"Somehow I have managed to scrape by. I don't mean financially- not really. Financially, I think I am okay. It's just I have amazed myself over the last… oh, thirteen, almost fourteen years now. It was really just one thing after another. Over and over and over. It felt like it never fucking stopped."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, that I kept losing people. When you're young, time flies by really quickly and it just felt like the losses kept coming."

"How old were you?"

"When 'everything' started?"

"Yeah."

"I was seven when the first domino dropped. The first nuclear domino. Because that is what felt like went off in my life. A huge ass bomb that radiated and mutated everything else for years after. I was coming home from school, and uh, it was October I think. I remember it being cold, but not too cold. I got out of the bus and walked up my driveway and uh…went up to my house and got out my little key. You know? The key- the first key that you were ever given by anyone- and it made you feel like a big kid because you had a key to your house now. Yeah. So, I got that out and unlocked the door. My parents were always home by then. That was always something that I looked forward to. So when I got in I thought that it was kind of strange that there was no one there- no one coming down the stairs or waiting outside for me.

I was going to call up but I got distracted because the painting that was always there over our little entry table wasn't there anymore. The painting was of a bird I think. A raven. Anyway, so… it wasn't there anymore and there was just this dark square mark on the wall where the blue paint hadn't been bleached out yet. Then I noticed that the entry table itself wasn't there either. So then I started to investigate. With every step I took down the hall to get to the rest of the house I could hear my feet echo differently than they usually did. When I got to the end of the hall I found out why."

"Where was this? Here?"

"No. No. This was in Hinsdale, Illinois. It's a suburb of Chicago on the southwest side. It is a really ritzy neighborhood and all the kids there drive like, Mercedes and Audis to school and shit. I lived on North Elm Street."

"Oh, ok."

"So, when I got to the end of the hall I saw that there wasn't any furniture at all. As far as I could see, everything was gone. Even some of the panels for the light switches, a few of the doorknobs, all of the kitchen cabinet handles and the faucets were gone. On the floor, in the middle of the room was a stack of money and a note. The note just said two words: 'Goodbye, honey'. I don't even know why the fuck they bothered with the 'honey' part."

"How much money was there?"

"Eight hundred thousand dollars."

"Wow."

"Yeah, real generous I guess."

"And they were just gone? Like that?"

"Like that."

"What got you moved out here then?"

"Oh, a couple dominos had to fall before it tipped over the one that got me here."

"What else?"

"Well, I had my entire family fighting over me after that event. But, the fact remained that my parents had it written down that if anything should happen that I would go to my guardians. Although, since my parents weren't dead, my father's side of the family didn't think it mattered and wanted me to go with them instead. Luckily, because that side of the family has always been crazier than a June bug, the court ruled that I would go to my guardians. Even though my parents leaving me didn't leave me with the best feeling, I was happy that I was going to my guardians, my mother's brother and his wife. They were the best people I ever knew even though I didn't get to see them a lot as a little kid since they lived so far away."

"Were?"

"That's the next domino."

"Go on."

"I had a very good life with them and everything was great. I was happy and I had a few friends at school and they weren't the wealthiest people ever so that taught me discipline about the real world and how things actually worked. Not having the lifestyle where everything was handed to me was good. Us three…we lived simply. We grew most of our fruit on trees in the backyard and every two years, after saving all the money that I had scrounged for and saved in glass mason jars, we would all go to Disney World. They loved me so much. They didn't have kids of their own. Not because they couldn't have any its just that wasn't how they were. They didn't want any. But, they always said that they were happy that of all the kids in the world they could have got that they were lucky they had me. Before the years leading up to my parents leaving- my parents loved me and I could feel that but…they never said anything like that. I thought that with that new life I could live wholesomely and truly live how God wanted me to."

"I thought you said you identified as an Atheist?"

"I do now. I was raised Catholic. I mean like, baptized, confirmed, had my first communion, and went to confession- the whole deal. I prayed every night. I almost stopped believing in God back when I was seven after mom and dad left but once the great life that I discovered with my aunt and uncle in Florida started, I figured that that was God's way of making my life better and more pure. I thought that even though it hurt, God wanted me to have something better than what I had."

"What made you stop believing?"

"That perfect life I had, being taken away too."

"No."

"Yeah. On May 2nd, when I was sixteen, a drunk driver killed them both. It was during school. My principal came up to my classroom and pulled me into the hallway to tell me. A police officer drove me home. To this day, I have never cried about it. For the life of me I-I couldn't tell you why."

"Jesus… so, how did you get out here?"

"After my guardians died, I was handed over to my fathers parents and I persuaded them to sign me off as an independent minor with permission to leave the state."

"What made you choose New Mexico?"

"It was both my parents favorite place and it was the only place I remember having the most fun vacations. I personally like Washington and Oregon better because of all the rain but the exclusivity of New Mexico combined with the art scene here in Taos made me gravitate here."

"I can't believe I have never asked you about any of this. I mean, my God! We've been friends with you for four years. I know you said that it's been hard but Jesus Christ, Abbs."

"It's okay. I don't think I would have told you for a while anyway since I was pretty messed up then and have evened out- I guess you could say. I didn't want to talk about it then. We have become such good friends that that was never really on my mind when we hung out."

Both twins had smiles tugging at the sides of their mouths as they looked at me.

How very atypical for people like the twins to gravitate towards someone like me. Most social people liked other social people and ignored those who seldom spoke. But, the twins were just the opposite. They liked picking out the ones in the background. They were drawn to the wallflowers- maybe it was because they thought it was fun to drag them around and take them to social things. But that wasn't possible- not for me at least. The twins eventually realized this and left it alone, realizing that I was a lost cause. This never seemed to cause them to lose interest in me though. Not in the slightest.

Keely and Berkli came from two very nice mothers who now lived in California. Keely wanted to be a musician and Berkli didn't have a clue- but she did like to draw in her spare time. Each made a living by working the same jobs that I did. All three of us worked part time at the coffee shop and the local library. Incidentally, it's where we first met.

Unlike me, however, the twins did have a crime ridden past. And present. And future. Keely once beat a guy half to death with a banjo after he made a comment about her shirt and Berkli got so mad at an ex-boyfriend that she threw a T.V. out the fourth story of an apartment complex in Nevada. Both had been arrested about four times. At the moment their current endeavor was to rob a bank.

Being as determined and stubborn as I knew they were I was confident that they could do it. Of course, I still advised against it.

Currently the we were all on our break at the library. The twins were doing research about banks and I was picking at the sleeve of my coffee cup while pulling at the collar of my turtleneck with the other hand.

"Oh no," said Keely.

Berkli looked up.

"What?" I said as I analyzed the expression on Keely's face.

"It's your favorite person in the whole world," Keely sang.

"The one and only!" Berkli chimed in.

I buried my now tomato red face into my folded arms resting on the table, knowing exactly whom they were talking about.

"Dylan!" they said simultaneously and far too loud.

"Both you guys shut your fucking traps. He is going to hear you."

"Who is going to hear?" Dylan questioned with interest tugging at his voice as he walked by.

I jumped so high the tops of my thighs hit the underside of the table.

"Oh nothing. You know…" Berkli began loosely.

"Just that-"

Quickly I clapped her hands and spoke shakily. "That…you might be getting a promotion from the boss. I heard talk but I thought I should keep it a surprise. Guess you heard anyway."

"Sweet," Dylan said with a grin as he walked away.

"Goddddd, he is such a pretty boy. I don't know why you like him," Keely groaned tiredly.

"I don't know either... Shut up," I said with a heavy huff and trying to get off the subject.

"You deserve better than that, man. You are 126 pounds of pure awesome. A little on the short side of things but…"

"Hey, I like being short, okay? I have a preference for tall men. And being short just opens up more opportunities."

"Whatever. So, still having problems sleeping?" Keely asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. I haven't really slept in two weeks," I replied thinking, back to all the nights I hadn't closed my eyes once.

"Man, you are running on empty. You know, people usually have psychotic breaks due to sleep deprivation at this point. I would hate- but also love- to see you go guano crazy on someone." Berkli said with enthusiasm.

"I know you would. Maybe I will get some sleep tomorrow. The weekend usually calms me down. I'll probably just 'veg'."

The minutes passed and we eventually had to pack up our shit and get back to work. A couple hours later, it was the weekend and we were free. Feeling like school kids, the twins put up their arms- in eighties fashion- and pumped their fists towards the drooping sun as we exited the doors. I just kept my head down and smiled fondly as I pushed my black sleeves over my hands for the thousandth time that day.

Berkli and Keely were the only ones I had actually spoken to for more than two minutes since I was sixteen. And I didn't really even talk to them much. They respected the fact that I liked to be alone. I was the type of person who didn't necessarily want friends but always seemed to have them. It wasn't like I didn't like having laughs and good times; it was just that I didn't want the extra baggage. I didn't want more people I had to worry about or more expectations and obligations I had to live up to.

Of course, I would never tell the twins that. It would break their heart but not before they broke my face. But, if I were them, I would feel like I had been strung along and used, too.

The walk to my house was a very far one and it wasn't long before I was waving goodbye to the twins as I started the hike into the mountains.

It wasn't that I couldn't afford a car; it's just that I didn't want one. You always had to make sure there was gas, and that it was clean, and that you didn't forget the keys, or that someone was going to steal it and on top of all that you still had to find a place to park. The square always filled up fast, but in tourist season? Forget it.

My home was up in a strange little nook in the mountains. It wasn't placed high up at all. Picture a home in the slope of a mountain with a huge expanse of desert as its front yard with a view of the town to your left, the view of the mountains behind you and miles and miles of desert followed by distant mountain ranges in front and to the right of you. All the desert land in front was lightly speckled with the little houses or trailer homes of the state's residences. It was a sight to behold, especially at night where the town had little lights poking up and the highway had moving cars zooming far away and the sky was the most unique blend of pink, purple and navy, and it was all mine.

The money that my parents had so lovingly left me with and the money that my guardians had written into their will for me was what paid for it. If it weren't for all that I would be in dingy apartment. Which would have been fine- but I wanted the view. And the seclusion- but that's all you find around New Mexico. Sweet seclusion.