Chapter 4: I Can't Get Out

A/N: Callie tells the story of what happened as she stayed in Kadaj's hideout. Warning: The story contains abuse, past rape, and just all-around dark situations. This may be triggering to abuse victims. If you (or someone you love) is suffering from abuse, be it sexual, physical, verbal, or psychological, tell an adult you trust! I don't want you to suffer!

Callie usually showered before bed. She began to shower more so she wouldn't feel the touch of Kadaj's hands on her body. Recently, she began taking baths because she felt like her legs would give away at any second. She couldn't bear the feel of anyone's hands on her. Now she stayed in the tub until the water went cold. Her thoughts would wander and she would lose track of time. Someone had to remind her that she had been in there too long.

Right now, Callie sat in the tub as Rufus squeezed a washcloth against her skin. He had helped in washing her hair but she did the work in cleaning her private areas. Ever since she freaked out that one time, she didn't say or do anything that much anymore. Sure, she would use the bathroom and eat but she spent most of her time staring out the window. Rufus and the others hated seeing her look so helpless but there was nothing they could do or say to make everything better.

"You know," said Rufus casually as he squeezed the washcloth against Callie's skin again, "I was thinking of taking some time off so we could all take a break. I think some vacation time in Costa Del Sol would be nice, don't you think, Callie?"

He waited for a response but he never got one. Instead of feeling hurt, he turned around and went to reach for a towel.

"Okay, time to get out," he said gently, holding the towel out gingerly.

He was surprised when he heard her say, "I can't." in a hoarse whisper.

He didn't want to react because he didn't want to frighten her. She was like a little bird poking its head out of the nest. He didn't want to scare her back into silence.

"What?" he asked, needing clarification of what she meant.

"I can't get out," she replied numbly, staring off into space with hazy eyes.

"I can help you," he offered, kneeling down next to the tub. "Are you hurt?"

Callie's empty expression didn't change, even when she spoke. "I stayed awake for a seven days," she said hoarsely, unblinking, "and I remember every second of those seven days."

Rufus realized that she was finally telling him about what occurred at Kadaj's hideout so he stayed quiet. He knew she was raped but he wanted to know what else happened there. Did they torture Callie? Did they use their weapons against her? Did they drug her?

"It was so dark and cold," she continued, still staring into space. "The only time there would be light was when they wanted something. I didn't eat; I didn't drink. They didn't give me anything, except sexual torture. I remember lying in a pool of my own blood after they did what they did. There was no water but I was so thirsty. I drank something bad. I think it was from the cell they kept me in. I drank…my own pee…"

Rufus was shocked, disgusted, and revolted by Callie's narrative but he didn't say or do anything to show these emotions. He could feel the nausea churning in his stomach and he felt like he was going to be sick. It wasn't because Callie drank pee. She did what she had to do to survive. But the fact that Kadaj and his gang gave her nothing—no food or water—made him sick. It was disgusting what they did to her but she wasn't done with her story yet.

"I would lie there for days wishing God would kill me," she resumed her narrative with the same toneless voice and expressionless face. "I wanted to die. I wanted my suffering to end. I had no weapon to do the deed, though. Every day, Kadaj and his gang would kill me bit by bit. They raped me so many times that I lost count. They took pictures of me after they did what they did. If I didn't do what they wanted, they would kick me in the stomach until I coughed up blood. So much blood…I thought I was going to bleed out. It didn't sound like a pleasant way to die, though.

"I did the best to keep the bugs away from me," she said tonelessly, not moving. "They would try to crawl all over my skin but I wouldn't let them. I can still feel the sensations on my skin. Somehow, though, I think I repelled them because of all the cum and blood I was covered in. Blood brings in bugs by the truckload but the cum kept them at bay. In a way, I was glad that I smelled bad because that meant the bugs would leave me alone. However, it didn't keep Kadaj and his gang away.

"They always came back for more, not resting until they were done or until I was unconscious. A few times, I did lose consciousness. All the beatings and trauma my body went through made me lose it. Even though I was passed out, I wasn't getting any form of rest. It was too cold to sleep. Kadaj took my clothes and shredded them so I had nothing to keep me warm. It was always wet in the cell. It felt like centuries before anyone would find me.

"I was raped again, for the last time, and then they left to go do something. I don't know what it was but I didn't want to know. During the time they were gone, Reno and Rude found me. But I can't get out. I'll never get out…"

Rufus digested this information with a heavy heart and he leaned towards Callie, gathering her into his arms. She got his clothes wet but he didn't care. She had to be held so she knew that she wasn't alone.

"Well you're safe now," he whispered gently, pressing a kiss to her wet hair. "I've got you. You're safe now. You're out." He gave her another kiss on the forehead and nuzzled into her locks of hair.

He was surprised when Callie pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. The look in her eyes was heartbreaking; it was a mix of hopelessness, despair, numbness, weariness, and sadness. The look made her dark eyes paler somehow.

"Don't you see?" she whispered tonelessly, shaking her head a bit. "I can't get out…I'll never get out…"

Feeling at a loss for words, Rufus held Callie in a tight, protective embrace, assuring her that she would never be alone again.

…

After a while, Rufus got Callie out of the water, dried, and dressed her in warm pajamas. He carefully brushed her hair until it was wet strands of smoothness. Then, he slowly braided her hair and tied it with a small rubberband. He didn't like leaving her with wet hair but she didn't want him or anyone else to dry it. Why, Rufus would never know. When he was done, Rufus pulled the covers back from Callie's bed and ushered her to lay down.

Before he could leave, he knelt down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. He had never kissed her on the lips before but it felt wonderful. Despite of all the horror she went through, Rufus still had the urge to kiss Callie. Every time he kissed her, it would always be on the forehead or on the side of her head. Right now, though, he had never felt so happy in his entire life. Her lips were so soft and smooth and they totally hypnotized Rufus.

She didn't respond, though. She didn't pull away either but Rufus could tell she was just as intrigued as he was. When he pulled away, he saw that her eyes were still open and full of numbness. Her beautiful eyes were usually full of light and life but now they looked like dark tunnels of pain. It hurt Rufus to see her in so much pain so he decided to leave. Before he could, though, he felt a small yet firm grip on his arm. He looked back to see Callie pulling at him like a child would to their mother.

"Don't leave…" she whispered tonelessly, begging him with her eyes. "Please…I don't wanna have nightmares tonight."

Rufus nodded, surrendering to her request. "Okay," he said softly, sitting on the bed with her. "I'll stay. Do you…want me to hold you as you sleep?" He felt foolish for asking but it would be pretty asshole of him if he held her without her permission.

"You're warm," replied Callie, pulling him back in a lying position. "Just…hold me tonight please. I want to…feel safe."

Rufus understood the unspoken meaning in her words and situated himself so he wouldn't crush her with his body. Kicking off his shoes, Rufus got comfortable next to Callie and spooned up behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist and he nuzzled his nose into the back of her head. After a few minutes of lying like that, Rufus heard the even sound of Callie's breathing and that indicated she was asleep. Unable to hold back the weariness anymore, Rufus relaxed, closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep, holding Callie like she was his wife.

A/N: Callie's past story is incredibly gruesome, I know. It actually hurt me psychologically to write it. That's why it took me so long to finish this. That, and college classes have been taking up all of my time. Please remain patient with me. Next, Callie and Rufus are going to have their first appointment with the psychologist. Things won't bode well for Callie, that's for sure. Anyway, R&R!