Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight related. I own nothing but the ramblings in this little story.

This story has been tweaked a little and the chapters are being reposted. It will not be abandoned, no matter how long it takes to finish it.

A huge thank you to EdwardsFirstKiss for beta-ing for me. For getting rid of all my "u's" and changing my "s's" to "z's" ;)

Of course thanks still go to the original team - wherever you may be now xx

This story is written for my wonderful friend BB Masen-Cullen. She told me her plot bunny late one night and it wouldn't leave me...So here it is, for you Bree xx

Many Thanks to Caiteexx for my amazing banner. Thanks babe xx

The cemetery gates creak when I push them open. I remind myself to bring oil tomorrow. I've been coming here every day for the past year, and each day I forget. Even though I forget the oil, there are many things I won't allow to slip from my memory. I won't let myself forget what it was like to wake up with her every morning in our oversized bed. Or, how she insisted we have a multitude of decorative pillows adorn said bed, only to toss them onto the floor each night and be set right in the morning. The smell of her strawberry shampoo, the same scent as the body lotion, that she would use. Her tinkling laughter that would always bring a smile to my face, or her bad singing voice that resonated throughout the house. I would always tease her that it would send the neighbourhood dogs running. Most of all, I can never forget the pain of losing her. Today, on the first anniversary of her leaving me, the agony is more intense than ever. The spring weather reflects my mood. Rain pelts down in large droplets, mixing with my tears. Leaving the house with a coat or umbrella was the last thing on my mind this morning.

Making my way through the soggy grounds, I trudge to the other side of the cemetery. The family plots are on the western side of Oak Woods cemetery. An old oak tree shades the final resting place for generations of Cullens. The most recent addition being the reason I'm here. Senna. My beautiful, funny, intelligent Senna. My wife of two years, best friend, lover...soul mate...who was taken from me far too soon.

It feels like yesterday—the pain just as raw now as it was then. The space behind my sternum is still and silent. I rub vigorously there, hoping to remind my heart to beat again. It can't...it's there in the ground with Senna. I can almost feel six feet of dirt on top of my chest, preventing me from taking a full, deep breath. My legs become jelly-like, standing here staring at her plaque. She said she would never leave me, that she couldn't leave me. We were meant to be together forever.

Senna Jane Cullen

Beloved Wife and Daughter

Forever In Our Hearts

3/2/1987 - 5/12/2012

That date...that day replays in slow motion like a bad movie. A year ago today, when I held her tightly to my chest and she closed her tired eyes. I kissed her softly on her parched lips, told her how much I loved her, and that I was letting her go. She took her last breath in my arms while my tears fell in waterfalls down my face and onto hers as my own body shook in anguish.

We were going to start a family. Both being only children, we wanted a large family. We loved kids, and planned on starting early so we could fill our house with the melodic sounds of children's laughter. But the Fates were against us.

At our checkup to ensure we were both healthy enough to start trying, Senna's doctor detected a lump in her left breast. The prognosis was good: a short round of chemo and she would be fine. Then cancer was detected in her lymph nodes. It had spread quickly from there. To watch her go through the procedures...the pain...tore my fucking heart to pieces. We knew she didn't have long. In less than twelve months, she was gone. She fought, oh God did she fight. I knew it was because she didn't want to leave me; she wanted to keep her promise that we'd be together forever.

I drop to my knees on the plush grass to the side of her headstone. I would give my heart and soul to hold her once more, to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. But once more would never be enough. Sobs wrack my body, and I can't hold it in anymore. The pain so intense, like a hot poker being shoved through my heart. Depression has me firmly settled within its dark grasp, and I would willingly die here, knowing I would be with my love soon.

I woke sometime later with no idea of how much time has passed. The sun is almost starting to set and I'm soaked through to the bone and freezing. It's time for me to go, even though I don't want to leave her. I never want to leave her, just like I never wanted her to leave me. I'm a dead man walking, in a nearly literal sense, as I make my way through the cemetery and back to my car. Back to the shell of a life that I have without her. My life is meaningless; I have no desire to be on this earth anymore. If it weren't for my parents and friends trying to hold the micro-thin fibres of my existence together, I would have joined Senna by now.

The gate creaks once again as I exit. I make another mental note to bring some oil tomorrow. My hands are shoved into my wet pockets, my beanie plastered to my head, along with the too long strands of hair underneath. Turning towards the parking lot, I notice a figure on the other side of the narrow road. It's a woman, whose long brown tresses flow down her back. It's hard to see her through the drizzle, and she has an umbrella covering her head. Her figure reminds me of Sen, on the petite side and slim.

I scrub my hand over my face, rubbing the corners of my eyes. The rivers of tears I've cried today have made focusing my eyes difficult. I blink to clear the haze covering my vision. The young lady is still there, and she has turned to face me. Our eyes meet for a split second and I gasp. It looks like Senna; and walking in the rain is something she loved to do. I shake my head trying to get rid of the fog that's invaded my brain. It's been a very long, emotional day and I must be seeing things. I know it's not her; I held her in my arms when she took her last breath. I was there, maybe not emotionally but physically, when they lowered her into the ground. The girl looks so much like her—the heart shape of her face, her delicate slightly pointed nose and the arch of her eyebrows. The resemblance is eerie. I can't see the colour of her eyes, but the shape is much the same as Sen's. The more I look, the more it's her. Is there such a thing as doppelgangers? I blink, certain I am seeing things.

The spell between us is broken, and the girl starts to walk away. She has the same stride as Senna. This is all too coincidental to be some random stranger. It's her, I know it is! She's halfway down the street when the rain starts to fall heavier, making my shoes squelch as I run after her.

I know that it's not feasible, it can't possibly be her, but my body is telling me otherwise. My mind and feet have a mind of their own, following the path she's taken. She disappears around the corner, gone as quickly as I saw her. I collapse to the cold, slippery footpath in defeat, knowing I won't catch up to her now. "Senna!" I gasp out, a last desperate attempt to get her attention.

Strong arms lift me from the ground. There is talking, but I can't comprehend what they're saying. It feels like I'm in a bubble, or underwater—the words are muted.

"Should we take him to the hospital?" I try opening my mouth to ease their concern, but my jaw isn't cooperating.

"No, we'll take him home, try to warm him up there. If we can't raise his temperature, I'll call an ambulance."

Those are the last words I remember hearing before I'm engulfed in the dark nothingness that I so desperately crave.