disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or anything related.
dedicated to: The fantabulous Nina (lame lame and lamer), who has just gotten back from camp, and whom I missed very, very much. :3 I hope you enjoy this, Nina, darling!
And also, for Laura (loveislouder94) and Allie (dimitrisgirl18), who wrote me the most beautiful RemusTonks one-shots for my birthday, and this is my way of saying thank you. :3
written for: If You Dare, Songfic Bootcamp, All Canon Bootcamp, Alphabetized and Randomized Challenge (RemusTonks), Game of Life Challenge (write about someone getting engaged), Inspirational Quote Challenge (Now the moon is waiting for you to burn bright and there has never been a time when your light was needed more, never a time like this before - Andrea Gibson), What A Word! Challenge (chaston), Diagon Alley Fic Crawl (Flourish & Blotts, golden, "I didn't mean for you to find out this way", RemusTonks), Andrea Gibson Quote Challenge (Insanity is not seeing people that aren't there. It's ignoring those that are. - Andrea Gibson), Comedies & Tragedies Challenge (Tragedy), House Cup Competition, Round 1 (heartbeat, relieved, "That changes nothing", broken quill), Perfectly Challenging Challenge (halo, window seat, arrogant), All Sorts of Love Competition (CrossGen), Camp Potter: First Aid (wishing well, broken strings, "It's over, isn't it?"), Fanfiction Academy: English Assessment 2, Hugs & Happiness Challenge - Nina.
"Where love is concerned, too much is not even enough." - Pierre Beaumarchais
:-:
Remus is a shy man, and an outspoken man, but he is a Gryffindor, as well, and this young Hufflepuff with rainbow hair should not affect him so, not at all.
:-:
Tonks thinks him almost arrogant when they first meet. He rarely talks, he hardly looks at anyone, and he is certainly the leader; but she realizes quickly that his silence is not because of disinterest, or a belief of superiority.
Actually, she doesn't know why he's so quiet. She'll find out, though. She always does.
:-:
"He's.. interesting, I suppose." She eyes the man in question as she speaks. "I wish I knew what he was thinking sometimes."
"Oh, it's easy to see what Remus is thinking." Molly chuckles. "Just look where he looks, and it's written across his face."
"That's it - he doesn't look at anything!"
The red-haired woman sips tea as she laughs. "You're just not paying attention, dear," she says, as if she knows something Tonks doesn't. "He's always looking at someone."
Molly raises her eyebrows suggestively, but the young Auror is no longer paying attention. She's looking at a certain werewolf, a frustrated crease on her brow.
:-:
His heartbeat picks up when she walks past him. He finds himself looking at her more than is necessary. Her voice replays itself in his mind, all day, everyday, especially her laugh. He loves her laugh.
Remus is no fool; he knows what is happening, but he also knows that he will resist, because he is guided by broken strings, and she deserves much more than that.
:-:
He finds her, sitting on a window seat in one of the many bedrooms in Grimmuald Place. She looks out of place, with darkness covering nearly every crevice of the room other than her hair and eyes.
"You know, Remus," she says, not looking away from the window, "if weren't so bloody stubborn, maybe you could be happy." By this time, they are both aware of their feelings for each other.
But he will not relent. He won't let her throw her life away.
"I am happy," he answers carefully. He starts to walk away, but she jumps up, glaring at him with anger coating her features and her fists clenched tight, and he knows he can't leave, not yet.
"No, you're not." Her voice is quiet. "You love me and you want to be with me and I know, okay, I know that you want me! You've somehow convinced yourself that you're not good enough for me, because you're a werewolf or you're poor or whatever other rubbish you've come up with. Remus, I'm a strong woman and I'll decide for myself who can love me and you - you are good enough for me." She's risen in volume through the middle of her lecture, but now, her voice is quiet again.
And now she stares at him, her eyes feeling like they're burning through his skull, panting.
For a moment, he looks at her and he's tempted to laugh, and say he loves her, too, and apologize and kiss her - but then he looks at her and he remembers that he loves her too much to make her happy.
"You're right," he says. Instantly, her stature becomes relieved, and she smiles smugly, before he continues. "You're right, Nymphadora, you are a strong woman. You deserve better."
She's outraged. "Remus, I love you!"
"I'm sorry," he replies, walking out, "but that changes nothing."
:-:
Dumbledore had always been there. Through James' death, Dumbledore had been there. Through Lily's death, Dumbledore had been there. Even through Sirius' - Dumbledore had been there. Dumbledore had always been fighting, always been strong, and always been unbreakable.
No one is unbreakable, not even Dumbledore.
:-:
After the incident in the Hospital Wing, they have a conversation.
"I love you," he says, to her astonished figure, as the moon slowly rises behind them on the balcony. "I'm sorry." He's not sure what he's apologizing for - be it his stubbornness, or his love for her, or the war - but she obviously forgives him.
Tonks throws her arms around his neck and presses her head into his chest and breathes in - he smells of peppermint, ash, and cinnamon. She vows to never forget that combination.
Later, she will press her lips to his, and he will respond accordingly, but at that moment in time, they hold each other; and as he gazes past her at the stars, he realizes that he is the Moon and she is the Sun and he has never shone brighter, never, before he met her.
:-:
Their life together is surprisingly easy. It's only a few short weeks after that first kiss that he decides he wants it forever; or, for the rest of his life.
Whichever comes first.
:-:
The ring is the simplest step. A Muggle woman guides him, he'd asked Arthur about it before heading out, and it's really a question of how much he's willing to spend.
Anything, for her, of course, but he only has two hundred Muggle pounds, and most are pushing that.
He eventually decides on an elegant one, with a golden chaston, a silver ring, and a single diamond. It's not extravagant, but it's beautiful, and he knows that it's hers from the moment he sees it.
:-:
"We don't have much time left," he admits, looking at the ground. "And I just want to spend the rest of mine with you." Slowly, he looks up, into her shining blue eyes. "Will you marry me, Nymphadora?"
She bites her lip, and then she's practically flying; her arms are around him and she's saying, "Don't call me that, you git," and he can feel her shoulders shake with tears.
He hopes they're of joy, then he closes his eyes and buries his face in her hair.
:-:
The wedding is a small event. Only the closest family and friends are invited. Everything runs together in Remus' mind. There's a cake and a reception and a beautiful, beautiful woman walking towards him.
And then there's a kiss and an "I do," and suddenly he's spinning his wife across the dance floor.
:-:
Soon after this, they're living in peace (as peaceful as they can be during a war), but it doesn't last.
"I didn't mean for you to find out this way," she cries as he walks into the bathroom, only to find her sitting on the marble floor and gazing at a check sign that's hovering in mid-air in front of her.
"Remus, come back!" She scrambles up as quickly as she can, racing out the door, but he's already out of sight.
She sighs. He'll come back, she knows he will. At the moment, there are more pressing matters to attend to.
The check means that she's pregnant.
:-:
He does come back, that night, when she's fast asleep. Remus doesn't linger; for a moment, he takes in her scent silently, and then he searches until he comes up with a paper, quill, and ink.
Dora, he writes.
I'm a monster. I profusely apologize for what you must go through for my selfishness; I'm leaving and don't worry, I will not pester you again.
I am sorry that you're alone, but I'm not sorry that I'm leaving.
Remus
He could write more, but he's pressed so hard against the paper that he's broken the quill, so he chucks it the bin, leaves the note on the table, returns the ink, and vanishes.
:-:
I am sorry that you're alone, it reads. But I'm not sorry that leaving.
Tonks is blown away at how stupid her husband is.
Yes, he's a werewolf. Yes, she's pregnant with a werewolf's child.
That does not give him clearance to run away.
He will be back, though, because he has to be.
:-:
A month later, after being knocked to his senses by a seventeen-year-old, he appears at their - her house again.
She's sitting by the porch, looking alarmingly thin, other than her slightly swelling belly. She turns when he enters the room, looks him dead in the eye, and says, with the ghost of a smile, "I thought you said you wouldn't pester me anymore."
Remus takes a deep breath. "I did say that," he reasons. "I also said, though, that I love you, many months ago." He returns her stare. "I meant it, you know."
She's smiling now, really smiling, as she replies, "I meant it, too."
"What?"
"That I love you."
"Oh." He flushes. "Good."
"You're crazy, though."
His head snaps up instantly. "I am not!"
"You are." Tonks has a smug expression on her face. "Insanity is not seeing hallucinations, Remus; it's ignoring people who care about you."
This makes him lower his eyes slightly. "I apologize."
"Don't apologize," his wife says. "Just kiss me, please."
Remus grins as he does so.
:-:
Teddy Remus Lupin is born on a chilly March day. Tonks is instantly in love; for once, so is Remus.
He's born with blond hair that turns to brown that turns to black that turns to blue. His nose has a single freckle on it, and he has all ten fingers and all ten toes, and he shows no signs of being a werewolf.
Tonks is overjoyed by her husband's reaction to becoming a father.
:-:
Everything is calm for Teddy's first few months. The storm is coming, but it's far enough away to not worry; but one day, the storm arrives.
Remus tries not to awaken or upset Teddy, but he is certain that this is goodbye. He kisses his son on the forehead, kisses his wife as passionately as he can manage, and throws on his coat.
"It's over, isn't it?" She sends him a watery smile.
"Yes," he admits. "And no matter what happens, you must stay here."
"What?" Her hair turns red.
"Don't leave." His eyes are, for once, not the least bit soft. They hard and cool. They say, Don't you dare disobey me.
"I want to fight!" She stomps her foot.
"You can't," he says, grasping at the air. "You have to stay with Teddy." He levels a glare at her. "Promise?"
"Promise," she mutters, trying to focus on Teddy's gurgling from the next room.
He's leaving, and this time he may never come back.
:-:
Tonks looks at her son. He has red hair at the moment, and green eyes the color of leaves in the spring. He's tiny fists flail as he laughs at himself, hugging his stuffed bear close in the small playpen.
It'll break her heart to leave him, but it'll break her heart more to stay.
Tonks has always been an independent woman. She's always defended those that she loves. And she loves Remus. She loves Teddy. She can't stand not knowing.
She has to know.
Andromeda agrees to watch Teddy for her immediately, popping in the fireplace and immediately greeting the baby with coos and tickles.
"How long will you be gone?" her mother asks, looking up from her grandson and suddenly turning to her daughter. "And where's Remus - where are you heading off to, Nymphadora?"
"I'm going to meet Remus at Hogwarts," Tonks replies easily. "They.. they think there might be a few Death Eaters there. We should be back by morning, though."
"Oh, Dora," Andromeda gaps. "Do be careful, dear!"
"Of course, Mum." Feeling slightly bad for telling such an utter lie, she quickly makes her mother a cup of tea.
Standing up, and grabbing her coat, she can imagine Harry raising his wand against Voldemort, she can imagine Kingsley fighting a Death Eater, she can imagine her and Remus battling side by side.
The thought of it sends a thrill of both excitement and dread through her.
:-:
"Could I have a minute alone with him, Mum?"
Andromeda's eyes narrow suspiciously, but she only nods, stalking out of the room quietly.
"I love you, Teddy," Tonks says, once her Mum's footsteps disappear. "I'll be back." She kisses him on the cheek, and watches as his hair morphs to match her dark purple. Fighting a tear, she continues, "And if I don't come back, well - I still love you."
:-:
He sees her immediately.
"Dora!" he shouts, attracting more attention than is good to himself. Their eyes meet across the courtyard. She smirks.
"You didn't think I'd let you run off on your own, did you?" she yells, back, and then he runs to her and kisses her searingly, one more time.
"You should've stayed," he says. "But I'm glad you didn't."
"Me, too," she whispers, and then dashes off to fight.
:-:
And now, laying beside him, she knows that she made the right choice. She could never have stayed. Dying together is better than dying alone, after all.
She wishes they could've lived a long life with Teddy. But when you wish from a wishing well, you can't be angry when it ends. And, anyway, there is no end. Not for them.
She knows he's so quiet now. It's because he's lost so much that he'd forgotten how to want, how to need; luckily, she'd fixed that.
Her eyes are closing, and she can practically see a halo above Remus' head beside her. She's leaving, but not really leaving, because although her soul will disappear like a wisp in the wind, her fingerprints will remain on the carpet of this life forever.
And she and Remus will never part again; after all, they are unbreakable.
:-:
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