New story time! I will once again be using and abusing TOS and other Trek characters and tropes for my own nefarious purposes. Since we are officially in an alternate universe and we've already screwed around with, well, everything really, I'm totally jumping on the bandwagon. For example, Joanna McCoy should be eleven in 2259 – I'm making her seven. I have reasons, promise. You (hopefully) forgave me for Hoshi Sato so I'm hoping you'll do so again! Speaking of Hoshi, all those unanswered questions left over from Transitions are going to get wrapped up here. As such, I am taking the standard Tarsus warnings and turning them up a bit: there are parts of this story that will be decidedly unpleasant for just about everyone involved. Especially Jim. Poor boy should probably consider early retirement. I try my best to warn for things, but I'm more than happy to provide more details if you'd like them, just drop me a message.

Timeline wise, we are kicking off after Jim's bust up with death and the whole story will take part in the months before their five-year mission.

Oh, and you know the last story where you had no cliffhangers at all because you all knew what was going to happen? Hahaha. Yeah, no more of that!

A PROBLEM FROM HELL

Jim opened one eye just enough to squint out into the brightness of the room. A muffled giggle emerged from down by his left elbow and he quickly closed his eyes again, smothering a grin against his pillow and pretending to be asleep.

"Uncle Jim," Joanna McCoy had her father's rich accent and the devastatingly effective whine of a seven year old – Jim had no hope. "I know you're awake."

"Am not." Jim said, eyes still closed. "Totally sleeping."

The sheets tugged against his chest as she crawled up the bed to sit by his side, trying not to bump him with the exaggerated carefulness of someone who'd been scolded one too many times for doing exactly that. "So I'll just eat your pudding then."

Jim opened one eye thoughtfully. "Chocolate?"

"Caramel."

"Ha!" Jim pounced, wrapping one arm around Joanna's waist and targeting ticklish spots ruthlessly. "Steal my pudding will you!"

Her shrieks of glee sounded completely out of place in the sterile hospital room Jim was confined to, but they were welcome nonetheless. Since waking a week ago he'd been cried on, yelled at, lectured and threatened by most of his crew, half of Starfleet Command and a few dozen nurses. Joanna had only arrived a few days ago, but she'd stubbornly refused to leave him alone during visiting hours and had given the one Commodore who had tried to make her leave the type of stern dressing down that made her daddy misty eyed with pride.

Jim was grateful. He probably wasn't the best company since he spent most of his time sleeping, but while he had a constant stream of visitors the loneliness of being confined to the same bed was far easier to deal with when he had someone to pretend for.

Bones sure as hell wasn't falling for it, and neither were the rest of Jim's crew.

Joanna's giggles died off as he tired out quickly. There had been a marked improvement in his stamina; he no longer fell asleep mid sentence, but he still needed a four-hour nap every time he wanted to get up to go to the bathroom.

Convalescing sucked, he thought miserably as he slumped back against the pillows. Joanna recognized his weariness and shoved the pudding cup into his hand. "I'll tell daddy you aren't eating." She threatened.

"You're a horrible child and I have no idea why I put up with you." Jim groused, his fingers fumbling for the spoon he'd been issued.

"Because you are secretly all squishy inside. Like a marshmallow." Joanna shrugged her shoulders, dark braids tumbling over the yellow sweater she wore. Uhura had been by earlier and Joanna had employed her mad hair braiding skills while Jim dozed. He was slightly afraid he'd wake up with a manicure, but Uhura assured him that if they were to work their magic on him they'd be starting with his eyebrows.

He'd let Galia wax his legs once – long, very boring story that he was never going to repeat no matter how drunk Bones got him– and would sooner let a Klingon punch him repeatedly in the face than go through the process again, especially in relation to his face.

"Squishy, huh?" Jim mused tiredly, rapidly losing the ability to stay awake. He managed a spoonful of pudding under Joanna's hopeful gaze. "I feel all squishy."

Small fingers carefully took the spoon from his hand before he dropped it in his lap. He heard Joanna set them down on the table at the end of the bed but nothing more.

Jim woke with Joanna curled up against him and the quite sound of two people arguing close by.

"I'm not having this conversation here, Joce." Jim frowned at the sound of Bones' voice in the small office that adjoined Jim's private room. He felt Joanna tense beside him and wrapped his arm around her shoulders so he could stroke her hair soothingly. She didn't look frightened, just miserable, but Jim felt his own tension rocket at the sight of her distress.

"Then when, Leo?" Jim had never heard anyone call Bones that before he'd met Jocelyn. It had taken him a moment to figure out who she was talking to, but then he often forgot his friend's name wasn't actually Bones McCoy. "You never leave. How am I supposed to talk to you?"

"I don't know why you actually care." Bones said, his voice hushed but his anger obvious. "It's not like you're going to listen to my opinion anyway."

"Why should It's not like you're ever around." Jim cringed. He knew how much it pained Bones to not spend every second with Joanna and if he was honest, he was torn about his thoughts on the matter. He firmly believed that no child should grow up without a father, but he also recognized that he couldn't project his own issues onto the way Bones lived his life. He could only imagine how his friend must feel about it himself. Bones said something that Jim couldn't hear but it must have had the right effect. Jocelyn's tone softened. "I know that Leo, Joanna does too, but I can't understand why you're so against her going to school."

"I'm all for her going to school, Joce." Bones growled. "I just don't see why it has to be on the other side of the galaxy."

"Because it's the best there is and Joanna deserves that. She's so bright, Leo, just like you."

Jim tuned out the rest of the conversation and looked down at Joanna. "So, school huh?"

She nodded. "It's in space."

"That's cool."

"Daddy doesn't want me to go." Joanna said softly.

Jim gave her an encouraging squeeze. "Your daddy wants you to be happy. Your mom too. I couldn't care less of course." Joanna giggled and poked him in the belly. "Okay, maybe a little bit." He admitted under torture. "Do you want to go?"

"I dunno." She said, becoming quiet again. "Maybe?" Jim raised an eyebrow. "Okay yes."

He smiled at her. "Okay then, so you go. And if you change your mind, you call me and I'll come get you."

"In your spaceship?"

"In my spaceship." Jim winked. He smiled over her shoulder as Bones and Jocelyn entered the room. Joanna looked exactly like her father. Jocelyn was beautiful, but it was a cool, untouchable beauty that was at complete odds with the warmth Bones kept hidden. "Don't tell your dad."

"Don't tell me what?" Bones growled from the doorway. Joanna smothered her giggles against Jim's arm.

"Busted." Jim laughed. "Go on, it's getting late." He nudged her encouragingly and she climbed down off the bed.

Bones took the chance to hug her tightly before she took her mom's hand.

"Say good night, Joanna." Jocelyn encouraged her daughter. Joanna pulled her hand free from her mother's and ran back to Jim's bed.

"Night Uncle Jim." She said, kissing Jim on the cheek. "Night daddy!"

"Night kiddo." Jim smiled. "Get home safe." He said that more to Jocelyn than Joanna and the woman nodded at him cordially before leaving with her daughter in tow.

"Why the hell did I marry her again?" Bones asked, slumping down into the chair besides Jim's bed.

"Awesome sex?" Jim speculated. Bones rolled his eyes on cue.

"Deviant."

Jim waggled his eyebrows teasingly. It was just about the only movement he could manage without exhausting himself. "As charged. You wanna talk about it?"

Bones slowly raised his head. He really did look exhausted, Jim thought guiltily. "You heard us?"

"Yeah."

"Jo too?" McCoy asked miserably.

"Kid's not deaf, Bones."

"Christ Jim, didn't anyone ever tell you it isn't polite to eavesdrop?" Bones rubbed his face with the back of his hand and leaned back in the chair.

Jim shook his head. "Nope." Quite the opposite in fact. "Besides, it's not like I ever listened in on my parents fighting. My mom blackmailing some Admirals, sure, and that came in useful."

"I've said it before kid: your mom was a few knights short of a crusade." Bones shook his head.

Jim snorted. Bones had no idea. It made him question all the things he'd been told about his dad because how someone as upstanding and kind as George Kirk supposedly was ended up with a woman who stunned her kids with phasers so they knew what it felt like was anyone's guess. "No arguments there. So, we talking about it?"

"What's to talk about? She wants Jo to go to school offworld."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, and?"

"And what? Why the hell would I be okay with my daughter, my seven year old daughter by the way, being shipped off to the far end of the galaxy?" Bones exclaimed, his eyebrows fully rose as if half expected Jim to be delirious again.

Jim rolled his eyes. Bones did overprotective daddy like no one Jim had ever met. God help the poor soul who tried to take Joanna out on her first date. "Where exactly is this school?"

"Cerberus." Bones huffed.

Jim laughed. "That's hardly the far end of the Galaxy, Bones! It's a two hour trip."

"On a starship, sure." Bones said grudgingly.

"Which we have, by the way." Jim wondered if Bones purposely ignored everything related to space until it was actively trying to devour, kill or maim him in some way.

McCoy scowled at him. "A broken starship."

"She's being fixed." Jim said defensively, his shoulders tensing at the thought of the Enterprise. Bones shot him an apologetic glance and sighed deeply.

"Yeah, I'm sorry kid." He said. "It's just…she's my daughter, Jim. I see little enough of her as it is." He sounded so sad that Jim ached for him.

"Hey," he said, grabbing Bones' arm and squeezing. "We can visit Cerberus as easily as we can Earth. Besides, she'll be having way too much fun to miss her grumpy old man."

"Thanks." Bones said dryly. "You can tell me I'm being paranoid you know. Don't sugar coat it. And it's a good school by all accounts."

Jim shrugged against the pillows. "I dunno man, I'm not exactly qualified to talk about paranoia. But yeah, you kinda are. She'll have a great time and all the other kids will love her when they find out her awesome Uncle Jim is a starship captain." He smirked, knowing exactly how Bones would react.

"Glad to see your ego's still in tact." Bones snorted. "And I'll have you know she wants to be a doctor like her 'grumpy old man', not a space cowboy like crazy Uncle Jim. How'd you like that, hotshot?"

"Not letting her enlist when she's older?" Jim grinned.

Bones looked horrified. "God, no."

Jim's smile turned into a yawn and his jaw clicked. On cue, Bones began to fuss with Jim's bedding, pulling it up higher until Jim was covered from the chin down. "So when's she going?"

"End of the week." McCoy said, inputting instructions for Jim's overnight medication into the computer by the bed.

"Gonna miss the little munchkin. Think I'll be up to seeing her off?"

"I'll talk to your doctor." McCoy said gruffly. "If you actually go to sleep."

"M'sleep." Jim slurred absently. He was out before the lights went down.

Jim was up to seeing Joanna off, but 'up' was a relative term. He was allowed out of the hospital for exactly three hours, each second of which he was to be accompanied by Bones and M'Benga, who was there in case Bones was 'distracted' by something. Jim had zoned out soon after he'd heard the words 'release'. Dressing in civilian clothing had required McCoy's help and by the time he slumped down in the hoverchair he'd been too exhausted to be embarrassed.

The thought of actually staying awake for three whole hours seemed utterly ludicrous. He'd be out before they even reached the docks.

He and Bones weren't the only ones who showed up, either. Joanna was already waiting with Jocelyn, dressed in her new school uniform and rubbing her cheeks nervously. Her hair hung in two dark braids that were tied with blue ribbons and her dark eyes were all Bones'. Uhura and Spock had also arrived to wish her luck. Jim had missed most of the bonding that had occurred between the three of them but there was no way he'd ever get over his tall, serious First Officer bending down so he was eye level with the little girl. Nor could Uhura, it seemed. They'd have cute kids, Jim thought. Really scary, really logical kids, but they'd be seriously cute.

After saying her goodbyes to them, Joanna made a beeline for Jim. She climbed onto his knee to hug him better and squeezed tightly. Jim had only just been reassuring Bones – again – that they could go and visit her any time and off world schooling was no longer a big deal and while hey, at least this one isn't run by a genocidal maniac might not have been his best argument, he had at least been able to calm Bones down. He just failed to understand why his throat felt tight and his eyes stung when she untangled herself and climbed off his knee.

"I gave Mr Spock our special cookie recipe." Joanna said seriously. "I think he might burn them though." She admitted with a sheepish look over her shoulder at Spock. Uhura hid a smile behind her hand and Spock vowed very solemnly that he would endeavor not to ruin Jim's cookies. Jim wasn't sure if the idea of Spock baking should delight or terrify him.

"Have fun, kid." Jim summoned his brightest smile. "Learn new things, make new friends – don't forget those card tricks I showed you."

Bones muttered something about Jim turning his daughter into a card shark but Joanna nodded seriously. "Love you Uncle Jim."

"Love you too, JoJo." Jim choked. He looked over at Bones who wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was almost crying. Jim cursed his physical limitations because this would be exactly the time he'd be getting his friend disgustingly drunk. Maybe he'd recruit Scotty to do the job? He'd just pass out on the bar.

Uhura guided his chair away from the waiting shuttle to give Bones some time alone with his daughter.

"Glad to be out of that room?" She asked him.

"You have no idea. Quick, let's stage an escape while Bones isn't looking."

"Sure," she agreed, "if you think you'll stay awake long enough to appreciate it."

"Ugh," Jim moaned. "You suck."

"You'll get over it." Uhura laughed. "But really, how are you feeling?"

"Stagnant." Jim complained. "All I do is sleep and occasionally wake up to annoy Bones. I've never slept this much. Like, never ever."

"You clearly need it." Uhura said softly. "You need time to rest and recover and this time you can actually get enough of it without having to worry about being back on duty."

"Yeah." Jim said tiredly. "That's something at least." He foolishly closed his eyes and found it impossible to open them again.

"How long before he's trying to actually break out of the hospital?" He heard Uhura ask Spock.

"I cannot be certain, but I do believe Lieutenant Sulu and Mr Scott have already started taking wagers."

"Sly bast-"

Apparently Jim had not completely bypassed the stage where he fell asleep mid-sentence after all.

Jim spent another three weeks in the hospital before being checked out to make the final stages of his recovery at home. Since 'home' consisted of an empty, soulless apartment in a Starfleet owned complex by the bay, Jim had not held much hope of the atmosphere improving, but at least he could expect some privacy.

When Bones steered him through the front door and the whole room erupted into wild cheers be wondered if perhaps they had entered the wrong apartment.

At least until he got a slap on the back from Scotty and an enthusiastic hug from Chekov, then he came down with a sudden onset of blurred vision that was only cured by Uhura taking his hand and sitting him down on a couch he did not remember buying.

"Your interior decorating sucks." Uhura shrugged absently. "Really Kirk, even you need more than just a replicator and a bed."

Jim tried to make a joke out of it but was still stunned by the sheer volume of people – and stuff – in his apartment.

"What is all this?" He asked.

"Housewarming party." Scotty said brightly. He'd clearly already been at the alcohol. "Or a 'Glad Ye Are Nae Longer Dead party. Take yer pick."

"We went shopping." Uhura admitted without shame.

"You went crazy." Jim marveled. He'd never really owned anything, just the clothes on his back and his uniform.

"I believe," Spock said quietly, "your crew wished you to have more ties to life than your mere existence."

"So you guys bought me a couch." Jim said in bemusement.

"And a coffee table." Scott added happily. "Do ya feel more connected with the world now?"

"Well I feel something." Jim said honestly. "Can I get a drink of that?" He asked, indicating the purple liquid Scott was chugging.

"You can have green tea.' Bones said with a mean grin. "You're still on medication."

Once upon a time, Jim might have complained but tonight even tea sounded good. There was music playing and friendly faces everywhere he looked. It was slightly overwhelming but utterly wonderful.

He stayed in his position on the couch as everyone circulated around him, all as honestly thrilled to spend time with him as he was them.

About an hour after he'd arrived, he looked up from his second tea into Carol Marcus' hesitant face.

"Hi." He said, pleased to see no sign of the injury Khan had inflicted on her.

"Hi." She echoed.

Jim wasn't really sure what to say. Unlike the others, he'd never had an actual conversation with Carol and it left him with no grounds to begin. His usual flirtatious standby seemed inappropriate, and she was technically still a member of his crew.

"I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't even have come," She suddenly said, "but Nyota said you'd want to see me and I did want to see you and make sure you're alright. And now I'm rambling, I should stop. And go. Both, actually. I am glad though: that you're alright."

"Carol," Jim reached over and grabbed her wrist before she could flee. As bemusing as her timid words had been, the fact that she called Uhura by her first name suggested that it wasn't just Joanna McCoy who had been bonding with his crew while he was recovering. "I am glad you're here, and I'm doing well, so thank you."

She smiled nervously, "I didn't think you'd really want to see me."

Jim knew he must have looked incredulous. "The only person I don't want to see right now is Bones, and he never listens to me anyway."

Across the room, Bones lazily flipped him the bird. Carol chuckled at their antics, breaking the ice as Jim had hoped it would. "Can I get you more tea?"

"Only if you put a shot of vodka in there." Jim grimaced. 'I thought I'd be okay with tea. Turns out, not so much."

"No vodka. You're still on medication." Carol said sternly, rising to get him more tea.

"Oh you're gonna get along here wonderfully." Jim grumbled good-naturedly.

He heard her laugh as she moved out of view but it was Spock who took her vacated seat a moment later.

"Should we leave you to your rest?" He asked in concern.

Jim waved his hand absently, closing his eyes and relaxing against the couch. Whoever had picked it was seriously sneaky because it was soft and comfortable and Jim could see several late night reading sessions being thwarted by its matching cushions. "Nah. It's nice. You all being here."

"There is nowhere we would rather be, Jim." Spock said softly.

"Damn right." Bones dropped down into the spot next to Jim and a moment later he was wedged in on all sides, too many limbs vying for space as arms wrapped themselves around him comfortingly. "Now then, time to fill a gap in that giant brain of yours." He announced gleefully. The music was turned off as a holo projected against the far wall. "The time honored pastime of all invalids, cripples, old folks and sick people." Bones said, choosing the most offensive language possible just to get a rise out of Jim, who would have elbowed Bones in the chest if someone hadn't been sitting on his arm. "The soap opera."

"Hasn't this been on air for like three hundred years?" Jim asked in alarm as the music began to play.

"Two hundred and ninety four." Bones corrected him happily.

"I don't think I'm going to get caught up before I'm back on duty." Jim said dryly.

"Shut up and watch." Bones scolded him.

Jim angled his head to get a better look at Spock who seemed to be mildly fascinated with the whole experience. "No, of course you're not going to help." He huffed.

He wasn't sure who threw the pillow at his head but he was certain it was against regulation.