Chapter 39: The Mourning After

He was here but not present and she noticed it the entire morning as they went about their routine. Shuffling out of the bathroom and into the kitchen next to her, he stood silently, packing bottles into the baby bag for his mother. All without uttering a word other than barely audible good morning. She had not pushed him for much else, other than replying politely and the entire exchange left her off kilter. His breakfast was eaten just as soundlessly while he stared off into the distance outside the sliding door and much of it was still left behind as he cleared the table.

"I got it." Temari took his plate from him to wash and he only muttered his gratitude.

With shoulders sagging lower than usual, he walked back into the room and shut the door behind him. He had gotten ready quickly but almost as if by muscle memory alone. Before Temari could even finish her food, he had gathered up the Shikachi in his sling and headed for the door. As he grabbed the door knob and spoke to her for the last and only third time that morning.

"I'm working late tonight. I'll get something to eat on my way home." He didn't even look at her although she nodded that she heard him.

What's gotten into him today?...

Temari didn't remember saying anything that would warrant a cold shoulder but she did remember that towards that end of yesterday, he had grown more withdrawn. She was so exhausted from work that she passed out before he got into bed, knowing she had to be up a few hours later to feed their baby. Still, she found herself listing off potential reasons for his demeanor and secretly hoping she was not the prime suspect. When she came up short, she decided to give it a rest. It was not her place to pry and if he was anything like her, which in many ways he surprisingly was, he would come around when he was ready or solve the issue himself. As she packed her own lunch, the apartment still felt tenser without his easy presence and she admitted that it made getting up in the mornings a lot more bearable.

In her office, she was sifting through her usual mountain of paperwork that she had neatly organized the night before. There was also a basket of incoming mail and a meeting scheduled for later on the day that had her scheduled meticulously arranged. Organization and control had been drilled into her until it became as natural as using her weapon and with diplomacy there was no room for chaos. Chaos causes offence. Offense causes misinterpretation. Misinterpretation can cause conflict. Although things were peaceful amongst the villages and Naruto and Gaara being close friends, she didn't have to sweat too much over the grander scale of things but there were still disturbances by smaller forces inbetween. Rebel groups that huddled underground in both villages after the restoration were still real and their attitudes unchanged even after their lives were spared by those good-doers. Rogue nin bent on making names for themselves and stirring the pot still lingered in the shadows and once these groups crossed between Suna and Konoha, it became a bigger problem. Her jurisdiction also encompassed dealing with these issues.

"Hm. What is this?" A folder was placed off to the side of her desk with a red tag sticking out. This meant whatever was in the folder was classified and extremely dangerous. She doesn't remember how it got into her desk but before she could open it, she heard conversation outside of her door.

"Thanks for everything Shikamaru and it was really nice to catch up with you again." The voice was flirty and feminine, unlike any she had heard floating around the Hokage's office building before.

"No problem. I heard you were in town and I was going to find you anyway." Shikamaru sounded like he was completely himself and even slightly happier. As much as she tried to continue with her work, her ears would not stop listening in.

"Next time I'm around, lets have lunch. I know you're probably busy now."

"Actually, I can take my lunch early so why don't we just get something. I just need to walk back to my office to lock my door."

"Ok great! I'll meet you downstairs!" Then there were feet shuffling off and the floor was quiet again. She thought they had both left but then she heard someone approach her door. Pausing, she waited for a knock but none came, just the sound of whoever it was going back down the hallway.

He sounds…normal…

Despite her will to ignore the entire exchange, Temari felt an inkling of hurt that he had refused to interact with her all morning and yet he could carry on a conversation so easily with another. She huffed and sat back in her chair, blinking to clear her thoughts. Emotions truly were complicating everything and now she was overanalyzing just like he feared.

"If I did anything, I'm sure he would have said something."

Scenarios and assumptions looped themselves around her rationality and squeezed. She had pieced that he started acting strange yesterday that coincided with today's meeting with the woman outside his door. He had pushed Temari away that morning and said nothing to her all day, seemingly avoiding interaction. Now despite how he was towards Temari, he was the complete opposite a few minutes ago. While she was aware of how foolish it was to go on a mental tangent, her mind spun and spun a tale until it led to one conclusion.

Is he seeing her? Is that why he was so cold to me? Maybe he didn't want to be seen with me because he's dating…

They both knew that since they weren't exclusive, they were free to pursue other partners but she supposed that between having a new baby, work and their other responsibilities, Shikamaru just didn't have time. She was prepared for the inevitable though, or so she thought. This would surely cause some circumstantial impediments seeing as how they were living together and their lives had been very much intertwined. It also made it disquieting that she had subconsciously developed sentiments towards their situation over time that may or may not have lead to feelings to attachment. This was what made her stomach clench at the thought of him enjoying himself more in the company of another woman who she had never met.

"He's going to have to introduce me sometime. I can't have just anyone around the baby. I guess this is a talk we'll have to have when it comes time." Yes, for the sake of the baby. Only the baby. Temari didn't get as much done as she had hoped this morning and ended up staring blankly at the same packet of propositions for the next 3 hours.

….

Is she from Konoha? Have I met her?...

"Earth to Temari! Hello?" When Temari's mind returned, Tenten was snapping her fingers and waving in her face. At lunch, her intention was to eat peacefully by herself but without so much as asking if she was interrupting, Tenten sat at her table. They were seated in the small restaurant towards the back, closest to the AC since then sun was unrelenting outside. It was also to get some privacy so she could get lost in her considerations unashamed. "What's with you today? You've been spacing out the entire conversation."

"Nothing. It's nothing." She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to alert the others to Shikamaru's new activities and this came off as a private affair. "You were saying something about Neji."

"Yea I saw Neji with some blonde girl walking out of the village today. She was all giggly with him and no I'm not jealous so don't even say it! That's all everyone said. I'm just concerned."

"Tenten when are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?" Tenten looked around to be sure no one else was listening.

"How you feel. It's annoying to watch you go in circles."

"Temari keep your voice down!" She lowered her voice even further. "I told you I can't! I don't even know how- and that's only assuming I feel that strongly about him at all at this point." Stirring her ramen with her cheek on her hand, Tenten looked quite frustrated.

"Look, you've know Neji for years. You know almost everything about him. What he likes, what makes him tick. I'm sure you've spoken to him about harder things than this." Temari was sure she was not the first person who was telling her this either.

"Yea but this is still different Temari. If I approach things wrong, it could ruin everything. I've never spoken to him about his…ahem…love life. It's not like you and Shikamaru-"

"And what does that mean?" She was about to clear up any misconstructions as quickly as they came.

"You both are almost the same people so it's much easier! I mean, minus the fact that you're more bossy but anyway, you can gauge him a lot easier."

Then why am I going back and forth with myself now?...

"Well Tenten your options are limited. You either come right out and say it or not and give him the chance to run off with that blonde." She points with her chopsticks gripping a piece of beef. "You'll regret it if you keep quiet."

And then you'll invite yourself to my table again during lunch…

"While this whole schmeel sounds inspiring, there's another person sitting at this table that could use a variation of this conversation a lot more than me." Leaning back in her chair, she gives Temari a knowing look.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She knew exactly where this was leading and took it as her cue to end this impromptu counseling session. "I have to get back. Good luck Tenten." She threw exact change on the table and quickly stepped into the streets.

"You can only avoid this for so long Temari! Everyone sees it! Everyone!" Tenten was so loud that some of the crowd immediately swiveled in her direction.

"Is this whole village bent on making me a spectacle?" Bobbing and weaving through the lunch hour maze, she was intent on getting back to her office as quickly as possible. Maybe the amount of work she still had not completed could prove a worthy distraction from what happened this morning and everything else for that matter. Up ahead, on one of the balconies of the Hokage headquarters, she saw a figure staring off into the carved mountain while leaning up against the building. As she walked closer, she knew who it was without question and now the despondent expression on his face came into view. He was sagging his shoulders even more than this morning and she sensed that any moment, he was going to crumble in a heap upon himself. Before she could open her mouth to call to him, someone else came from one of the doors out into the sunlight.

"Shikamaru. I was wondering where I'd find you." The voice came from a beautiful black haired kunoichi with skin as rich as Karui's, dressed in a mustard colored leather jacket and matching mid thigh skirt. When she approached him, his expression formed a complete 180 and he smiled at her instantly. Temari couldn't make out the village signet on the silver plate around her thigh before Shikamaru glanced down into the street and right at her. It was the longest he had held eye contact with her all day but he looked unaffected and then lead the woman inside.

"The bastard could have at least been polite to me." Temari was flustered all over again but reeled in her emotions right before walking through the door. Her duties needed to be separated from her personal life if she was ever going to preform her job to the best of her abilities. Upon going up the side stairs to her office floor, she ran right into Shikamaru's chest as she went through the stairwell door.

"Oh my gosh Lady Temari are you alright? Shikamaru you have to watch where you're going!" The girl reached out the try and steady her but Temari instinctively recoiled.

"I'm alright. Thank you."

The bubbly kunoichi must have sensed Temari's mood because she shifted nervously and did not hold her gaze. "Sorry about that. He must have spaced out or something right Shikamaru?" As she looked to him for reassurance, he and Temari were already staring down each other.

"Right." His answer was clipped before he turned away again.

"Well, I'm going to excuse myself. I have some things to attend to." With not even a formal acknowledgment, she stepped around the pair and accidentally brushed Shikamaru's shoulder that was already tense. She did not look back as she headed into her office, practically slamming the door behind her.

That was the perfect opportunity to at least introduce us! She knew who I was but he could have still been polite! What's with him today?...Well if this is how he wants to be then fine.

There then was a loud knock on the door and part of her jumped at the possibility that it could have been the man who had currently had her seething, coming to at least apologize for his behavior. To her dismay, it was only Choji.

"Oh, hey Choji."

"Hey Temari!" Choji was smiling sweetly, holding two unopened bag of potato chips. "Are you busy right now?"

"Uh," She felt the long to do list over he shoulder stabbing needles into her back. "I have a few minutes. Come in." Both of them sat down in their respected places at her desk.

"You look angry. Are you sure you don't want me to come back?"

"I'm not angry Choji. It's just been an unusually long day for me."

"Oh ok gotcha. Well I um was thinking of visiting Suna."

"Hm?"

"You know, like a vacation or something."

"No one takes a vacation to Suna, Choji. It's has no beaches or tropical forests or anything that would make you want to go there to relax." Unless you had grown up there of coarse, then it was like going home. It had been over a year since she visited and she was growing nostalgic. She had suggested to Shikamaru that they spend Shikachi's first birthday there since he would be old enough to travel the distance with them but that was many months away.

"Yea well I figured I should go out and see the world more and Karui is coming with me. I've never visited the other villages."

"Oh I see. Well there are some decent sights there and a famous restaurant or two. Shikamaru and I would sit on the roof top of my apartment there when he would visit and watch the sunrise over the sand dunes. That scene can probably pass of as one of the more beautiful sights I guess."

"That sounds romantic….and filling! My type of vacation."

"It wasn't…we would just sit there in silence but I guess it was just nice to have the company." She wasn't sure how much longer she would have his company or if the other woman would even feel comfortable with them at least remaining friends.

"Maybe you two should go away too sometimes. He's been working a lot and we haven't had a chance to hang out lately." Choji was his best friend and looked up to Shikamaru like an older brother, always by his side. She admired their relationship partially because she'd never had a friend like that before.

"Maybe."

"I saw you guys in the hallway. Are you two angry at each other? I know he's been off today."

"No Choji we're not angry at each other. Everything is fine. We don't always have to be friendly with each other."

"Ok good. Shikamaru needs you there with him Temari even if he doesn't say it. You know that right? I'm his best friend but he needs you in a different way than how he needs me. You're like, the only girl I've seen him get close to like this other than Ino and I've seen him with other women."

That's probably why you wouldn't have been able to tell what was going on in the hallway Choji..

"He has Ino so I'm sure he's fine."

"Yea he has Ino but that's still different. Whatever you guys are going through…or not going through, stick together ok?" Choji looked so earnest in the eyes that she didn't have the heart to disagree so she only nodded and smiled faintly. "Ok well thanks for the tips about Suna. Maybe we'll book a trip in the future."

"But Choji I thought you said you had already planned to-"

"See you later Temari!" The door shut behind him before she could question him further. The whole exchange left Temari more confused and conflicted than before. Just when she thought she had everything figured out, a new piece moves into place and the puzzle is jumbled again. The clock above her door signaled she only had 10 minutes before her meeting which gave her just enough time to gather her belongings and head to the conference room. They were having the quarterly meeting with the other diplomats from the other villages assigned to Konoha. As part of the Shinobi Union, each village sent out representatives to the other respecting villages. Some of the representatives chose to live within their assigned precinct, while some chose to rotate only reside for a few months before returning home and others only arrived for important functions if their village was close enough to travel to. Temari had previously been one to rotate in and out of Konoha every 3 months but upon realizing she was pregnant, she made the decision to live here. The conference hall held a large round table surrounded by 10 chairs for each of the members and one for Naurto along with a projector, podium and screen. As everyone filed it, she greeted the ones she knew politely and introduced herself to the newer members. Hibiki, a burly, red-faced man from Iwagakure, who couldn't comprehend the limit of physical contact in a professional setting, enveloped her in a sweaty hug. He then started small talk by asking how Shikachi was.

"He's doing great actually. He's growing up so fast."

"That's what they do and soon they'll be out there in the world slaying their enemies like their predecessors. Gosh I miss my son."

"Right…" Thankfully, Naruto entered the room, trailed by Shikamaru who was wearing a serious expression. All of the diplomats bowed their head slightly out of respect and took their assigned seats.

"Hello everyone! Sorry I'm late! I guess I lost track of time during my nap-I mean working through the village budget." He grinned and motioned for the meeting to start.

Baka…

Shikamaru took his place behind the podium at an angle behind Naruto who had his chair turned. His eyes roamed over those at the table but skipped over her like she was a sore spot in the room. Not letting that agitate her again, she sat up straighter in her chair.

"Today we're here to discuss the trade agreements for luxury items because it has come to my attention that there are those amongst each village that are speaking of the high import taxes. If you all would reference the email sent out last week about the details, we are here to come up with a solution to lower the price of these taxes while still providing enough profit to the villages that supply them. The floor is now open to suggestions."

"Why do we even need to lower the taxes of luxury goods anyway? They are a luxury and only the shinobi wealthy enough to afford them can by them. So why not make them pay more for it because they can afford it?" Hibiki did have a point that goods such as gold, silver, diamonds, silk, among others are not necessities so it did not concern the majority of the villagers in their everyday life.

"Because not even the wealthy are buying as much because of the duties and it is putting the suppliers in a bind. Even if they are wealthy, they are still our citizens and their concerns should be addressed just as everyone else's."

"Why don't we just meet with the suppliers then? Surely they can come up with something." A young women around Temari's age from Kiri spoke up.

"They may only have their best interests at heart and since this has become an international issue, they have probably already tried whatever ways they could think of."

"Have we looked at the trade routes for the item transports?"

"No Lady Temari. Why would we?" Shikamaru's condescending tone had her seconds away from launching him through the wall behind him.

"One of the reasons for the high taxes is to pay for village security along the trade routes. Bandits, rogue nin and thieves all target these caravans as ways to financially fund their endeavors and scare the merchants. Those coming from long ways off have more to fear and more to lose so they will agree with a higher tax on the citizens to offset what they spend to pay the village for armed foces. If the trade routes are reevaluated to find shorter or safer ones instead of the traditional routes, it could cut the cost and provide a way to lower the tax. That's why we should." With her eyes set and raging, her fists were clenched in her lap to keep herself at bay. She would not let anyone undermine her intelligence, especially not publically. This title was not given to her by simply being the Kazekage's sister, she had earned her place.

"And who would have the time to reevaluate every trade route? I'm assuming you have an efficient way that won't cost the Union excess money or shinobi we may lose along the more dangerous paths." She was stunned into silence at how cold and sternly he had addressed her, as if only entertaining her ideas as a show of false benevolence.

"Now Shikamaru, she has a point you know. We should look into redrawing the trade routes with the merchants involvement of coarse." Naruto had clearly noticed the crackling strain between the two of them and was trying to play peacekeeper. "At the same time, we should also explore other additional options if Temari's suggestion is not enough." Naruto sheepishly smiled at her but she was still simmering.

"Fine. We will leave Temari's suggestion on the table…for now." That crude dismissal was the last straw and if it weren't for Naruto changing the subject, she would have verbally snapped Shikamaru in half like a twig. The conversation thankfully turned to addressing a new case regarding a large band of children that were kidnapped from an orphanage outside of Kiri. The maddening purpose was to potentially rearing them into trained assassins. All orphans from the war no matter the village were taken care of for the rest of their lives. If they were not adopted into loving families or taken in by the next of kin, they were sent to schools, given free housing, food and caretakers. The children who lost Shinobi parents were also given monthly stipends that were a percentage of their parent's wages. Taking care of them was one that each village had established as one of their highest priorities. Since Temari had been the one to set up one of the housing complexes in Suna, this case gripped her heart and helped her release some of anger in replace of concern for these children. After the discussion about this dragged on into a passionate pledge to lend support from each village, the meeting was dismissed. Temari was the first to exit because she knew if she saw Shikamaru again, it would be hard not to slap the smug off his face.

"Temari." There was a hand covered in white bandages on her shoulder. Turning around, she saw Naruto motion for her to step into his office next door. When the door shut behind them, he offered her the only chair in his office not occupied by books, papers or take out boxes. His office was atrocious and she could tell he practically lived in here, especially by the pillow on top of his computer.

I wonder how much time he spends with Hinata….

"I know that in there things between you and Shikamaru got a little…tense."

"Nothing I couldn't handle."

"Oh I know that. You're a scary woman but I could tell something was wrong even before that."

"Everything is fine."

"Gah…girls are so hard to talk to sometimes." He pinched the bridge of his nose in thought.

"I don't know why everyone is concerned. We're both very professional people and we would never let ourselves stray from our duties due to anything personal." Or so she had hoped. "As long as our jobs are done, that is all I am concerned about."

"Right, I know but…Temari I don't think Shikamaru meant to be rude like that to you. Today is just a hard day for him as I'm sure you already know so go a little easy on him just for a bit."

"Today?"

"Yea. It's July 15th. You know this day is going to be difficult for him…at least for a while."

July 15th?...July 15th….Oh no…

Temari gasped to herself as to how oblivious she was to the significance of this day. Being so consumed in herself, she completely forgot what this day meant to his family, what this day meant to him. "His father's birthday."

"Yea, I tried to give him the day off but he insisted on coming in. He never had time to grieve properly since his dad passed and I think sometimes it all just boils over."

"Oh Shikamaru…" The guilt coiled itself in her belly and made her physically ill. He had been suffering in silence since last night and she didn't even notice him whither inside. Although her relationship with her father was nothing that made her mourn strongly at his death, for Shikamaru, it was so much more different. "Please excuse me Naruto. I have to go take care of something."

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything." There was pity in his eyes not just for his friend and advisor but a little for her as well. Rushing out the door, she headed straight for Shikamaru's office. After taking a deep breath, she knocked and waited and knocked again and waited. There was no sound coming from the other side so she decided to open it with the key he trusted her with. When she entered, she found the room barren and his things gone.

"Maybe he went to my office."

Bolting down the stairs, she forced her own door open to the same scene. Nothing. "Where could he have gone?"

There was still 2 hours left in her workday but there were bigger concerns she had now other than what was sitting in those folders. Hastening out to the balcony, the lunchroom or his favorite napping spot in the basement on one of the cots, everywhere she looked turned up nothing. Wherever he went, he did not want to be found but she was too determined now to let him succumb to his emotions by himself. She was getting anxious as she hurried through the streets, looking through every café, every shop and even went back to their apartment. Not waiting to rile anyone up, she stopped just short of calling his name into the crowd but continued on her search. She felt like she combed through half the city as the sun began to set behind her. So far she did not run into any of his friends to her luck. When she needed them most, they had scurried away from her but when she wanted some peace and quiet for lunch, it was like a magnet. By now, she had resorted to aimlessly walking the streets as the sunlight dimmed to cast the last of it's radiant glow on the village before blinking out. The sky had been painted in ombre streaks of purple, pinks and oranges that offset her crestfallen mood but she was not going to stop until she found him. At the very least, even if he didn't want to speak with her, she wanted to be sure he was at least alright. Towards the very back of the village, in a lush and sprawled out field, she faced the cemetery. The iron fences were adorned with ribbons and flowers placed against it as tributes to the shinobi who had not been accounted for, for the villagers who died without name or to just mourn the loss of what he everything was before the war and suffering. Although the clans also had their own burial rights, this was the village official cemetery and many chose to also pay homage to their loved ones by also honoring them here. As she looked through the grey bars, out in the very far corner, she saw the outline of someone sitting alone with their back turned to the entrance. While she could not make out who it was, her feet tugged her forward under the archway entrance. She walked through the gave stones of grandfathers, sisters, husbands, friends and she silently asked the universe for their safe travel. Shinobi were a superstitious bunch and her habit was to always offer supplication for those who died honorably to continue on their journey to the next lifetime. As she got closer, she was not surprised at who she saw but only relieved that he had not run to far. Shikamaru sat on the soft grass, hunched over with his legs crossed, dressed in black from head to toe. Standing perfectly still a few feet away, she caught some of his conversation carried by the soft breeze.

"Mom is having it rough today. I saw her this morning after I dropped off Shikachi and she was crying again. She was holding that photo you wanted her the burn because you had something stuck in your teeth. It really is an embarrassing photo you know…I don't think she saw me though. She hates crying when I'm around, always trying to be tough and shit. You know how she is right?..." He chuckled as if sharing a signature joke between an old friend. "Damn. It's really been that long since everything happened. Sometimes I wake up and think I'm still gonna have that ear piece in with you sounding off commands on the other end. I still think I hear the sounds of explosions in the distance. I think I may need to see someone about that." Rubbing his palms against his eyes, he sighed. "Dad I'm so fucked up sometimes. I know mom never liked me cursing but it's just us so I can but I feel so fucked up old man. I was such an ass today too. I think Temari is mad at me and I don't know how to fix it. I was just so angry today at you. I knew that you did what you had to do but I'm just so angry at you. I feel like I'm the only man standing now since you and Asuma are dead. I had this whole plan before the war as to how my life was going to go. I've told you before. But then it all went to shit…well not all of it but some of the parts that counted. Now here I am, alone, raising a son and I have no idea if I'm even doing it right or I will be doing it right. Dad…dad I need help. I'm lost dad. I don't think my plans will work and everybody is counting on me as a man. Temari needs me too I think but I'm sure she'd do just fine without me…if she lets me back home…I don't know what to say." His voice was strained like he was in physical agony and she could no longer resist it. Whether it meant being rejected or betraying her logic, she didn't care. This was not the time to think of herself or preservation, it was time she opened her eyes again to another who had been doing his best to look out for her since the beginning. He had been quietly covering her in his own way without asking for anything in return. It broke her heart into the tiny shards the pierced through the walls she had set up for herself against him. Stepping up beside him, he startled and quickly wiped away a lone tear that slid down his cheek. Kneeling beside him, she shut the protesting part of her brain off.

"Temari I…" His mouth kept opening and shutting, as she saw him trying to find the right words to say but he didn't have to say anything. She would not force him explain. "Temari-"

"Shikamaru…it's ok…."

"…I'm sorry Temari…I'm really sorry." Looking at her, his eyes were glossy and pleading. "I know I was acting like such a bastard and none of this was your fault. I'm usually not this type of guy. I-" She rested her head gently on between the crook of his shoulder and neck, grasping his hand with hers. What he may have needed now is a physical tether to this present.

"It's ok."

"I just couldn't do it today…I'm usually pretty good but I just couldn't hold on today."

"Shikamaru when my father died, I didn't even shed a tear. He was a monster when my mother died and the only people I thought about were my brothers. I never experienced a relationship like yours but after seeing you over the years with Shikaku, I now see the good it could have been if things had been differnt. Don't ever guilt yourself for mourning or missing someone. Especially a man who you held such a high regard for as a shinobi and most importantly as a parent. You are allowed to feel do you understand? You are allowed." Looking forward into the distance, she saw another tear hit his pant leg and he squeezed her hand tighter. "I cannot help but feel that I have robbed you of this time you needed. The time to grow up, the time to adjust at your own pace of life without Asuma and Shikaku. The time for your plans. I was so obsessed with what was happening to me that I overlooked how this would affect you and I never really asked. While I love our son, I'm sorry you never got the moments you needed. You are so young and you were already forced to give so much away."

"That's where you're wrong Temari…I was forced to give up my dad and Asuma but what happened between us was my first chance to freely give away what I wanted. I made a choice that I will never regret."

"As much as you may say, I know that I could have done more for you. I…I should be doing more for you. I should not make you feel so alone no matter our relationship."

"I guess you heard what I was telling him huh? I just don't know how to be the man everyone deserves sometimes. When I was younger I was so bent on just barely making it that I just got use to using as little effort as possible but then life happened so suddenly. When I should have been hanging out with my old man and paying more attention to Asuma, I was letting it all slide. Now, here I am."

"Yes here you are but do you think your they would be both be ashamed of you? Shikamaru you're one hell of a Shinobi when you get off your ass, you're Choji's confidant, you keep Ino from spinning off on an emotional tangent, you have held your mother up all these years, you're one of the best advisors this village has ever seen and you're an amazing father. From the very second, you stepped up like it was natural. You surpassed all of our expectations and we all thought highly of you from the beginning no matter what you thought of yourself." She leaned up to face him, making sure he was looking dead into her eyes. If she was going to toe the line with him, she would do it with her whole self. " You can't honestly tell me you believe in yourself and your abilities that little?" Casting down his eyes to their entwined fingers, he smiled to himself.

"Look at me getting you all emotional."

"Don't you start. I'm only telling he truth. You are right where you need to be, doing exactly what you need to be doing and they're all….we're all…really proud of you."

"You can be so scary one minute and like this the next."

"Good. If you fear me, maybe you'll listen." Smirking at him, she sat down and crossed her legs. "Did you um…did you tell her what today was?"

He tilted his head. "Her? I mean, Ino knows because our fathers always went out drinking together on my dad's birthday."

"No um…that girl…the one you're seeing. The one you went to lunch with today." The darkness hid enough of the heat that gave her away like a beacon.

Shikamaru nearly choked at the statement. "Her? I'm not seeing her! She was just an old friend from Kumo who was passing through on a mission. We're not together. Is that what you thought?"

Now, extremely embarrassed, her face was flushed even more with the brightest hue of red imaginable. "I wasn't sure. I mean, I don't care if you're dating! I just wanted to be informed so we could discuss how it would work..."

Throwing his head back, he laughed until he almost doubled over. "No wonder you looked like someone kneed you in the gut when you saw her. I'm not with her Temari, trust me." Once the laughing died down, he managed to look at her without cracking a smile. "Temari I would never embarrass you like that."

"Embarrass me?"

"I could never go behind your back like that. I…respect you too much to do that. Plus, I have no interest in dating right now. Too troublesome and I'm fine with the way things are….I have no need to change what's working."

"And this…is working for you?"

"Yea….it is." Shyly, he gave her a lopsided smile that enhanced his striking features.

"Shikamaru needs you there with him Temari. You know that right? I'm his best friend but he needs you in a different way than how he needs me."

Instead of returning his smile, she pinched him in the side. "That's for laughing the face of my concern!"

"What the hell!"

Now it was her turn to get a laugh in and in the midst of her reveling, he threw his hand around her shoulders and brought her to his side. Her eyes widened at his gesture but she dared not move for his embrace warmed her through to her bone. The sky had darkened overhead and the stars now twinkled against the black sky like glowing jewels, suspended in mid air. With her head against his shoulders again, she relaxed into him and he rested his head against hers.

"One of the best memories I had with him was a month after the Pain attack. I had climbed out into the roof of the compound after dinner and the night was so clear. They were still getting electricity to certain parts of the village so it was still pretty dark outside." He lifted his eyes towards the firmament above their heads as he recalled. "Everyone was still so on edge that I just needed to be on my own for a little while. I think I was out there for a good hour or so before he came. I didn't even sense it until he was next to me. We didn't say a word. Not one thing Temari but I think my dad just wanted some quiet too or maybe just to check on me. He never crowded me like my mom, he just kinda hung out in the back but never too close. Anyway, for a while we just sat there," Temari could see the scene exactly as he described it. While she only met Shikaku a handful of times, he had a relaxed countenance that he passed down the Shikamaru. He mostly would sit there and take everything in, only speaking if necessary and what he said usually was necessary. "It was the best memory because he didn't bug me about what I was thinking or anything."

"Did he ever say anything later?"

"Yea actually…He told me I was ready."

"That's it? Ready for what?"

"For a while I didn't know but now that I'm talking about it, maybe he meant all of this. The Pain attack was what changed everything I guess."

"You are ready Shikamaru."

"Even if I'm not, I have to be."

Temari nodded. She knew all to well that life didn't wait for you to catch your breath before the race started again. They both soon fell into silence again. The smell of the blooming flowers around the quiet cemetery encircled them and they both inhaled into the breeze. Sitting there in the tranquility, unaware of the world around them, forgetting their attachments for a brief moment may have been selfish but in this moment, she would rather be at his side than anywhere else. The lines were starting to blur again right before her and she was toeing close to the point of no return. Once she let go, there would be no stopping her because would fall into him and just keep falling in hopes she would never hit the bottom. It was still terrifying but now a possibility. She could let him. He bared himself to her today and another of his layers came undone at her feet. Looking at his profile as he stared forward, she saw a strength that she was sure he had not fully realized yet. Life would never go according to his plans, as much as she now hoped it did but at least now she thinks they could adjust to things together.

"Temari.."

"Hm?" His breathing became labored and he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry again for the way I acted towards you. It was just, every time I looked at you, I saw something I would have leave behind one day- something my dad left behind and it made me livid."

Something he left behind?

"It's no excuse because I should have never taken it out on you. You didn't deserve it. Whatever I was mad at, I should have handled instead of put you on the spot. For the record, your proposal for the trade routes were a good idea and I've already sent our for a map that could be used for the redrawing…"

"While I accept your apology, I won't take shit like that from you again…but…today was a hard day and I saw how gone you were. It was like you weren't even here sometimes."

"I didn't feel like me. I spent the whole day wishing I would open up my office door and he'd be standing there, maybe sweating over that box that my mom hasn't found yet."

"Oh I'm sure she'll find it." Temari had no idea what was in the box and she wasn't sure she wanted to find out Shikaku's secret.

"Not where I hid it." He winked at her and she nudged him, hoping that wherever it was, she would not be present when Yoshino found it.

His voice broke through another barrier of comfortable silence. "Temari.."

She was nestled close to him but had enough room to peek up through her lashes.

" Hm?"

His chest took a deep inhale of the crisp night air. "I…." And there it was again. The shadow of something held behind his gaze when he looked upon her again. It was just barely behind the reach of her mind, like something she had once knew but forgotten. And again, it was gone.

"Shikamaru?" When she frowned at his lack of response, he only smiled again and grasped her hand that was in her lap.

With his head still resting on hers, he was close enough for a hesitant whisper. "Nothing…Just…thank you..."

"You're welcome Shikamaru."

Even if they did go back to how things usually were after tonight, she promised herself to never forget this moment with him and to never forget another July 15th for the rest of her life.