A/N- Just a note- I'm copy pasting from my Ao3 account, and I just realized it's not saving my scene breaks so I apologize about that. Totally not intentional! I realize it must make the fic flow a little weird into scenes at some point, but not quite sure how to make ffnet save the scene breaks. Sigh.

It wasn't being grabbed in the utter silence Merlin lived in, but the way his world burst into violent sound when the grabbing was done by Arthur. And it was those moments when Arthur looked at him with that look, the Merlin why can't you be a better servant look, that caused the ache in Merlin's chest because they'd never be equals. Arthur could love him as deep and hard as he wanted, but they'd never be equal.

Merlin turned to look at his master, expression hard and annoyed because he was trying to finish up the list of chores the future King had thrown at him. But Arthur's arm was gripping his wrist and there was so much sound Merlin didn't understand thumping through his head, and his arm twitched, wanting to get away from it.

"Are you paying attention, Merlin?" Arthur drawled.

Merlin shook his head, because he hadn't been. He hadn't known Arthur was even in the room to begin with. He'd been distracted, and he stumbled a bit when Arthur threw him backwards and rolled his eyes.

"Of course not. I'm only your future king, why bother to pay attention to anything I have to say."

Merlin absently rubbed his fist over his heart. It was a sign, for sorry, and out of his frustration and still trying to deal with his world now constantly swimming in and out of sound, he'd forgotten the prince didn't sign. He cleared his throat when he realized his mistake and dipped his head. "My Lord," he muttered. His eyes flicked back up to Arthur's frowning mouth. The prince was in a mood this day.

"Just… finish up. Please," Arthur said, and Merlin could tell now the prince was slightly subdued. He nodded, but before he could go back to gathering up the prince's filthy clothes, Arthur closed the distance between them in two, great strides.

Merlin licked his lips as Arthur carefully took his hands and lifted them up to his eye line. Merlin had been prepared for this rush of sound, and honed in on Arthur's breathing, the rough shifting of his boots on the stone floor. Arthur examined Merlin's hands carefully, the callouses from the constant work, the unkempt nails and dirt. He rubbed a bit of soot from the back of Merlin's thumb and then smiled at the wizard.

"Have you eaten today?"

Merlin was startled by the question he read from the prince's lips. It wasn't what he expected Arthur to say. He gave his head a careful shake. He hadn't really been hungry, his head still reeling from the night in the barn. And Arthur hadn't given him much to go on after, besides stolen kisses in dark corridors and those heated looks.

Arthur's thumb caressed the back of Merlin's hand gently, sending a rush of heat into Merlin's face. "Perhaps you should? Perhaps that's why you startled so badly when I came in."

Merlin shook his head and carefully pulled his hand away from Arthur. He pointed to himself. "I didn't…" he formed his words carefully, knowing he was impossibly difficult to understand otherwise, because spoken words just weren't the same to him. "…know. You…" he pointed at Arthur and then waved his hand around the room. "Here. In room." He jabbed his finger at the floor for good measure.

Arthur's brow furrowed and he took the smallest step back. "Sometimes I forget," he muttered. He reached out and then smirked again, letting his finger run down Merlin's large ear. "I forget that even with these impossibly huge things, you can't hear a single sound."

Merlin gulped, but he couldn't give in. Not right yet. He smirked back and carefully stepped away from Arthur's soft touch. "I forget," he repeated and touched his fingers to the side of Arthur's temple, "big head… small brain." He shook his head out of pity, grinning widely.

And then he was hit in the face. With clothes. Dirty, stinking clothes that had been piled on the floor at Merlin's feet, and Arthur had his hand on his hip. "Very funny, very clever Merlin. You're the most useless servant, I swear. I don't know what I did to be cursed with someone like you."

He'd managed to squeeze in a few spell lessons with Gaius in the afternoon while the prince was occupied by his father. He had chores to do, a meal to deliver to Arthur shortly, but being with Gaius was like stepping into a land where people spoke his language. Gaius wasn't great at the hand signs, but he wasn't required to speak, to think about how words should sound, and rely on memory of how lips needed to be shaped, and where the tongue needed to go, just to make someone understand a simple command or question.

In the hall, signing to Gaius, Merlin caught a glimpse of something, but when he looked fully at the corridor, it had gone. Shaking his head, he walked out to muck the stables before the prince's dinner would be ready to deliver.

He was, as usual, a bit late when he arrived in the kitchens. Gwen was there, and as always smiling sweetly at him. She gave him a nod, and tried out a few of the signs he'd showed her for hello, and how are you. She was catching on nicely, and Merlin felt a little bit of warmth and home whenever she was around.

"How are you today?" she asked.

Merlin made his hand into a claw shape and twisted it on the side of his head. It was the sign for prince, miming a smaller crown on the head, then he pulled a face and mimicked the way Arthur had thrown clothes at Merlin. "Bad temper," Merlin said carefully.

Gwen giggled and shook her head. "Well you know what a prat he can be."

Merlin's eyes widened and his eyebrows flew up into his hairline. Yes. That was the word he'd wanted to learn. Arthur had been always on him about not speaking much, and the more verbal vocabulary Merlin gained, the more he wanted to color it up a bit. He took Gwen by the shoulders and said, "Again. Word."

She shook her head. "What word? What? Prat?"

Merlin nodded. "Yes." And he laughed along with her. When she repeated the word, slower and more formed, he mimicked her until he had it down. "Prat." It wasn't exactly like she'd said it. He had a hard time with the letter R, and the T sometimes went forgotten, but it was clear enough and Arthur would know exactly what Merlin was calling him. This one he would save for later. This one he'd make good use out of.

Of course he was late with the food, and Arthur was in his room with his back to the door. Merlin made a show out of making noise when he entered, but Arthur was still standing there in front of the window, though his head was down like he was looking at something on his feet.

Merlin set the tray down on the table, hard, but Arthur didn't budge. He cleared his throat, but the prince was ignoring him. He stomped his foot a bit, and nothing. "My Lord," he finally said, because using his voice always got Arthur's attention. Always. But the prince didn't move.

Was this snotty man he was madly in love with completely ignoring him? Yes Merlin had been cheeky this morning, but he always was, and yes he was late, but he was almost always late, too. So what had he done to offend the prince's delicate mood this time?

Merlin took careful steps, closing the distance between them, and after clearing his throat yet three more times, he reached out and touched Arthur's shoulders. The prince jumped and gave a shout Merlin could almost hear despite his deafness. His face was white, hands shaking like he'd seen a ghost as he grappled for the dagger at his belt. He pressed his hand to his heart, catching his breath when he saw it was just Merlin.

"Merlin," he gasped, "what on Earth are you doing! Don't sneak up on me like that! I'm liable to run you through, you stupid idiot!"

Merlin was absolutely and completely confused. He might not have heard it himself, but he knew he'd been making noise, and the prince acted like Merlin had done it on purpose. With a frown, he pointed at the dinner tray, and then tapped his mouth with his fingers, miming eating, then pointed to the prince.

Arthur swallowed and gave his head a shake. As he did, something fell from the side of his head. The prince pinked a bit, and Merlin wasted no time diving for it. The prince was fast, but Merlin might have given himself a little edge, a little push, and the small thing slipped right past Arthur's fingers and into his own.

It was soft and pliant, whatever it was, bit like dough but harder. He held it up to the light and frowned, giving a shrug at Arthur. The prince snatched it back and took a step back. "Close the door, will you? I know you enjoy acting like you live in the damn barn, but I don't. And lock it, while you're at it."

Merlin, completely perplexed, did as the prince ordered, and when he turned back, Arthur was fumbling with his right ear. He'd had enough of Arthur's bizarre attitude today, and he marched up to his master, one hand on his hip, the other pointing at the rubbery things in Arthur's hand. "What?" He enunciated very carefully, his brow furrowed deeply.

He could see Arthur give a sigh, fiddling with the things. "It's… I..." he said and shrugged. He looked… embarrassed? Oddly so, because the prince was almost never ashamed of anything he'd done. Merlin pointed again, refusing to let it go. "Gaius gave them to me," he said. "Sort of a, science experiment, if you will."

Merlin stepped back and lifted one eyebrow up. Science experiment? Since when did Arthur care about science? Or anything Gaius was about? Or anything not involving banging knights about with swords and maces, and prancing around like a bloody peacock?

The warlock reached his hand out to inspect the small things. He had no idea what they could actually be, or what they were for. And Gaius hadn't told him about any sort of experiments he'd been doing lately, scientific or otherwise. Arthur, however, refused to give them over.

Frustrated, Merlin dropped down lower to the seated prince and touched his knee. "What? Tell me," he insisted, tapping his mouth, then tapping his chest for emphasis.

Arthur, who could never seem to refuse one of Merlin's spoken requests, gave a sigh. "I was curious, alright?" he barked, his cheeks flaming red now. He shoved Merlin off his leg and crossed his arms. "I was… I was curious what it was like. For you. All… deaf or whatever," he gave a loose-handed gesture to his ears. "You just sit there, your whole life in total silence and I… I don't know how you do it. And I… I wanted to see what it was like." He mumbled the last words so much so that Merlin had trouble reading them.

But he had read them, and correctly, and his heart started to thud in his chest. It all clicked for him. Gaius had fashioned some sort of putty for Arthur, to put in his ears to simulate what it was like to be deaf. Which was why Arthur hadn't noticed Merlin come in. Which was why he had been so startled when Merlin had touched him.

He went a little light-headed, because there hadn't been much between them at all since the night in the barn, and though Arthur hadn't taken back his declaration of love, nor had he shown regret for what they'd done, he hadn't attempted it again.

But here he was, the future king of Camelot and he was trying to see what it was like in Merlin's world. Merlin crept closer and this time, when he grabbed the tops of Arthur's thighs, he didn't let the prince shake him off. His eyes bore into the prince's, and he held his gaze firm and intense. "Was bad?"

Arthur frowned. "No. Not… not bad. It was different. It was…" he trailed off and absently reached out, running his fingers down Merlin's ear. His world briefly burst into sound, though not as jarring now since the room was quiet and still. "I don't know how you do it, Merlin. I don't know how you live like that. I banged about all day with those blasted things in my ears. I couldn't hear a word. I couldn't follow a conversation. It was… frankly, it was terrifying. I had no idea if someone was standing behind me, or trying to speak to me. There were times when I wanted to rip the bloody things out and burn them."

Merlin glanced at the table where the bits of putty sat, and then looked back to Merlin. "And no?"

"I almost did," Arthur said with a smile. His hand settled on the crook of Merlin's neck, and he was massaging it gently, without really thinking about it. "Until I realized you can't. You can't just rip little bits of stuff out of your ears and hear." He let out a small breath. "How do you do it?"

Merlin had to laugh, because this was something he never expected. He never, ever expected this question. He never expected the prince to care. Carefully, he rose and cupped his hands over Arthur's ears. He could tell the difference, since in the magic he shared Arthur's hearing, and he could hear the muffled echo beyond his fingers. "Not hard," he said softly.

Arthur swallowed and gave a little nod. "It was, though. It was so hard."

And then, Merlin kissed him. It was a kiss of love, but it was a kiss of thanks, too, and adoration and worship, because the moment he thought he couldn't stand to be around this prince another moment, he was reminded why he was so, utterly, and completely in love. And with the kiss, Arthur's hands came around him and held him hard, and pressing, and needy.

Their faces mashed together, Merlin nuzzling Arthur's cheek with his nose while Arthur kissed along the side of his jaw, and they were up, and across the room, never losing their grip on each other as Arthur lowered to the bed, and Merlin was right on top of him. Merlin's shirt tore, but he didn't care. Arthur's belt flew across the room, but they didn't mind.

And they were skin to skin, and the wind blew over them, cooling them even as they moved together in the dim light of the candle. Their eyes locked from time to time, and Merlin was transported back to that place where he was just a man, and Arthur was just a man, and there was no class or status or destiny.

"Please," Arthur gasped, as Merlin freed the prince from his trousers. It was almost magic, the way they shed the rest of their clothes, and they were pressing against each other, down into the pillows, grinding and groaning softly, Merlin's hand pressed gently against Arthur's chest to feel and hear the moans as his other hand stroked the prince.

"More. More this time," Arthur begged.

There was a little pot of oil beside the bed, for Arthur's hands, and it would do, and Merlin coated himself and then Arthur shifted because this was what he wanted. He wanted Merlin to take him, and Merlin wanted it, too. So he did. And god the prince was so tight, and hot, and bucking under him as he pressed harder, and deeper, and faster.

And then he was coming, and Arthur was coming between them, his fluid coating Merlin's stomach and chest, but he loved it, and he loved his prince, and he felt for a moment it would never be enough.

He lay there, his head against Arthur's shoulder, fingers twinned together carefully, Arthur's other hand drawing lazy circles on Merlin's shoulder. Every now and again, the prince would drop a kiss on his shoulder, and it was just so… normal. For just these quiet moments there was no grand destiny, no kingdom, no evil. It was just… them.

Arthur eventually rolled up onto his side and stared down at Merlin. "How do you understand me?"

Merlin frowned, not quite understanding the question. Arthur seemed to read his confusion, because he touched his lips and said, "You understand everything I say. I couldn't follow a word today with those blasted things in my ears. You seem to follow everyone all the time. It must be... difficult."

Merlin snorted a laugh and rocked his flat palm back and forth in the air, signaling, 'A little.'

Arthur mimicked the sign and grinned. "Is that how you really say it." Merlin shrugged and then nodded, though it wasn't really an actual sign, but it worked. Arthur laughed and said, "Show me my name. What's mine?"

Merlin gave a little shrug, because honestly he hadn't really come up with a sign for Arthur, since there wasn't yet a sign for Prat, and at times he used a fist slapping a palm to mean Stupid, because Arthur was really just incredibly stupid sometimes. But mostly he just signed prince, so that's what he did.

Arthur mimicked the sign. "It's odd."

Merlin shrugged. He supposed it was, for someone who didn't often use it, and he knew that Arthur was being his usual, insensitive self, unintentional, but he couldn't hate him for it.

"What's yours?"

Merlin's cheeks instantly flared red, because his name sign was something the village children had given him and it had always just… stuck, as taunting as it could be. The sign was tugging on his earlobe. It was the sign for ear, because they were, really, fantastically huge, and in truth, his name sign was a bit ironic.

"Come on, Merlin," Arthur said, nudging the warlock out of his thoughts. "Or shall I make one up for you? Something like…" and he reached down, making a very profane gesture with his hands.

Merlin let out a little noise and smacked the prince's arm playfully. Arthur threw his head back and laughed. "Imagine me using that in court, can you? Brilliant."

Merlin's nostrils flared out of frustration, and he finally huffed, "Okay." That, of course, got Arthur's immediate attention, who locked his eyes on Merlin's. Carefully, he pointed to himself, and then made the sign.

Arthur's eyebrows went up. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

Merlin nodded miserably.

"It means ear? Your sign name is ear?"

Merlin nodded again, feeling his cheeks pink.

Arthur threw his head back and roared. His hand still on Merlin's, the warlock heard the laughter and as much as he wanted to hate the prince, he couldn't. He just couldn't. He lifted up and pinned Arthur back to the pillows, pressing his mouth to the prince's, silencing him very effectively.

"Shut… up," Merlin said, something he'd been practicing. He felt Arthur give a twitch beneath him and he grinned. "Like words shut up?"

"I like…" Arthur hesitated and then said, "I like your voice. I like everything about you. Well… almost everything. You're a terrible, terrible manservant."

Merlin shifted his weight down on Arthur and kissed him once more because my god he loved this man, and even if this was all they could ever have, it was enough. He pulled back and lowered his head to speak directly into Arthur's ear. "You. Prince. Are… a… prat."