The first time he lost her it had felt like a cold knife had slipped between his ribs and into his heart. He couldn't help the guilt that had crawled into the wound and seeped into his very bones. She had given her life…for him. Who was he to deserve to be saved while she was blown away by the Anti-Monitor? Why did he not do something more to protect her?

Truthfully he should have died with Ilana all those years ago. He'd thought his heart certainly had. But then Aya had come into being (quite literally) right in front of him. Seeing her in a physical form for the first time…it had entranced him. He'd soon after begun to notice how her brow would wrinkle when she was studying something. And how her mouth would curve up in a slight smile whenever he spoke. And how the lilt of her voice, still robotic and staccato but so very her, would put him at ease no matter the situation.

And then he'd lost her. He thought for sure he would end his life this time; what was the point in being in a universe without her?

But then the gods decided to bless (curse?) him with her return. Her apparent resurrection had been a cold reminder that she was nothing at all like him or their crewmates. She was a computer, a string of code and numbers in a hardlight shell. Denial was nothing new to Razer, but he couldn't take losing her again, not when the first time had been so excruciating.

Little did he know that only her loss a second time would be his redemption…