25. (Grope Bruce under the table during a briefing.) "Rogers and Thor will enter through here-"

Fury was interrupted by a gasp from the other side of the table. He fixed a glare on Bruce. "Do you have an objection, Banner?"

"N-no." The eye-patch clad man looked skeptical, but returned to the subject.

"As I was saying..." He focused his gaze on Thor and Steve. "You two will go in first, once you've reached this point-" He tapped a spot on the board. "You will call in Stark and Banner, and they will come from the south side-"

"Oh!" Bruce's face flared, and he shifted in his seat, while Tony took on an expression of innocence.

"Is there a problem?"

"No." Nick took a deep breath, and exhaled with a small huff, before continuing his sentence.

"The two of you are to clear the way for Barton and Romanoff, so they can-" A loud, and definitely sexual, moan came from the resident scientist, interrupting Fury for a third time. A smirk flashed across Tony's features before being replaced with an un-impressive poker face.

"Do you find battle plans arousing, Doctor?"

"I-"

"Actually, the real question is...Stark, do you respect me enough to pry your hands away from your boyfriend's crotch for one damn hour?"

The billionaire's face fell. Well, that was fun while it lasted.

And that's why Tony Stark has to keep his hands on the table during briefings.

24. (Sing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" when Natasha is around.) "The itsy bitsy spider came up the water spout.." Natasha hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night, and was in no mood to handle Tony's bullshit.

She grabbed the philanthropist by the shoulder, hissing into his ear. "If you sing that again, I'll go put my boots on, then shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll taste leather."

Tony had enough sense to look scared.

18. (Have sex with Bruce in Thor's bed.) "YOU WILL CEASE YOUR FORNICATING AT ONCE, OR I SWEAR UPON MY FATHER'S NAME THAT I WILL-"

"We're getting out, I didn't mean for this to happen when we came in-Oh shit, put the hammer down!"

11. (Ask Steve questions about Thor's "Mjolnir".) Tony strode into the kitchen, intent on a Nutella sandwich. "Morning, Tony." Steve was already in the kitchen, fruit laid out on a cutting board. Now was as a good a time as any...Ah, how he loved embarrassing Captain Purity..Well, Cap wasn't so pure anymore, but Tony was never going to stop thinking of him as that.

"I gotta ask you something about Thor."

"What is it?" Steve continued chopping fruit, oblivious of the threat to his morning tranquility.

"How big is he?"

"Excuse me?" Steve's face almost matched the strawberries he'd just sliced into.

"You know..his hammer. How many inches is the Mjolnir in his pants?"

Tony didn't expect the orange that was hurled full-force into his crotch.

19. (Have sex with Bruce in Natasha's bed.) "You fucked Bruce in Steve and Thor's bed? What were you thinking?"

"It seemed hot at the time. Get off my back about it."

"The boot-up-your-ass applies to your naked body in my bed, too."

"I know."

"Good. Because I was being serious when I said that."

Natasha loved the rare expression of fear on Stark's face.