p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"I rewrote this story almost half a year ago, but apperently I forgot to update it on this site and only put it on AO3... so sorry, here is an update to it. Also a promise that next year will bring a second chapter to this story!/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, I only own this little plot bunny./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"-_-_-_START_-_-_-/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""I know what you did Hawke! How did you think it was anywhere near okay?!" Fenris smashed his hand down in the table infront of Hawke, who were sitting at a table in the hanged man drinking a pint after a long day on The Wounded Coast./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""Fenris calm down!" Hawke laughed, slight manic smile in place "He survived didn't he? Justice will always save him, he is like a big power house, I can drain him as much as I want to and that demon will keep him alive! Its brilliant" He looked at Fenris his ice blue eyes having the same shine in them as Danarius. There where lust in them, but not for flesh as you see in so many people but for power./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"A shine he wished he would never see in Hawkes eyes, "It doesn't matter if he survived or not!" Fenris could feel the anger welling up in him, and a big need to stick his hand through Hawkes chest fought to be let free "Its blood magic Hawke!"/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""I have a name Fenris! Why does you all insist on calling me Hawke? My name is Matthew!" now he sounded annoyed, making a hand sign for one of the bar girls to get him another pint, but as soon as it was placed in front of him Fenris took it away from him, smashing the glass on the floor scaring multiple people nearby./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""You are drunk enough Matthew, now listen!" he could feel himself starting to glow, how could the Hawke he knew end up like this? The Hawke he meet 4 years ago wasn't like that, he was selfless. He would help everybody without taking money for it, now he read the blood mages books to gain extra power himself, now he was willing to kill templar's just to free mages, instead of trying to be diplomatic like he normally always would be. "Using blood magic is wrong! You said that yourself! You said you would never use it! Now using it! Even if you are using it on the abomination! It is still wrong!"/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Matthew laughed without really looking at Fenris, and it was very clear for the silver haired elf that Hawke was drunk beyond measure, how did he even managed to get drunk so fast? They only got home less than an hour ago! "You are taking the way to serious Fenris, you are talking like you actually care about Anders, we both know that you want him killed, so what does it matter than I'm taking some of his energy, he is just a monster anyway" The look in the drunk brunettes eyes weren't hidden behind the alcohol, Fenris knew that look and it weren't calming./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"How could Matthew even say these things, Anders where his lover. Fenris didn't have to look close to notice it, the way that they always shared a tent and the effection that the mages shared between them. The puzzle started to fall into pieces in Fenris mind, did he even know Matthew, smooth talking Matthew? Always saying the right thing? Saying to Fenris that he was right that magic was bad, saying the Ander he was right, saying that mages was good. Saying to Merrill blood magic was okay, how much did he lie? Did any of them really know Hawke?/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""So this is who you really are?" the elf had never been good in controlling his anger, and he could now feel it rise in him "Anders believed in you! How can you just betray him like that! He belives you love him!" Fenris didn't know why he was defending the abomination, he just felt so sorry for man, he knew how it was to feel loved and then have it ripped away from him. He wasn't sure that even the abomination deserved something like that. Even if Fenris hated him, he still felt sorry for him in this moment, even if he hated the fact he was together with Hawke, a thing Fenris had wished in many years would be him, but those feelings of longing had stopped very fast and very erupt after their first and only night together./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris allowed himself to close his eyes for a second and think back on that night, he had found Hadriana. He had promised to not kill her, and then broken his promise when he had gotten what he want, he felt like shit he hated himself, he wasn't sure what he wanted when he made his way to Hawkes estate, he was a little drunk after a bottle of Danarius wine, he had felt lightheaded and had made his way there./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"He should have expected what had happen, he should have expected Hawke to sweet talk him, after all the flirting he had done even if he was in a relationship with Merrill he should have expected it, and he had fallen for it, slightly tipsy and with Hawke sweet talking him he could do nothing else than talking the Amells lips in a searing kiss, but it didn't stop there, Hawke had taken him to bed that night and bedded him./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Hawke always was so kind in his talk at that time, he expected Hawke to be just as gentle in his love making, or thinking about that being on the bottom would make Fenris think about bad old memories, but Hawke was nothing like that he took his pleasure while being fast and hard on Fenris not caring very much about Fenris, and when his was done he just... fell asleep, leaving Fenris with the pain in his backside and the pain of returning memories, and then just having the memories disappear, it was a pain, the pain being so bad that Fenris felt it./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"So he wanted to run away before Hawke would wake up, but that didn't work out for him either for him cause Hawke woke up, after a short talk Fenris run away, he didn't want to talk to Matthew about this. That was the first time he really saw the real Hawke, and that Hawke was showing more and more. The Hawke that took what he wanted, and didn't care what he hurt while taking it./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris opened his eyes again after that thought, seeing Matthew staring at him "Love him?" he started to laughing "Like I loved Merrill? Or Isabella or You? He should know better, you should all know better, but you are all the same, sweet words and you all want to believe it! You all think that you are different. But you are all the same" The sharp yellow eyes started at Fenris with cold laughter showing in them./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris wasn't sure what to say anymore, doing it to Isabella and Fenris they could handle it, they had another view on love, they could survive it, it still hurt but they could handle it. Ander was another story he wasn't like that, sure he had seen the healer having lover over his time in Kirkwall, not that he had been watching him, he just... happen to pass by his clinic... a couple of times... a week. Strictly to make sure he wasn't using magic to hurt anybody! But sex and love wasn't the same for Anders, the healer was a hopeless romantic, hearing Hawke now was going to tear him apart his last part of sanity would disappear, how would he hold control of the demon inside of him, when his mind and heart was being destroyed./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Matthew smiled "What out of words little wolf? I could swear it sorrow I can see in your eyes, feeling sorry for the abomination?"/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"That was the drop for Fenris, calling him little wolf, the same word that Danarius called him, he saw read, he couldn't control it, the anger he tried so desperately to control set free his marking was glowing for full force and he had already made the movement to rip out Hawkes heart before a fireball hit him in the face "Do you really thispan style="background: transparent;"nk that you can do that?"/span/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"span style="background: transparent;"Fenris could feel his skin on chest and head burning from the fireball, luckily the mage were drunk and couldn't put much force behind it cause of the alcohol or maybe because he didn't feel like it. Hawke placed the end sharp end of his staff calmly at Fenris throat "I know you to well little wolf, don't you think that you can pull a single move on me, I know how you tick. So now here is what's gonna happen, how I see it. You have a choice to make. You can either leave now, forget what just happened, never tell anybody about any of this, or" a/span slightly crazy smile was found on Hawkes normally beautiful features "I can kill you where you stand. I will tell our friends that you get killed in a fighter with some muggers we encountered after drinking tonight. You know that everybody is gonna belive me, some of them may even celebrate it."/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris could feel the sharp staff cutting into his throat, if Matthew pushed a little harder the skin on Fenris throat would be cut open, he knew he would die, he would bleed out right here. He... he couldn't do this, he weren't ready to die yet. He felt a feeling he hadn't felt so long time, he was scared, normally when they fought in fights he never had the time to feel scared./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""Matthew please stop, I won't tell anybody. Just let me go, I promise I won't tell anybody." Fenris hated this he hated begging, but he wasn't ready to die, no he couldn't die here./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""You are right you won't say anything about this, cause you won't remember this tomorrow, remember the blood magic book we found? It contained a new version of the spell blood slave. It will force you to do one thing, and then the spell will release you. It will leave you with no memory of being under the spell, or doing what I asked you to. So when I ask you to forgot this conversation, you will." Hawke laughed at Fenris, who was staring at him in downright shock. "you know this spell don't you my little wolf? It's highly used in Tevinter."/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Yes Fenris knew that spell, it was one of the favorite toys for some of the magisters, the ability to force people to do something, and then make them forget. Nobody can accuse you of doing something they can't remember. He had no memory of the spell being used on himself, he guess that it could have been. He had other kind of first hand memories with it, he remember Danarius using it on other slaves, even on other mages. Young female slaves where his favorite target, raping them and then casting the spell, and then doing it all over again. It was like he got of on breaking them for the first time. It where disgusting, sadly that weren't even the worst. Seeing people he knew, doing things willingly cause of the spell, things they would never do normally... it where heartbreaking. Was this how the abomination felt all the time? Caught in his own mind, with no control, he shortly felt a second of pity towards him./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris felt Hawkes hand on his head, and then he felt the pull in his markings, Hawke was summoning blood magic. The pain was worse than when spells where normally throw on him, where this how he felt every time spell was thrown on him. Fenris felt how his mind was getting heavier, he felt how it was trying to almost run away from him no matter how much he desperately tried to hold onto it./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"-T-I-M-E-.-.-S-K-I-P-/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris woke up in his own bed, he whole body screaming in pain he hadn't felt in a long time. The most prominent pain where his face and chest. Almost afraid to see what had happened he tried to make his way out of his bed. That where when another pain came, and that was when he got scared, he knew this pain the pain in his lower back and ass. What had happened? Why couldn't he remember? Half falling back into his bed again he tried to search his brain, what had he been doing all of yesterday? He couldn't remember... He remmbered waking up, but then nothing, it where like somebody had taken his memories. He had promised Aveline to do some work for her today, he had to get healed, which meant... he had to go and see the abomination./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"It was always bad when Anders and Fenris talked. Fenris put up the mask and made every hateful comment he could about mages, but somewhere in his mand he was jaloux of him, he had never had that kind of strength that Ander had. The power to fight back, no matter what people said, he never bowed to anybody, he would never be able to do what Anders did. He did nothing to change the lives of slaves in Tevinter, he made no difference. He may hate and disagree with what Anders where doing... but atleast he where doing something he belived in./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"As he slowly pulled on his armour while being in indescribable pain, he in the back of his mind knew something where gonna happen today. Maybe he somewhere in his mind knew that Anders could tell him what had happened to him, but he could never have forseen the shit storm there where going down. And never would he had known that the person he would be standing infront of and protecting the life, where a very different mage than he really thought he where loyal to./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"-_-_-_END_-_-_-/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;"Again, I promise you guys thats next year for sure will bring a new chapter! And hopefully also some other new stuff! That or I will let myself down and just play another 1000 games of LoL.../p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, I only own this little plot bunny./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"-_-_-_START_-_-_-/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""I know what you did Hawke! How did you think it was anywhere near okay?!" Fenris smashed his hand down in the table infront of Hawke, who were sitting at a table in the hanged man drinking a pint after a long day on The Wounded Coast./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""Fenris calm down!" Hawke laughed, slight manic smile in place "He survived didn't he? Justice will always save him, he is like a big power house, I can drain him as much as I want to and that demon will keep him alive! Its brilliant" He looked at Fenris his ice blue eyes having the same shine in them as Danarius. There where lust in them, but not for flesh as you see in so many people but for power./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"A shine he wished he would never see in Hawkes eyes, "It doesn't matter if he survived or not!" Fenris could feel the anger welling up in him, and a big need to stick his hand through Hawkes chest fought to be let free "Its blood magic Hawke!"/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""I have a name Fenris! Why does you all insist on calling me Hawke? My name is Matthew!" now he sounded annoyed, making a hand sign for one of the bar girls to get him another pint, but as soon as it was placed in front of him Fenris took it away from him, smashing the glass on the floor scaring multiple people nearby./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""You are drunk enough Matthew, now listen!" he could feel himself starting to glow, how could the Hawke he knew end up like this? The Hawke he meet 4 years ago wasn't like that, he was selfless. He would help everybody without taking money for it, now he read the blood mages books to gain extra power himself, now he was willing to kill templar's just to free mages, instead of trying to be diplomatic like he normally always would be. "Using blood magic is wrong! You said that yourself! You said you would never use it! Now using it! Even if you are using it on the abomination! It is still wrong!"/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Matthew laughed without really looking at Fenris, and it was very clear for the silver haired elf that Hawke was drunk beyond measure, how did he even managed to get drunk so fast? They only got home less than an hour ago! "You are taking the way to serious Fenris, you are talking like you actually care about Anders, we both know that you want him killed, so what does it matter than I'm taking some of his energy, he is just a monster anyway" The look in the drunk brunettes eyes weren't hidden behind the alcohol, Fenris knew that look and it weren't calming./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"How could Matthew even say these things, Anders where his lover. Fenris didn't have to look close to notice it, the way that they always shared a tent and the effection that the mages shared between them. The puzzle started to fall into pieces in Fenris mind, did he even know Matthew, smooth talking Matthew? Always saying the right thing? Saying to Fenris that he was right that magic was bad, saying the Ander he was right, saying that mages was good. Saying to Merrill blood magic was okay, how much did he lie? Did any of them really know Hawke?/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""So this is who you really are?" the elf had never been good in controlling his anger, and he could now feel it rise in him "Anders believed in you! How can you just betray him like that! He belives you love him!" Fenris didn't know why he was defending the abomination, he just felt so sorry for man, he knew how it was to feel loved and then have it ripped away from him. He wasn't sure that even the abomination deserved something like that. Even if Fenris hated him, he still felt sorry for him in this moment, even if he hated the fact he was together with Hawke, a thing Fenris had wished in many years would be him, but those feelings of longing had stopped very fast and very erupt after their first and only night together./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris allowed himself to close his eyes for a second and think back on that night, he had found Hadriana. He had promised to not kill her, and then broken his promise when he had gotten what he want, he felt like shit he hated himself, he wasn't sure what he wanted when he made his way to Hawkes estate, he was a little drunk after a bottle of Danarius wine, he had felt lightheaded and had made his way there./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"He should have expected what had happen, he should have expected Hawke to sweet talk him, after all the flirting he had done even if he was in a relationship with Merrill he should have expected it, and he had fallen for it, slightly tipsy and with Hawke sweet talking him he could do nothing else than talking the Amells lips in a searing kiss, but it didn't stop there, Hawke had taken him to bed that night and bedded him./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Hawke always was so kind in his talk at that time, he expected Hawke to be just as gentle in his love making, or thinking about that being on the bottom would make Fenris think about bad old memories, but Hawke was nothing like that he took his pleasure while being fast and hard on Fenris not caring very much about Fenris, and when his was done he just... fell asleep, leaving Fenris with the pain in his backside and the pain of returning memories, and then just having the memories disappear, it was a pain, the pain being so bad that Fenris felt it./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"So he wanted to run away before Hawke would wake up, but that didn't work out for him either for him cause Hawke woke up, after a short talk Fenris run away, he didn't want to talk to Matthew about this. That was the first time he really saw the real Hawke, and that Hawke was showing more and more. The Hawke that took what he wanted, and didn't care what he hurt while taking it./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris opened his eyes again after that thought, seeing Matthew staring at him "Love him?" he started to laughing "Like I loved Merrill? Or Isabella or You? He should know better, you should all know better, but you are all the same, sweet words and you all want to believe it! You all think that you are different. But you are all the same" The sharp yellow eyes started at Fenris with cold laughter showing in them./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris wasn't sure what to say anymore, doing it to Isabella and Fenris they could handle it, they had another view on love, they could survive it, it still hurt but they could handle it. Ander was another story he wasn't like that, sure he had seen the healer having lover over his time in Kirkwall, not that he had been watching him, he just... happen to pass by his clinic... a couple of times... a week. Strictly to make sure he wasn't using magic to hurt anybody! But sex and love wasn't the same for Anders, the healer was a hopeless romantic, hearing Hawke now was going to tear him apart his last part of sanity would disappear, how would he hold control of the demon inside of him, when his mind and heart was being destroyed./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Matthew smiled "What out of words little wolf? I could swear it sorrow I can see in your eyes, feeling sorry for the abomination?"/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"That was the drop for Fenris, calling him little wolf, the same word that Danarius called him, he saw read, he couldn't control it, the anger he tried so desperately to control set free his marking was glowing for full force and he had already made the movement to rip out Hawkes heart before a fireball hit him in the face "Do you really thispan style="background: transparent;"nk that you can do that?"/span/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"span style="background: transparent;"Fenris could feel his skin on chest and head burning from the fireball, luckily the mage were drunk and couldn't put much force behind it cause of the alcohol or maybe because he didn't feel like it. Hawke placed the end sharp end of his staff calmly at Fenris throat "I know you to well little wolf, don't you think that you can pull a single move on me, I know how you tick. So now here is what's gonna happen, how I see it. You have a choice to make. You can either leave now, forget what just happened, never tell anybody about any of this, or" a/span slightly crazy smile was found on Hawkes normally beautiful features "I can kill you where you stand. I will tell our friends that you get killed in a fighter with some muggers we encountered after drinking tonight. You know that everybody is gonna belive me, some of them may even celebrate it."/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris could feel the sharp staff cutting into his throat, if Matthew pushed a little harder the skin on Fenris throat would be cut open, he knew he would die, he would bleed out right here. He... he couldn't do this, he weren't ready to die yet. He felt a feeling he hadn't felt so long time, he was scared, normally when they fought in fights he never had the time to feel scared./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""Matthew please stop, I won't tell anybody. Just let me go, I promise I won't tell anybody." Fenris hated this he hated begging, but he wasn't ready to die, no he couldn't die here./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;""You are right you won't say anything about this, cause you won't remember this tomorrow, remember the blood magic book we found? It contained a new version of the spell blood slave. It will force you to do one thing, and then the spell will release you. It will leave you with no memory of being under the spell, or doing what I asked you to. So when I ask you to forgot this conversation, you will." Hawke laughed at Fenris, who was staring at him in downright shock. "you know this spell don't you my little wolf? It's highly used in Tevinter."/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Yes Fenris knew that spell, it was one of the favorite toys for some of the magisters, the ability to force people to do something, and then make them forget. Nobody can accuse you of doing something they can't remember. He had no memory of the spell being used on himself, he guess that it could have been. He had other kind of first hand memories with it, he remember Danarius using it on other slaves, even on other mages. Young female slaves where his favorite target, raping them and then casting the spell, and then doing it all over again. It was like he got of on breaking them for the first time. It where disgusting, sadly that weren't even the worst. Seeing people he knew, doing things willingly cause of the spell, things they would never do normally... it where heartbreaking. Was this how the abomination felt all the time? Caught in his own mind, with no control, he shortly felt a second of pity towards him./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris felt Hawkes hand on his head, and then he felt the pull in his markings, Hawke was summoning blood magic. The pain was worse than when spells where normally throw on him, where this how he felt every time spell was thrown on him. Fenris felt how his mind was getting heavier, he felt how it was trying to almost run away from him no matter how much he desperately tried to hold onto it./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"-T-I-M-E-.-.-S-K-I-P-/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"Fenris woke up in his own bed, he whole body screaming in pain he hadn't felt in a long time. The most prominent pain where his face and chest. Almost afraid to see what had happened he tried to make his way out of his bed. That where when another pain came, and that was when he got scared, he knew this pain the pain in his lower back and ass. What had happened? Why couldn't he remember? Half falling back into his bed again he tried to search his brain, what had he been doing all of yesterday? He couldn't remember... He remmbered waking up, but then nothing, it where like somebody had taken his memories. He had promised Aveline to do some work for her today, he had to get healed, which meant... he had to go and see the abomination./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"It was always bad when Anders and Fenris talked. Fenris put up the mask and made every hateful comment he could about mages, but somewhere in his mand he was jaloux of him, he had never had that kind of strength that Ander had. The power to fight back, no matter what people said, he never bowed to anybody, he would never be able to do what Anders did. He did nothing to change the lives of slaves in Tevinter, he made no difference. He may hate and disagree with what Anders where doing... but atleast he where doing something he belived in./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"As he slowly pulled on his armour while being in indescribable pain, he in the back of his mind knew something where gonna happen today. Maybe he somewhere in his mind knew that Anders could tell him what had happened to him, but he could never have forseen the shit storm there where going down. And never would he had known that the person he would be standing infront of and protecting the life, where a very different mage than he really thought he where loyal to./p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"-_-_-_END_-_-_-/p
p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;"Again, I promise you guys thats next year for sure will bring a new chapter! And hopefully also some other new stuff! That or I will let myself down and just play another 1000 games of LoL.../p