Caring For Your D-bot: A User's Manual

A must-have guide to caring for your D-bot. Whether you bought yours from the famed Gol/Portgas line, the popular Monkey line, or even the lesser known Marshall and Jaguar lines, this user's manual has everything you need to know.

Intro

Over the last two decades, D-bots have skyrocketed in popularity. At their premiere appearance more than twenty years ago, many people believed the idea to be fairly ridiculous. Some accused their creator of being a bit touched in the head, and almost everyone was certain the D-bots wouldn't last. However, it turns out you can't always tell what'll be successful and what will flop, because the D-bots did far from what was expected of them. On the contrary, they remain a well-loved product and profitable business to this day.

And so, the 'Roger' became the first of many D-bot models to make it to the store shelves and subsequently, the consumer's home. In America, sixty-one percent of households own one or more D-bots. In the UK, this number is seventy-eight. In Canada, it's fifty-five, and in Japan, it's a whopping eighty. If you're reading this manual, you probably either own a D-bot already or are considering buying one. If you're still considering, make sure you know as much about the different models as possible before you go shopping. Like getting a puppy, you should be sure which kind is right for you and your family.

The Roger Model (from Gol/Portgas)

The first model to ever come into being. A classic choice that no one could fault you for. Rogers are known to be friendly, helpful, funny, and good with children. On the other hand, they are also known to attract trouble, and are generally rambunctious. Rogers are not recommended for apartment living; a large property for them to explore is ideal. Rogers need large amounts of daily exercise.

Rogers resemble a tall, black-haired man with broad-shoulders. They have a thick moustache-shaped patch of artificial hair between their nose and upper lip. This pseudo-moustache is considered by Rogers to be the pride of their appearance; do not attempt to remove it. The upkeep for a Roger's grooming is quite expensive. It is better to send your Roger to a professional D-bot groomer than to do it at home.

Rogers desire companionship. If you are not able to spend all day with your Roger, he might become despondent. In case of this, it might be best to select another D-bot model for your Roger to play with. The Rouge (from Gol/Portgas) is the standard model for a Roger's companion; however, putting a Rouge and Roger alone together may result in their very own Ace (from Gol/Portgas) on the way. Do not purchase an Ace if you already own a Roger. Your Roger would enjoy the company of any D-bot from Monkey, but mixing them can have disastrous results. The Saul (from Jaguar) is most recommended.

The Rouge Model (from Gol/Portgas)

The second model to be created, Rouges are the only female D-bots and are a good choice for someone who is lonely or troubled. Rouges are gentle, generous, understanding, and motherly. Unlike the Roger, the Rouge is well suited to apartment life as they are not so energetic and do not require as much space. Rouges are known to dote on other people's children in absence of an Ace.

Rouges have wavy, blonde, artificial hair that is difficult to keep neat. Many people try to convince their Rouge to cut her hair short, without luck. Rouges love their long hair as a Roger loves his pseudo-stache, and usually refuse. Do not wash a Rouge's hair with regular D-bot shampoo; they need a specialised brand to maintain the signature colouring and wave. All Rouges have charming freckles on their faces, which can fade with the wrong soap. See your local specialist about getting them re-painted.

Rouges are well programmed with motherly instincts. Don't worry; if you don't have children for her to dote upon, the Ace (from Gol/Portgas) was invented just for this. However, Aces have their own needs as well, so make sure you know all you can about them before buying one for your Rouge. Some people do not think they can handle caring for an Ace, so instead they look at other models. A Dragon (from Monkey) would make a good platonic companion for a Rouge, but be wary, as this match up tends to make nearby Rogers jealous. On the whole, Rouges do not desire company as strongly as a Roger, so this may not be necessary.

The Ace model (from Gol/Portgas)

The third model created, the Ace is widely known as the "son" of the Roger and Rouge models. Ideally, Aces are polite, fiery, responsible, and protective. Unfortunately, Aces are one of the more fickle models, and some are abrasive, crass, and/or bad-tempered. Aces are energetic and have large appetites; make sure you can cater to your Ace's spatial and dietary needs before you purchase one. It is a good idea to provide your Ace with workout equipment if you do not have a nearby gym — Aces like to think of themselves as protectors and should be allowed to train as they deem necessary.

The Aces' appearance was designed specifically to appeal to young adults, and it was quite successful in that. Many young people purchase an Ace because they believe he is attractive*, only to be overwhelmed by the amount of care needed. Like the Rouge, the Ace has freckles, which may fade and need repainting. Many Aces have a tendency towards borderline nudism, and may not wish to wear shirts. However, too much exposure to sunlight can make the paint of his skin fade, so you should ensure he wears something. Be aware that Aces have a predilection to pyromania, and if your Ace shows symptoms similar to that of narcolepsy, take him to a mechanic. This is a common problem for Aces, but it can usually be fixed.

If your Ace shows negative qualities such as unfriendliness and irritability, take note. Some Aces experience depression or self-hatred and take it out on others. If your Ace shows signs of this, consider bringing a Luffy (from Monkey) into the household. The Ace will be unkind and/or territorial to the Luffy at first, but Luffys have good people-skills and have a known calming effect on Aces. An Ace and a Luffy, once they are familiar with each other, will be inseparable. Your Ace will also become noticeably more happy and sociable. Your Ace would also be happy if you brought home a Rouge (from Gol/Portgas), but he does not require one. Avoid introducing your Ace to a Roger (from Gol/Portgas) or Teach (from Marshall) at any cost. A Garp (from Monkey) will know how to keep your Ace behaving, but your Ace will not be pleased at having one in the house.

*Despite many requests to the contrary, the Ace model does not have a working phallus. In fact, no model has any sort of realistic genitalia.

The Saul Model (from Jaguar)

The Saul is the first model not from Gol/Portgas, and the tallest of all ever created. The Saul is friendly, timid, loyal, and non-judgemental. A Saul holds ethics and morality as very important, however, and will not be afraid to call you out. Sauls are very good with children, and do not do well in apartments/houses with low ceilings. If you do have low ceilings, it is good to have some open spaces for your Saul to stretch out. Sauls do not require as much exercise as most other D-bots.

Sauls have an orange beard that is almost mane-like — do not attempt to shave or trim this at home. Like Rouges, Sauls need a special brand of shampoo to maintain its colour and style. Do not use regular D-bot shampoo for a Saul, as it will only damage him. Sauls have a unique laugh, said to be 'derishishishi', which has alarmed many Saul owners to the point of taking their Saul to a mechanic. This is not a bug, but merely a trait of the model. Do not be alarmed when your Saul laughs.

Sauls get along well with most other D-bot models. A Saul is the most recommended companion for a Roger (from Gol/Portgas), due to the Roger's complicated relationship to other models. Sauls are known to get along best with a Garp (from Monkey), and if you intend to get your Saul a friend, a Garp is your best bet. A Luffy (from Monkey) would be very friendly to your Saul as well, but most people do not wish to take on the responsibility of a Luffy without a good reason, such as having a troubled Ace.

The Garp Model (from Monkey)

The first model produced by the now-popular Monkey, the Garp has a rather unusual personality for a D-bot. Garps are absentminded, jolly, crude, and eccentric. Like the Saul, the Garp believes strongly in ethics and morality, but with more emphasis on justice. Garps enjoy exercise such as hiking, weight lifting, and jogging. They are also fond of sitting down for tea and rice-crackers. Your Garp will appreciate if you live near a forest, and will make good use of it should you happen to own an Ace or Luffy.

Your Garp will have a characteristic scar by his left eye. Curiously, this scar is known to be invisible at certain times of day. Do not fret over this; it is perfectly normal, if unexplained. Your Garp's artificial hair and beard is grey — the Garp may attempt to dye it, but do not allow him to do so. Hair dye has a negative effect upon all D-bots, but none are more likely to try to use dye than the Garp. The Garp is the oldest-looking of all models, but this does not have any effect on his durability.

If you own a Garp, be discriminate with what other models you try to bring into the house. The Garp has an explosive rivalry with the Roger (from Gol/Portgas), and unless you have a safe area for them to battle it out it is not a good idea to own both. Ace (from Gol/Portgas) and Luffy (from Monkey) models will fear or otherwise dislike your Garp, due to his poor treatment of them. A Dragon (from Monkey) will avoid your Garp to the best of his abilities. A Saul (from Jaguar) is the best option if you wish to give your Garp a companion.

The Dragon Model (from Monkey)

The "son" of Garp, the Dragon is the second model from Monkey. They are quiet, intelligent, charismatic, and rebellious. Dragons are said to be very cunning and secretive, so keep a close eye on your Dragon if you have one. Dragons maintain their popularity with customers, despite the model's tendency to disappear during the night. Dragons typically need a room or two to have as their territory, and do well with a small yard. There is no need to walk your Dragon; he will find a way to get in exercise when you aren't paying attention.

The Dragon model has a distinguishing tattoo in the left side of his face. Like freckles, this tattoo may fade and need to be repainted. Repainting this tattoo is more expensive than repainting freckles, as it is more surface area and requires more paint. Your Dragon also has longer, thicker hair than most models, other than the Rouge. You will need to buy a special comb to keep this from matting. Know that your Dragon might run away. This is usually caused by trying to oppress the Dragon, or by owning a Garp.

Dragons are loners by nature; buying company for your Dragon is usually unnecessary. However, if you fear your Dragon might run away, you may want to bring home a Luffy (from Monkey), which usually convinces the Dragon to settle down. Do not try to keep a Dragon and a Garp (from Monkey) in the same house, as it will most likely drive your Dragon away, even if you have a Luffy. A Rouge (from Gol/Portgas) makes a good friend for a Dragon, but this may incite ire from Rogers. Dragons are best kept alone or with a Luffy.

The Luffy Model (from Monkey)

The Luffy is the most popular model by Monkey, their third product and the "son" of Dragon. Luffys are loud, cheerful, loyal, and passionate. The Luffy is a good match for someone who needs cheering up. They love adventuring, exploring, meeting people and trying new things. Luffys are very, very energetic and excitable; do not own one unless you have the necessary space for him to burn off steam. They are not suited to apartment life and should be walked twice a day.

Like his "grandfather," Garp, the Luffy has a scar on the left side of his face, under his eye. This scar is actually a data-input port; a new feature Monkey decided to incorporate. Be very careful when washing your Luffy's face, as getting water in his scar will necessitate an expensive trip to the mechanic. Your Luffy also has a hat, which he is very attached to. Do not try to take it away from him, since he will react violently. Luffys are made from a different material than other models, and he will feel more rubbery to the touch than others. Do not let this alarm you; it is merely a quirk of the model.

Luffys are very friendly and love having others to talk to. Most own a Luffy in tandem with an Ace (from Gol/Portgas) or a Dragon (from Monkey) due to his positive effect on those models. Your Luffy will highly respect a Roger (from Gol/Portgas) or Rouge (from Gol/Portgas) should he ever meet them. A Garp (from Monkey) will know how to keep your Luffy in line, at the expense of the Luffy's good cheer. Do not expose your Luffy to a Teach (from Marshall) under any circumstances.

The Teach Model (from Marshall)

Notice:Teach models have been recalled. If you own a Teach, please send it back to the factory so that it can be destroyed. As an apology, you may enclose a request for any other D-bot model and we will send it to you, free of charge.

Teach is the first and only model from the short lived Marshall. It was meant to go on much longer, but Teach proved unpopular with buyers when they found he was cowardly, immoral, selfish, and manipulative. This earned Marshall a very bad reputation, despite this not being their intent, and they were unable to get any more of their products approved for sale. They quickly went bankrupt.

The Teach is no longer available for purchase. If you come across one, it should be reported. Teaches do not get along with other models and will illicit an acerbic response. Luffy (from Monkey) models especially detest Teach, and may have to be restrained from attacking one.

Closing

Hopefully you can use this guide to help you select the perfect D-bot for your tastes and lifestyle. If you follow the advice laid out here, you can give your Roger, Rouge, Ace, Saul, Garp, Dragon, and/or Luffy a healthy, happy existence in your home. Best wishes, and happy shopping!

A/N: I admit, not the usual thing I write, but I got the idea and couldn't resist. Hopefully it was at least entertaining. Oh, and the disappearing scar thing was because, in the manga, Oda sometimes forgets to draw Garp's scar when he shows up. He hand waves it in the SBS but never really explains.

So, if this was a really product, which D-bot/combination of D-bots would you get?