I REGRET NOTHING.

Nobody has ever asked Cana what her favorite hobby is, because the fact that thirty percent of Fairy Tail's liquor budget fuels her alcohol consumption says it all. But, Cana's second-favorite activity is, hands down, watching other people get drunk—more often than not, it is hysterical. So when she convinces Juvia to have a drinking contest with her, she expects two things: one, that it will be over fairly quickly because Juvia is not someone who drinks often, and two, that if the way that she acts around Gray is any indication, she is likely the type to be an amorous drunk. The latter is an exceptionally amusing thought. So, she sits Juvia down at the bar in their guild and tells Mirajane to break out the liquor, preparing to show Juvia how to have a good time.

"Eh… Cana-san," Juvia says, apprehensively eyeing the shot glasses being filled. "Juvia is not sure that this is such a good idea."

"Neh, don't worry about it, Juvia! I told you I'd teach you how to hold your liquor, and the best way to do that is to get drunk! Build up your tolerance! You'll be fine," she assures her, clapping an enthusiastic hand on the water mage's back. "Right, Lucy? Remember the first time I got you drunk?"

Lucy, watching the entire exchange from the end of the bar with Natsu, gives her a flat look. "No," is her succinct reply.

However, while Lucy may have completely blacked out at the time, few in Fairy Tail have forgotten the sight of her toppling off of the bar, sending her drink flying into the back of Natsu's head, which led to him mistakenly accusing Gray, which led to a full-blown brawl.

Cana waves her off with a smirk and slides the shots towards Juvia. "We take turns; you first!"

Juvia fidgets for a bit before nervously picking one up and knocking it back, fighting not to gag it back up; the stuff that Cana prefers is far stronger than anything Juvia has ever drank before. Her face reddens as she tries to suppress a cough and places the empty glass back on the tray.

Cana nods in approval. "Look at you, trying to take it like a champ!" she exclaims before grabbing a glass of her own and downing it without even so much as a blink. Her grin is distinctively shark-like as she pushes the drinks back to Juvia. When the inevitable happens, she'll send Juvia in Gray's direction while she finishes drinking whatever Juvia couldn't manage and count the odds of someone starting another good fight before the night is over.

'This'll be fun.'

She is completely unprepared to handle this.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Cana?" Gajeel growls, slamming a hand heavily onto the bar.

Cana watches the remaining drinks tremble and breathes a sigh of relief when they don't fall. She raises an eyebrow at the Iron Dragon Slayer and frowns. "What's the big deal? Everyone should get drunk at least once," she says, glancing at Juvia. She's staring at a blank spot on the wall, a half-full drink in one hand and her chin propped up in the other. Her face is flushed.

Gajeel rolls his eyes and sneers down at the brunette. "Yeah, well, Juvia shouldn't get drunk, ever. She gets weird."

Cana snorts and responds, "Who doesn't get weird when they're drunk? Relax, I'm giving her some life experience."

His eyes narrow before snapping wide open in surprise. "You've never seen Juvia when she's drunk."

"What? When has she ever gotten drunk before?"

"Not here she hasn't," he snaps, gesturing at the room at large. "But back before we joined Fairy Tail, she—"

"Gajeel-kun," Juvia speaks up, awkwardly sliding down from her seat. She sways a bit but doesn't fall.

Cana's mouth drops open in shock when she sees an expression that could almost be called nervous flash across Gajeel's face. Slowly, he turns to look down at Juvia and sighs, "What?"

Juvia's eyes narrow, and she walks right up to her friend and pokes him once in the chest. "Shut your fucking mouth."

The guild hall is suddenly filled with the sound of food being choked on and drinks being spit out. "Holy shit," Natsu whispers, sitting at his usual table with Lucy and Gray. He nearly yelps in fear when Juvia levels a surprisingly fierce glare at him; it reminds him of Erza at her most terrifying, and he frantically wishes that she hadn't gone off on a solo job so that someone could protect him from the water mage who is staring at him like she wants to hurt him.

Gajeel, however, seems completely unfazed; he rolls his eyes and deadpans, "What're you gonna do?"

Juvia turns her stare on him and slowly drains the contents of her glass before setting it on the counter. Then, her movements casual, she strips off her dress coat to reveal a simple—and almost daringly high-hemmed, some of the men note—sleeveless blue dress underneath that buttons up to her neck. Juvia drops her coat onto the bar as well and suddenly takes up a fighting stance, regarding Gajeel seriously for a moment before swinging her leg up and kicking him right in the groin.

"You bitch," he wheezes, balling over in pain. But there's an agonized smirk on his face, and somewhere under the immense pain, he is amused.

"What the hell is going on here?" Lucy whispers shrilly. Juvia doesn't respond, instead taking her seat at the bar once more and picking up another drink.

Gajeel tries to maintain some semblance of dignity as he hobbles towards the table. "None of you have ever wondered how Juvia and I became friends in the first place?"

All of them look surprised that the thought has clearly never occurred to them until now. Gray, watching Juvia out of the corner of his eye in morbid curiosity—and if he's honest with himself, a little admiration, because that was one hell of a kick—is the one who asks the question. "…How did you guys become friends?"

"Yeah," Lucy murmurs, her mind clearly trying to work out the puzzle that has just been presented to her. "Juvia's such a cheerful person, and you… Er, no offense, Gajeel… but you're you."

Gajeel—carefully, Natsu and Gray note with a wince of sympathy—takes a seat at the table and eyes Juvia warily before beginning to speak. "If any of you little shits tell anyone else this story, I will break you. Got it?"

They all gulp and nod.

Gajeel rolls his eyes and glances around once to make sure that no one else is listening. Everyone else has gone back to their meals and conversations, and Juvia has resumed drinking with Cana. He nods and then says, "Back when we were in Phantom Lord and she was recruited as a member of the Element 4, everyone got drunk to celebrate the new elite team. Phantom had some women in it, but none were real strong. So…" Gajeel looks uncomfortable and clears his throat. "I tried picking a fight with Juvia. Calling her weak and stuff, said she wasn't fit to be an elite mage, that kind of thing."

There is a pregnant pause, and when Gajeel doesn't continue, Lucy prompts, "What happened?"

The tips of his ears slowly turn red, and his throat works for a moment before he grits his teeth and mutters, "She kicked my ass."

"Eh?!"

"Are you serious?"

"Buahaha! That's so lame!" Natsu laughs, pointing at Gajeel. "You got beat up by—oof!" Natsu's words are cut off with a choked grunt as Gajeel's fist slams into his gut.

"Shut your fucking mouth," he growls, not meeting any of their eyes. "She's fucking made of water, like any of my attacks were going to hit her. She's scary as shit when she's drunk," he warns. "She gets pissed real easy, and she doesn't even do that stupid 'Juvia this' and 'Juvia that' thing when she talks. Figures she'd only talk like a normal person when she's completely plastered. Anyway, yeah, she beat the shit out of me. And Jose wasn't happy about that.

"He shut her in a room with me the day after and told me I could come out whenever I was done 'putting her in her place'. She may have been Elite 4, but she was still new. Oh, calm the fuck down, you stupid stripper," he snaps at Gray, who has started glaring at him. "I didn't do anything to her; she started apologizing and crying and flooded the room. Did a complete 180 with her personality, and I had no idea what the hell was going on. Told her she was wasting my time and then left."

"…That's how you became friends?" Lucy questions, confused; it didn't sound very friendly to her.

"Wouldn't exactly call it friends," Gajeel responds with a shrug. "At least not right away. I tried avoiding her; nobody'd ever actually managed to hit me before, so I didn't really want to fuck with her again. But she kept following me around, trying to thank me. I told her she was being stupid. And then she just wouldn't leave me alone after that. Crazy woman," he mutters, a touch of fondness creeping into his voice. He looks up to find them all staring at him with varying levels of amusement and snarls. Turning towards the bar, he smirks and calls, "Juvia! C'mere."

The rest of the table's occupants suddenly look terrified as Juvia waves goodbye to Cana and begins to saunter over. "What the hell do you want?" she asks sharply.

Gajeel points at the three members of Team Natsu and says, "Nothing. Just telling them how crazy you are."

"Fuck off," she slurs, leaning one hip against the edge of the table and fanning herself. "Ugh, it's too warm in here," she groans, opening the first few buttons of her dress. She glances up and finds Lucy and Natsu looking afraid and Gray looking not at her face. She leans over the table, the movement causing his gaze to snap up and meet hers. "My eyes are up here, pervert," she states coldly.

Cana's boisterous laughter rings out from over at the bar, and Lucy and Natsu poorly muffle their snickers. Gray, embarrassed and taken aback at the insult, unwittingly blurts out, "Don't flatter yourself."

There is a tense moment of silence before Natsu and Lucy bolt from the table without so much as a backward glance—"Sorry, Gray, you deserve what you get! We'll scrape you off the floor later!"—and Gajeel begins to grin evilly, waiting for what comes next.

"'Scuse me?"

Gray blinks. "Er—"

With surprisingly good aim for someone who is drunk, Juvia blasts him out of his seat with a jet of water, sending him flying into the bar. Glass shatters and Cana swears at the waste of perfectly good alcohol as Gray clutches his head and squints through the pain. His eyes land on a familiar (nice, his addled brain supplies) pair of legs, booted up to the thigh. Juvia stops in front of him and leans down, giving him an eyeful. But staring was what got him in trouble in the first place, so he forces himself to meet her gaze as she hisses lowly, "I'll break you if I catch you eyeing me again, got it?"

It takes a few moments for him to register her words, and he manages a semi-dazed nod. 'Jesus Christ, she's crazy,' he thinks as he picks himself up off the floor, groaning at the pain from smacking into the bar.

Juvia scoffs and gives him a mocking little smile, her gaze turning almost flirtatious as she purrs, "Don't hurt yourself, big boy."

Gray, much to his own horror, blushes furiously. Juvia laughs and walks away.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Gajeel shouts as she turns and leaves. "This is bullshit. She'll beat the crap out of anybody but you. Un-fucking-believable."

"Gray-sama," Juvia whines pitifully as Gray refuses to look her in the eye. "Juvia is so sorry for her behavior last night! Juvia wasn't thinking!"

"Forget about it," he bites out, embarrassed at the memory. 'No, really, forget about the entire thing. I never want it brought up again.' Lucy, Natsu, and Cana had been mercilessly teasing him all morning.

"But Juvia feels terrible! Juvia knows that she acts… strangely when she drinks."

"Look," he grunts, "I'm fine." He is, of course, lying—there is a giant bruise growing on his back from where he smacked into the bar, but he's resolved not to take off his shirt until after he brawls with Natsu and can blame it on him. 'Forgot how much her attacks hurt,' he mentally grouses. He groans in irritation when Cana approaches and smacks him on the back—right where it hurts. "Fuck!"

She cackles. "Aw, still smarting from last night? Wimp. Hey, Juvia! We gotta drink again soon; you're a fun drunk!"

"Juvia isn't drinking again for a long time," she mumbles, placing her hands over her eyes in embarrassment. "Juvia is so sorry."

Gray snorts and says, "You probably owe Gajeel more of an apology than you do me."

"Eh?" Juvia blinks owlishly at him. "What did Juvia do to Gajeel-kun?"

"You kicked him in the balls," Cana laughs.

The blood rushes from Juvia's face and then floods back, her cheeks going from pale to beet-red in a comically short amount of time. She turns and searches the hall for her friend and, spotting him two tables away, runs to his side with an apologetic wail. "Gajeel-kun!"

"What the—get off me, stupid!"

"But Gajeel-kun!" Juvia cries, latching onto his arm. "Juvia is so sorry! What can Juvia do to make it up to you?"

"You can let go."

"Gajeel-kun, be serious! Juvia feels terrible! Juvia promises she'll never drink again!"

"Shut up," Gajeel snorts. "You're fine when you're drunk and hurting someone who's not me."

"But there must be something that Juvia can do to make you see that she is very, very sorry!"

Gajeel sighs and glances around, eyes landing on the job board. He gestures to it with a smirk and says, "Pick one with a nice, fat reward and split it with me."

"Eh?" Juvia looks confused. "Gajeel-kun wants to go on a job with Juvia?"

"Hell no, I just want to do nothing and get paid."

"But Gajeel-kun!" Juvia exclaims. "All of the jobs with good rewards are for more than one person!"

"Not my problem," he says with a shrug. Juvia turns away with a dejected groan, and her eyes land on Gray. Her face lights up.

"Gray-sama!"

"No." When Juvia sniffles and begins to tear up, he stares at her, horrified. "Oh, come on. That's not fair."

"Please, Gray-sama?" Juvia wheedles, grabbing his hand. "Juvia will split the reward with you, too," she says, ignoring Gajeel's shout of protest.

Gray ignores the way the back of his neck heats at Juvia's cajoling tone and snatches his hand away. He is going to say no—really, he is—but Juvia's stare is so wide-eyed and pleading that, to avoid feeling like a giant ass, he agrees. Juvia leaps up with a cheer and bounds over to the job board, leaving him alone at the table with Cana. He glowers at her and snaps, "Get that shit-eating grin off your face; this is all your fault. You just had to go and get her drunk."

Cana laughs and punches him in the arm. "Whatever, Gray, I saw the look on your face last night. 'Don't hurt yourself, big boy,'" she mocks, looking very pleased with herself when Gray shoves her away with a growl of disgust.

"Fuck off."

"Hey now," Cana calls as she walks away. "Better watch that mouth, or I'll get Juvia drunk again and sic her on you."

Gray smacks his forehead onto the table with a groan of frustration and wonders why he ever bothered to get out of bed that morning.

DON'T HURT YOURSELF, BIG BOY~. Ahaha, I'm so sorry. But yeah, no, I totally think that that's how Juvia and Gajeel became such besties.