I don't own any of KFP characters or locations.

It was a gray, autumn day. The giant panda dressed in a simple tan robe approached the Sacred Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom. He sat down near the gravestone on the opposite side of the hilltop and leaned his head against it as if it were a pillow. The small, white rose bush which Po had planted for his beloved one had been overblown for a long time.

One year earlier...

He didn't remember much of that day.

Tears. Many tears. Shifu's still warm fur. The annoying, sunny weather.

"Don't do this to me!"

His screams. That unbearable limpness of the small body he cradled in his arms. His exhaustion.

"You can't leave me, Master..."

He didn't remember who had taken Shifu away from him. He lay on the arena's stone surface tormented by his agony.

"I love you, Shifu..."

He wasn't sure, but probably Viper was there with him. He felt so bad. He wanted only to fall asleep and never wake up again.

"No, this is only a nightmare. I will wake up in a while and everything will be alright. Just like you said. Everything will be alright..."

Half of his heart died forever.

. . .

He didn't attend his funeral. He lay many days in bed, rarely leaving his room. He didn't eat; the sandwiches, cakes, teas and other meals that the Five made for him remained untouched on his table until they had to be thrown out. He lost a lot of weight but didn't think about it. In fact, he didn't think at all. His mind was surrounded by a strange, dark void. There was so silent and peaceful inside it. No thoughts. No memories. No feelings. No pain. It was like his best meditation ever.
One day he lost his precious oblivion. He dreamt about that day.

Shifu opened his eyes surprised. "Po, don't cry, I'm not dying!"
The panda looked at him through his tears. He let out a sigh of great relief. "Oh Shifu, I was so scared!" he whimpered and hugged his master. Shifu laughed and everything faded away.

He woke up happy and cheered up. He ran straight to Shifu's room and when he was there, the reality he lived in slapped him pitilessly. Feeling devastated and fooled by his own mind, he sat down on the bed.

"Don't cry."
Those were the first and the last words spoken to him by Shifu as his master.

It came to his mind, that he had never had any keepsake of Shifu. He thought of the green robe his kung fu master used to wear after Master Oogway's death but Shifu had been buried in it. His bamboo flute - now surrounded by light blue candles - was the main part of his shrine in the Hall of Warriors. The portrait of the Furious Five with the Dragon Warrior, their master, Mr. Ping and Mr. Wo Hop at one table during the Winter Festival had been left in the restaurant. Po was sure that his former father had destroyed the painting. The panda opened his master's wardrobe. The dark brown, modest robe with silvery embroidered cuffs which Shifu wore when they met for the first time was still hanging inside. He took it and buried his nose into it seeking for the familiar scent he missed so much. He found it there, certainly. And his heart ached once again.
The simple dark robe was all that remained of his great kung fu master.

Some flat, square object was tucked under the brown sash. Po extracted it. A book? He sat down near the window to examine the strange, small thing. The cover was dark red and there were many pages inside, each one was full of tiny characters written in a familiar handwriting. He opened the book somewhere in the middle and started to read.

...It's the worst day of my life. Seriously, even Tai Lung's betrayal was more bearable. Master Oogway did it again. After all these years he has disappointed me again. How could he choose some random panda instead of my daughter!? He is only a stupid, overexcited brat, who appeared from nowhere to bury my already ruined life. I hate him so much. Tigress has sacrificed her whole life to be the Dragon Warrior, just like her foster brother did. I don't know what came over Master, but I'll kick that panda out of here at all cost. Someone has to stop Tai, but I can't... I still love him. And I love him too much...

That panda really pisses me off. I clearly remember the moment when I caught him in the Wuxi Finger Hold... I felt a strange warmth and connection with him. I think he wasn't scared at all. That made me think. I didn't see fear in his eyes, it was something different...

Master Oogway is dead... There is no hope..
I promised you to believe in the panda. I'll do anything you want, for I have nothing to lose.

...It's late... I didn't expect him to be such a bright student. I enjoy every moment spent with him here in the Wudang Mountains. It's like a vacation to me, I've almost forgotten about my master's passing and my son's return.. But I still fear Oogway was wrong. There is no possibility that the panda can stop Tai. I can teach him, but his biggest advantage has to be the power of the Dragon Scroll.

...Tai Lung battered me without mercy. I don't remember what happened after he had unsheathed his claws. I didn't want to be conscious when he would be tearing me to pieces. ...I waited for my end, lying on the floor. Tai was no longer there. I had no idea what had happened. And suddenly someone touched me gently. It was Po... He had returned although I had told my students to escape and evacuate the villagers, thinking that the Dragon Scroll was empty. He had returned because he was worried about me... Why would he be worried about me? When he held me in his arms and told me about his victory over Tai, my everlasting suffering that I had been used to, finally ended. I felt literally struck and completely filled with inner peace. I had never expected it to be such a powerful, marvelous feeling. I felt so safe but I was also very tired and just wanted to drown in my ecstasy, so I closed my eyes and didn't even need to breathe for a moment. Well, it didn't come to my mind that it would be looking as if I were dying. I accidentally fooled my poor panda and gave him probably the biggest trauma in his short life. He almost ruined my inner peace pleading with me not to die and I told him that I wasn't a little too brutally... Anyway, I was glad as never before to see him and I thought that dying in his arms wouldn't have been so bad. I had a strange desire in that moment..
I wanted to kiss him.
What an insane idea... I blame my unusual state of mind for it!

...Po surprised me greatly, when he said that he wanted the secret of the Dragon Scroll not to be a secret anymore. Because it's his property now, he showed its content to the children in the Village and explained them that everybody can be a Dragon Warrior. Well, at least in a certain sense. I'd never thought about that. I wonder how Master Oogway knew about Po's nobility..

He has changed a lot in my life. I am no longer that bitter, stern teacher I used to be for many years... I've started smiling more often. I show my students that I'm proud of them and of their accomplishments. I finally told Tigress that I had been always proud of her and that I love her. It's unbelievable that she still loves me. I think I don't deserve such a good daughter.. I knew that she was devilishly smart, but I'd never known she could be so cute. And she's a good actress. She impersonates me splendidly. Defenitely better than Po. I regret that I didn't appreciate her sense of humor for so many years.
It's strange to admit this, but ever since the fight with Tai Lung I'm always relaxed, constantly at peace. I forgave him. Despite his horrible deeds, his hatred, I think of him every day. He will always be my son. And he needs forgiveness more than anyone.
As my master had foreseen, Po has brought me calm and despite all my former mistakes (parental mainly) I would say that I'm finally happy, if I only understood one more thing...

...I've started to like to look at him. Not only because his kung fu is improving fast and he fights excellently. His beautiful jade eyes and black and white fur make him look peculiarly elegant. His fresh, playful and cheerful nature has enchanted me. I feel delighted and excited in Po's presence. I've never dared to imagine myself with him but I'm afraid of my own feelings. I've never felt anything like this before... But he is now one of my students... and he's a man...

...We spent our first Winter Festival with the Dragon Warrior at Mr. Ping's restaurant. Had that happened earlier, I would have been furious to even think of such an idea. But not this time. Po has taught us that harmony has nothing to do with pompous traditions.
He said I was his family too... I don't know why he told me that. But I felt something wonderful in my heart. I wish I was a part of his family...

Lord Shen has returned from his banishment and it seems he had invented some powerful weapon which he wants to use against kung fu masters. A weapon too powerful for mere warriors. I'm very concerned about that. I've sent my students to stop him at all cost and I hope I won't regret that...

...I meditated in the Dragon Grotto today. And suddenly I had a horrible vision of Po dying in flames and water. I remembered in that moment that Shen had commited genocide against giant pandas many years ago. The pandas! How could I be so stupid to send Po to fight him?! Shen may know something about Po and his family and use it against him!

...We've finally returned to the Valley of Peace. Po has dropped by Mr. Ping's house. They have much to talk about now... I'm so relieved to be back home with my students again... I couldn't bear that dreadful feeling that I had let my students go and die.. that I had lost the Dragon Warrior, that I would have to finish my dead student's task... But Po is more talented than I thought. When I got to Gongmen City it turned out that not only he had survived Shen's attempts on his life, but he had mastered the secret of inner peace perfectly. And to think I almost had a heart attack seeing him defenceless in front of Shen's navy and us - all the fighting masters - defeated... But my Panda didn't let us down.
I avoided the group hug with Po and the Five after his victory. I wanted to act like a master.. Now I regret that.

...After the events in Gongmen City Po has become more humble than ever before. He wakes up early, works very hard... It impresses me, but I'm worried about him. I don't want him to spend his life like a monk. Sometimes he seems to be sad or pensive. Maybe he's sick or he doesn't want to be the Dragon Warrior anymore... especially after learning about the extermination of his family... I can't even imagine how he must feel. I wish I could help him...

...He told me that he loves a man who would never love him. I was astounded as hell. I told him that I understood... Perhaps he has fallen in love with some regular customer of his father's restaurant... or even with a warrior from the Palace... I know he likes Monkey, but... Oh, it's not my business!
I wonder if a young warrior such as himself could even think of being in love with his old kung fu master? I can't stop thinking about his problem.. I think I understand his feelings well...

...He kissed me.
I wasn't surprised. I was shocked and scared to death. But the touch of his lips was so sweet, it felt as if my soul were flying to Heaven. I let him kiss me and to my even greater shock I returned the kiss discovering that I had been yearning for it.. for him.. for a long time. And I broke all the rules I know. He unleashed everything I had been trying to suppress. Now I am grateful for his crazy courage. I just want him to kiss me, touch and hug me and never let me go.
I can't believe that Po loves me...
Who would think that I would ever find love. I'd never think that it would be a male.

...As I mentioned, Po has changed much in my life and in my mind. Although he can be annoying and really reckless and sometimes he has more luck than wisdom, I can't imagine any different Dragon Warrior than him. He has a truly pure heart. I like his hilarious comments, his enthusiasm, cheerfulness, innocence and lack of confidence when he tries to confess something. I like it, when he makes me blush or laugh in spite of myself. OK, I like his pranks too. And his cooking. Even his "awesome!" Sometimes I feel like a teenager thanks to him. I love him more than life itself..

..After a long day of medical examinations my doctor said that he had never seen a heart in such a bad condition. I can't say that I'm surprised. I've been tired for a long time. I'm old. Decades of strict training, tragic experiences, battles, fights and emotions just had to result in heart disease. I'm not worried about myself, but about Po. How will I tell him the truth?... I don't want to fail my students, I know that Tigress is very wise and enough skilled to replace me but they are still not ready...
I had to wait for him for too many years. I don't want to leave my Panda. Not yet.. Not in that way. It would break his heart.. I can't do this. Perhaps I'm making a mistake, I don't know... I just want him to be happy as long as it's possible. I will not tell him that I'm dying...
Someday he will find a man or a woman with whom he will be happy. He can't suffer forever.

I feel awful lying to Po. I hate it. I wish my students and Po's father knew about our happiness. They don't deserve to be lied to. When I die and meet Master Oogway again, I won't be ashamed of Po. I love him. Maybe I feel so healthy because of this love... Who knows, maybe I'll manage to change my destiny and live some years more? I will try.

The next pages were empty. Po felt weak and dizzy and took some deep breaths. He closed the diary and tucked it back under the sash as his greatest treasure. He stood up with effort and staggered to his room. Then he slumped onto his bed and burst out weeping, dampening Shifu's robe with his tears. Why did you lie to me?... You said 'Nothing's wrong.' when everything was wrong, you said that everything would be alright but nothing is alright... he cried until he fell asleep.

. . .

Three months after Shifu's death Po had had enough of his friends' efforts to comfort him. No, it won't be OK. No, it's not normal. No, you don't understand. No, I don't want to talk with my dad, because I have no dad. he thought.

Cruel life made their pranks come true. His parents were dead, Mr. Ping rejected him, his master died, even Master Oogway, who had understood him as if he had known him for years, was dead. His friends - the Furious Five - would surely come to hate him again if they knew who he was.

He felt so worthless. Who needs a Dragon Warrior who can't get out of his bed? There was nothing more to live for. Po was afraid that one day he would wake up and he wouldn't miss Shifu anymore. He couldn't betray him in such a way. And he felt like a burden to the Jade Palace.

So he took one of his favourite star-shaped shurikens, knelt down on the floor in his room and despite tears running down his cheeks, he opened up his veins. He thought it would be so easy. But when he saw the enormous amount of blood spilling on the floor, he recalled how he had pleaded with Shifu not to die. He stared at his bleeding paws, those same paws that had clutched the red panda. Shifu wouldn't want to see him dying like that.

"I promise."

He crawled to the door through the blood stain with his remaining strenght. "Help me!.. Somebody..." he managed to shout before he blacked out.

. . .

The warriors, shocked by Po's terrible deed, brought his father to the Palace but Po didn't want to talk with him, so Tigress told the goose to leave. Crane, Monkey, Mantis and Viper didn't understand their behaviour. To their surprise, Mr. Ping didn't insist on the visit, he just went back home depressed. They started to wonder why Po hadn't wanted to talk to a person so close to him. And why was the panda the one who suffered the most? They should have been more depressed, for they had known Master Shifu much longer than Po had.

The Five decided to take shifts in looking after Po day and night continually. Despite their efforts, two weeks after his suicide attempt, Po managed to escape them. He put on his tan robe, sat down on the top of the Thousand Stairs and gazed at the Valley. It was a sunny early winter afternoon with pink and violet sky and golden clouds. Po's wrists were still bandaged. He felt kinda smarter, maybe a little stronger or simply more empty than before.
Tigress joined him unexpectedly.

"I know you miss him." she spoke finally.

Po sighed wearily. "You don't understand me."

Tigress frowned slightly pondering how she should select her words. "I can assure you that I do understand. I know you loved him."

"Like you all..."

"I saw your kiss in the Hall of Warriors."

Po's heart jumped as if he had been struck by lightning and found it hard to breathe. His eyes widened but he had to look her in the eyes. "You... saw us?"

"I was on the terrace when you kissed him. I was certain that he would kill you instantly, but when he kissed you back... I was so confused. And I decided to leave you be."

"And you... weren't mad at me or something?"

"Of course I was. I was angry that you had changed my father into-"

"I didn't change-"

"I know.. I saw how happy he was with you."

Po thought for a while. What's left of our happiness?... "Thanks."

"You wouldn't be thanking me if you knew that had you broken his heart I would have broken you."

Po smiled slightly. "Well, so thank you for sparing me."

"You didn't break his heart." she remarked. "Did you just thank me for sparing your life?" she smiled.

Po's smile widened involuntarily. The panda and the tiger sat for a moment in silence.

"Do they know?" Po asked.

"Not yet. But they started to suspect something. I think you should tell them. You can't hide your grief forever, it's not good for you. They aren't like your father."

"So you know..."

"I guessed."

"I'll tell them, but not now. I'm not ready."

Tigress's smile disappeared. "I'm sorry for letting you hurt yourself. I knew about your pain yet I wasn't with you-"

"It wasn't your fault..." he grabbed her paw comfortingly. She hugged him and stroked his back. It was strange for her to act like an ordinary friend but she liked it.

"I really hoped I would die before him." he confessed with tears in his eyes after a moment. "I would give anything just to see his smile again."

"Yeah, I loved his smile too." she chuckled as she recalled Shifu's laughter when she impersonated him with a noodle on her face during one dinner. Po joined her and they laughed for a moment jauntily.

"I still can't imagine my life without him."

Tigress understood his feelings better than he could think. "Neither can I." she sniffled and blinked her tears away. "Come back to us, Po. We're waiting for you."

. . .

Days passed by slowly and Po decided to resume his training to clean his mind of his pain. He wanted to be useful again. So he trained and cooked, fought bandits again, read his master's memories and when he slept, he heard a peaceful, soothing melody played by Shifu in his dreams. And when he ate or cooked, he saw Shifu sitting at the table, when he trained, he saw him standing in the Training Hall and his sea blue eyes watched him carefully.

Tigress saw him too, before putting on her jade shawl for the first time. He smiled to her and nodded. She put on the robe and he was already gone.

When days became longer and warmer and spring had arrived, Po planted a tiny white rose bush near Shifu's grave and cared for it every day. There's too little left of you, Master.

And he was there. And it was autumn again.

"Twelve months have passed." he whispered. "And many years ahead of me without you... I still-"

"Son..." Some familiar voice resounded through the Sacred Peach Hill.

Mr. Ping.

Po felt uneasy but didn't move.

"I knew I would find you here today. I'm so sorry about what happened..." the goose spoke tentatively.

"What do you want?.."

"I want to apologize you. You need to know that I love you. You were always my son and you will always be. I'm so sorry for what I said that day..."

Po got up and gathered his strenght to look at the goose. "You're sorry." he said in a strange voice. "You tore my heart asunder, you threw away everything we had been building for years just because you were disappointed in me... And I should forgive you because you're sorry."

Mr. Ping knew well that his words were a pathetic comfort for Po in that moment, but what else could he give him? Well, there was one thing, but he felt so bad that he forgot that he was holding it as a gift for Po.

"Tell him you're sorry." Po continued. "I come here every day just to tell him that I still love him. Maybe he listens."
Po started to go down the stairs.

"Will you ever forgive me, son?!" Ping cried in desperation.

"I don't know.. Maybe... Someday..."

The old goose approached the gravestone and read the epitaph engraved on it:

'Anything is possible when you have inner peace.'

He rested the object he had brought against the grave. It was the portrait of the warriors, Master Shifu, Po and his father during that memorable Winter Festival evening.

Po walked down the stairs, trying to understand the meaning of his love to Shifu.
Was I only to give him inner peace and happiness and then watch him die? Was that my destiny? Or maybe our love was just an accident...
'There are no accidents.' Those simple words gave him some comfort. Maybe Master Oogway is not so angry at Shifu?.. He deserved to be loved.
He took a deep, cleansing breath and let his inner peace fill him.

There are no happy endings when those you love the most die.

The End

(A.N.) The story was inspired by I see you - the theme song from the Avatar movie. This is my first Kung Fu Panda fanfiction and the first fanfic since a few years. I wanted this story to be as realistic as it was possible. It's my first fanfic in English and I'm sure I've made a lot of various mistakes despite my trying to eliminate them, so I apologize. I must admit, there is something magical in pofu and I really didn't want Shifu to die, but although it sounds strange, I wanted to be prepared if Dreamworks is planning to kill him in the next movie. Maybe it's not logical, but love isn't logical ;) I hope you enjoyed the story.

Thank you for all the reviews, favs and follows. They are very important to me.