Hi! This was going to be a multi-chapter story with various files, but I chose against it finally. I think that the Map deserves this all to itself. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, settings and artifacts portrayed below.

The Confiscation of the Marauder's Map

File # 4, 322

Many Years Beforehand, 1978

-Day: Monday, July 8th 1978. Fairly warm outside. Pleasant breeze. One week left with the brats.

-Time: During the lunch hour

-Where: In front of the door leading to the fifth story courtyard flanked by the statue of Gregory the Ginormous

-Involved Students: James Potter. Sirius Black. Remus Lupin. Peter Pettigrew. The usual, of course. (Code names respectively: The Eagle, The Raven, The Thunderbird, the Chickadee). Only one week left with them ever.

-Crime: Loitering at inappropriate places with suspicious object.

-Punishment: Confiscation of their toy. A spare bit of parchment it seems- but mark my words, it is probably filled to the brim with magic and hexes and properties. I could have perhaps pushed for a punishment far worst, but they were graduating in a matter of hours. There wasn't much to be done.

-Description of Events: So there I was. Walking around the hallway, hauling behind me my cart of cleaning supplies. The potions exams had gone terribly wrong and the ceiling was plastered with newt eggs and goat turds and sheep liver's jam. A mess! I had used up all of Mr Maggick's Magic Mess-Away Wipes so I had to go up to the Janitor's Headquarters to retrieve some.

I was simply rounding the corner of the two hallways, minding my own business, doing my job.

And I heard them.

First, The Eagle; with that deep laugh that means nothing but trouble in the ears of all in authority who try to correct the delinquent boy. As per usual his shadow, The Raven, joined in. They were huddled around a scrap of parchment, cheering and saying things like (direct quotes from respectively: the Eagle, the Chikadee and the Raven) 'Alright Evans!', 'She's done it!' and 'I had my doubts, but she's definitely a keeper Jamie'.

Now; Lily Evans (codename: The Victim) is a good girl. Never got any trouble with her, always polite, says hello, holds the doors for me when my hands are full and even sometimes when they're not. The only faux-pas she has committed in the eyes of the law and of the faculty is to involve herself with James Potter. Romantically, that is. Teachers had hoped for her to be a positive influence, but I knew better. Potter is a vortex, and good sweet Lily had as much chance as an astronaut in space. So I've been looking out for signs of her going to the dark side, and preparing myself for an early intervention.

Hearing her be praised by members of The Usual was that sign. Affection for her had traveled throughout their little gang and I feared for the worst. Even more influence for the poor Victim.

And at that moment I interfered. I leapt out from behind the corner and called them out. The boys immediately started coughing rather loudly, which was enormously odd seeing as Madam Pomfrey had assured us that the flu epidemic had died down in March.

One boy was not suddenly clearing his breathing passages.

Yes. The Eagle, who else than Potter?, had a wand in his hand and he pointed at the paper held by his accomplices, and mouthed something. A clear, solid spell if I know how to read lips, any.

Another strange thing: Miss Evans was not with them. Why were they then praising her? How did they know that she had done something worthy? It was all very suspicious.

I barked at them:

Me: "Oye! You lot, what are you doing inside?"

The Eagle: Nothing, Filch. What are you doing inside?

Me: I'll have none of that attitude, Potter. What's that you're holding?

The Raven: A bit of spare parchment.

The Thunderbird: Useless bit of parchment really.

The Raven: But you know us. Never know if the teachers may decide that homework is good even for the graduated. We want to be ready, you know us Filch.

Me: That's lies. Don't lie to me, you lot. What does it do?

The Thunderbird: Do, sir?

The Eagle: Well, it permits us to inscribe alphabets onto it, usually the Latin one although Moony here takes Ancient Runes, and then allows us to exchange communication through-

Me [my voice was a fairly threatening snarl that I appreciated from myself]: What did I say about your attitude, boy?

The Eagle: I faintly recall your mentioning that you'd miss it next year.

[The Chickadee made his first vocalisation at this time and laughed]

Me: That's enough for detention, Potter. Now, I'll be taking that thank you very much.

The Chickadee: But sir!

The Raven: Yeah, sir, how do you expect us to do our homework?

Me: Pish-posh. You don't have any homework. And even if you did, you wouldn't dare.

[At this point I snatched it from the Chickadee's hand]

The Thunderbird: But sir, we're about to go into the real world! The job market is dreadful. That's a waste of parchment, how dreadful!

Me: If it makes you feel better Mr Lupin, I'll keep it in my cabinet.

[Now I had enough of them all, having endured them for seven years, and I turned away]

The Raven [he yelled it after me]: If we get in trouble with McGonagall for not completing her latest assignement, we're blaming it on you!

[At this point I retook possession of my cart, stuffed the parchment bit into my robe pocket, and went off]

-Other Information: This artefact isn't anything I've seen recently, and I've seen a lot. I examined the catalogues of joke shops everywhere: everything from Zonko's to Gallifrey's Gags to Hosh-Posh's Hilariousnesses and Laughs. While I cannot prove it; I think this object is unique, which means that this would be something that they would strive to replace.

Furthermore, I later passed them sitting in front of the library with The Victim. There was a conversation went like this:

The Eagle: I can't believe we lost it with one day of school left.

The Victim: I'm sorry James.

[She put her hand on his shoulder. There was physical contact! I have been witness of physical contact between the Eagle and the Victim and I'm afraid that some things cannot be unseen]

The Chickadee: Well, it's not like we'd have needed it, right?

The Eagle: Still, I was quite attached to it. It made us… closer, didn't it?

The Thunderbird: Not to mention that it took us years and we didn't exactly make a log of how to recreate it as we went along.

The Raven: It's not a problem you lot, cheer up. We'll just send Prongs and Evan's first child in to collect it for us.

[Upon which The Victim smacked The Raven, creating a satisfying flesh-to-flesh noise that echoed nicely thanks to the arched ceiling. I understandably chose to play blind]

-Conclusion: So although the parchment is safe from the clutches of The Usual; beware anyone named Potter who enters the castle.