Okay, now time for my profuse apologies about taking so long for this update. Sorry! In addition to end of the semester nonsense, I became distracted by a new WIP (which has received a humbling response so far and I would be ecstatic if you all checked it out!). But I am here with an update now, so I hope you enjoy!

I think I responded to all of my reviewers from the last chapter. If I missed you I am so sorry. It was not intentional. And since I can't respond to guest reviewers, I will say THANK YOU now. :D

Also, this story has a Be-U-Tif-Ul new banner made by my lovely and talented friend, Aly. She is nightlockinthecave for those of you who use tumblr. You should follower her. She is awesomeness personified. :)

When You Were Young – Chapter 17, "'Cause I Don't Shine If You Don't Shine"

"Mr. Mellark, can I have a word?"

Oh shit, I think when I hear Portia's tone as she calls for me across the busy hallway. For a second I consider pretending I didn't hear her. It would be plausible, considering the utter chaos that characterizes the 10 minutes following the final bell on a Friday afternoon, but I decide it is best just to get this conversation over with.

Sighing, I turn and walk back toward the doorway of the art room where she waits for me. I tap out a quick text to let Katniss know I will be a few minutes late meeting her and follow Portia into her office at the back of the large room. I've had extra wrestling practices for the past week because we are gearing up for regionals, so Katniss has gotten into the habit of spending the 30 free minutes I get before practice with me. Sometimes I am still hit with a sense of disbelief that this has actually happened, that the girl that I have been in love with practically my whole life is actually mine.

Closing the office door behind us Portia leans casually on the edge of the desk and just looks at me for a moment before speaking. I fiddle with the straps of my backpack nervously, doing everything I can to avoid meeting her gaze. "So, tell me Peeta. What's going on with you?"

"Uh, not much," I mutter. "Just, you know, busy with wrestling and work and stuff. Same old, same old, I guess."

She quirks a disbelieving eyebrow at me. "I don't know if I would consider being offered the honor of acting as your class valedictorian the 'same old, same old,'" she says. "And I certainly don't think subsequently turning down that offer would qualify either."

Portia seems just as put out by my decision as Principal Coin did when I told her several days ago. But I know I've done the right thing. I have options. Katniss doesn't. There is no way I could live with myself if I was the thing that stood in the way of everything she has worked so hard for. And as much as I really have no desire to go to school for business, it will be better for everyone this way. My mom will be happy, it will mean that Rhys and Rhian missing out on college won't have been a waste, Katniss will likely get the scholarship she needs for Chapel Hill… It works out best for everyone this way. I have been repeating this in my head like a mantra, ignoring the nagging little voice that wants to point out that it works out best for everyone except me.

But after my fight with Katniss about her keeping Madge's pregnancy from me- and the make-up that followed- I am more resolved than ever to make sure she is able to fulfill all of her plans. More resolved than ever to do whatever it takes to make her happy.

I love Katniss. I always thought of it in those terms, even before I had ever spoken to her, but I know now that nothing I felt before I really knew her can compare to what I feel now. Most of my anger about her keeping Madge's secret was misplaced jealousy- over Gale, over Madge, over anybody that she may have taken into consideration before me. And I was so relieved when she showed up at the bakery that night to apologize and explain her side. Even if she hadn't, I was planning to go to her house after work anyway- prepared to beg for forgiveness for being such an asshole, if that's what it took.

I think part of me had always kind of accepted that my efforts to apply to culinary programs and compete for scholarships wouldn't amount to much. Since the moment I knew that my getting valedictorian would mean hindering Katniss' plans, I've known on some level there was no way for it to work out. My parents' money and the wrestling scholarship UPENN is offering will pay for me to go to business school. But to pursue any other plan at this point would mean either standing in Katniss' way, or putting myself into major debt. Not to mention pissing off my family. I have weighed all my options, and while my solution is not an ideal one, I know I have made the best decision for the situation as it stands.

Thinking about it like this actually ignites a spark of annoyance that Portia is putting me on the spot like this. For her, or even Katniss, to continue to push me is really no better than what my mom is doing. Nobody has to agree with my decision, but they do have to accept it. I finally meet Portia's gaze and say, "I have my reasons for not accepting the appointment."

"Yes, I'm assuming that it has something to do with knowing your girlfriend was the other candidate," she says, not even bothering to hide her disappointment.

"That's part of it," I respond matter of factly. "But it's not the only reason. I never planned on having it and I've decided to go to UPENN anyway, so I don't need it. I've already been accepted there on a wrestling scholarship."

"Peeta-" she begins, but I cut off her words in a rare display of temper.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I've already given Principal Coin my decision- and it is my decision." She looks taken aback- I've never been anything other than totally polite in front of her. "Look," I continue in a calmer tone, "I'm sorry. I just have everybody in my life telling me what I should do, and nobody seems willing to accept that I'm capable of making that decision."

"I didn't mean to imply that you are incapable of making your own decisions," she says in consolation. "You just have so much natural talent, I would hate to see that squandered." I look away again, uncomfortable. "And I would hate to see a student I both like and respect heading off to a career path that will not provide them with satisfaction."

I clear my throat, struggling for a response. Her comments play into my own doubts, but there is more than one way to get satisfaction in life. And as long as I have fulfillment in my personal life, I can deal with lacking in my professional life. But I can't tell Portia this. She'll think I'm being naïve for being so certain about Katniss and the potential for our future together. So I avoid her question by looking at my phone and saying, "I have to go. I've got wrestling practice."

She sighs loudly, but doesn't try to stop me as I turn and head out of her office.

The second I see Katniss waiting by my locker the tension from my conversation with Portia immediately begins to ebb away. She looks up when she hears me approaching and her body radiates excitement. In an uncharacteristic display of enthusiasm she starts toward me and quickly covers the distance between us, throwing her arms around my neck the second she reaches me. I wrap my arms around her back pulling her to me tightly so that she has to rise up on her tiptoes. She leans back a little and places both of her hands on my cheeks before planting a loud, smacking kiss on my lips.

When our eyes meet a second later her silver gaze is bright with elation. "I got it!" she blurts, fairly bouncing with happiness. "I just met with Principal Coin and she told me that they chose me for valedictorian."

My face stretches into a broad smile and I bring my hands up to her face, mimicking her grasp on me. "That's amazing!" I exclaim. "I'm so proud of you!" I kiss her once on the forehead and then wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her to me in another tight hug and swaying a little so that we rock back and forth. Seeing how happy she is goes a long way toward erasing the doubts that had cropped up in my meeting with Portia, and I think, not for the first time, that I could gladly devote myself entirely to making this girl happy.

Her arms around my waist are squeezing me so hard that I am astonished by her strength, but at this point she could crack a rib and I wouldn't utter a protest. She turns her head to nuzzle her nose into my chest for a moment, inhaling deeply to take in my scent, before she looks up at me again. "I didn't want to say anything, but I was starting to worry. Effie told me that the committee usually made their selection by early January. I was worried they had chosen whoever the other candidate was."

I look away quickly and bring a hand up to her hair and tuck her head back into my chest, worried that she will see the truth written on my face. "You had nothing to worry about. You earned it. You work harder than anyone in this school and you deserve it."

She nods in agreement, but her next words cause me to stiffen in discomfort. "I don't know about that. I get the best grades, but I think you work harder than I do. Between sports and student council and work and earning good grades- you're pretty damn impressive too, Mr. Goldenboy." Her tone is light and teasing, but she has hit a little too close to the truth for my comfort. It would be disastrous for her to find out what I have done- she is too proud and independent to accept someone else making a sacrifice on her behalf.

She must notice my sudden rigidity because she looks up again. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I recover quickly. "All this talk about my hard work has just reminded me that I have to get to practice if I don't want to have my ass handed to me."

"Oh, right," she mutters, clearly reluctant to have to let me go. "I'll call you tonight before bed," she adds, leaning up for a lingering kiss that leaves me reluctant to let go as well.

I'm reclining on my bed with my computer propped in my lap, proofreading an essay for English when my phone rings and Katniss' face flashes on my screen. "Hey, gorgeous," I answer and I can practically feel her roll her eyes at me through the phone. She says I'm cheesy, but I know she secretly likes it.

"Hey," she responds, her tone implying the smile that I know she is probably trying to repress. "Did you finish your essay?" The reason we didn't hang out tonight is because I had to finish this- I work tomorrow and I'll be away at a regional meet all day Sunday.

"Yup, just proofreading it now."

"Good," she responds immediately, "because I need you to do something for me."

"Okaaay," I say slowly. "What could you possibly need me to do at eleven o'clock at night?"

"I need you to get over here and sneak into my room so that we can spend the night celebrating my good news."

I sit up a little straighter and set my laptop on the bed next to me. "What? What about your mom and Prim?" I ask in disbelief. Katniss is so particular about where and when and who's around when we have sex, that I am dumbfounded that she is actually suggesting I come to her house.

"Prim is spending the night at her friend's house and my mom is crashed downstairs after working three sixteens in a row. She's dead to world, trust me." I must let my stunned silence linger too long for her comfort, because after a moment she adds uncertainly. "Or, I mean, it's okay if you don't want to. I know you have to be up early."

"No!" I practically shout. "I want to, I do. I was just surprised is all. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

When I get to Katniss' house I text her to let her know I'm outside and she comes downstairs to let me in. She has to admonish me for my heavy footfalls as we creep past the kitchen, where her mother's room lies just on the other side. Katniss moves so silently through the dark house that I swear she has missed her calling as a cat burglar. When we finally reach her room and she has locked the door behind us I breathe a sigh of relief- Katniss' mom likes me, but I don't think she would be too thrilled to catch me sneaking through her house in the middle of the night.

I don't have any further opportunity to worry about it, however, because Katniss is on me the second we are alone. She grabs my head in both of her hands, carding her fingers through my hair aggressively, and wastes no time before capturing my mouth and sweeping her tongue into mine, tasting me deeply. The kiss is hot and wet and kind of messy, but her enthusiasm excites me and I'm hard in no time.

I run my hands down her back, encountering the soft cotton of the old t-shirt she wears to bed, and note that she is not wearing a bra underneath. I let my hands trail south over her perfect ass- I am totally obsessed with her ass, something she has remarked upon more than once. Feeling the perfect combination of firmness and shape, I can't resist the urge to flex my fingers into her flesh and pull her tight against me so that she can feel my erection against her belly.

She moans into my mouth and then pulls away, breaking our kiss and releasing panting breaths against my lips. I slip my hands into the tiny boyshorts she's wearing, relishing the feel of her smooth skin against my calloused palms as I push her underwear down, letting them slide along her thighs to pool at her feet.

"You don't get to keep these ones, okay?" she tells me teasingly, referring to her panties that I still have from the last time we were together. I just smile and capture her mouth again as run my hands up her back underneath the shirt. She'd be shocked if she knew how often I put those panties to use when I jerk-off.

We break away again as I pull her shirt off, leaving her completely nude and me completely clothed, which excites me for some reason. I've fantasied more than once about having her on her knees in front of me, sucking me off while she's completely naked and I am totally covered, my pants open just enough so that she can get to me. I think it is the thought of her being more vulnerable than me for once that excites me. I know that Katniss still harbors reservations, that she hasn't given herself over to me completely, and my frustration with that manifests itself in these kinds of fantasies, where I get to exercise control. Maybe someday when we've been together longer and we have experienced more together, I will broach the topic of acting some of them out. For now I am thrilled just to be here with her at all.

I let the backs of my fingers trace up her abdomen, eliciting a shiver from her, then cup both of her breasts, squeezing them gently. She giggles just a little- a sound I am sure I'm the only person to ever hear from her- and says, "Sometimes I think you like to knead me like a piece of dough."

I chuckle and quirk an eyebrow at her. "Or maybe I need to knead you like a piece of dough."

She rolls her eyes at my lame pun, but is laughing when she says, "God, you are just the cheesiest person on the planet. Why do I date you again?"

"I ask myself that all the time," I respond as I push her gently to topple her onto the bed.

She scampers up so that she is waiting patiently on her knees in the center of the bed and watches me as I undress. Her eyes trace my chest with unconcealed desire as I remove my shirt, and I remember the way she couldn't seem to help but stare at me the first time she saw me shirtless, after my football practice several months ago. I was too nervous about talking to her to put much thought into back then, but it is clear to me now that she liked what she saw.

I quickly strip off my socks, shoes, and pants so that I stand next to her bed in only my boxer briefs. She walks on her knees the short distance across the bed and doesn't even hesitate to grab me, as she takes my mouth in another deep kiss, palming my cock in her hand through my boxer briefs and running down to cup me underneath. This is an area she hasn't really given attention before and I groan in pleasure, pressing my hips forward to encourage her bold touch. She seems unsure what to do, but I don't have the opportunity to instruct her as she moves on anyway, reaching up to my waistband and pulling the shorts down just enough to free my erection.

Her mouth is on me a moment later, and all coherent thought flees my mind completely, as she pulls the tip of my cock into her mouth, sucking harder than she has before. I fist my hand in her hair, more to brace myself than anything else, as my back arches slightly and my eyes squeeze closed of their own volition. I forget completely that I should be trying to keep quiet and groan loudly as Katniss opens wide to take me as far into her mouth as she is able. She isn't working on me for long before I urge her to stop- as much as I love how her mouth feels, I want to be insider her… want to feel connected with her on the most intimate level.

I use my left hand in her hair to hold her steady as I give her a deep, penetrating kiss, as though to thank her for the attention she has just shown me. My kiss elicits a soft keening sound from her, which turns into an impassioned moan when I bring my right hand to her center, sifting my fingers through the short curls to find her clit. In a matter of moments her hips are imitating the circling motion of my fingers and she is saturated with arousal. Her formerly soft keening is growing steadily louder and I am grateful that her mom's room is downstairs and on the other side of the house. The last thing I want is to have to quiet her… I love hearing the sounds she makes.

I pull my fingers away, amidst Katniss' whining protest, and gently urge her to lie back on the bed. For one mad moment I am struck with the urge to press my wet fingers into her mouth and make her suck them clean, but I dismiss the idea, worried that it might be too much for her. Instead, I give into the almost painful throbbing of my cock and crawl over her. She is waiting for me, her legs already open, but instead of positioning myself between them I lie next to her and encourage her onto her side so that we are spooning.

She looks over her shoulder at me and I run my nose along hers as I ask, "I thought we could try something different. Is this okay?" Her glinting silver gaze meets mine directly as she nods and, realizing the mechanics of how this will work, lifts her hips and spreads her legs a little so that I can position myself partly underneath her. We don't take our eyes off each other as she brings her hand down to guide me into her.

We are anything but graceful as it takes us a few tries to figure out how the rhythm of this new position will work, but we figure it out together and before long the room is filled with the sounds of our frantically gasping breaths and skin slapping against skin. I feel possibly closer than I have ever felt to her, as Katniss keeps her head turned over her shoulder so that are foreheads are pressed together, her eyes locked to mine, swallowing each other's moans as we vacillate between kissing and struggling for breath.

When I feel like I won't be able to hold on much longer I bring my right hand down from where I have been cupping her breast and let my fingers find her clit again. In no time my actions are rewarded with the feel of her walls clenching around me, her wet orgasm flooding over me, pushing me to my own climax as I let go and spill inside her.

Once her shuddering has calmed and the last of my release has subsided we both relax into the bed, panting in exhaustion. I move my hips enough so that I slip free and reposition both of us so that I am fully spooning her from behind. Katniss leans over and grabs a quilt that is folded at the end of her bed so that we don't have to get up and move under the comforter.

Once we are settled and our heart rates have slowed somewhat, Katniss turns her face to place a kiss on my bicep, which her head is resting on. "Thank you for coming over," she says, smiling into my skin.

I laugh softly, pulling my face back from where I have been nuzzling her hair to answer. "What did I do to deserve a life where, not only do I get to have sex with the most brilliant and gorgeous girl I know, but that she actually thanks me for it? I have to admit, though, I was pretty surprised you asked me to come over."

"I just needed to see you," she murmurs sleepily, sounding like she'll drift off at any moment. "I've been so happy all day, and not just because of the valedictorian thing… Also, because of you. You make me so happy, and I'm so lucky to have you."

Her words cause a rush of giddy warmth to spread through me. It is not like Katniss to share her feelings so openly. I pull her a little closer to me and lean my head up to place a kiss at her temple. Then, unable to resist the urge and acting on a surging tide of emotion, I let my lips trace along her ear as I whisper, "I love you, Katniss."

I want to recall the words immediately as I feel her stiffen in my arms. Leaning over to gauge her reaction I see that she has her eyes closed, but I know she is only feigning sleep.

I curse myself as I lay back down behind her. I know how she feels about love, how much the idea scares her. I lie awake for a long time, long after Katniss has actually drifted off to sleep, my thoughts tumbling over one another as I consider the ramifications of my hastily spoken words.

So funny story: I got really carried away writing this last scene, and ended up making it way too smutty for my comfort in the context of this story and how this scene works for my plot. Believe it or not, this is not just smut for the sake of it! ;) So I rewrote the scene and what we have here is the revised version. Because I know how much you all love the smuttiness, I am going to post the original version of this scene on tumblr in a couple of days, just for fun so you all can see how my fingers go crazy typing when it comes to the sex, lol. If you want to follow me on tumblr I am plumgal1899 over there as well.

As always, I thank you so much for reading! Every single follow, favorite, and review brings a smile to my face and your interest in my writing is VERY appreciated!