Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the following writing except the characters and events I create.

Spoilers: This Fanfic contains spoilers for The Last of Us, and it's DLC expansion: Left Behind. You have been warned.

Author's Notes: My first published story in a while, hoping to get some feedback on where I could improve as a writer. I'm usually not this motivated to write for content that I don't come up with but this game struck me in my core and would not let go until I did something, anything about it. The M rating is in place because in later chapters I plan for it to get darker. I don't own anything aside from characters I create within this story. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Update: Ended up rewriting it. I think I'm actually satisfied with this chapter now. It's formatting and such should be on par with the other chapters as well, enjoy! Update(2/19): Decided to go back through and update this story to the current format that I use. I will also fix any mistakes I come across. Thank you all who have read, favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. It means the world to me! -Foxinstrazt

Chapter 1

-Home-

Jackson, Wyoming

August, 2034

"You can't save her." I pull back a bit, but there is nowhere to go. "Even if you get her out of here, then what?" Marlene, that bitch, has her gun on me. Known Ellie since birth, still willing to sacrifice her. "How long before she's torn to pieces by a pack of clickers? That is, if she isn't raped and murdered first." It's all sound logic, I know it is.

"That ain't for you to decide."

"It's what she'd want." No. "And you know it." No!

I heft Ellie up slightly, glaring at the woman in front of me. She begins to raise her hands into the air. "Look.. You can still do the right thing here." She shakes her head. "She won't feel anything."

I look down at Ellie, at her face. The locks of rusty-brown hair, the freckles that lay on each cheek. I could just let her go. There would be a cure, that would be the end of it. It is the right thing to do, for mankind. Marlene approaches slowly, and all I can think about in that moment is Sarah, dying in my arms. I can't let another girl I love die in my arms.

A gunshot sounds out, and the woman drops to the floor, bleeding from the gut. Before I turn, I kick her gun away, moving quickly to one of the cars parked in the garage. I gently lay Ellie in the backseat, my breath coming quickly. My mind wants to analyze the choice I'm making, but I can't justify it. I push it to the back of my mind.

Tightening the grip on my pistol, I head back towards the woman. "Wait!" She gasps, lying in a pool of her own blood. "Let me go. Please" Her plea takes me back again, to when I said the same, lying on my back, looking down the barrel of a soldier's rifle.

"You'd just come after her." Another gunshot sounds, shattering the dream into fragments.

Joel's eyes shot open, his breath catching for a short moment. Every night the same story. The twilight hours of the world filled with a dream of what had happened, of what he had done. He slowly rose from the mattress he had been laying on, listening closely. Each quiet, even breath signaled that Ellie still slept, undisturbed by his own awakening.

The sun's first rays were just appearing over the treetops in the distance, peeking in through the dirty glass of the window. Tommy had given them a nice enough place to stay; a few rooms, modest furniture. Ellie hadn't been very talkative since Salt Lake, but she had quickly chirped about how she was going to have the room down the hall all to herself. The first night, she dragged her mattress in next to his and slept there. They didn't talk about it.

They didn't talk about a lot of things.

Ellie awoke to the sound of hooves stamping damp ground, as she often did these days. It was fairly early, judging by the light in the room, Joel's room. She looked over at his mattress, not surprised to see that he had gotten up before her, but it still shocked her a little bit more awake to find him not next to her. The seasons they had been together out in the wilderness, he had barely strayed from her side. He hadn't said anything about her moving herself into his room, and she continued to only keep the slim, old mattress in there, trying to give him as much space as she could without being afraid every night.

She had tried to sleep on her own. I really did. Ever since that winter in Colorado..she couldn't even fall asleep she had been so afraid. Joel made her feel safe, more than anything. Even though he lied about Salt Lake, his presence was still more comforting than anyone else she had ever known. More than the gun that lay just inside her reach from where she lay, more than the crumpled letter from her mom stashed in the backpack in her room.

Yes, he had lied. She knew, but she didn't know what to do about it, or what he had actually lied about. It was something she had forced to the back of her mind the last few weeks. Her mind drifted to it unwillingly, pulled into the memory of the rise above Jackson.

"Swear to me," She nearly trembles with the effort of forcing her words through her lips. She doesn't want to question him, but she can't stay quiet any longer. Her eyes lock with his, searching for the truth in them. "Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true."

Joel shifts slightly, his eyes narrowing just a tad as he looks at her. He takes a second too long to answer, and she knows. "I swear." He says it with confidence, but it is too late. She can tell that he is lying. Her eyes trail down to his old, worn boots before sliding over to look at the town below. She can almost make out the people wandering through it's streets, living a quiet, regular..almost normal life. A life she and Joel can have now, all she has to do is..

"Okay."

She rose to a sitting position on the dirty mattress with a soft yawn, dressed in a faded camo shirt and torn jeans, arms covered by an undershirt, like always. Scratching idly at her right forearm, she shivered as fingers passed over the uneven skin of the scar. She rose to her feet and moved toward the doorway, a shadow becoming apparent, stretched across the ground. Her eyes followed it to it's owner, who stood at the larger room's window, looking out into the town.

Lost in thought, he did not notice her approach. For some reason, the older man looked even more worn out than when they had first arrived, the dark circles under his eyes giving him a much more haggard look. Ellie pushed back the urge to voice her concern, knowing that he would dismiss it anyway. Instead, she mumbled out a sleepy greeting. "Morning, Joel."

Sucking in a surprised breath, he turned, clearly have not heard the girl's approach. "Mornin', kiddo. Sleep well?" It amused her, how he played it off like he hadn't just been snuck up on.

"Eh, it's getting easier. Don't think I'll be used to sleeping longer than a couple hours for a long time. But hey, one step at a time." Ellie made the effort to smile at him before sliding onto the ragged old couch placed against the wall, but it faded quickly as she innocuously returned his question, "How about you?" There, let's see if he opens up to that. Joel was funny that way, she had to work on the problem a few times before he'd even let her know what it was, and then she'd be able to help him through it.

The large man wandered over to the couch and sat down with a huff, leaning back while propping one leg on the other. Running a hand over his face, the seconds passed before an answer came. "Mm, having a hard time adjusting to being safe as well." Well, it's some progress. "We'll get the hang of it." Ellie nodded slowly, wondering if his weariness might have something to do with why he lied after Salt Lake, she chose to let it drop for now. Joel had the same idea, giving a heavy sigh before looking over. "Breakfast must be ready by now, you hungry?"

Before she could respond, a low rumble came from her stomach, drawing a raised eyebrow from the man next to her. With a sheepish smile that brought a small chuckle from him, she gave a nod. "Yeah."

As they left their house, Ellie got a good look at the surrounding town in the sunlight. She still was not used to the sight of whole houses, with windows that looked even slightly maintained. It was so different to her. Even their house was a big step away from how it had been in Boston; five rooms on the ground floor, two upstairs. It was barely furnished, and some parts of it were falling apart. But it was a start. Joel had been fixing it up, or doing what he could. Yesterday it had almost seemed like he might get the toilet working, but that was going to take a bit longer, he had said. She did her best to keep a look out for any furniture someone could part with, or wood that Joel could use to build some bed frames.

A house, a sorta-working toilet, a community. It was a strange contrast to the last year of sleeping on the ground and having basically only one other person with her. Drawing her from her thoughts, a few people said their greetings as the pair walked by. Their response was a few words from Joel, but Ellie couldn't bring herself to do much more than nod or wave. She felt like a stranger here, even after a month. That thought brought up yet another part of the memory that seemed to be on her mind all the time these days:

"I'm still waiting for my turn."

The smell of breakfast was a welcome thing for Joel. He had been up for a few hours, and probably could have gotten something to eat before now. Still, he didn't want to leave Ellie alone on the off chance she would wake up early. He had left the house one night when he couldn't sleep, just to find something, anything, to take his mind off of the events that had transpired in Utah. When he returned, he found her on the couch, pistol lying next to her. She didn't have to say anything, but he could see that she was worried. After all they had been through, she was worried about him in a place like this. He found that a little bit amusing, but had avoided repeating it. She didn't need any more stress. Girl's had enough for a lifetime.

As they approached the restaurant that had been converted into the town's kitchen, the sounds of laughter and conversation greeted them. Inside they found a couple dozen people at the various booths, all talking to each other about the events of the previous day. Several of them greeted him and the girl, to which he gave a slight nod and a quiet greeting.

Sitting at the booth near the back, and already raising his hand to wave them over, was Tommy. He waited until they were closer before he spoke. "Mornin' brother. Ellie." Maria sat next to her husband, giving a wide smile to them before standing up.

"Hey Ellie, mind giving me a hand getting food for the boys?"

"Morning Tommy..and sure." Ellie donned a small smile, as she usually did around Maria. There was just something about her, she took the load off someone's mind, even if it was only for a few seconds.

As Joel slid down into the booth across from Tommy, his baby brother looked between him the girl he had arrived with, frowning slightly. "You ever planning on tellin' her? About Utah?"

He had explained what had happened to his brother, who had understood his decision, but still had been angry, even furious. I reckon he's got more reason to be than most. "Not yet..She doesn't need that right now. She's barely gettin' used to this place." Maria would have killed him had he been anyone but Tommy's brother, and she was scary when mad. She didn't yell or get red in the face, she just got a deadly look in her eye.

"She deserves to know, Joel."

"I know she does. But I'll handle the when and how, got it?"

Tommy sighed, looking at him for a moment before giving a short nod. "Alright, I'll leave that to you then. But if she is going to find out some day, it'll be best comin' from you. You know that."

It was his turn to give a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I know it."

As Maria led her to the kitchen, she handed her two plates before taking two of her own. Ellie could barely contain voicing her hunger as the smells washed over her. It was hard not to love the fact that food that wasn't decades old was in good supply here, it was one of the many upsides about this place. Looking back towards the area where everyone was eating, she frowned. I barely know any of their names yet. I should really get out more.

"Hey, earth to Ellie. You want some bacon? I know Joel will, but do you?" Maria was talking to her, and once again she had been lost in her own little world. She hated the looks people gave her when she was zoned out. She didn't want their pity. Luckily, Maria was one of the most understanding people Ellie had ever met.A friend, even.

"Um..bacon?" Tilting her head to the left, her ponytail slid down over her shoulder, bouncing lightly.

"You've never had bacon?"

The look of disbelief on the other woman's face was priceless, causing her to laugh lightly. "I'm just fucking with you, we had it a few times back in Boston. It was always pretty good. Where did you guys manage to get it?"

Maria gave a small laugh of her own, using the tongs to dish a few pieces of bacon onto both plates Ellie was holding. "We've got a pretty good sized pig population, and one of them reached a decent weight."

"Oh." It was all she said as she piled on some of the fruits and vegetables from baskets. As she reached for the basket that held slices of bread to top off each plate, Maria spoke up again.

"So.. has Joel told you about the supply run Tommy's setting up?" Freezing with bread in her hand, Ellie took a few seconds to process the new information before looking over at the older woman.

"Supply run?"

"Yeah, they're planning to take a few of the men to one of the towns a couple miles away, look for supplies, hopefully bring back some deer meat." Beginning her way out of kitchen, the older woman chuckled. "Maybe you can convince him to let you tag along, if you are getting restless." She turned to push open the swinging doors with her back. "Or I could set you up with regular duties around here, if you stay."

Ellie understood what Maria was saying: Do something productive to get her mind off things. Pulling up both of the plates, she turned to follow. "Yeah..we'll see." Why hasn't he told me he's leaving? Is he worried I can't take it? I have to talk to him later. They were approaching the booth again, where Tommy looked up to thank his wife with a soft kiss on her cheek as she sat down. Joel took the plates from Ellie as she sat down, and she could have sworn he almost cracked a smile at the bacon.

"Thanks, Ellie."

"No problem."

Her to the point response bought her a look from Joel, but no words came as they began to eat. Mulling over Maria's remark about the supply run. Things had been strained since he lied to her, but Ellie had thought that he would still bring up something like him leaving. Especially when..

When what?When I can't last a single night without him in the room? When I worry constantly if he's alright even though he's only a few feet away most the time? Fuck, last winter just won't leave me alone. Fuck David. The name, even in thought, sent an unpleasant shiver through her, significantly worse than the one from earlier. They never talked about that time, what had happened, how they saved each other. Why wouldn't he tell me about the run? It's the lie. She knew he had lied, and he knew that she knew. It was a wall between them, slowly widening the gap that had closed in the previous year.

Lost in thought, she ate in silence, sometimes picking up Tommy and Joel's conversation about football and wanting to get a game together in the town. Not fully aware of it, she missed most of the details, but caught enough to smile faintly, just a slight tugging up on the corners of her mouth. Her eyes eventually wandered from her plate to examine the interesting building they had chosen as the place to gather. She had never really looked around Jackson, staying to their house on most days. When she and Joel came to eat, she was lost in either thought or quiet conversation with Maria.

Behind the really old looking wooden bar was the shattered glass remains of mirrors and alcohol. Some of the bottles looked relatively new and unbroken, probably brought in by hunting parties or by trading. The bar stools, those that remained, were saddles. Life before the outbreak must have been really strange. The walls were adorned in all sorts of things as well. From plaques to ancient wooden wheels, to guns that must have been broken since they were not looted. Dead animals were in here, too. Stuffed and mounted. There was even a bear, Ellie only recognized it because she had seen a picture in one of the books she used to have in school. It was huge, it's jaw locked in an open, fearsome expression.Well, that's not unsettling at all.

As everyone began to filter out of the restaurant to tend to their regular duties, a couple people walked around gathering plates. Ellie was broke out of her study of the building when she was asked to hand off her's. Rising and walking a few feet before stretching, she gave a contented sigh as the joints in her back and shoulders popped. "Damn. That was good."

Joel chuckled. "Feels like years since I had bacon. Remind me to thank Nate and his family for raisin' the pigs."

"Hey, we're headin' over there now, to see if he's in." She assumed Tommy meant to see if the man was in for the football games, unable to picture the farmer going on a supply run.

"Ellie, give Maria a hand around town today, and don't go givin' her trouble, alright?" She looked up at Joel, nodding with the best mischievous grin she could pull.

"Of course Joel, I'll be on my best behavior." He just shook his head, him and Tommy both thanking the people who had cooked breakfast before heading outside. Maria took a few moments of watching them leave before looking at Ellie.

"I've got a few jobs, but maybe we can do something fun on the side. I can teach you a bit about Jackson, if you're interested."

"Yeah, that sounds like fun." She let the older woman take the lead, exiting the restaurant into the bright sun. It would be nice to do something besides sit around and think for a change, all thinking ever does is get me down and lead right back to obsessing over the lie.

Her guide's voice broke her out of her thoughts. "It's a beautiful day, especially for this time of the year." Maria walked straight across the street, towards the park that resided in the middle of town, before turning to walk down the sidewalk. People moved about, carrying various things here and there. It seems like the majority of work was going into building up the Southern wall, as Ellie could see a ton of people down that way.

Turning into the park, they passed under a arch made of antlers. "Whoa. This is cool. What is this place?" She raised a hand to block the sunlight from her eyes as she observed the arch.

"This is the Town Square..or more properly, the 'George Washington Memorial Park'. The antler arches were a pretty iconic thing for our town, though this is the only one still up. The rest kind of..fell apart. But not this one, my father swore he'd keep at least one up. I've kinda continued that since he passed."

She ran a hand over the antlers. "George Washington, he did something important, right? I think I remember something about him in school." After a moment of biting her cheek as she thought back, she answered her own question. "First president, yeah?"

"Yeah, that's right." Maria chuckled before continuing on into the park.

Taking one last look up at the arch above her, Ellie followed, grinning now. "So fucking cool."

The day moved rather quickly, with Ellie struggling to keep up with the amount of names she had learned, having given up on learning what job certain people did. There was Ashley, the schoolteacher, who was in her early thirties. Her husband had died at the dam when she and Joel had first arrived, but she seemed to find happiness in her work. Several children attended the school daily, Maria said, at least five of them. All under the age of ten. The older woman had then promised there were more kids around her age.

Brad, one of the engineers she had seen at the power plant her first time through here, did his best to keep the electronics in the town running. He was old, older than Joel, and he was the one who ran the movie nights. Jacob, who was a year or so younger than Ellie, spent most of his days with Brad, learning how to fix things that she didn't think still existed in their world. She had to remember to give the old engineer her walkman, to see if he could fix it.

Nate and his two twenty-something sons, took care of the pigs and cattle. The old man even took care of the stables, and most the horses. Maria told her that his wife had died before the outbreak, but he had never complained about his workload, even with the addition of raising two boys on his own. People helped him, of course, but no one quite knew how to do the job as well as Nate and his boys. He lived up on the Northwest side of town. She said he had built up a nice place for all the animals in his corner of Jackson.

Judy, an older woman about Joel's age, was the town's closest thing to a doctor, having been a nurse before the outbreak. Ellie had talked to her once today, finding that she was well respected in the community. The house she used as a makeshift hospital, on the opposite side of the park from the restaurant, was as well stocked as it could be. Regular supply runs kept them at good levels of antibiotics and even pain medication.

It seemed everyone else split the duties that kept the town running. Everyone did laundry, everyone watched the perimeter, everyone took a day to cook a meal for the town, and everyone worked the fields. If the plant went down, then a group of them would head down to the dam to spend a few weeks there fixing it. Otherwise, they kept a skeleton crew running it. The only jobs that were strictly volunteer were hunting or supply runs, which was usually organized by Tommy and consisted of generally the same people.

Watch towers spaced all around the town kept a constant, vigilant lookout on their surroundings, with a makeshift wall thrown up to block access except through the gates. The real defense was the electric fence they had up, all thanks to the dam down the river, supplying the energy to keep most things at bay. It was impressive, Maria said her father had spent the better part of five years making sure that fence would work. He spent the last years of his life carving out a safe haven for his daughter and others. Ellie found herself wishing she could have met the man, he seemed like the good kind of person that was rare in this world.

There were a lot of people she still hadn't met, and as she leaned against one of the buildings rubbing her forehead, she wasn't sure if she wanted any more information to process. It had become quickly apparent that Maria was teaching her all the jobs she'd have to do regularly, from dishes to supply inventory. Inventory was turned into Jay, the old grizzled man in the wheelchair. She hadn't learned a lot about him, only that he had one leg and didn't like teenagers. By the time they had reached him, the sun had passed it's peak and was quickly climbing back down.

And yet, she still hadn't had a chance to get up in one of the towers and watch the fence. She had a sneaking suspicion that Maria was intentionally keeping her away from that job. Probably Joel's idea, too. It was the one she was best suited for. Little to no company, and requiring a good aim. Sneaking suspicion? Yeah, I'm pretty much sure it was intentional. Joel was trying to keep her away from guard duty, and hunting. Ellie gave a frustrated sigh, shaking her head. Why? He knows I can handle myself.

"Hey Ellie, you ready to be done for the day?" Maria came walking up to her, a smile touching her lips before it faded away, noticing the younger girl's scowl. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just..looking for the words to say to Joel tonight. He's keeping me away from any of the dangerous jobs, isn't he?" Her voice was more hostile than she intended it to be, this had her really riled up.

"He just wants to protect you, is all. You..mean a lot to him."

"And he means a lot to me, that doesn't mean I stop him from taking guard duty or going hunting! It's bullshit."

"Well, talk to him. If anyone can convince him of anything, it's you." Maria looked away, as if her mind wandered suddenly. It was out of character, leaving Ellie wondering just what she was thinking.

"Talk to Joel..right. So now what. Dinner?"

"Hm? Yeah, dinner. Let's go." Maria wasn't the distracted type, she always had some focus, though two times were hardly enough to call it odd behavior.

Turning back towards the park, the two made their way toward the restaurant, and for the first time Ellie looked up as they entered. A bar. It used to be a bar. That was the only part of the sign left hanging above the entrance. Something, something, cowboy bar. As they passed through doors, they were greeted by the sounds of laughter and glasses clinking together. Joel and Tommy were leaning against the bar, with the latter's face scrunched up as he laughed. Joel was facing away, but he was making gestures with his arms, telling his brother a story.

Ellie scoffed, it usually took her a few days of begging to get him to tell a story, but here he was, telling Tommy and the group of people listening. She was beginning to feel anger bubble up before she realized what they were drinking. Someone had brought out the last of the alcohol, a few bottles that were always stocked behind the bar so that every few days the adults could have something to take their mind off the world. It was a strange tradition, but she thought it was necessary for their sanity.

Seeing how Joel was, she couldn't help but wish most nights were like this for him. His laugh, even quiet compared to the roar of the crowd listening to him, it made her day. It was a hearty, earnest laugh, that took over her world for a moment. It was the laugh of someone she loved, letting her know that he was happy, even if for an instant. The feeling was good. The best she had felt since she saw the giraffes in Salt Lake.

That felt like a lifetime ago.

Much later into the night, after it had turned over to the next day, Ellie guided a slightly drunk Joel back to their house. She hadn't laughed that hard in a long time. He had so many stories to tell, and each of them had their hilarious moments and their very cool moments, showing her a brief window into the past. She had listened so intently that the need for sleep had gone unnoticed. As she helped him through the door, he stumbled slightly, using the frame to get inside the house. She reached for him with a chuckle. "Want some help?"

"No, no, I got this.." He finally pushed off the wall he was using to keep himself up before almost jogging to the couch. Giving a loud sigh as he plopped down on the cushion, Ellie couldn't help herself but give another loud laugh at his antics before joining him.

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk so much in one day..tonight was fun."

Raising his hand to brush through his hair, Joel nodded a few times. "That is was, glad you enjoyed yourself kiddo."

"Maybe if you told stories more often."

"Heh, nice try."

"Had to." She took a long look at his broken watch as she searched for what to say next, some way to confront him without ruining the night. "So..a supply run, huh?"

A heavy sigh came from the man next to her. "I was gonna tell you about it tomorrow."

"And..when does it leave?"

"Tomorrow."

Ellie stood up quickly, turning around to face him. Anger raged up into her chest in a moment's notice, and she knew it wasn't just because of the supply run. "Dammit Joel! I can help."

"Ellie. I don't want you out there."

"You, of all people, know that I can handle myself."

Joel, to his credit, sobered up pretty fast. He stood up quickly, raising his voice. "You shouldn't have to!" His face instantly lost all the anger it had a second ago, caught off guard by his own display of emotion. "You..shouldn't have to anymore. We aren't out in the wild..we have a home, Ellie." She couldn't even think of a witty comeback, no angry words to explain what she was feeling. This was pure, unfiltered honesty from Joel. He didn't omit anything, he didn't deflect. "I just want you to be safe."

"I know." She shook her head, her own emotions rearing up despite her efforts to keep them down. "I want you to be safe too, Joel, and I can watch your back better than anyone and.." Her voice began to crack. "I..I don't want to be alone. If I lost you..I don't think I could.." She raised her hands to wipe at her eyes when she was buried in Joel's arms.

"Oh, baby girl, I won't take any chances of that happenin'. I wouldn't leave you." Baby girl. That sure as hell isn't helping the tears.

"You can't promise that."

"I can do my best. And you know how good my best is out there."

She tried to laugh at that, because she did know, but all that came out was a gross, tear-soaked, strangled coughing noise. But Joel still gave a chuckle of his own, on one knee and holding a crying girl. He has his flaws, but damn if he isn't the most amazing person I've ever met.

He released her, using a hand to wipe away some of her tears before tilting her chin up so her eyes met his. "I'll be careful, and you'll be fine. I talked to Maria..she'll let you stay at her place while Tommy and I are gone. I ain't gonna leave you alone."

Nodding slowly, she sniffed softly. "If I choose to stay here?"

"If you can handle it, nobody'll mind, I'm sure. But I want you to go to Maria's if you can't."

"I will..and you get back in one piece. Or I swear I'll hunt you down." Dammit, I'm going to miss him. She knew she had to try to get along without him always being here, it was naive to think that he would be able to stay every day. They need him out there, he's the best at what he does. Understanding it and fully accepting it were two very different things though.

With a wide, genuine grin, Joel ruffled her hair playfully. "I'm sure you will. Now off to bed, I'll wake you up before we leave tomorrow."

Ellie sniffed again, smiling and wrapping her arms around his neck once again to pull him into a hug. "Goodnight, Joel."

He returned the hug, and his voice was much less joking than before, his tone serious and almost sad. "Goodnight, baby girl." Releasing the girl, he gave her a gentle push towards the room. She walked to the edge of the mattress before collapsing down, pulling her pillow close. Consciousness held on until she heard the heavy sigh of Joel sliding down onto his mattress.