Courage

Akafuri

Silent Agony

I grip the cold railing with my frozen fingers, inhaling the fresh scent of a cold winter day. A chilly breeze nips at my ears, my cheeks, my nose, whipping my hair away from my face. But nothing can distract me from my current predicament. Staring into the empty courtyard of my school, I close my eyes and flashback to earlier that day…

"Hi everyone," Riko, the club's coach, shouts cheerfully, waving around her arms. Internally, the entirety of the Seirin basketball team is freaking out. What could this possibly mean?

"She...why is she so cheerful?" Kagami mutters from beside me. "We did lose the Winter Cup, right? Right, Kuroko?"

Kuroko, Kagami's closest friend, could only shrug. "We lost, so she must be very disappointed." But he could not elaborate, since he doesn't know what's going on either. Since the three of us are first-years, we turn to the team's captain, Hyuuga-senpai, for some more clarification.

But one look at his face confirms our suspicions that something – and not a good something – is about to happen. He looks pale, and as the person who knows her best, I could only imagine what kind of horror she has in store for us. I clench my fists to stop the butterflies from mauling my gut, but no such luck.

"We'll just have to take it like men," I manage to squeak.

Kuroko and his stoic blue eyes bore into me. It's all I can do to maintain eye contact with him. It is obvious that he is concerned about my well being – after all, the one the least capable of handling anything that coach Riko tosses at us is me.

"So, as you all know…" Riko breaks off the staring contest. "We all lost the Winter Cup last weekend, didn't we?" She smiles, which petrifies everyone. In fact, I'm so terrified that I think I may have just pissed my pants. "I'm sure you may have all forgotten about our promise to become number one in Japan, but I definitely won't let you guys off the hook. So, tomorrow, please meet up on the roof before the morning assembly."

"No, no way," Teppei-senpai, a second year, stutters. "Rakuzan is unbeatable. Don't do this to us, Riko," he wails, tugging on her arm.

"What…what are you talking about?" Kagami huffs, who is clearly not getting it.

"She wants us to confess naked from the rooftop, Kagami-kun" Kuroko mutters through the side of his mouth.

"That's right. Remember?" Riko grins. "Don't lose next time, understood? Winter is cold when naked," she quotes herself. It takes a couple moments but Kagami replies quickly with, "EHHHH?"

Kuroko face palms. "Riko, this is sort of a bizarre request. I'm afraid we'll have to decline." Everyone else on the Seirin team turns to him gratefully, with tears in his eyes. Oh, what courage he has to stand up to the coach! Meanwhile, I'm inching away slowly, realizing that I may just owe Kuroko my life.

"You can't refuse!" Riko says sternly. "Otherwise, I'll make practice hell for you guys."

Maybe I'm just screwed, either way.

Kippei-senpai cries out again. "Second, Riko! We're ranked second, nationally. Aren't you proud of that?" He desperately pleads with Riko as the rest of the team sinks to the ground in despair, their souls flying out of their bodies. "Rikooooooo…" Tears are leaking from his eyes as the rest of us watch in speechlessness.

However, even Teppei-senpai's begging accomplishes nothing. Riko easily shakes him off and makes eye contact with the rest of us, smiling dangerously. In that moment, we all knew that she is dead serious and nothing would persuade her out of it.

"Tomorrow, on the rooftop," she says, picking up her bag and getting ready to leave. "Don't disappoint me, or there will be consequences!"

We all moan as she leaves the gym. Kuroko makes a hefty comparison. "She's almost as scary as Akashi-kun."

I couldn't agree more, so that was why I chose to visit the roof after practice was over. Now, though, looking down at the barren ground, all I can do is shudder. Perhaps it is the ice-cold winter, but more likely, it is the effect of the foreboding feeling I'm getting right now. After all, the person I like…well, it's not a very orthodox pairing.

Sourly, I sit down, the freezing metal railing digging into my back. Less than a year ago, I had stood in the same spot, shouting from the top of my lungs. The girl I had liked back then had rejected me numerous times, more times than I could count on my fingers. She told me to become the best at something. So I joined Seirin's basketball team, because no matter what, I wasn't ready to let her go. And when I did, all I could feel was a sense of emptiness, as if all my emotions were sucked out by some demon.

A demon, indeed, one with crimson, flaming hair, heterochromatic eyes, an overbearing attitude and a superiority complex.

"Uwahhh," I moan out loud. How did I, Furihata Kouki, end up in such a difficult situation? Not only are we both complete opposites, in terms of wealth, social standing, ability, intelligence, and personality, he is a guy, no less! And what good for me would come out of this awfully thought up pairing? All the guy could do is boss me around. Our relationship, if we even have one, would be demoted to servant and master.

After all, I would everything he says, because I'm a coward, aren't I?

Gritting my teeth, I try not to cry, curling my arms around my knees and tucking in my head. How did this even happen? It was just an accidental meeting, because Riko had forced me into escorting Kuroko to the ex-captain of the Teiko team. It was such an awkward meeting, because someone like me should've never been there to begin with. First off, the Generation of Miracles commanded an air of awe and respect. I felt embarrassed to be with them; even Kuroko gave off of that vibe, and I knew him pretty well!

But they all paled in comparison to Akashi Seijuurou. His intimidating aura, his glinting eyes, and expressionless mask all added to the tense atmosphere. The way he held himself was arrogant, cocky, superior, but in a way that he knew no one would fight back. Everything about him, every word, every movement, every glance, implied how serious he was about, well, everything. In that moment, I knew that he wasn't just "scary," "insane," or "psycho," he was the Emperor…an Emperor who didn't need to even look at me to command me, to break me down into the fragile fragments I was made out of. No, it took one look and his sense of presence completely overwhelmed me. If he had told me, right there and then, to do something unspeakable, I would, without a single regret.

I shudder, cradling my head in wretched, silent agony.

No doubt, it was then, or maybe sometime after, but either way, when I felt the little tingles in my fingers and in my heart, I knew it was not good. It's been several days since the accidental meeting, but I haven't been able to banish his handsome features from my mind. Instead, the thought of him lingers and lingers, worming itself into every aspect of my life. Not a minute goes by when I'm not thinking of him, and when I finally get distracted, something always brings me back – Kagami's fiery hair, a gold pendant that some girl is wearing, every freaking pair of scissors I come across.

Even things that have nothing relatable to him begin to pop up everywhere. I start seeing his face in my soup, his name in my textbooks, hearing his voice from classrooms even though I know that he attends Rakuzan. I'm at my breaking point. I don't even want to touch a basketball at this point.

Gurgling, I roll over to my side. Akashi, insane? Well, what does that make me? As I pull myself back into a sitting position, the door to the rooftop opens up. A glint of blue hair makes me stand up, as Kuroko sticks his head out into the cold.

"Um, Furihata-kun? We were wondering where you were. Let's go home together, shall we?" He waves me over and stumbling, I manage to make my way to him.

"Ah, were you waiting for me?" I ask, embarrassed. "You shouldn't have."

"Well, the other first-years and I played rock-paper-scissors to figure out who should try to find you." Kuroko shrugs apathetically. "It's no matter, I live close to the school."

Scissors. Oh, God, of all things, why did he mention that? I can't stop the uncontrollable blush from exploding over my cheeks. Thankfully, the cold will cover it up. I'm sure that my cheeks are already bright red…

"Are you blushing?" Kuroko asks as we travel down the staircase leading to the roof.

"O-o-of course not," I stutter. "No way. Why would I be blushing?"

He looks at me.

I look back.

He knows. He definitely knows. There's no way he doesn't know! It's so obvious, it's written all over my face. He knows who I likeeee!

"Ah," he says knowingly. "You're worried about tomorrow. I think everyone is, so please don't worry."

Urk! He really doesn't know. He has absolutely no idea. How do I break this kind of news to him? Biting my lip, I suddenly burst out, "It's a guy! I like a guy. Can I really announce something like that to the entire school? What should I doooo?" I sound like I'm flipping out, but I mean, at least I'm doing it in front of Kuroko and not the others. "I'll lose all of my respect, if I even had some to begin with!"

"Then it shouldn't be a problem. I mean, about respect," Kuroko smiles at me reassuringly. Granted, this is the most emotion I've seen on his face, ever. "You could always lie. The senpais are debating over it."

I frown. My policy is to be honest, which is something Kuroko and I have in common. "Yes, but…" I don't need to say any more, as my companion understands fully.

As we leave the school grounds, I look over my shoulder towards the roof. Tomorrow morning, I will spill my guts there, like it or not. I didn't have a choice. "Ah, who knew I'd be cornered this way," I cry out loud.

Kuroko is thoughtful, but also curious. "So, who is this guy?"

I tap my fingers against my chin. "I guess I might as well tell you. He's…um…" My cheeks are warm again. My tongue is tangled, and can't force out the name. "U-u-uhm, h-he's…" Should I just go the roundabout route…?

"AKASHI SEIJUUROU!" I scream out loud. "I admit it, Kuroko; I don't know why, but I am insanely attractive to this guy!"

Kuroko almost spits out the water he's drinking. I can see that his composure slips, for just a moment. Glancing sideways, I notice that he actually legitimately looks shocked. Startled. Surprised. Astonished.

He wipes his mouth and nods. "Okay…so, the girl you spoke about in the beginning of the year? You no longer like her?" Ah, a change in topic! What a sneaky bastard, but it distracts me and brings me down from the adrenaline that had suddenly shot into my head.

"Y-yes," I mutter quietly. Wow, I totally lost it earlier. I need to calm down. I'm known for being quiet and nervous, so to me, that was way out of hand. "Ever since the Winter Cup, I no longer think about her." She's been replaced. "I…after years and years, finally, I let go of her. But it hurt. And now everything hurts even more."

He doesn't say the obvious – it's been three days – which is relieving. I don't think he would disapprove, but still. Three days? What is this, Romeo and Juliet? Although, I don't think I would mind if this ended up that way, other than the whole dying part.

"At least," he says slowly. "You won't have to confess to him straight in the face. He doesn't attend Seirin, so…at least, your secret will be safe with us. Chances are, no one at Seirin knows him, or at least personally. I'm sure that," he takes a breath from talking so much, "everyone else is a much perilous predicament. After all, their crushes are probably attend our school."

"That's true," I mumble, as my nerves fizz from anxiety. "Okay, I agree with you."

He offers me a tiny smile. Jeez, he sure is expressive today. "Also, at least they'll only see us butt naked from the roof."

I smile back. "Yes. Thanks to you, I think, I'll have enough courage to stand up there tomorrow."

"Yes, well, it's a tough pill to swallow, but it's not like you'll die from the experience," Kuroko says woodenly. "You should be fine. Actually, is it selfish that I worry about the rest of the team than you? After all, it should be very interesting news."

Is it just me, or is he now the one that sounds stressed out? I raise an eyebrow, and Kuroko purposefully averts his gaze. Ah, well, I'll leave that secret to him, then. Whoever it is…that person is lucky, because Kuroko is a type of person that doesn't appear very often.

Man, am I really going to be okay? I can't help but think that despite this pep talk, I'm going to freeze up tomorrow. Because I'm a coward, aren't I? I almost feel like sobbing, but I think I'll wait until I get under my covers before I do that. After all, the first time Akashi and I met…he told me to leave. He didn't even so much spare a minute on me. Just told me to leave. "Sorry, but can you leave?" he had said. Such simple, plain words, but loaded with an intimidating tone that I could not help but hear. An edge that sent my heart racing and my head throbbing; I had become so terrified I couldn't so much as move.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe that's the problem.

At home, I collapse on my bed. And then I cry. I really, really, really want him, but by no means would I ever get him. He probably doesn't even know my face, much less my name. Even if he did…aren't I just the "guy who interrupted the Generation of Miracles meeting?"

And…if…

Wait, how do I know that I'll even see him again? Maybe this year was a total stroke of luck. Luck, that we even made it this far, to challenge Rakuzan. And it's not even like I could bump into him in town, or anything. After all, Rakuzan is located in Kyoto, miles and miles away from here.

The pillow muffles my pathetic sobs. It's cold. Everything is so, bitterly cold.

A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basuke. I wish I did, though.

Ah, I haven't written a fanfic in a while. I mean, it's been a year. I think my writing style completely crashed and burned, so I apologize if you're reading this. Seriously. You…you are brave! But, to save your sanity, maybe you should stop here?