".and so the genetically inferior short people will not be able to reach
the top shelf of the supermarket to reach the last box of pocky and will
starve! They'll die, Seguchi-san!! Die!" Shuichi finished his verbal report
on exactly why he would be refusing to come to work until NG outfitted the
studio with vending machines full of pocky by latching onto his employer
desperately (possibly in an attempt to gain the height necessary to look
him in the eyes so he would understand the full impact of the
presentation).
"That's. . . very interesting Shindo-san. But I believe we were discussing the song you're working on." Suggested Tohma, extricating his furry lapels from Shuichi's grasping hands.
"Oh." Stated Shuichi soberly. "That." How to say, he had misinterpreted Tohma's original query. A common mistake, surely anyone could misinterpret 'Shindo-san, how is Bad Lucks new song coming along?' as 'Shindo-san, describe natural selection and what it means to you in 5000 words or less'.
"Hnn." He shrugged meaningfully with an ambiguous shake of his hands as if this explained all. Actually it did, but it wasn't the feigned reassurance or even entertaining excuses Tohma was used to.
Shuichi cringed as Tohma raised THE eyebrow. Shuichi wondered what would happen if Tohma raised the other. One of those end-of-the-world-as-we-know- it things Sakano kept talking about. . . probably.
"I was gonna finish it yesterday (okay start it yesterday) but then I got kidnapped by Sakuma-san and he made me wear this suit but Yuki rescued me and then Tatsuha came over but then Sakuma-san came and kidnapped me again and then Hiro rescues me and. . . and . . . Sakano promised he would take me to Sea World!" Exclaimed Shuichi bursting into tears..
Tohma twitched. Usually this kind of mayhem blew over after 6-8 hours. Either his calculations were off (unlikely) or this was transforming from comedy relief to story arc. He sighed to himself and trudged downheartedly to his office. Admittedly he got off rather lightly when it came to his height due to his preference for signing excessively short lead singers (in fact it was generally believed (by those who didn't know the full details) that ASK had been dismissed for not meeting this requirement).
Sitting down he waited patiently for someone to come and mock his hat.
** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** .
"So you see, padawan, this is why Ayaka, Mika and Fujisaki are evil." Finished K, pointing at his diagram while Shuichi stared confuzzled. "Girls = bad."
"Suguru is a girl?" Shuichi gasped.
"Close enough." Mistah K dismissed.
"Ah. That explains everything!" Cheered Shuichi. Everything. The PMS-like moodswings (well obviously it WAS PMS, duh!), the way he walked, the way he checked out the stage hands butts when he thought no one was watching, the way he dressed. . . . 'She' Shuichi amended. Damn. And here he was thinking up to now that Suguru was just gay!
"But she's very sensitive about it, so don't say anything." Whispered K conspiratorially.
"Ohhhh."
** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** **
"Yes Ayaka. Yes. He's fine."
"Yes Ayaka. Shuichi is very cute." Responded Hiro with a sweatdrop. He was starting to seriously get the impression that Ayaka had a crush on Shuichi. Oh sure she'd been all nasty to him when she'd been after Yuki, but now it seemed like every second question out of her mouth was regarding Shu. How he was. What he was wearing. Suggestions of things they could do after work. Oh he wanted to believe Ayaka was just interested in Shuichi because he was Hiro's friend and it was something she and Hiro could have in common.
"Yes. Yes. Level 24 I think. . ."
Shuichi's ears perked up at the familiar reference. "27! I beat 24 days ago!" He chimed.
"Level 27." Finished Hiro with a grimace as Shuichi begged to be given the phone. ". . . okay I'll put him on."
"Moshi Moshi!" Squealed Shuichi into the phone genkily. "I know all about your evil plans you psychotic succubus!"
Hiro just presumed this was game-talk and went back to tuning his guitar, which seemed to require perpetual adjustment. Shuichi was sure glad he didn't play guitar.
In Kyoto (or maybe in the 'abandoned' building opposite NG studios, depending on just how willing you were to believe Ayaka was obsessed with breaking up Yuki and Shuichi so she could lay claim to the former) Ayaka fumbled the phone in surprise. She had never thought in a million years the oblivious singer would work out what was going on. In fact she had pretty much based her plans on it. Now she would have to move on to plan B and have the little darling murdered (or something).
Shuichi and Ayaka exchanged barbs, before Shuichi laughed maniacally into the phone and ended the call, passing the phone back to Hiro.
"You and Ayaka seem to get on well." Suggested Hiro slyly (was not jealous, not not not!).
Shuichi's eye's boggled as he turned to face Hiro. What part of calling someone 'a blood sucking, disciple of Nergal the great unclean one' was considered 'getting on'?
Shuichi coughed politely.
"Hiro. I don't think you should see Ayaka anymore."
"Huh?"
"She's . . ." AN evil bitch. ". . . in love with someone else and just using you to get to him." Shuichi confided, eye's downcast. He peeked up to see Hiro's reaction to this news. It shouldn't REALLY be too much of a shock. K said all men knew women were the source of all evil and he couldn't figure how it had escaped Shuichi's notice this long.
"I. . . kind of figured that out already." Like 5 minutes ago.
"Ahn. But he doesn't return her feelings!" Justified Shuichi. "Once she understands that, I'm sure she'll do the right thing and get hormone therapy!" Mistaking Hiro's look of complete and utter confusion for hope, Shuichi added, "We can still save her Hiro!"
********************** * * *********************** * * *********************** * *
"Oh. It's you." Remarked Tohma when K entered his office.
K smiled and started setting up surveillance equipment at Tohma's window.
"I think THAT stalker is back." Explained K. It was a well known fact that the building opposite NG (apparently abandoned) was actually sublet to several tabloid reporters and stalkers at any one time (but never Ryuichi stalkers, Tatsuha was very discerning with his tenants). K took great delight in 'stalker- spotting', and this one was one of his favorites - classically equipped with cell and binoculars rather than the cumbersome and expensive more high tech (and less mobile) components she had evaded him twice already. Grinning maniacally he started to assemble his rifle.
"No!" Snapped Tohma thwacking K with a rolled up newspaper..
K Pouted. "But yours is the only office with proper frontage! If I try to make for the roof she'll get away again!" Whined K who had the developing suspicion that Tohma did not approve of one of his managers shooting down fans.
"I still can't believe you went along with this whole father thing." Commented Tohma changing the subject. Painstaking research and detective work had tracked down the source of this whole 'affair' to a copy of Nature Magazine - Reproductive Edition someone had left in the toilet and a two- for-one sale of Kumagarou plushies in the store down the street. Hopefully with these factors removed, life could return to (comparative) normal.
K raised one skeptical eyebrow (a habit everyone seemed to be picking up lately). "Oh? I suppose it was kind of a long shot. . . after all it's not like someone would have. . . oh I don't know. . . altered the age of one of the members of Nittle Grasper to make him appear younger and more marketable when the band was first formed. Which would make it a not so ridiculous claim, ne?"
Tohma gasped.
"Nice hat." K mumbled acerbically on his way out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
THE END
(we can only hope. . . or at least I can. . . I never was much good at endings but SEENG AS I can't think of anything better. . . )
"That's. . . very interesting Shindo-san. But I believe we were discussing the song you're working on." Suggested Tohma, extricating his furry lapels from Shuichi's grasping hands.
"Oh." Stated Shuichi soberly. "That." How to say, he had misinterpreted Tohma's original query. A common mistake, surely anyone could misinterpret 'Shindo-san, how is Bad Lucks new song coming along?' as 'Shindo-san, describe natural selection and what it means to you in 5000 words or less'.
"Hnn." He shrugged meaningfully with an ambiguous shake of his hands as if this explained all. Actually it did, but it wasn't the feigned reassurance or even entertaining excuses Tohma was used to.
Shuichi cringed as Tohma raised THE eyebrow. Shuichi wondered what would happen if Tohma raised the other. One of those end-of-the-world-as-we-know- it things Sakano kept talking about. . . probably.
"I was gonna finish it yesterday (okay start it yesterday) but then I got kidnapped by Sakuma-san and he made me wear this suit but Yuki rescued me and then Tatsuha came over but then Sakuma-san came and kidnapped me again and then Hiro rescues me and. . . and . . . Sakano promised he would take me to Sea World!" Exclaimed Shuichi bursting into tears..
Tohma twitched. Usually this kind of mayhem blew over after 6-8 hours. Either his calculations were off (unlikely) or this was transforming from comedy relief to story arc. He sighed to himself and trudged downheartedly to his office. Admittedly he got off rather lightly when it came to his height due to his preference for signing excessively short lead singers (in fact it was generally believed (by those who didn't know the full details) that ASK had been dismissed for not meeting this requirement).
Sitting down he waited patiently for someone to come and mock his hat.
** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** ** * ** .
"So you see, padawan, this is why Ayaka, Mika and Fujisaki are evil." Finished K, pointing at his diagram while Shuichi stared confuzzled. "Girls = bad."
"Suguru is a girl?" Shuichi gasped.
"Close enough." Mistah K dismissed.
"Ah. That explains everything!" Cheered Shuichi. Everything. The PMS-like moodswings (well obviously it WAS PMS, duh!), the way he walked, the way he checked out the stage hands butts when he thought no one was watching, the way he dressed. . . . 'She' Shuichi amended. Damn. And here he was thinking up to now that Suguru was just gay!
"But she's very sensitive about it, so don't say anything." Whispered K conspiratorially.
"Ohhhh."
** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** **
"Yes Ayaka. Yes. He's fine."
"Yes Ayaka. Shuichi is very cute." Responded Hiro with a sweatdrop. He was starting to seriously get the impression that Ayaka had a crush on Shuichi. Oh sure she'd been all nasty to him when she'd been after Yuki, but now it seemed like every second question out of her mouth was regarding Shu. How he was. What he was wearing. Suggestions of things they could do after work. Oh he wanted to believe Ayaka was just interested in Shuichi because he was Hiro's friend and it was something she and Hiro could have in common.
"Yes. Yes. Level 24 I think. . ."
Shuichi's ears perked up at the familiar reference. "27! I beat 24 days ago!" He chimed.
"Level 27." Finished Hiro with a grimace as Shuichi begged to be given the phone. ". . . okay I'll put him on."
"Moshi Moshi!" Squealed Shuichi into the phone genkily. "I know all about your evil plans you psychotic succubus!"
Hiro just presumed this was game-talk and went back to tuning his guitar, which seemed to require perpetual adjustment. Shuichi was sure glad he didn't play guitar.
In Kyoto (or maybe in the 'abandoned' building opposite NG studios, depending on just how willing you were to believe Ayaka was obsessed with breaking up Yuki and Shuichi so she could lay claim to the former) Ayaka fumbled the phone in surprise. She had never thought in a million years the oblivious singer would work out what was going on. In fact she had pretty much based her plans on it. Now she would have to move on to plan B and have the little darling murdered (or something).
Shuichi and Ayaka exchanged barbs, before Shuichi laughed maniacally into the phone and ended the call, passing the phone back to Hiro.
"You and Ayaka seem to get on well." Suggested Hiro slyly (was not jealous, not not not!).
Shuichi's eye's boggled as he turned to face Hiro. What part of calling someone 'a blood sucking, disciple of Nergal the great unclean one' was considered 'getting on'?
Shuichi coughed politely.
"Hiro. I don't think you should see Ayaka anymore."
"Huh?"
"She's . . ." AN evil bitch. ". . . in love with someone else and just using you to get to him." Shuichi confided, eye's downcast. He peeked up to see Hiro's reaction to this news. It shouldn't REALLY be too much of a shock. K said all men knew women were the source of all evil and he couldn't figure how it had escaped Shuichi's notice this long.
"I. . . kind of figured that out already." Like 5 minutes ago.
"Ahn. But he doesn't return her feelings!" Justified Shuichi. "Once she understands that, I'm sure she'll do the right thing and get hormone therapy!" Mistaking Hiro's look of complete and utter confusion for hope, Shuichi added, "We can still save her Hiro!"
********************** * * *********************** * * *********************** * *
"Oh. It's you." Remarked Tohma when K entered his office.
K smiled and started setting up surveillance equipment at Tohma's window.
"I think THAT stalker is back." Explained K. It was a well known fact that the building opposite NG (apparently abandoned) was actually sublet to several tabloid reporters and stalkers at any one time (but never Ryuichi stalkers, Tatsuha was very discerning with his tenants). K took great delight in 'stalker- spotting', and this one was one of his favorites - classically equipped with cell and binoculars rather than the cumbersome and expensive more high tech (and less mobile) components she had evaded him twice already. Grinning maniacally he started to assemble his rifle.
"No!" Snapped Tohma thwacking K with a rolled up newspaper..
K Pouted. "But yours is the only office with proper frontage! If I try to make for the roof she'll get away again!" Whined K who had the developing suspicion that Tohma did not approve of one of his managers shooting down fans.
"I still can't believe you went along with this whole father thing." Commented Tohma changing the subject. Painstaking research and detective work had tracked down the source of this whole 'affair' to a copy of Nature Magazine - Reproductive Edition someone had left in the toilet and a two- for-one sale of Kumagarou plushies in the store down the street. Hopefully with these factors removed, life could return to (comparative) normal.
K raised one skeptical eyebrow (a habit everyone seemed to be picking up lately). "Oh? I suppose it was kind of a long shot. . . after all it's not like someone would have. . . oh I don't know. . . altered the age of one of the members of Nittle Grasper to make him appear younger and more marketable when the band was first formed. Which would make it a not so ridiculous claim, ne?"
Tohma gasped.
"Nice hat." K mumbled acerbically on his way out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
THE END
(we can only hope. . . or at least I can. . . I never was much good at endings but SEENG AS I can't think of anything better. . . )