'It is easy to live for others, everybody does. I call on you to live for yourself.'

There is something so final about endings. The end of a book. The end of a life. The end of our youth. Endings scared me. Petrified me until I was almost sick with worry about what would come next. In my case, as the last two months of my senior year loomed I couldn't get rid of the tightening of my stomach or the constant nip of my mother's distant voice in my head. An empty path lay in front of me and I had no clue where it was going. I wished I had a plan. I wished I knew what I wanted.

All that I really knew was that I wanted more. Just more. More than Forks.

It felt awful and almost nauseating to even think such a thing. Saying the words out loud would almost have been like committing a sin, not that I would ever have the guts to do such a thing. Glancing down at Matt's hand entangled with mine I wondered why I craved more. I had never known anything else other than Forks. It was my home. It was the place that I had walked for the first time, had my first kiss, driven my first car. It was familiar.

The sound of the waves crashing against the nearby rocks jolted me from my thoughts. Matt's hand squeezed mine tighter as if he knew I was drifting off to some dangerous place. Matt's hands were almost as familiar to me as my own; the raised skin on his knuckles where he had punched a wall in a moment of rage and the calloused feel of his skin from the days upon days where he worked alongside his Grandpa in his garden. Familiar.

For as long as I could remember Matt had been my everything. My lift to school. My best friend. My first kiss. He had held me when I cried. Laughed with me into the night. Danced with me until my feet hurt. We knew each other almost as well as we knew ourselves. There were no surprises lurking around the corner, no secrets that would stay buried for years. We were just us. Sometimes I found myself wondering if that would be enough. Sometimes, I craved the need to be surprised. It was selfish of me.

The icy air seemed to clutch at my lungs as we walked. The beach had always been my escape; somewhere I could put life on hold for an hour. First Beach helped me to forget about the pile of assignments piled beneath my bed and the emptiness of the house that awaited me. The beach was raw and cold and real. It was the only part of my life that didn't seem forced. The only part of my life that allowed me to be me. Once upon a time Matt had understood that desire within me but watching his stony expression and each purposeful stride I wondered when I had begun to lose the boy that I had fallen in love with. He always seemed so damn serious. I wanted him to laugh with me as we once had. I wanted him to run into the waves with me while the rain fell around us and chase me along the beach.

Yet, I didn't resist as he towed me over to a piece of driftwood, even though I would have much preferred to keep walking. To me, Matt was safe and reliable. My mother had fawned over him; her smile had been outrageously wide whenever he had come over for dinner. He reminded me of that smile. And it was never hard with him as many relationships were. Things were simple, uncomplicated. I hid behind him in way that only he would let me and I loved him for it. He was my shield from the rest of the world. My armour.

"Are you cold?" His voice was soft, caring in a way that I often took for granted. Glancing down at his giant hoodie which I had stolen from his car I just smiled. I had a pile of his clothes lying by my bedroom door. I would layer them up when the heating cut out and snuggle under my covers. I was surprised he had any clothes left. They were almost a part of me, just as he was.

"No," I murmured as he sat down beside me. His face was serious as always, his brown eyes searching as they skimmed over my face in a familiar way. I forced the sides of my lips to curl up at the sides into a smile.

"I love you," his voice was unusually soft as his hand reached out to cup my face. I was too shocked to react. Of course I knew Matt loved me, we just didn't feel the need to say it often. We knew. I swallowed loudly as he continued to examine me almost critically. Something was wrong. My stomach twisted tighter into a knot as I gripped tightly onto his hand.

"I love you too." The words were true but yet they felt sour in my mouth, as if I was living a lie. The words hung in the air like something ominous. His answering grin was breathtaking.

"Marry me?"

Everything seemed to still around me. Matt was looking at me expectantly. Marry him? I was seventeen years old. I had a whole life ahead of me. I had wild parties to attend and strangers to kiss. I wanted to live. I wanted to be free from the chains that seemed to tie me down to everyday life.

"Matt," I whispered carefully, "We're still in high school and-"

"I know," he cut me off, "But it would be perfect. I could move into your house after graduation. You wouldn't have to be alone. And I could work in the shop, take over my brother's management position when he goes travelling. Why wait? We could have everything we have always wanted."

Everything we always wanted.

That was the problem, I didn't know what I wanted. I tried to imagine being stuck in Forks my whole life. Would I turn out like Mrs Stanley hiding behind cereal boxes in the supermarket to hear people's conversations? Or would I become depressed like Mrs Burns? I didn't want to just be another person who never left. The thought left me clawing for breath in panic.

"I'm not alone," I murmured, repeating the only thing that I had managed to hear. He looked physically wounded as he sat back down beside me. I hated hurting him. I could almost imagine my Mum's frowning face as she watched me reject him. In the same instant, I could see more clearly her breathtaking smile as I stood at the alter. It was what she would have wanted.

"I worry about you," his voice was unusually hoarse, "I want you to be home when I get in at night. I want the world to know you are mine. Is that so wrong?"

No. It wasn't. I was just an awful person.

I thought of all the times he had dropped everything to be by my side. He had always been my rock. I trusted him entirely. It was questionable whether I would ever find someone as dependable as Max again. I could be content easily; helping around the shop when there were busy days wouldn't be too bad, having someone to hold me while I slept would be an extra bonus.

"It would have made your Mum happy."

His words seemed to stab me in the chest. Glancing up towards the grey sky I took a deep breath. A raindrop fell on my cheek and Matt reached to wipe it away without hesitation. I was being selfish. I didn't need to travel the world or have my heart broken. Who the hell would ever want that?

Drinking in the sight of his familiar, honest fact I tried to think of any good reason why I shouldn't marry him. I drew a blank. We took each other for granted and I realised that even though I wanted more, I couldn't fathom a world without Matt protecting me from the critical stares of others.

"Okay." I forced the words from my lips. Matt turned to face me; his eyes unbelieving. He had expected me to say no I realised. It pained me that he had almost been right.

"Okay?" he questioned. I winced as his hand grew tighter around mine as if to make sure I was truly there and not just a figment of his imagination. I smiled; a genuine smile that time. It always made me happy to see Matt happy. He deserved it. I didn't deserve him.

"Okay," I forced a girly giggle from my mouth, "Yes, I'll marry you."

I barely had time to breath before he crushed me to his chest. I buried my head in his shirt. Everything would be perfect. Everything would be the way it was meant to be. I would marry Matt, we would live in my house and then we'd have two little children who would adore their father with their every breath. I was prepared to marry Matt.

Of course, this was all before Brady stumbled into my life. Literally.

Thoughts?