Note: This is the exact same story, just redone to sound better/look better. Hope you guys enjoy it.

"Oh, so that's why they call you Joker," Shepard said sarcastically. "I wouldn't be caught dead in this."

Maggie Shepard held up the tiny red dress to examine it closer.

Well, if a dress is what you wanted to call it. It was barely more then a few straps held together with careful stitching. "Honestly, Moreau," she sighed. "This thing wouldn't even cover my chest, let alone my ass."

"That's kind of the point, Maggie. I, uh, mean... Commander." Joker cleared his throat, turning his attention back to the Normandy controls, a grin still on his face. "Just thought it would be nice to get out of those fatigues. You know, let loose a little."

Shepard laughed. "Thanks Joker, but that's a little uh... looser then I'd like to be, I think."

Joker gave her a smile over his shoulder, his eyes twinkling with obvious amusement. "It's the thought that counts, right?"

"Oh, Lord," Shepard sighed, a grin spreading over her face. "I can only imagine what kind of thought went into this."

"Only the best Commander," Joker replied calmly, meeting her eyes, smile still in place, eyes still glinting maliciously. "Some of the best I've ever had, actually."

"I'm sure," Shepard said, cocking a brow. "Well, thanks, Joker. Even if you're a huge pervert, you remembered my birthday. That, at least, deserves credit." She leaned down and carefully placed a kiss on his cheek. "And thanks for your thoughts," she whispered just before straightening up and turning to leave.

It took a minute for Joker to gain his composure, his cheek tingling where her lips had made contact, but he managed to catch her before she left the control room. "Hey, Commander!"

She turned to look at him, a small smile of amusement on her lips, her eyes sparkling. He noticed she had the bag with her gift in her hand.

He smiled. "Happy Birthday."

"So," Joker said matter-of-factly as he leaned against the bar. "I was thinking of taking up bullfighting. What do you think?"

Karin Chakwas shook her head at her favourite patient, taking a swig of her brandy before answering him. "I think you would be great, Jeff. Probably even make the record books," she said with a smile.

"Really?" Joker's smile was half-hearted, his eyes scanning the room for Shepard. "I mean, I know I'm badass, but I don't know about record-breaking."

Chakwas laughed. "Oh, Jeff, of course you'll break the record. Most bones broken in a bullfight at one time."

"Oh, ha ha," he replied with a roll of his eyes. "Really had me going there, Doc."

Karin gave Joker a big grin and held up her glass. "Cheers." Joker clinked his glass to hers, but his eyes were scanning the room again. Where was she? Chakwas asked the question out loud as he thought it, and Joker wondered for the millionth time if she had some sort of ESP.

"So, where is the Commander tonight? Isn't this supposed to be her birthday celebration?"

Joker checked his omni-tool for the twentieth time, sure that Shepard must have pinged him by now, but there was still nothing. He let out a sigh. "No clue, Doc. Said she'd be here, but I haven't heard a word. She better show up to her own party. Kind of rude not to, right?" He checked for missed calls, just in case. Nothing. "Yeah, she'll be here," he said more to himself than to Chakwas.

Chakwas gave him a look that was somewhere between taunting and all-knowing. "Of course, Jeff," she said with another swig of her drink. "Of course she'll be here.

"Jack, I look ridiculous."

Shepard turned away from the mirror and faced her newest best friend, the Psychotic Biotic. Jack looked her up and down as she circled her, a hand on her chin as though deep in thought. Finally, she threw up her hands, a soft huff escaping her full, ruby-red lips. "I don't see the problem, Shepard," she stated. "You look fucking phenomanal. I hate to admit it, but Joker's got great taste." She crossed her arms and furrowed her brow as though distressed at saying the words.

Shepard groaned. "You did not just say that. And besides, this is coming from a girl who walks around half-naked most of the time!"

"Hey! How else am I supposed to show off my ink?" Jack said defensively. "And don't forget - I bought a vest! And a t-shirt! It has sleeves and everything."

Shepard sighed, turning back to the mirror and trying futively to pull the skirt of the dress lower. The problem was it just made the top lower, too. "Can I at least wear a jacket?" she practically begged Jack, her eyes round and puppy-like.

"Fine," Jack agreed with a sigh. "But I get to pick it. And your shoes."

"Okay, okay," Shepard sighed. "Joker's already pinged me like fifty times. We need to get to the damn bar. So, hurry up."

"Ohhh," Jack teased. "Someone wants to break some bones."

"Shut up, Jack. He's not made of glass."

"So you do want to fuck him!" Jack exclaimed. "I knew it! I mean, it was painfully obvious that he wanted to fuck you, but I had no idea - "

"Jack!" Shepard snapped. "Shut up! Go find me some fucking shoes! That's an order!"

Jack smiled, holding back her laughter, and gave her a wink and a mock salute. "Aye, aye, Commander."

Shepard just glared.

Vega appeared again, as if out of thin air. Joker was starting to get annoyed. For such a big guy, he shouldn't be allowed to be so sneaky.

"Jell-O shot?" Vega asked with a wag of his dark brows as he held a tiny cup of green gelatin out toward Joker. "Come, on. Everyone knows you're the master. I'm sure the Commander won't mind if you've had a few without her."

Joker turned toward Vega with a brow raised, giving his best care-free smile. "Who said anything about the Commander?" he asked. "I have a ship to fly in the morning. I'm just not feeling up to doing that with a massive hangover."

Vega rolled his eyes as he took the shot he had offered to Joker. "The ship has an AI," he said as he wiped at his mouth. "And we all know you take naps up there."

"Lay off, James," Liara scolded as she sauntered towards them. She linked her arm through his, tugging him back toward the table where the Jell-O shots never ended. Of course, Vega being what he was, he didn't budge, even when she pulled harder. A look of frustration came over her face. "He said no. Now come on. You're already three shots behind!"

"Two," Vega protested as he held up the empty shot glass like a trophy. "I'll be there in a minute, and catch up in no time."

Liara smiled as she walked away. "Challenge accepted," she called over her shoulder.

Vega sighed happily as he watch Liara walk away. "Now there's a beauty," he murmured. Then his eyes locked on the entrance to the bar. "And there is a Goddess. Damn. Jack's friend is hot."

Joker turned his head, following Vega's line of view, and he saw her.

So did everyone else in the room.

Every eye in the house fell on her even before she had even fully entered the bar. Several men approached her as she crossed the threshold and she made quick work of them. Where laughter didn't work, a quick shot to the gut did. They fell back from her, staring as though she was some sort of avenging Goddess - which is exactly what she looked like...

... while wearing the dress he had bought her.

He stared with the rest of the fools, her eyes catching his as she swayed her way towards him, a slow languid smile coming over her lips. Her long dark hair fell in loose, stylish curls around her face, and the knee-high boots and cropped leather jacket did nothing to hide the dress - it just made her look more badass. The smoky liner around her crystalline blue eyes was striking, and her rouged lips looked lovely and full and so very kissable. Joker, for once, was at a loss for words. He found himself trying to remember how to breath.

There was a snicker from beside him that he barely registered, and then Chakwas was at his ear.

"I believe," she said quietly from beside him, "that the Commander has arrived."

Joker swallowed, trying to calm his suddenly shaken nerves.

"She certainly has," he replied.

Joker laughed again, earning another glare from Shepard. "It is not funny, Moreau."

"Oh, yes it is."

Halfway through the night the heel on one of Shepard's boots had broken off - right into someone's gut - and now she was walking across the Normandy barefoot. Joker found the sight so hilarious that he actually wasn't focused on the way her exquisite body filled out that dress.

"Come on, Shepard. It was great!" Joker exclaimed. "Guy grabs your ass and then just BAM! Shepard-style! Right in the gut. Imagine trying to explain that one to the hospital." Joker cleared his throat and did his best impression of a batarian. "Yeah, so... I grabbed a Spectre's ass and she stabbed me in the stomach... with her boot." He cracked up again, unable to help himself.

Maggie rolled her eyes. "You know, you shouting 'dude just got boot-fucked' at the top of your lungs probably didn't do anything to help the situation. I probably could have gotten away with it."

"Sure, Commander, blame it all on me. It's all the pilot's fault." Joker feigned a look of hurt.

"Well, they did ask both of us to leave," Shepard said. "I'm a good talker. I could have talked my way out of it."

"Yeah, yeah, sure you could have," Joker laughed. "It was a shame to end the party early though. I was just starting to get my drink on."

Shepard laughed. "We don't have to stop, you know. I have a stockpile of booze in my cabin."

Joker raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

Shepard smiled.

"Sweeeet."

By the time they got to her cabin, Shepard wanted a shower more then she wanted a drink. She looked towards her bathroom with a sigh, then headed over to her mini-fridge, pulling out a bottle of Canadian whisky. Joker had followed her in and was now checking out the models she had in her display cases, unusually quiet. She walked over to him with the bottle and two glasses, setting them down loud enough to get his attention.

He smiled faintly at her then looked toward the bottle, making a face. "Whisky, Commander? Thought you had better taste then that."

Shepard looked a little hurt. "It's Canadian," she said with a frown. "My grandfather's from Vancouver, Jeff."

"Oh, right. I didn't know that, I'm sorry. Whiskey sounds great."

She laughed, leaning back against her desk. "To be honest, I want a shower more then anything. Bars make me feel so grimy."

"I know what you mean. It's like walking into a pool of sweat and booze, face first."

"How do you walk face first into a pool?"

Joker smiled. "It's a talent. Oh, hey, you can take a shower if you want. I'll wait. It's a shame you'll be taking the dress off, though. You look fantastic."

"Do I?" Shepard smiled.

"The only correct answer is hell yes, Mag- uh, Commander."

"Jeff..." Shepard sighed.

"Yes, Commander?"

"You, uh... you know it's okay to call me Maggie, right?"

Joker cleared his throat. "Just trying to keep it professional, ma'am."

Shepard smiled. Why the hell not? she thought to herself. It's about time I made a damn move, since he won't. She took a slow step toward Joker, making sure the hem of her dress lifted slightly with the movement. His eyes were glued on her legs, and she saw him gulp. Oh, but this was fun.

"Jeff," she purred, taking another measured step toward him. "Say my name."

"Maggie," he whispered.

Shepard grinned and began slowly sliding off her jacket, loving how his eyes followed every roll of her shoulders. "Say it again."

Joker's eyes widened. "Holy shit," he whispered. "Is this actually happening?"

"Say it" - she slid the jacket lower so that it pooled at her hips - "again."

"Maggie," he said quietly.

She dropped the jacket to the floor, closing the final step between them. Joker was staring at her like he'd just won the lottery, and she loved it. Slowly, she brought a hand up to his face, carefully running her fingers along his jaw. He reached up and grabbed her hand, his green eyes focused on hers. "Maggie," he sighed. "I'm not made of glass."

Shepard laughed. "I said the same thing to Jack earlier. 'He's not made of glass.' Yet, I'm acting like you are." She sighed. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. Trust me." He smiled reassuringly. "Just no kinky stuff, okay?"

Shepard laughed again. "I think I can handle that."

She moved closer to him again so that their bodies were almost touching. She could practically feel the electricity between them, and it was a wonder it had taken her this long to act on it. She exhaled a ragged breath she didn't know she'd been holding, bringing her hand back up to his face, being less careful this time, caressing his cheek lovingly. It only lasted a second before Joker closed the distance himself, leaning down to touch his lips to hers.

Shepard was no prude - she had gotten laid plenty, thank you very much - but for some reason, it felt like this was the first time. Maybe because it was her first time with him, but it had never felt so good before, and it was just a kiss... but it felt like it was her first. It was everything a first kiss was supposed to be - passion, love, fireworks... Something she hadn't experienced on her actual first kiss or any after that. It had always been simple lust, but this was something more.

She melted into his lips with abandon, her body arching up against his as if it were meant to fit there, she heard him moan as he tightened his grip on her, and for a second she'd thought she'd broken something. She quickly realized, however, that Jeff was just being a little more rough then she was, and he was enjoying this just as much as she was. She pushed back against him, her arms reaching up to wrap around his neck.

The kiss could have gone on for hours, she wouldn't have noticed. It just felt so right to finally be in his arms, to have his hands on her. By God, she even liked his beard, not something she thought she ever would.

When the kiss finally came to an end, they just stood there, panting, foreheads touching. Shepard looked up at him and giggled.

A smile lit his features and his eyes sparkled. "What?" He asked.

"Your hair is so pretty."

Joker seemed to notice for the first time that his hat had fallen to the floor and reached up to run a hand through his short dark red locks. "Pretty?" He grimaced. "See, this is why I wear a hat."

Shepard smiled. "Well, you can't wear a hat in the shower anyway," she told him, grabbing his hand and tugging him toward the bathroom.

"Okay, seriously," Joker said. "Is this actually happening?"

Shepard smiled. "You just have to say no," she said quietly.

Joker grinned back at her. "I'm not that stupid."