Author's Note: "dropping dead like a sack of potatoes" refers to Hector and Farina's A support, where she faints in the middle of the battle.

A hundred thanks to Rexnos for being such a helpful beta! This chapter is hopefully better than when it got to him (although I can't promise quality of any real kind on so little sleep).

Chapter Three: In Which Eliwood Doesn't Get Paid Enough For This

"Eliwood," said Hector as he burst into the room.

"I know I've talked to you before about knocking," he said calmly. Farina peeked under Hector's arm to see that he was sitting at the room's wooden table, writing something (probably boring). He didn't even look up.

"I need answers before my head splits open and you're going to give them to me."

"We've talked about saying 'please,' too."

Hector gave an inarticulate growl, and Farina realized then that Eliwood was toying with them just as Lyn had—but more subtly. She decided to try her luck, since Hector was terrible with subtle things.

"Lord Eliwood," she ventured as she stepped around him and into the room, "we'd like to apologize for whatever trouble we've caused, but…we actually have no idea what trouble we've caused. So far the inn is intact, and Lowen and Kent are both okay."

"Which means Lyn was spewing bullsh—"

"Hector," Eliwood said, "there is a lady present."

"Is there? Is there really? Because Lyn seems to think, even though she's a liar—"

"Please, Lord Eliwood," Farina interrupted, not wanting to get into what Lyn thought of her or her reputation. "Please just tell us the truth."

"See?" Eliwood asked Hector as he gestured to her, finally looking up from his papers. "Tact. You should obtain eight tankards of that."

"Eight?" Hector sounded impressed, and turned to Farina with that damn smug smile. "I told you I won."

"I can drink eight, easy!"

"And so you did," said Eliwood flatly as he returned to his work.

"Come on," said Hector. "Are you going to tell us or what?"

"No. I think not."

"You bring this upon yourself," said Hector in a warning tone. "I'll tell her about the first time I got you drunk."

The colour drained from Eliwood's face. "You will not."

"Try me!"

"A gentleman does not give in to brute force or idle threats to his reputation."

"Okay," said Hector as he turned to Farina, "keep in mind that at this point in our lives, Eliwood had never even held a girl's hand before. We sneak out one night and—"

"All right, all right!" Eliwood said as he stood. "Get inside and close the door!"

"I don't give idle threats," said Hector, and shut it behind them with a grin.

"First things first," said Farina. "Who won the contest?"

"The contest was abandoned," Eliwood said tiredly, leaning against the edge of the desk. "So I suppose it was a stalemate."

Hector looked at her and she could read his thoughts easily: Abandoned? That couldn't be right. They were both far too competitive for that.

"You're lying like Lyn," Hector challenged, but Eliwood only flushed.

"I am not!"

"I'd never leave a contest unfinished!"

"Apparently you will, if she climbs into your lap and you decide to give her that!" Eliwood gestured to the giant mark on her neck and she glared back. Hector was quick to argue,

"You can't prove that! It's more believable to say I trounced her and went off with another woman while she was with another man!"

"You—" Farina started, but Eliwood cut her off:

"When has Lyn ever lied, Hector? Ever? Her upbringing forbids it. If she's told you that some things are true and some are false, then something must be true. And you've proven everything else false."

But he blushed deeper as he said it, and Farina could tell something was fishy.

"There's more," she guessed, heart sinking.

"N-Not much more."

"Please?" she tried again, opening her eyes to look innocent, which made Hector snort:

"A little late for that now, Farina."

"Just be at ease knowing that most of the army had retired, by then." Eliwood had started to stammer. "Your actions were uncomfortable enough, but the things you were saying to each other—you especially, Hector—I mean—it was so—" He didn't seem able to finish his sentence.

"It was so what?" Hector demanded. He took a step forward and Eliwood took one back, behind his chair.

"Neither of you were thinking clearly, so what does it matter? Why just embarrass you both now?"

"You have to." Hector stepped around the chair and Eliwood moved with him, putting the desk between them. Before Farina knew it, they were circling around it, Hector chasing and Eliwood fleeing with every exchange:

"The past is the past, Hector. No damage was done and we should all move on."

"I mean it, Eliwood!"

"I shan't!"

"Tell us!" Hector made a grab over the desk and Eliwood sprang back, narrowly avoiding it.

"What did I tell you about tact?"

With a growl, Hector vaulted clear over the desk and pinned Eliwood to the wall. "I'm not going to ask you again!"

"Maybe when you and I are alone, then," he answered, looking less intimidated and more world-weary. "Farina doesn't deserve to relive any of this."

"No way," said Farina. "This is my business just as much as it is his. If I said something stupid I want to know, and if he said something stupid, he said it to me."

"So you might as well admit defeat," said Hector, letting Eliwood go to fold his arms.

Eliwood pressed his lips together before he told him, quietly, "You asked her to return to Ostia with you, if you both survived all this."

Hector, to Farina's astonishment, turned bright red. She began to tremble a little as he blustered, "What? No way."

"And pet names," Eliwood added. "You called her the most ridiculous pet names." Hector's retort was to grab the front of his shirt and slam him against the wall again, but he only sighed. "Do you see why I shouldn't have told you? Those are difficult words to hear when they're not meant."

"How the hell do you know they weren't meant?"

Hector was still red, and Farina voiced a disbelieving, quavering "What?", but Eliwood wasn't done yet:

"And you," he continued, now to her, past the tense bulk of Hector's arm as if he wasn't being accosted in any manner whatsoever, "asked that Hector take you to his room. And not just that night, but always. Lyndis and I intervened then, although it was clear that you both were going to be too busy throwing up to start anything amorous."

She blushed like the men were, so hard and so fast that her head began to pound again.

"Sure, I said that!" she managed. "He's got a nicer room than me! I just wanted to sleep somewhere without a draft, is all!"

Hector dropped Eliwood and turned to face her, shock slapped across his face. "You wanted me?"

"He only said I wanted to go to your room," she said lightly. "Maybe to have tea."

"Oh, of course," Eliwood muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Farina, I—if I'd known—every night? Like a husband? That's serious." He had a strange, steady look in his eyes that wasn't quite lust. She realized in a moment that it was awe. "You really wanted to start something serious with me?"

"I know my place, Lord Hector!"

"That's not what I asked."

She felt her eyes start to sting with humiliation. She couldn't be serious with Lord Hector of Ostia. She was nobody. She couldn't sleep with him or sleep next to him or go back to Ostia and court him; she couldn't be a lady and help take care of all the peasants. She was a peasant, and she couldn't even take care of her own sisters or fight a battle without dropping half-dead like a sack of potatoes.

"Farina," he said in a quieter voice, "nobody takes me seriously."

"That's not serious!" she protested uselessly. She'd always felt for him; leave it to her to get drunk enough to admit it! "Asking me to move to your home with you is serious!"

"I knew this would happen, if I said something," said Eliwood. "Look, you both got carried away, is all. Let's not let any awkward feelings dampen the morale. The contest was a stalemate, you each blew off steam, and nothing reckless happened. So we can all go back to the way things were, right?"

Hector thought about this for a minute, looking at her so intently it made her feel nervous. Finally he answered "No," and grabbed her arm, pulling her against him for a kiss.

Her first instinct was to break away: he was a lord still, and her employer at that, and who knew if they'd both even survive the war? Eliwood was right: it was stupid to start a romance now, stupid to feel anything at all. But she couldn't help it; his lips felt familiar, and the kiss was surprisingly tender. As her eyes slipped shut she heard Eliwood mutter,

"For heaven's sake."

That made Hector break away, smiling rather roguishly, and she glanced at Eliwood to see that he'd covered his eyes with a hand—although whether he was exasperated or embarrassed, she wasn't sure. The thought made her smile, too.

"That's it," he said without looking at them, like he feared they might start something more indecent right there in front of him. "I'm done. Tell Lyn I did my best."

He beat a hasty retreat, and Farina put a hand over her mouth to cover a little laugh. Everything seemed so absurd that she couldn't help it. Hector removed it to kiss her again.

"The poor man," she said when he broke away. "We've caused him too much trouble."

"He got off easy, compared to Lyn. Let's go; it's time for our vengeance. Besides, I have a question she needs to answer."

"What question?" she asked as he took her hand and pulled her into the hallway. "What vengeance? Lady Lyn seems near-invincible."

"I don't know how to get it out of her, yet, but I'll think of something."

"Get what out of her?"

"After all that trouble, they still put us in the same bed. That doesn't make sense, does it? And I bet she's not going to tell us why, so we'll have to blackmail it out of her."

"Speaking of that: what was your blackmail against Lord Eliwood?" she asked curiously as they travelled down the hall. "I have to hear the end of the story, now."

"Oh, there's no story," he said with a grin. "That's the funniest part. I got him drunk before he realized it, I took him to a tavern, and some woman climbed into his lap and tried to get him to pay her for her time. He just ended up crying all over her because he was so ashamed to be drunk. He thought that if she approached him, she must have thought he was the sort of man who would use a hungry woman like that, and he couldn't bear the idea that anyone could even think that of him. He didn't touch her and ended up paying her anyway, so she could be at ease for a night, but he hates when I tell people the story. Like it's his fault that she picked him in the first place."

"I think," she said, "this is the strangest army I've ever gotten mixed up in."

"It's probably about to get worse," said Hector as he stopped, released her hand, and knocked extremely hard on the door they stood before. Lyn swung it open, already rolling her eyes.

"Did you have to knock like that? I thought you had a headache."

He shouldered her aside, and once Farina was in the room, shut the door behind them all. "We just spoke with Eliwood. He told us everything. It wasn't nice to send us on a wild goose chase like that."

"And it wasn't nice to make us clean up your vomit all night," she snapped back, folding her arms. "Thank your gods you don't have long hair, because I certainly wasn't holding it back."

"We've caused you a lot of trouble—" Farina began, but Hector cut her apology off:

"And you've gotten your revenge. We're even, now, and we all know the truth. But I still have a question."

"What makes you think I feel like answering it?"

"So help me, I will pull your gods-damned hair so hard—"

Halfway through his bluff, Farina had an idea. Hector's blackmail had helped them with Eliwood, but he was no match for Lyn. Farina had to come up with something, this time.

"We bothered Kent," she blurted, making both of them stop and look at her. "He said he didn't want any part of your game, but we went to him for answers anyway, because he wouldn't ever lie. I bet he didn't go to sleep, either, while you were up having a hard time. If you won't tell us, we'll have to go back to him."

"He doesn't deserve that," she said sharply, and Hector grinned.

"Maybe I should go downstairs and ask him how last night went; him staying up with his lady. Tell him I'm keeping an eye on him."

"Hector, how dare you—he doesn't—I wouldn't—!"

They had her. He squeezed Farina's hand for a second before he said,

"Answer me this: how come, after all that carrying on and complaining and saying that Farina and I scandalized the entire army, you and Eliwood put us in the same bed? That was just asking for something to get messy."

Lyn rolled her eyes again and answered, "You were both way too drunk and exhausted to do anything, especially after all the puking. Eliwood took care of you and I took care of Farina, but you both kept asking about the other, so we figured…well, Eliwood said we shouldn't separate you."

"It was his idea? I don't believe that."

"It's true," she said, shifting a little uncomfortably. "He said that if Ninian were still alive, he'd never pass up the chance to stay with her. Just to sleep beside her. He didn't want to deny that to you two, even if in the morning you both realized it was just the ale talking."

Hector opened his mouth and closed it again. Farina didn't know what to say to that, either.

"So I guess," Lyn said, a little gently, "we didn't want you to waste a good thing. Just in case it was a good thing. I had my doubts on your end, Hector."

"Hey!" He reined in his temper with a deep breath. "Well…I guess I should thank you both, then. This worked out all right. Even though you probably didn't want us to start such a good thing in such a manner," he added with a laugh that was—if Farina didn't know any better—a little embarrassed. He was looking at her again, all of a sudden. "I think you deserve an apology most of all, Farina."

"I've had enough stomach-churning moments for a while," said Lyn. "Can't you be romantic in your own room?"

"The romance has only started. I think we'll go find Kent right now and tell him that you feel—"

"Don't you dare!"

Lyn was on him in a second, and Farina had to yank her off, everybody hollering.

"If you breathe a word, Hector, I will find you in your sleep and—"

"You're not strong enough to slice bread with that little knife of yours, let alone my throat!"

"Can you two just calm down? I didn't get paid for this!"

Farina finally managed to pull Hector out the door, promising Lyn over her shoulder that she'd make him behave.

"And you're welcome!" Lyn shouted to him as they went. "I knew you'd never find a woman without my help!"

The door was closed before he could retort.

"I'm definitely saying something to Kent," he muttered, but didn't move. For a moment they just stood out in the hallway. The silence was new and a little awkward.

"I'm sorry my friends are terrible," he said finally.

"I guess they knew best, in the end."

"Yeah." There was silence for another long moment, until he finally said, "Hey. Farina."

"What?" Her heart leapt up into her throat when he leaned close to her, locked his eyes on hers very sincerely. His voice softened as he told her,

"It wasn't fair to say it drunk, so I'll do it sober: come back to Ostia with me. If we both survive this."

"All right," she told him, smiling. "If I can ask you, sober, to stay the night."

He raised an eyebrow, all his usual devilishness back in his face. "To sleep 'beside you' or to sleep with you?"

"Does it matter?"

"No," he said after a moment of thought, almost as if surprised with himself. "It doesn't."

"Good," she said. "So can we go back to sleep right now, then? My head is still killing me."

"Aye."

They trooped down to the kitchen for water and carried their cups back upstairs: to Farina's room, this time, since Hector's bed probably smelled like their previous night.

"Here's to never doing this again," said Hector, tapping his cup against hers before they drank deeply and climbed into bed. They fell asleep the way they woke: curled up like lovers.

A/N: Whee, finally done! Only took months. Thank you, everyone, for dealing with the wait!