A/N: I'm sorry for the wait, truly. But here it is, free of charge.
I feel the need to point out things:
1. This will be similar to IM3. However, circumstances are different in nearly every case, and Loki's around, so some things have changed.
2. I've not really mentioned it previously, but Loki and Pepper are friends - they do a lot of business together and enjoy pissing off Tony.
3. This work relatively won't be that long. The next part of the series, however...
4. Excuse the style of this chapter. It condenses half an hour of movie. The other chapters will be drawn-out and linear. Also, 16 chapters is an estimate of length.
5. ...Just roll with this. All of this.
Thank you!
Chapter 1: Fruit-Based Pseudonyms
"Yo listen up, here's the story about a little guy that lives in a blue world-"
"Turn that off," Loki said, looking at Tony with a kind of affectionate menace over the tablet he was working on.
Loki could do that. Affectionate menace.
Tony pouted and immediately began trying to pick another song. He felt like cheerful music on his plane trip to Malibu; so sue him. His fiance was certainly trying to.
"I'm just trying to lighten the mood. We need mood-lightening," Tony protested, genuine sadness in his tone.
The man had a point. In the last several hours, everything had flipped upside-down, and not in any way that could be misconstrued as a good way.
First, Happy had rung them, because he felt suspicious about a man Pepper was meeting with. To be more accurate, he felt suspicious about the man's security guy - something to do with badges. It wasn't often that Happy rang Tony anymore - after all, he didn't work for him - but he did when he wanted a second opinion on potential risks to Pepper's wellbeing, and this was one of them. The guy in question - a Mr Killian of AIM or whatever - was showing her his big brain.
Loki was not impressed. A few projectors does not an intelligent man make, though he had to admit the concept of Extremis piqued his curiosity after he hacked the security feeds in Pepper's office.
Happy resolved to follow the security guy, even though neither Tony nor Loki gave him instructions to that effect.
Secondly, despite the last few days of lying around celebrating the fact they were engaged now, Tony and Loki caught up on the drama that was the Mandarin.
People exploding. Fires. Death, destruction, and chaos, and all emblazoned with the title of the Ten Rings. Knowing full well nearly every detail of Tony's time in Afghanistan, Loki had immediately latched on to the fact that he wasn't okay with any of it. After making a valiant effort to kiss the emotional injuries all better, the pair had resolved to start digging into it immediately. With the invasion over, they needed another serious risk to humanity to deal with anyway, according to the unfortunate laws of the universe.
And then, that night, another attack. Another explosion. And Pepper ringing Tony frantically to tell him Happy was in a coma.
Which was why they were currently flying to Malibu at around 3am, once the dust had cleared, and - owing to the fact teleporting could hurt Loki with his fucked-up heart these days - the plane had been readied. Had it been an immediate crisis, they might've teleported, but the risk was too great.
Loki looked up again from his tablet, scrutinising Tony. This was Tony's normal thing, joking when something horrible had happened.
"Happy will be fine, Tony," he said, surprisingly gently.
"I know. They said he was going to wake up, right? He's not injured too badly, all things considered, just hit by the shockwave. A few big things like his eyes and hands, but nothing huge, he'll live. So there's nothing to completely panic about. He's just great," Tony said quickly.
"Tony," Loki said.
"Mm?"
"Come here," Loki said, stretching out his arm for Tony to sit next to him.
Tony moved from his seat on the floor, messing with the personal settings of Loki's jet, to next to Loki on the couch.
Loki gently ran his hand down Tony's far side, pulling him close. "He will be fine. He will have the best doctors and facilities, and you and I will combine our intensely stubborn willpower to will him better. Meanwhile, whoever did this, we will burn them down and dance on their mutilated corpses."
"You always know the right things to say," Tony mumbled, snuggling into Loki's side.
"We'll be there soon. There's no use in panicking until we understand the full extent of exactly what occurred, and what condition our Mr Hogan is in. For now, I will work on reconfiguring the Lightningrod, and you will curl into my side like the adorable little man you are," Loki murmured.
"I feel used," Tony protested into Loki's pectoral.
"That's how I like you to feel," Loki teased, trying to work one-handed. It didn't really succeed, but actually being productive wasn't the point here.
"So long as you're happy," Tony snorted. "How's the Sparkly Shit Suit coming along?"
"I prefer Lightningrod, these days," Loki said with a quirk of the corner of his mouth. "Badly. At this point, I can't think of a way to alter it so that it does not pass through my system and strain my heart, never mind the teleporting conundrum. It would defeat the entire mechanism of the Lightningrod."
"There's always plan B," Tony reassured.
Plan B was Loki having and customising his own Iron Man suit. Owing to the dent in his pride that would cause, Loki did not want to have to resort to plan B.
"I'd have to give up the iconic hardcore-BDSM-leather-and-metal look for that," Loki replied idly. "And that just wouldn't do."
Despite himself and the situation, Tony started giggling at that. "Yep, you've inspired many rebellious teens."
"That was always the dream," Loki smirked. "Happy will be fine, love. As they say in every tourist boutique of my hometown, Keep Calm and Carry On."
"And variations thereupon," Tony added, then, trying to convince himself- "Everything will be fine."
If he'd known exactly how things would turn out, Tony probably wouldn't have said that so candidly.
-O.O-
Tony had thought it when Loki was hospitalised and he'd think it again; hospital lighting made you look worse than you were.
Tony and Loki filed awkwardly into Happy's private hospital room. Only the best for the people Tony cared about.
Pepper was already there, sitting in the corner, makeup smudged and looking miserable. When she saw them, she immediately got to her feet. "Tony, Loki," she sniffed. "Thanks for coming so quickly."
As Tony was unable to answer - leaning over Happy's bed, inspecting his injuries with a clinical air that covered how upset he actually was - Loki murmured a gentle "Of course. Neither of us would have it any other way."
"There was another recording. By the Ten Rings. About this attack," Pepper said stiltedly.
"We watched it on the plane," Loki replied lowly. "They will pay, mark my words."
Tony was just staring at Happy. "It's been too long since I came to Malibu. I can't tell you a thing about his life recently."
"It's okay, Tony. You came; that's what matters," Pepper said gently.
"He's stable," Loki added. "Aside from the obvious trauma, and the comatose state, his injuries are perhaps less severe than they could be. In all likelihood, he will regain consciousness."
"Yeah," Tony said with the distinct nod both Loki and Pepper hated - mostly because it meant that their reassurances were sliding off him like water from a duck's back.
Tony flopped heavily down in a chair, staring at his ex-bodyguard.
After around twenty minutes of this awkward vigil, Loki interrupted. "Forgive me if this sounds a little rude, but dear Happy is comatose, love. The best thing I believe you can do right now is assist me in tracking down his attackers."
"Right, yeah," Tony said, again with the nod. "In a minute."
This minute stretched on for another fifteen, until it was nearly 8am and Loki decided that action should probably be taken, regardless of his fiance's state of shock.
"He was following someone, was he not?" Loki asked. "He mentioned his suspicions regarding a visitor of yours' bodyguard."
"I - I don't know," Pepper said. "He didn't mention anything...though he had some kind of argument with Aldrich's bodyguard about the security badges - he's very keen on them. I don't know if that escalated."
"Aldrich?" Loki said, raising an eyebrow. "Aldrich Killian, of AIM, yes?"
"Happy rang you, didn't he?" Pepper asked with a fond smile.
"He did seem rather concerned that you might be associating with someone questionable," Loki shrugged. "He may have been all too right. Tony, focus. If this is a lead, and it just may be, then dwelling on your friend's injuries will capture no one. How much conversation passed between you and Killian, Pepper?"
"We talked a lot," Pepper admitted. "Mostly about Extremis, his innovation, but he invited me to coffee as I escorted him out."
"Did you accept?" Loki asked.
"Yes," Pepper said. "For this morning. I've barely slept; I'll reschedule for later."
"Let me know what happens, and keep safe," Loki said briskly. "Come, Tony. We'll head to your home."
-O.O-
Evidently people had noticed the new celebrity couple's arrival in Malibu and immediate drive to the hospital, because the number of reporters outside the hospital entrance waiting to ambush 'Laufeystark' was startling.
Neither of them really wanted to give a statement, though Loki was tempted to break out his favourite curse words, because it had been that kind of 24 hours.
They made it to the car before stress, anger and sleep deprivation got to Tony and he spoke up.
"Mr Stark - Mr Laufeyson! When's someone gonna kill this guy?" A reported asked, waving a cameraphone in Tony's face.
Loki, being taller, was safer from the phone barrage, but it was still irritating.
On catching the general air of fuck the universe and everything in it Tony's expression was conveying, the reported blurted "I'm just saying."
"Is that what you want?" Tony snapped.
Dramatic pause.
"Tony, dear, I think it is what he wants," Loki murmured, making sure he was audible.
"I think so too, babe. See, here's a little holiday greeting for the Mandarin I've been sitting on during far more important things. Remember the second invasion of Manhattan? Yeah."
"You're a fucking speck compared to alien mercenary armies and mythological titans, wherever you are," Loki added in a growl, and hey, shit, there was those curse words.
"And so," Tony continued on from Loki, "Here's our offer: I'm Tony Stark, this is Loki Fucking Laufeyson, and we've been through far too much to even have a concept of being afraid of you. I know you're a coward. So I've decided," cue the dramatic removal of those signature sunglasses, "That you just died, pal. Lokes and I - we don't like to be messed with. No politics, just revenge for me and mine. No Pentagon, no SHIELD, no paperwork, just you and me. And in the off chance you're a man, you can find Loki and I right here: 10880, Malibu Point. 90265. Got that?"
"We'll be sure to use the good cutlery," Loki added dryly. "Mandarin, or apple or apricot or whatever clever fruit-based pseudonym you're operating under, you fucked with the wrong celebrity couple. If you'd lashed out at Brangelina's friends and family you mightn't have had an issue; as it stands, you've made yourself two very pissed-off, powerful enemies."
Statement made, Tony and Loki climbed into Tony's car, driving off.
"What're the odds someone shoots off our vulnerable bits in the next few hours, Sparkles?" Tony winced as the adrenaline faded.
"Fairly high," Loki replied. "I'm sure we'll manage."