She hates showing emotion.

It's not so much that she hates the emotion itself, but her human need to have it. That, and the mask of calm displayed by most, if not all, of her coworkers. They remain detached and unaffected so easily, while she struggles with a melting pot of feelings seething just below the surface—rage, hate, joy, love, sorrow and utter despair.

She tries to remain cool and reserved—no laughing, no smiling.

Not that they've had much to laugh or smile at lately.

But, foremost, she never lets herself cry.

Most of the time she can get away with it, but the rare occurrences of voice contact are the hardest—like telephone calls, their propinquity deceiving.

Maintaining such placidity is no picnic, that she will readily admit. Oftentimes she finds herself slipping, pouring out her heart to Dr. Swain without even realizing it or letting a grin creep onto her face when she's off-guard. It makes her want to slap herself at times.

But she can never bring herself to actually do it.

And she knows that's because she's too easy on herself.

###

Worrying has always been one of Raymond Swain's specialties, and Tic Toc is the perfect home for a worrier, which is because there's so much to be concerned over. In grammar and high school he worried over tests and which teachers would act vicious on any given day. College spurred on anxiety about his friends going off the deep end—and fear that he would follow them. When they were sent back he was apprehensive for Doug and Tony.

And now he worries over Ann MacGregor.

He knows she tries to hide anything and everything that she feels, but the glimpses he gets of her when she thinks no one is looking are painful.

Eyes are said to be the windows of the soul, and in her case this is true—they tell everything. He can read the sadness, the anger, the delight in them just as easily as he could read a book.

And the only time he saw her and not her eyes, it didn't matter. Everything else spoke for her.

Sending Doug back was difficult for all of them, but especially her. He could see her shake as she pulled the lever, shivering as if in the cold of a December evening.

Then she looked up, just for a moment, after it was all done and the second physicist's fate was sealed. She lowered her gaze soon after, but he'd seen it.

Her eyes, sparkling with tears as she stared at her hands, seemed to emit only one word.

Murderer.