I was sitting in the back of the car with Dynasty about to confront the horrors of school; a place not long ago I would have called my safe haven, a sanctuary. I was petrified to get out for the rumours that would be flying around, the comments, the whispers and besides all that I am disgusted to even look at myself as I don't feel like myself; mum has gone and done it making me wear a skirt. It wasn't that I was a tomboy style girl it was the fact that this was my body and me wearing a skirt wasn't right. 'Dynasty don't give me that look.' Mum looked angry. 'She won't get out.' Dynasty said truthfully. 'Kacey shift.' She snarled. 'No I'm not getting out.' I replied scared. 'You want a scene; I'll give you a scene girl.' I jumped as she grabbed me dragging me out to the pavement. 'Don't you even think about messing me about.' She sternly informed me, the finger of shame right in my face. She calmed down slightly noticing everyone walking in the gates. Straightening out my skirt and blazer she satisfied herself 'There we go that's better, right you put a smile on your face and you follow your mum.' She smiled creepily; I couldn't even manage a grimace. Mum grabbed her bag of Dyn before marching ahead into school to find Barry. Dyn stalled for a minute putting her arm around me protectively. 'I can't do this.' I admitted. 'Just…keep your head up and walk with me.' She suggested walking side by side with me; my big sister was really trying her best. No sooner had I walked in the gate; there were already pointing and whispers. Dyn walked in with attitude nothing changed there, myself however hanging my head in shame. Barry stood proudly at school overlooking until he saw me then scoffed. 'Last time I saw legs like that I had them with chips.' I pulled out of Dyns arm about to run or hit Barry straight around the face. Mum stopped him like a shotgun aware of the people around. 'That's enough, right when we go in remember what I said, you tell them nothin', right we deal with this, no one's business but ours.' She organised us, patting Barry and we were on our way into this hell hold.

I was walking down the corridor hearing the whispers 'I thought that was a boy.' 'Omg what does she look like!' They were mixed and messed up like myself. I didn't notice where I was going until I walked into Miss Boston by mistake. 'Kacey?' she said. 'Yeah sorry miss didn't see you there.' I muttered thinking she'd let me go, I couldn't look her or anyone in the eye, they didn't get me. 'Come with me.' She put her hand on my shoulder, leading me into her office.

'Take a seat.' She offered pointing at the plush chair sat opposite the desk. Normally I would have been sat here with my smug face like the time when I got kicked out of my old school for bad behaviour; that kid calling me a Dyke and a Tranny had it coming to him , around the time when I first didn't feel like myself. These times have been hard for me; I've held it all in and kept it from everyone and I was finding it hard to let go. I can't talk to Barry, mum even Dynasty without breaking our reputation, I hear you scoff at that word. Maybe I'm a mislead girl but they think I don't know how I feel but I do and my body doesn't feel right. I'm depressed, afraid, and I don't want them to stop loving me. I want them to appreciate and support me for myself; girl or boy, straight or gay, whatever I am or whoever I want to be.

'You know you can talk to me about anything, anytime. I'm not as touchy feely as the others here but I do care.' She reminded me looking me straight in the eye. I guess in a way she knew I wasn't myself, remembering the chirpy me when I was comfortable with the clothes I was wearing until now when I feel like any bit of dignity I had or felt has been ripped away out of my fingertips like a goalie missing a save by doing a massive dive when they aim for the crossbar. For the first time I felt myself lifting my head, teary eyed. 'Oh Kacey.' 'WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!' I shouted punching the table. She pulled me back examining my fist bruising slightly. 'We'll get you to the nurse in a minute. I mean you don't look very happy with what you're wearing, I could get you a spare P.E kit?' she suggested. 'Mum said I have to wear this….be more girlie y'know.' I gave her a fake smile but knowingly she knew it wasn't like it all seemed. 'Less you?' she poked out the truth like I couldn't keep it from her or anyone anymore. 'How would you know?' I shot back through gritted teeth. 'Well when I was your age…I wasn't like anyone else. I didn't dress all girlie either, first someone called me names for a joke but when I questioned my sexuality I knew they were right. I was bullied a fair bit so I joined the army, sorted the men from the boys I'll tell you that part.' She smiled then reminiscing the memories, slightly sadly. 'I know it's not the same but I know what it feels like to be hurt or different than everyone else, what I need you to know is it's ok and if you need to talk , anytime I am here, no judgement promise.'

After that I ended up telling her it all; about mum, Barry, Dynasty, fear of rejection, the Facebook messages, not liking my own body, the idea of self-harm and how Zoe had helped at the same time as hurting. She put her hand on my shoulder before pulling me into a hug rubbing my back and for the first time I saw a maternal side to the no nonsense Boston Bruiser.