Ok, so, my 9th fanfic in less than a year

Wow

Well, this one has a rubbish summary so I shall try to explain better

Its basically about Tony Stark being very vunerable and weak and having very dark thoughts.

Its set 100% in Mr. Starks Point Of View (POV)

Hope ye like it!

Rachel

CHAPTER 1

Hangovers.

I hated them

"Sir, Ms. Potts is requesting entry".

Jarvis's smooth British voice cut through my thoughts and I glanced towards the door from where I was currently slumped over my desk. Pepper was outside... This was going to get interesting.

"Can you... Tell her I'm sleeping J" I replied, putting down my head again. I really did hate headaches. They were worse when they were part of a hangover. They annoyed me.

"She says there's left over pizza for you sir" Jarvis said after another few minutes and I sighed, "Then tell her I'm not hungry. And I never will be". A few seconds later there was a knock on the glass and I turned back to the door. Pepper looked furious.

"She really must insist sir. I'm afraid she knows you haven't eaten in 79 hours" Jarvis explained and I glared up at the ceiling, "And who told her that I wonder?".

"I am truly sorry sir. But it has been a week since the Avengers last mission and you haven't eaten in 4 days".

"Jarvis. I'm busy. I don't need to eat" I shot back.

"Ms. Potts says if you don't come up within the next few minutes, she will personally drag you upstairs by the ear and force feed you".

"... Fine" I grumbled, "Give me 5 minutes".

"I'll tell her you'll be up in 10 sir" he replied.

"Don't push it J" I warned.

"I shall try sir" he replied, and I swore I heard a hint of amusement in the AI's voice. Mind tricks.

"And the great Mr. Stark has arrived" Pepper said, once I wandered into the kitchen.

"Force feed me Pep? Honestly? That's the best you could do?" I asked and she smirked, "No. But I didn't want to go too hard on you or you'd be too scared to come up".

"ME? Scared of YOU?" I asked.

"I could have said I'd take away all your whiskey bottles. Even the ones hidden behind the couch" she replied happily and I glared at her, "Don't. You. Dare".

"Just saying. Now come on, food. You got to eat".

"Well actually I don't. You'd be surprised how long I can go without food for".

"Tony. You NEED to eat" she said firmly, handing me a plate and I sighed, "I don't like eating. I don't want to eat. And I don't NEED to ea-".

"Tony. Eat it. It's been 4 days. That's not healthy for anyone" someone said cutting me off and I looked up as my favourite doctor came into the room.

I pouted, "Bruce? Your on HER side? But we're Science Buddy's!".

"And if you die of starvation, I'll be the only Science Buddy left" he replied sighing.

"Thank you Bruce. See Tony, you have to eat" Pepper ordered.

"But I'm not hungry" I shot back.

"Because you've gone so long without eating, your body's living off the protein in your muscles. That's not good" Bruce said, going over to the drawer and handing me a fork, "Now eat".

"But Bruceeeeee!" I whined.

"Tony. It's two against one" Pepper said, pointing at the table, "And if you don't sit down and eat right now, I swear to god I WILL force feed you".

"Stupid food. Hate it" I grumbled, reluctantly sitting down and staring at the plate in front of me. Pizza. Ham and Pineapple pizza. Food. I picked up the fork, stabbing it, before slowly eating a bite. Pizza. Not very nice pizza. It was microwaved pizza. Not nice at all.

I looked up at Pepper and Bruce in protest and Pepper sighed, "Your impossible", before walking out of the room.

I turned to Bruce, "See. Even Pepper gives up on trying to feed me. It's hopeless".

He came over and sat down in front of me, crossing his arms, "Well I don't give up as easily. What do you like eating?".

"Air. Fresh air tastes nice" I said and he stared at me, "Air doesn't count. Pick another".

"... Alcohol" I replied.

"That's not food".

"Coffee?".

"Also not food" he replied, "No drinks Stark. It has to be food".

"... What about... No... Is... No. That's not either... Nope. Nothing comes to mind".

"What do you usually eat?" He asked and I grinned, "Nothing. I don't eat".

"How on earth are you still alive?"

"Air. Alcohol. And coffee".

He stared at me again, "You haven't eaten in 4 days. What did you eat before that?".

"... J?".

"Toast sir, Mr. Barton brought you two slices of toast" Jarvis replied and I smirked, "That was it. Legolas usually feeds me".

"Clint?" Bruce asked and I nodded, "I think he just likes the fact I'm the closest thing to a dog this place has. So he feeds me. Occasionally makes me go for walks".

"Seriously? Then why isn't he feeding you now?" the doctor asked and I looked up at the nearest camera again.

"Mr. Barton is currently away on a mission for Director Fury sir. He won't be returning for another 7 hours" Jarvis explained and I nodded, "Thats the one. A mission. For SHIELD. He gave his dog feeding duties to Pepper. And as you can see, that didn't work out too well. I think she forgot about me. Rubbish pet owner she'd make".

"... There are no words to this" Bruce finally said, "But from now on. I'm feeding you. Until you learn NOT to forget".

"I don't think I'll ever remember. Iv never eaten on my own accord" I replied.

"Not even when you were a kid?".

I smiled slightly, "Nope".

"... Then what did you eat?".

"Nothing".

"... At all? How long did you go without food for?" He asked and I thought for a minute, "There was one time I didn't eat for 7 months but then I went to thi-".

"7 MONTHS?" Bruce asked and I sighed, "Bruce. Calm down. I was... Like... 8... Possibly 9".

"I don't care how old you were. Nobody even THOUGHT of giving you food?" He asked angrily and I shook my head, "They all worked for my father. And... Well... We didn't get on too good".

"... Your own father starved you?" He asked quietly.

"Pretty much" I replied shrugging, "He didn't like me".

"Jeasus Tony... How did you live this long?" He muttered, shaking his head softly.

"I got used to it".

His head snapped up to me sharply, "You got USED to it? You mean it wasn't the first time that happened?".

"Nor was it the last. But it doesn't matter. Afte-"

"Doesn't matter?" He asked quietly, cutting me off, "You think it doesn't matter? That you going half a year without food numerous amounts of times doesn't matter? That YOU don't matter?".

I remained silent and he stared at me, "... You do don't you. You think you don't matter".

"... It's against contrary belief" I muttered.

"How? WHO?".

I laughed, "Who not? Lets see, there was my father, my mother, school teachers, university professors, Obie, you know about him, there was the Ten Rings, Raza, Loki, Fury, SHIELD, and Justin Hammer, can't forget about him either. The list goes on and on".

"I can't believe... You actually... You... You think you seriously don't matter to anyone?" He asked and I shrugged, "Evidences not in my favour".

He put his head in his hands, "Jeasus Stark... Look around! You've got Pepper, you think she doesn't care?".

"She difficult to put in either box. She does care, sort of, but most of the time she can't even stand me, let alone speak to me" I replied.

"She cares Tony. What about the team? The Avengers? Do you think Clint cares?" He asked again.

"... Possibly. He just likes having a pet to look after".

"Natasha?".

"No way".

"What about Steve?" He asked again, staring at me, half shocked, and half worried.

"He preferred my father. He'd pick him over me any day. And since my father didn't like me... I'd say not".

"And Thor?".

"Thor cares about the idea of caring about me. Not actually caring for me"

"What about me? Do I care?".

"Depends" I said slowly, "I think you do... And I know the other guy does since he stopped me from dying last year in his own, loud way... But you yourself... I don't know".

"I care Tony. I care about your messed up mind. I care that you don't eat. I care about you full stop. We all do".

"Ok. So on the VERY unlikely chance that's true... So what? That's... 6 people... 6 people against the whole world. Not much. And that's only going on the off chance that ye actually care. It's barely anyone" I replied, looking down at my hands.

He sighed, "Tony. Look at me".

No. I was NOT going to blub. I wasn't going to break down. Not here. Not now. Later, maybe. But not here. Not in front of someone who could use it against me later on.

"Tony..." Bruce trailed off. I heard him stand up, then footsteps, then a door opened and closed. He had walked away. He was gone. Left me alone. They always did. I wasn't worth enough to stay with. I was empty. Just empty.