DISCLAIMER:: do not own ouat or any of its characters. just borrowing for purpose of creative expression. no profit obtained.

A/N:: this is my hopelessly bad attempt at a crack!fic, but be forewarned that I am not funny. angst is my wheelhouse, but this prompt was just too good to pass up. there will be a mix of pairings but mainly swan queen. let me know what you think!

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Chapter 1

A year. Somehow a year had passed in peace. No more anti-magic zealots had come crossing the town line, now once more magically hidden, to eradicate them from existence. Tamara and Owen... Greg... whatever his name was had both been dealt with in Neverland. The group of five who had chased them to the world without aging had all agreed to never speak of the two humans' demise. It was an event they would all take to the grave. All that mattered was that they had rescued Henry, the one who bound them all to each other. Whether grandparent or parent, they all had some claim to him and he to them.

An arrangement had been developed. Emma had moved into the guest room at the mayor's manor so that the boy could have both his mothers at hand. That ordeal in the mines, where both women had worked together to save them all had changed them both. They had developed a friendship, albeit a reluctant one. They still fought more than any other two people in town, a crackling of magic usually electrifying the air around them as they did, but the arguments were less common than they had been before. Life and death struggles have a way of changing even the hardest of hearts.

Dear Snow and Charming, the figureheads of the community, the decorations on top of the wedding cake that was Storybrooke, had continued to run the town as they saw fit, with the help of their daughter and the former mayor. Good ruled. All was well.

And he, Rumpelstiltskin, had managed a year with his beautiful Belle. She had been here waiting for him when they had made a miraculous return from the inescapable land where children ran things and the adults lived in fear of the wrath of shadows.

But there was something he was lacking. He'd only admit it to himself in the confines of his own head, never would he let her see his lack of confidence, but he knew that his age was somewhat of a deterrent. He was ages older than her, the natural course of his life, had it not been altered by magic, would have seen him dead of old age long before she was even a suckling babe at her mom's teat. Even with his magical intervention he was still over twice her age. He saw the looks from younger suitors, their eyes coveting what they didn't have the courage to pursue. It was only a matter of time before someone risked his wrath to approach her, only a short time until she would leave him for someone younger.

And that was what had bred his brilliant plan. A spell, a potion. One small magical solution to reduce his years by half. If only she saw him as he had been before the ogre wars, before marriage and fatherhood. She would see him as he had been before life had ravaged him. And she would love him more. He was sure of it.

He watched the potion bubble in the glass cylinder, moving through a myriad of colours as it was infused with its magical properties, from purple through blue into green which became yellow finally the colour seeped out to a nearly crystalline ivory. With a snap of his fingers, the bubbling stopped, the potion inside instantly cooling. He grabbed the now unheated beaker and poured the concoction into an empty metal flask. It wouldn't do to have anyone in town see him with a vial of potion after all; they were wary and suspicious of him enough as it was.

Now he just had to wait for the right moment to drink the potion.

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"Please explain to me what the purpose of this is? It's not like this is even an actual American town or anything!" Emma teetered precariously on the edge of the top step of the rickety ladder, stretching as far as she could to tie down the far edge of the banner. It would have been safer to move the ladder to the other side and do it properly, a fact Regina would have no doubt pointed out if she were still here (thank god she'd had to go pick Henry up from school), but that would have required Emma getting all the way down off the ladder, moving it the foot and a half, and then climbing back up. That was just too much work for a stupid banner.

"It's Founder's Day Emma!" Snow admonished her as she walked by the bottom of the ladder, carrying stacks of red Solo cups towards the refreshment table.

Emma rolled her eyes as she finally secured the tie and leaned back, bending down to grab the top step of the ladder and stabilize herself so she could climb down. "Don't you mean 'Regina Day'?" She hopped onto solid ground, dusting her hands off on her jeans. "Technically she's the only founder we have. She created Storybrooke."

"Finally, some positive recognition for all my hard work." Regina walked up behind them, Henry trailing right behind her. Her hand touched down briefly on the small of Emma's back. "Happy Birthday Miss Swan." She withdrew the touch.

Emma smiled at the other woman. "Thank you." Things really had changed between them. Her past two birthdays had gone unacknowledged by the older woman, with her twenty eighth being overshadowed by returning runaway Henry to Storybrooke and her twenty ninth happening in a different world. But Regina had gone out of her way to make this birthday special so far, first delivering her breakfast straight to the guest bedroom that had become hers and then by dealing with Henry so she didn't have to, and there was a late dinner planned after this whole stupid shindig was over. It wasn't everyday that a girl turned thirty after all, or so Regina had been saying all week. To which Emma pointed out that in fact there was someone somewhere in the world turning thirty every single day. That only served to earn her an eyeroll and the occasional pinch if they were in close enough proximity to each other.

"Will you please tell Emma that Founder's Day is a time honoured tradition?" Snow looked to Regina for help.

"How can it be tradition when this is the first one?!" Emma threw her arms up in exasperation.

Snow turned up her nose at the question. "Traditions have to start somewhere. Besides, they're important!"

"It's a party Emma! It'll be fun!" Henry, just recently turned twelve, grinned at her as he grabbed for a string of lights.

Emma sighed. The last thing she wanted on her birthday was to mix and mingle with the entire town. She had grown fond of quiet nights back at the mayoral manor, curled up watching movies with Regina or helping Henry with his homework. Domesticity was something she hadn't ever had in her life and she was liking it more than she had ever thought she would. She had spent her entire childhood convincing herself that she didn't need this side of life, that she'd never have a chance at it. Living her life without it had seemed the safer option. But she had never stopped craving it in the back of her mind and now that she had it she never wanted to give it up, even if her domestic life was being lived out with her son's adopted mother, a women who was merely (and, most days, begrudgingly) her friend.

The ringing of Snow's cell phone interrupted any further discussion on the matter. She dug in the pocket of her cardigan to retrieve it, pulling it out and pressing the screen to accept the call. "Hey, have you picked up the, um, package yet?"

Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes once more. She was sure Snow thought she was being extremely covert with her use of the word package, but Emma saw right through the code word. She leaned in close to Regina as the other brunette continued talking to Charming on the phone, oblivious to the fact that Emma had already caught onto her rouse. "Just please tell me it's not a clown?" She shivered at the very thought. She hated clowns; they were creepy and psychotic and she was convinced if she fell asleep in one's presence, it would not fail to eat her, and not in the fun way either.

Regina chuckled. "Don't worry dear, it's not a clown."

Emma turned fully towards the former mayor, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout. "Can I get a hint?" She clasped her hands together in a pleading gesture. "Pretty please?"

Regina had to admit that it was times like these when she saw the distinct similarities between their son and his birth mother, despite the fact that she had been absent for eighty percent of his life. There were still those genetic predispositions that even distance could not erase, the parts of him that would always be like her. It was a big part of what had changed her mind about the blonde. Well that and the countless struggles they'd faced, together, in the past two years. It had taken a long time for her to admit even to herself but when it came to facing an enemy, magical or not, there was no one she'd rather have by her side. She shook her head. "You can wait until this evening. I will not be blamed for spoiling the surprise." She tapped the tip of the blonde's nose before turning and going to help Henry string up the rest of the lights for the Founder's Day Festival.

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Emma pulled once more at the skirt of her dress. She didn't often dress up, preferring to stick to her usual tank and jeans combo, but she had agreed after Snow's insistence, if only to shut her mother up. Ruby had let her borrow the black (not red!) casual dress. It was just a basic cotton pull over with a skirt that fanned out when she spun, nothing special, but enough to appease her mother's incessant need to make her relive all the years they'd missed together. At least she had managed to negotiate wearing her boots. She had to admit that between the cotton dress, her maroon tights and her black worn out Docs, she looked quite like she had in the days before her pregnancy, when she was a rebellious teen who fell for a bad boy. All she was missing was the glasses.

Snow had been droning on from the make-shift little stage set up in front of the red doors of City Hall, lights strung all around everywhere. Emma had tuned her out right after "welcome to the first annual Founder's Day Festival", just as she figured most of the crowd had. This wasn't the Enchanted Forest, no need for a speech to rival the President's in Independence Day, but apparently Snow hadn't got the memo, or if she did, she had simply chosen to ignore it. Both were very possible.

"I had forgotten how long-winded your mother could be."

Emma turned to the other woman as she stepped up beside her. Regina looked regal, as always, in a dark gray sheath dress. Emma allowed her eyes to peruse her body, lingering a second more than they usually did before she looked back to the podium. "Yea, you'd think she was calling the realm to war or something."

The corner of Regina's mouth quirked up in amusement. She couldn't argue with Emma's description. Everyone was fidgeting, waiting to be released to enjoy themselves, except for Charming, the dutiful lap dog still hanging on her every word. "Miss Swan... about tonight?"

"Mmm?" Emma turned her attention back to the woman beside her, her curiosity piquing when she saw the normally composed woman shifting uncertainly.

"I was thinking maybe we could send Henry home with your parents and make this dinner just the two of us." Regina tucked a strand of her own hair behind an ear. "I just thought maybe we could talk."

"Talk about what?"

But as the brunette opened her mouth to answer, Snow interrupted them. "So, in conclusion, everyone have fun and be safe!"

Clapping and cheers erupted around them and the moment was gone.

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Belle had her arm looped through Rumpel's as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Her eyes stared up at all the twinkling lights. This, this was magic. Forget the spells, potions, and incantations. This was all the magic she needed. She lifted her head from its resting place to smile up at her boyfriend. "Thank you for bringing me tonight Rumpel." She shivered. The sun had gone down and she hadn't even thought to bring a jacket to protect herself against the late-autumn chill.

Rumpel pulled away to slide off his wool coat, draping it over the young woman's shoulders before pulling her close again. "Of course Belle." He'd known how much she wanted to come; he wouldn't deny her such a simple pleasure.

"Belle!"

Rumpelstiltskin tried to hide his frown of dismay as his girlfriend's best friend, the wolf, came loping across the square towards the pair, an excited grin on her face.

"Oh look, they let the dogs out."

Belle frowned at him, wagging a finger at him in admonishment. "Be nice."

Red screeched to a halt in front of the pair, choosing to studiously ignore the man in favour of grinning excitedly at her best friend. "Ella brought Alex!"

Belle grinned. Alex was her and Red's shared passion. They doted on the little toddler more than her parents did, which Cinderella had welcomed whole-heartedly ever since Alex had learned to walk. The little girl seemed to know magic herself, being there one minute and gone the next.

Belle looked at Rumpel and he knew what that look meant without her even having to say the words. He waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. "Go."

Belle grinned and stood on her tip toes to press a kiss to his cheek before grabbing Red's hand and rushing off with her into the crowd.

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"What's this?" They'd fawned over Alex for nearly a half hour before the little girl had required a change. After Ella had carted her off for a diaper change, Belle had noticed the metal contraption tucked into the inner pocket of Rumpel's coat. She held it up.

Red's jaw dropped as her eyes sparkled. "Is that a flask?" She snatched it from Belle's hand, holding it close as if they'd just discovered the holy grail. "Stiltskin's been holding out on us." She nodded approvingly, already imagining this party becoming much more fun once they were both drunk. And then something sparkling pink in the twinkling lights caught her eye and she turned her attention to the punch bowl. She looked at the huge crystal bowl, then to the flask in her hand, and finally to Belle, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. She grabbed her best friend's hand and pulled her in the direction of the refreshment table, shaking the flask excitedly in her free hand. "This party is about to get a lot more interesting."