heart sink.
"There were photographs of those jellyfishes captured in Japan during breeding season," she says weakly and you can no longer hold back your tears. "They were of the brightest blues and…"
She trails off and you feel your heart sink and crash like the waves of the sea.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet
I know what it means and I'll carry you home
"…and they looked so beautiful against the dark of the night," you finish for her. Her limbs wrap limply around you and you hold her tight. Your heart and the sun have sunken and the stars and your tears are out, shimmering bright against the gloomy darkness.
I'll carry you home.