I do not own Naruto. Any parts that seem like they are from the Anime or Manga probably are.

April Fool's Day! No actually content posted!

Yeah-No. I'm not actually that mean.

Once again, thank you for all the reviews.

- E.P - E.P -

Naruto woke up bright and early the day of Kakashi-sensei's test. After a small ramen breakfast he put his fingers into the cross shaped seal, one that was looking less and less like a cross with every attempt and more like two hands vaguely close together, and summoned a few rooms worth of clones. The original watched as there was a brief mad scramble to get outside and grab a leaf, striping one of the many trees that gave the village of Konoha its name, followed by another scramble as all of the clones tried to get back into the apartment building again.

Naruto watched his antics, something telling him he should probably not be a as accepting of this as he actually was, with a grin on his face as he relished his second cup of ramen.

It was brunch, honest!

He wasn't entirely sure yet on how the leaves would help him breath fire or shoot lightning from his fingertips but it couldn't be that hard, could it?

Naruto was still pondering this dilemma when he arrived at training ground seven, apparently before the rest of his team as there was no one else in sight. There were three wooden stumps in the middle of the clearing, with trees on one side and a small river running across the other. Idly slumping down in front of one of the stumps, Naruto began to wait for his team.

It didn't take long for Sakura to arrive, Naruto's enthusiastic greeting suddenly cut off by a violent fist to the top of his head. Sasuke turned up shortly after that, Naruto glaring at him whilst Sakura seemingly teleported over to his side, hearts in her eyes.

After that the new Team Seven waited for Kakashi-sensei.

And waited.

And waited.

Naruto quickly got bored of this and, after a few minutes of fidgeting, activated his Memory Network jutsu. His mind expanded out, along the thin lines of chakra that connected him to his clones as each subtly different sight from each identical pair of eyes presented itself to him. He, like all of his clones, was sat cross-legged a leaf clutched between his hands. From all the memories that were presented to him, it seemed that his clones were just as stumped as the original was.

With all of his attention on the thousands of leaves the time flew by for Naruto, even if he didn't actual make any progress. It was certainly a lot lighter when Kakashi-sensei appeared before the original's eyes.

"You're late!" Sakura screamed, startling Naruto and causing him to dispel all of his clones.

"Sakura-chan's right, sensei!" Naruto added loudly, Sasuke giving an affirmative 'Hn', "You were supposed to be here hours ago!"

"Ma, ma," Kakashi-sensei replied, waving them off, "I had to help a little old lady with her groceries, I couldn't leave her to struggle with them on her own."

"Who shops at six in the morning?" Naruto asked incredulously only for Sakura to punch him in the head.

"Baka, Sensei's obviously lying, the shops don't open until nine!" She shouted at him as Naruto clutched at his head.

"And the Test?" Sasuke asked, ignoring the antics of his team-mates.

"The test?" Kakashi-sensei mumbled, "Oh yes, the test. You have until noon to take these two bells from be."

The two bells Kakashi-sensei indicated were small and silver, tied to his waist with a length of string each. The new Genin glanced at each other for a moment before Sakura asked, "Is that it?"

"Those who don't get a bell get tied to a stump without lunch" Kakashi-sensei replied, gesturing lazily at the posts behind them, "No bell will not only cause you to go without lunch but you will also be sent back to the academy. Use anything you like to try to get them, weapons, jutsu, whatever."

"But you'll be in danger!" Sakura shouted. Naruto had been having similar thoughts, Kakashi-sensei's lazy posture and generally bored outlook didn't exactly inspire confidence after all. Still Jiji had made him his Sensei and he wouldn't assign Naruto anyone but the most awesome teacher, right?

"Ready?" Kakashi asked, "Then, go."

Sasuke and Sakura-chan quickly leapt off into the forest and hid themselves amongst the foliage to plan, whilst Naruto didn't bother. His awesome jutsu would be good enough to defeat Kakashi-sensei, no matter how strong he was.

"You're a bit odd aren't you?" Kakashi-sensei said, as the smoke cleared to reveal Naruto hadn't moved, "Still, Ninja arts lessons number one, Taijutsu."

Naruto watched Kakashi-sensei carefully as he circled round him, his hands held close together in preparation for making hand-seals. He paused for a moment as Kakashi-sensei slipped his hand into his pouch only to be shocked when, rather than drawing a weapon, he pulled out a copy of Icha-Icha Paradise.

"Why are you reading a book?" Naruto muttered in surprise, his fists tightening in anger at not being taken seriously.

"To find out what happens next, of course." Kakashi-sensei replied.

Naruto lost it. Barely remembering to create a few clones before he sprinted at his sensei, he lashed out with kicks and punches, his clones helping him from the sides, only for each of them to be easily blocked by Kakashi-sensei's spare hand and the clones to get in each other's way.

"Stay still, you Bastard!" One of them yelled before Naruto and his remaining two clones tried to attack Kakashi-sensei again. A kick to the head was ducked under before Kakashi-sensei swayed away from a pair of wild punches. A brief hop got him over a low sweeping kick, even as he came down hard on the extended leg, dispersing the clone.

The last clone and Naruto glanced at each other before unleashing a pair of roundhouse kicks, one high and the other low, only for them to pass through the empty space that their sensei had occupied only moments before.

As Naruto looked around, trying to spot his sensei, he failed to notice the sudden puff of smoke beside him or the influx of memories from his clone. It didn't take Kakashi-sensei long to capitalize on Naruto's lack of awareness as moments later he found himself flying through the air clutching his backside, Kakashi-sensei's shout echoing behind him.

"Konoha Secret Technique: One Thousand Years of Pain!"

Naruto thought he could almost feel Sasuke's smirk as he splashed into the river. He knew that he wasn't particularly good at Taijutsu, despite his stamina and durability, but there had been no need to humiliate him like that.

Still, why had he stayed in Kakashi's sight, Naruto wondered as he found a hollow length of reed and used to breathe whilst he stayed under water and followed this train of thought through. He could have hidden the real him and directed his clones from a distance, because what had having the original there fighting rather than another clone actually gained him?

Nothing, that was what it had gained him, in fact he had actual lost quite a bit of dignity there.

Thinking back though, it hadn't been too effective with that many clones. Whilst there had tried not to get in each other's way, they still had a little, and the last one had resorted to staying out of the way until one of the others had dispersed and then taken his place.

So against Kakashi-sensei, waves of three at a time were probably his most effective chance of getting the bells. The water clouded up as half a dozen clones formed under the surface of the water, Naruto pointing three of them out to act as the first wave.

The first of them slowly raised his head above water, running his eyes across the clearing and gesturing for the other two clones of the first wave to join him when he didn't spot Kakashi-sensei. The three of them moved cautious forward into one of the wooded areas, the second of them taking to the trees and all of them letting out a snigger as they emerged into another clearing and spotted Sasuke.

Or rather, Sasuke's head.

He was buried up to his neck in the dirt, disheveled and dirty. The earth around him appeared to recently have been churned and a nearby patch of ground had had the grass scorched off. Naruto thought it was probably Kakashi-sensei's doing, but none of the clones could spot him or Sakura nearby.

"Hey Sasuke," One of the Clones started, "It looks like you not very far ahead of us when it comes to getting the bells!"

"Yeah," Another continued, "Looks like Kakashi-sensei's brought you back down to earth."

Both of them turned to the last clone, whose brow as scrunched in thought, "Sorry, I can't think of any more. Up to his neck in it maybe."

"Up to his neck in it!" The first clone parroted, "That's rubbish, try harder!"

"I'd like to see you try to come up with another one!" The third clone shouted, shaking his fist at the first, "You two used the ones I came up with!"

"You could have used…" The second clone trailed off, "Could have… hey where Sasuke go?"

"That's not even funny!" The last clone yelled.

"I'm not trying to make a joke!" The second continued, getting right into the third face and pointing towards the hole where Sasuke had been buried, "The bastard's managed to free himself!"

"And it's you two's fault!" The first interjected, "If you hadn't had been so busy arguing we could have…"

"You could have what?" Kakashi-sensei asked, turning the page of his book from behind the three arguing clones.

"You!" One of the clones shouted, just as another cried, "Get him!"

The Clones leapt forward, all of them throwing punches, only for Kakashi-sensei to weave between them, still casually reading his books. When one of the clones tried to kick him across the side of his head he nonchalantly knelt down, one hand wrapping itself around the clone's ankle and throwing him into one of the others and forcing both to dispel. Kakashi turned around as the last clone sprung forward, the punch the clone threw brushing gently against the back of his Jōnin vest and Kakashi-sensei's elbow forcing the clone to dispel as it thumped into the back of his neck.

"Huh," Kakashi-sensei muttered, turning a page of his book as the clouds of smoke dispersed around him, "I guess none of them were the real one."

Back with the original the next wave of clones listened to his somewhat distorted orders. The first wave had tried their best with Taijutsu and they had worked well together, eventually, but it hadn't been enough, so the next wave would be taking a slightly different approach. He hadn't learnt to many offensive jutsu off of the forbidden scroll but maybe the sudden change in tactics would take Kakashi-sensei off-guard.

The clones didn't bother with caution this time, the three of them jumping out of the water as Naruto started the Memory Network Jutsu. Kakashi-sensei had moved back to his original position and turned to face them as they landed dropping wet on the riverbank. The multiple points of view were a little difficult to get used to, as was moving them around separately, but with only three clones and the unmoving original, it wasn't as difficult as Naruto feared.

Kakashi-sensei stepped forward as the clones spread out in a crescent shape in front of him. The middle clone opened his mouth wide, his hand flicking through hand-seals planning on using Doton: Mud Pump. It was one of the tamer and weaker Jutsus on the scroll but it came with some serious drawbacks, namely that the technique could not be voluntarily ended, resulting in the users death when they used up all of their chakra or suffocated from the endless amount of mud that would not stop pouring from their mouth.

Fortunately that wasn't a problem for Naruto's clones, they could end the jutsu simply by dispersing themselves, not that Naruto knew any of that.

The pillar of mud that shot out of the clone's mouth seemed to take Kakashi-sensei off-guard for a moment but he adjusted quickly, stepping round the jutsu and jumping towards the clone on the left who began making his own hand-seals. The middle clone turned as Kakashi-sensei moved, trying to keep the mud pump on target trapping Kakashi-sensei between the mud and the other clone, who had finished his seals and called out his jutsu.

"Katon: Volcanic Inferno!"

The jutsu forced the clones head up and his mouth open, a pillar of ash and fire shooting up and out. The great gout of fire extended up nearly half a dozen meters, the fire raining down around them, setting the trees and grass around the clone alight. Naruto could feel the chakra in the clone depleting quickly, but Naruto had honestly expected more from a jutsu called Volcanic Inferno, this was the first time he had used it after all.

Ah, chakra control, how important you are.

Naruto decided to do something a little different with the last clone as it moved behind Kakashi-sensei as the other two dispersed. Flicking through hand-seals he transformed the clone into Naruko and pressed her against Kakashi-sensei's back.

"Ne, Sen-sei~," She purred, running her hand slowly down his Jōnin vest towards the bells, "Can I have the-"

She was cut off suddenly by kunai slicing across her cheek, the slight cut still deep enough to dispel the clone. With that the original lost sight of the battle and frowned from his placed on the river bed. Three still seemed to be the best amount to attack a single target with, possibly why they were in team of three, but that didn't mean he could have another clone watching over the battlefield.

He barely bothered even making a semblance towards the Clone seal, creating four of them in the clouded water in front of him. The first he transformed into a toad, and moved it above the water where Kakashi was still standing in the centre of the burnt circle. It slowly moved towards the forest, trying not to draw attention to itself, until it reached the trees and changed into a squirrel, having found a spot with an overlooking position of the battlefield.

With the first providing a view of the clearing the other three clones jumped out of the river, already half way through seals for Doton: Mud Pump. Kakashi-sensei easily dodged the flows of mud, forcing Naruto to move them round. One moved his Mud Pump directly towards Kakashi-sensei whilst the other two were directed around to either side to attack him from his blind spot.

The clones had barely touched the ground when a Kunai cut a shallow wound across each of them, forcing them to dispel. The real Naruto frowned, watching through the squirrel clone's eyes as Kakashi-sensei carefully made his way towards the river, another set of clones forming, this set transforming into a trio of Narukos as they shot up and out of the water, spray dripping down their bodies and emphasizing their curves…

At least, until Kakashi-sensei put a kunai across each of them.

Naruto wasn't too discouraged though, he had spotted that Kakashi-sensei's mask was bloody, so they'd obviously done some damage. Speaking of Kakashi-sensei, he was quite close to the river now, so he might have worked out where Naruto had been hiding. Naruto didn't want another arse-poke, so he flicked through his own hand-seals, the movements disrupting his control of the Memory Network jutsu, and transformed himself into a small fish, one that would hopefully be overlooked in the river.

He quickly swam down the stream, his disguised clone sending him intermittent reports using the Memory Pulse jutsu. Kakashi-sensei appeared to be kneeling by the riverbank, his hand on the surface of the water, although Naruto wasn't sure why. The next flash had him casually strolling away from the river, book still in hand, and Naruto was still pondering his next move when a whole slew of memories appeared.

He hadn't heard it under the surface of the river, but the timer had rung and his clone had dispelled to let him know, believing there was no further purpose for him now they had failed the test. With the lat of his clones gone, he released his transformation and climbed out of the water, wringing his sodden jumpsuit as he did so.

He stomped over to the three posts where the alarm was still ringing incessantly, Sasuke and Sakura appearing out of the bushes towards the northern end of the training ground. Naruto slouched against the post as the three of them waited for Kakashi-sensei to arrive only to squawk in surprise when he felt a length of robe tighten around his stomach and arms, tying him to the wooden pole.

"What the hell is this for?" Naruto shouted, wishing he hadn't dispelled all of his clones when he believed the exercise was over, "Why am I tied to the post?"

"Because I felt like it," Kakashi-sensei replied, his visible eye crinkling up into what seemed like a smile, "Besides, you won't be practicing on them again."

"Practicing on them again…" Sakura muttered, confusion written across her face, "Then, we passed? We're not going back to the Academy?"

Both her and Naruto's faces brightened at her statement, even Sasuke leaning back against one of the posts in satisfaction, a small smirk on his face as the other two members of his team started jumping for joy.

As much as Naruto could whilst still be tied to a post, anyway.

"No, you're not going back to the Academy," Kakashi-sensei continued cheerfully, "You'll be failing out of the Ninja program completely!"

"What?" Naruto asked, the three of them shocked at Kakashi-sensei's statement.

"All three of you," Kakashi-sensei replied, "Will be quitting as Ninjas."

"Like hell we are!" Naruto shouted, straining against the ropes, "You can't make us!"

Sasuke grunted in agreement, shifting his body closer to the ground and shooting forward towards the relaxed form of the man who would have been their sensei. Naruto didn't even see what happened next, nothing more than a blur ending with Kakashi holding Sasuke face down in the dirt.

"You are all pathetic," Kakashi continued, his cheerful expression incongruous with the content of speech as he happily tore down the three Genins world, "This team was never going to pass the test, seeing as this team still does not understand the question that has been posed."

"Question?" Naruto mused quietly to himself, trying to keep his anger down.

"And if you cannot understand the question," Kakashi added, "Then you will never find the answer, and never pass."

"Then…" Sakura started tentatively, "Can you tell us the answer Sensei, so we can pass?"

Naruto stared at her for a moment. Did she honestly think that Kakashi would tell her the answer simply because she asked? He'd always thought of Sakura as really clever, but that image just took a big hit. Iruka-sensei would never tell you the answer, he might tell you how to find the answer but that was different, and Naruto doubted that Kakashi would be less strict than Iruka-sensei had been.

"Tell you the answer?" Kakashi parroted before bursting out laughing, "I might as well, I mean, you've already failed as a team and there is nothing you can do now. The question was if you could work together to get the bells, and you've comprehensively proved your answer was no."

"But there are only two bells and three of us!" Sakura shouted, asking the same thing Naruto wanted too. But, given the question on teamwork was another test inside the first, was this another? The whole thing was a training exercise, so were the two bells and him being tied to the post supposed to test how the others would react to the loss of a teammate whilst pursuing an objective?

That they would have failed completely alone, but that sometimes no matter what you do you can't achieve the objective with failure of some sort? Naruto listened to the rest of Kakashi-sensei's speech about dividing the team and decided that this was indeed about the greater good over personal glory. He was still on edge though, Kakashi-sensei had laid one trap within another, so what was to say that wasn't a third trap inside the second, or a forth or a fifth?

"Sakura!" Kakashi-sensei yelled, his suddenly raised voice startling Naruto, "Kill Naruto or Sasuke dies!"

Another test, Naruto thought as Sakura ummed and ahhed, three options this time, kill Naruto, attempt rescue or do nothing. Choosing to kill Naruto would rely on your enemy keeping his word but nothing would actually stop him from killing Sasuke whilst attempt rescue would allow the remaining two to circle round so that one of them could get a clear shot whilst the other distracted the captor but still might result in Sasuke's death.

Sakura meanwhile had chosen the last option, do nothing, the one that she shouldn't have chosen under any circumstances. Thought, then action, that was what Iruka-sensei had always tried to teach him even if he was still struggling with the first part.

"Look at the names carved on this stone," Kakashi-sensei said, his voice quiet again as he let Sasuke up, "Every one of these Ninjas were heroes to the village."

"Then you can bet my name will be carved on there one day!" Naruto shouted.

"But they aren't normal heroes," Kakashi continued, ignoring Naruto's muttered 'oh?', "Each one of them died on duty, in service to the village."

Sakura and Sasuke looked down at the ground in respect whilst Naruto continued to stare at the memorial. Died on duty, eh? Well when he went that was how he wanted to go, protecting the village until his last breath.

"But, perhaps I'll give this team one last chance after lunch," Kakashi-sensei said, stroking his mask covered chin thoughtfully, "I mean, it's such a pathetic team it won't make any difference."

Naruto clenched his fists, his anger rising back up again as Kakashi-sensei went on to say how they would automatically fail if they fed him. What the hell did Kakashi-sensei have against him? Had he pranked the grey haired man at some stage during his life?

Getting his anger, and hunger, back under control, Naruto forced himself to think objectively. Kakashi-sensei had show a fondness for unexpected tests and traps within traps so this was probably another. They had to work together to get the bells but their teamwork would be damaged by the resentment Naruto would hold towards them if they didn't feed him. Kakashi had stressed teamwork but he had also stated that in these training grounds he was greater than the Gods, so was this test to encourage initiative? So long as the end objective was achieved then minor breeches of the rules would be overlooked?

In that case then the test was not for him but for Sakura and Sasuke, the two that held lunches and could offer it to him. But also it had to be him tied up, as if Sakura had been tied up Naruto would have fed her without hesitation, and as much as he hated to admit it, Sakura would have done the same if Sasuke had been tied up. Did the attacks with his clones demonstrate that he could work in a team so he wouldn't need the practice being forced to feed an incapacitated comrade would give him…

"Here," Sasuke muttered, holding out a piece of meat with his chopsticks, "You'll just hold us back if you're hungry."

Sakura looked unsure, but mumbled to herself for a moment before holding out a piece of her own lunch towards him. Naruto leaned forward, straining against the ropes in an attempt to reach the food his team-mates were holding just out of his reach.

A moment before he reached it, the three of them were engulfed in a cloud of smoke as the sky darkened, lightning forking its way through the heavens.

"YOU!" Kakashi-sensei cried, his voice like thunder and fire burning in the depths of his single horrifying eye, "…Pass."

"…What?" Naruto asked delicately, his team-mates still shocked into silence.

"Everyone else who took this test was an idiot, they just followed the rules unthinkingly," Kakashi-sensei continued as the world returned to normal, "A true ninja must look underneath the underneath. Those who break the rules may be trash, but those who abandon their comrades? They are lower even than that."

Tests within traps within tests, Naruto mused, going down so far that you got round to the first again. The bells were a decoy, a false final objective for the real final objective they would discover along the way.

"Right then," Kakashi-sensei continued, his strange smile now back in place, "We'll meet up tomorrow morning for our first missions. Team seven, dismissed!"

Naruto watched as his team walked off with a smile. He'd done it, proven all the people who'd said he wouldn't be able to become a ninja wrong. This was the first step towards becoming Hokage, his team would make him strong, his team would let him grow, his team would…

Leave him tied to the post.

Well, shit.

- E.P - E.P -

The next day came quickly and Naruto was back in the training ground, mentally connected to the hundreds of clones still at home trying to work out what to do with the leaf. One of the clones had wondered if the fire making exercise Iruka-sensei had shown them, rubbing two sticks together to make a spark, except with his chakra, though it felt more like banging two bricks together than the smooth grinding he was trying to achieve.

He noticed through one set of eyes that someone had appeared, a someone that turned out to be Kakashi-sensei after a moment, which meant that the eyes were his real pair. Casually letting the link fade away Naruto noticed that Sasuke was sat just out of view and Sakura was trying to get his attention.

"Good morning my cute little Genin," Kakashi-sensei started as Naruto looked around and noticed just how high the sun had risen, "It's time for our first mission!"

The three of them happily discussed what missions they might receive whilst they were walking towards the tower, if you class happily discussing as one person not saying anything, another being punched anytime he thought of anything awesome and a third who drifted off into fantasies involving the first.

A little later Team Seven found themselves in the Missions Office, currently crewed by a group of Chūnin and the Old Man himself, a large stack of scrolls in front of them.

"Jiji!" Naruto cried, bounding forward to greet his pseudo-Grandfather, "We're here for an awesome misSERK-"

"I'm very sorry, Hokage-sama," Sakura started, her fist still lodged in the back of Naruto's head, "My team-mate didn't mean to be so disrespectful of you and your position."

"It's going to be my position someday," Naruto mumbled from his position on the floor, "And I don't see you respecting me."

"Anyway, Hokage-sama," Kakashi-sensei started, ignoring his students antics and the chuckling figure of his commanding officer, "Team Seven reporting for a D-rank, Sir."

"A D-rank, eh?" The Sandaime mused, and was it Naruto's imagination or were all of the Chūnin leaning in in anticipation, "Well, the Inuzuka want their combat-dogs walked, Madame Shijimi's cat has gone missing again and I believe Konohamaru needs a babysitter. Which would you like?"

"You've got to have a better mission than that Jiji!" Naruto shouted after a moment's pause, his shout enough to bring his own teammates out of their stupor, which had the side affect of causing Sakura to smack him again.

"I'm very sorry Hokage-sama, my team-mate didn't mean to say anything so disrespectful of you or your position," Sakura said again, prompting a round of chuckles from the assembled Chūnin, "But… are those really the only missions available?"

"No," The Hokage stated bluntly, "But they are the only missions available to you at the moment. As you grow as a team, perhaps into a certain role or specialization, more will be allocated to you."

"Well, you heard the boss," Kakashi-sensei said cheerfully, dragging the still injured Naruto out of the room by his collar, "We've got a cat to find!"