Title: Altruism

Status: Ongoing. 3-5 chapters planned.

Pairings: Chihaya x Taichi. There are other much less significant ships.

Warnings: Too fanciful

Comments: Season three guys!

Chapter One: Censure

One of the most beautiful things about Chihaya was her hair.

It was incredibly thin, nothing like her sister's, which was thick, fluffy and voluminous, with slight curl at the ends.

Chihaya's was completely limp. Absolutely zero frizz. It circled around her head in a perfectly flat manner, like a fragile, unearthly, golden string, falling around her shoulders and collarbone, glinting glittering wisps at her neck.

It was the wisps that made Taichi go crazy.

The strands looked so soft. Sometimes they brushed against his arm or something while they walked together, and he would smell her shampoo, and Taichi would shiver a bit and think about touching it, but of course he never did. The wisps around her neck fitted into the crevices on the back of her shirt, like a warped water fall.

Taichi twitched his eye. In front of him Chihaya sighed, and pushed her hair back with her left hand, and Tachi watched the strands shift back into place, hiding the tiny wisps. Taichi's eye twitched again. He looked back at his English homework, bit his lip, and tried to cover his vision of Chihaya half-heartedly with his right hand, and craned his neck so his view of her was more obscured.

Self-control, Taichi scolded himself, and then added, don't have weird thoughts, for good measure, even though his thoughts right now were more innocent than some that he had had. He scratched out an answer on the homework, breathed, and repeated the words in his head, and forced himself into a state of concentration he had created since he was a child, that of which kept him top of the class, where he focused completely at the task he had in front of him.

Oe-san was the one to snap him out. He felt her hand on his shoulder. Immediately his brain had transitioned through a generally effective automatic refresh, and he let out an audible sigh. He first checked out much how he had finished; a sizeable stack of worksheets, but he still had studying to do for the two tests tomorrow. Right, and he glanced up at Oe-san.

"Hey, Prez, you've been working nonstop as soon as we started…me and the others are going to go get some drinks and snacks real quick, do you want to come?"

Oe-chan had been the one to suggest the study sesh for the team, since they were behind on their schoolwork because of karuta occupations. Let's just take a break to catch up with studies today. We have to make sure to keep up all our grades so the school will look upon our club favorably. Komano-kun agreed right after, and Nishida and the first years in quick succession. Taichi had surprisingly been the last one to agree, since Chihaya was being unreasonably reasonable nowadays. He'd wanted to go practice karuta again at the society. Would it hurt to lose a day of practice? Probably not, he thought as he gave a nod, trying not to show his reluctance.

Now as he sat on his small uncomfortable seat, he was forced to agree again. Watching Chihaya jump around, probably having only finished perhaps a few pages of work, wanting to move around and run away from him. He pushed his chair in wordlessly.

Taichi listened as Chihaya chattered on, strolling around in her weather beaten shoes, spinning around her short skirt. It annoyed Taichi that she moved around so easily and unlady-like sometimes. Old men walking their dogs out on the street have probably seen her Snowmaru underwear, he cracked to himself, even though he never had actually seen it closely. Chihaya, with her poor heart and soul, had told him straight on in elementary school.

In front of them Nishida and Komano-kun talked easily, side by side. Ahead of them, Oe-san and Hanano-san, with Tsukuba trailing along behind, flipping around the flimsy pages of some kind of karuta guide, even though he didn't need it. Taichi and Chihaya were at the back, where they could see everything. The snack shop was only a couple more streets up ahead. Taichi had stopped there multiple times before on the way to the subway, and surely the others had found their way to the shop during the school year as well. Remarkably it was only until then had they all gone together.

Taichi realized he knew them all so well now that he could name, quickly and accurately, what they were going to get. Nishida, pork buns and soda…Komano-kun, two cookies and an iced coffee…Hanano-san, fruit jelly and melon-flavored gum…Oe-san, grass jelly drink and a protein bar, Tsubaku-kun…shrimp chips and one of the small toy trinkets they sold at the counter. Chihaya, doughnuts and three chocolate bars. One for her, one to share, one for Tachi.

Sometimes Taichi wondered if he should be grateful that he knew so much more about her, was so much closer to her than Arata, sometimes only a few centimeters away, sometimes none. But he wasn't. Chihaya didn't have any qualms about being affectionate for Taichi, which only made him embarrassed and visibly frustrated. It annoyed him that she could touch him so easily, and redden at the sight of Arata.

Taichi watched as one by one, they filed into the snack store, and picked up exactly what Taichi figured they'd pick out, expect Hanano-san, who also picked out a small box of pretty looking gummy sweets and bottled water. They chattered, laughed, and went up to the counter in one whole clump. Taichi fished out a few bills but Chihaya just stuck his tongue out at him, said, "You can't pay for everything, rich kid," and passed over her own money.

This, too, annoyed Taichi. That Chihaya wouldn't let him pay for anything he could definitely afford to pay. I can send you to those tournaments, I can support you with what I've got.

But Chihaya had never actually accepted any money from him at all. Whether it was her pride or determination, Taichi had to stop himself from feeling too offended long ago. He could take care of her, but she never acted as if she wanted him to.

She handed him a powered doughnut, wrapping in a small twist of napkin. It was probably jelly-filled. "Here, Mr. Class A!"

Taichi took it, staring at Chihaya's smile. Taichi wanted to keep staring at her, and the smile he saw in his dreams, but instead swiveled around his head and walked out of the store. Oe-san and Komano-kun were already waiting outside. Komano-kun's eyes were bright and happy. Was he blushing? Tachi had thought about mentioning something for a while, but forgot about it. Their romance was nothing near Taichi's and Chihaya's; at least it seemed actually existent. They were pretty cute, Taichi decided, as he bit into the doughnut. Grape filling spilled out, and Taichi used the ends of the napkin to swipe powder off his lips.

"Let's do some practice games when we get back," Chihaya cried, as she caught up to his side, her book bag banging against her hips. "Can't we, please, I can't read those boring math equations anymore."

"They're easy to memorize," Komano-kun scolded, working in small bites into his raisin cookie. "You just don't have enough diligence to concentrate for the three minutes you need to get it embedded into you head."

"No," Chihaya argued.

"Yes," Taichi retorted.

Chihaya didn't say anything for a precious three seconds. "Ok, so maybe. Ok, when I finish memorizing them, can we play a few practice matches?"

"Alright," Oe-san called from behind them. There were no other words to be said. It was a good idea, enticing Chihaya to actually finish her homework with the prospects of more karuta.

After suffering at the dinner table while his mom lectured him around reputations and schoolwork, Taichi went into his room, shut the door, and started finishing up his schoolwork. Afterwards, he decided, while his parents were asleep, he'd practice swings until he was tired, and listen to some music before hitting the sack. Taichi's nights were never glamorous. His mother was hell-bent at keeping him at the top, and Taichi was just as determined to improve his karuta in his spare time as well.

He was trying to memorize a chemistry concept that was actually giving him more trouble than he would have imagined, tapping his pencil on his chin lightly all the while, when his cell rang all the way across the room. It was like a mosquito in the summertime, loud and undeniable.

Tachi used his feet to propel himself away from his study desk to his bed, glad of his comfy swivel chair. The caller ID: Chihaya.

What does that girl want now? Taichi thought with both annoyance and affection as he lifted the phone to his ear. Chihaya had woken him up in the middle of the night before, freaking out about a test with material that'd she'd slept in class on, or because she was too excited about a karuta tournament. Taichi always pretended to mad at her about it, but secretly the calls always made Taichi happy, if a bit unsatisfied. It felt like she was his girlfriend, like the late-night calls he'd seen in movies. Of course, they weren't whispering promises and declarations of love to each other, but the atmosphere of it-lying in his sheets, Chihaya's excited voice in hush-hush tones like music to his ear, and her imaginary, comforting presence in the room-all of it made Taichi feel embarrassingly dreamy.

"What do you want?"

"Err, hmmm. Taichi, will you play karuta with me?" Chihaya's voice, usually squeaky and assertive, now came out tentative and soft.

"What are you talking about? Now? Are you insane? It's past dinnertime," Taichi hissed, trapping the phone between his shoulder and ear, and spinning around on the chair so he faced the window in his room. It was almost completely dark; the skyline was purplish like a bad bruise, but there weren't any stars out yet that he could see.

"No, I." Chihaya paused. All of a sudden Taichi felt scared because of her unsure, if a bit enthusiastic, especially not crazy manner. He wanted to demand if she was ok.

"Where do you want to meet?" he said instead.

He hadn't ever really come to the place ever since Chihaya's birthday. There was not much Taichi could want to remember of it, considering that all the lovely moments he'd experienced then were crushed by the momentum of seeing Chihaya's joy at Arata's single communication attempt. Now as he sat on the hard wooden bench, he tried to shoo away the prickles of discomfort so he could help Chihaya with whatever dilemma she was dealing with.

He wished he'd dressed better than a loose-fitting pair of old jeans and a ratty looking T-shirt from track team back in middle school, but he hadn't wanted his mother to suspect anything. "I'm going to pick up a book for school at the bookstore. I might get something to eat too, so I might come home a little late," he'd explained calmly to his mother, trying to hide his hasty manner. It didn't look like his mother suspected anything.

There's no reason to look acceptable going outside, though. She wouldn't have noticed.

Oh well. It didn't matter anyways. Chihaya didn't notice, or cared about what Taichi wore, even though he always worried and made an effort.

In any case, he'd already formulated several lies in case Chihaya needed him for long. He would stay up all night with her, if she needed it. Taichi had discovered long ago that his only bouts of defiance towards his mother and her rules were all connected to Chihaya. He'd still be a sniveling spoiled mother's boy, if not for Chihaya.

She was both his savoir and downfall. She was to blame for Taichi's resilience and re-growth into what he hoped was a better person. His humbly checked pride and breaks in his calm emotional status. His tendency to be possessive and competitive. She was the cause of it all.

So as he sat there, watching Chihaya's slim silhouette, decked out in her Daddy Bear gear, and her beautiful, heart-breakingly beautiful smile, he couldn't help but wonder if he could ever bring himself to love anyone else. He didn't know how to love anyone else but Chihaya.

"Taichiii," she cooed. "Tachiii. You really came!" She was so happy that Taichi had to turn away his head a bit so she couldn't see him blush and turn red to the tips of his ears. It's nighttime, calm down. She won't be able to see.

"Yo," he replied, trying to busy himself with opening up his book bag. "I brought karuta cards." He handed them over to her with his head down and breathing tight. Stop it, damnit.

She snatched them away from him easily, and with a whoff she planted herself right night to him. She touched the cards gently, but didn't make any move to set them down. Taichi didn't ask any questions, just watched her rub her slender fingers over the poems. She seemed content to sit there and do just that for ages, and Taichi would let her if she wanted to.

But after a while, she said quietly, "I called Arata today."

Taichi froze. His breathing, which had steadied after a while, kicked up a notch.

"I really want him to be close to us," she murmured softly after a few seconds. "I miss him a lot, don't you?"

"Yeah," Taichi managed to choke out. He twiddled his thumbs in front of him. Was she really doing this? Right now? Was she going to confess to Taichi that she loved Arata? I can already see it. I know.

But even he knew that hearing the words would break him more than anything else in the world could.

"He's ok, he is," Chihaya said. Did Taichi hear a gulp? "We talked longer than usual. He usually…we usually don't talk longer for than a few minutes."

Had Arata told her about trying to form his own karuta team? If then, Taichi could stop trying, Chihaya would already be there, brushing shoulders with Arata, while he smelled her shampoo and touched her hair. Taichi closed his eyes and slumped.

"He's so far away…I want to be there with him, wherever he is."

Taichi remembered back to the tournament where Arata had told him that he'd always thought that Chihaya had belonged to Taichi, but he didn't think that any longer. It was like a battle cry. Taichi had remembered the wave of angry, fear, sadness, sickness and desperation that had passed over him then. Right now he felt the same.

"But I could never leave you."

Taichi's breathing completely stopped.

What had she said? Rewind, rewind!

Did she just say she didn't want to leave me?

Taichi stared at Chihaya, shock burning throughout his entire body. As usual her honesty was searing and painful, and it also totally made Taichi swoon.

"I couldn't leave the team either, haha. But you especially, you need me!" Chihaya punched him playfully in the guy, which forced Taichi to exhale the breath he'd been holding. "And…I need you too." She smiled the smile he saw in his dreams, and the strands of her hair that made him go crazy tumbled down, tickling Taichi's elbow. The scent of her hair and her skin was tingling and enticing. "Hey, let's forget about karuta. I want to go eat chocolate cake!"

This hurts. This hurts really bad. I'm going to go insane. Taichi thought. I want to cry. I want to hold her. I want to stroke her hair. I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to have to keep controlling myself, shit shit shit!

Chihaya's waist suddenly blocked his vision and then he saw her big eyes, her sweet eyelashes blinking against her cheek. Chihaya's eyes had no competition even in comparison to the stars outside, which was dumb, and weird, and cheesy to say, but at that moment he thought it was true. Her lips were right in front of his, and he felt her warm breath. Shit, I have to get out of here, but I can't run away, and it hurts really really bad. I can't-I don'twant to do this again.

And so he didn't.

The only times Taichi had ever touched Chihaya's hair were on pure impulse. One time, he ran through his fingers through it playfully, and then strolled quickly away before Chihaya could see his red face. One time he'd twirled it around absentmind-ly with his left hand and Chihaya had jumped away after hearing some cheerful news, before Taichi realized what he was actually doing. Never had he actually touched it out of pure affection.

But as Taichi reached up and laid his fingers around Chihaya's head, feeling the silk of her hair, he only felt the love he had ever had for Chihaya. With a quick tug from his hand Chihaya tumbled into the crevice of Taichi's arms, his fingers still tangled around her hair. Her head neatly bumped into Taichi's neck, and her legs slipped easily into Taichi's lap. Still not thinking properly he clutched Chihaya's head harder and pulled her even closer to him.

Chihaya's yelp broke Taichi's break of self-control. He was suddenly all too aware of Chihaya's warm body pressed up against him.

Shit! What in the hell did I do? I was almost about to kiss her!

Taichi could do nothing expect say a sheepish sorry, and take off his hand and release her, expecting her to immediately get off and ask him confused questions. Taichi could probably no doubt come up with some creative excuses, and then they would go to a late-night pastry bakery, where Taichi would jiggle Chihaya away with his elbow to pay the bill. Everything will be forgotten.

Instead, to Taichi's horror and amazement and happiness Chihaya stayed there, twisting herself around a bit and then resting her head on his neck. "So I guess you want to watch the stars a bit before going?"

God, Taichi figured he would have a heart attack before the night was over.

"Fine by me. You're really warm, you know. Comfy," she joked cheerfully, her shampoo scent wafting up into Taichi's nose.

Chihaya was to blame for everything.

And as he realized this, Chihaya's body right next to his, he decided never to give up on her.

Arata. I see you coming, and I know that you could have Chihaya with a flick of a hand or a pairing of words.

But even then I'll have her. I'll chase her. Because my love for her will always be stronger than yours will ever be.

Chihaya's silk hair pooled around at Taichi's chest. With only a tiny bit of hesitation, Taichi reached up with his right hand, and then gently, tenderly stroked it, his hand hovering and shaking. Chihaya sighed and pushed her head more into Taichi's neck. Taichi breathed as quietly as he could, so he could hear every movement and sigh of hers.

You see Arata, you're right, Chihaya doesn't belong to anyone, and she never will be. But I will be the one to stay be her side.

Thanks for reading.