HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

I'm so sorry! I haven't updated in literally 4ever! school has gotten so much harder this year and my time has just gotten more squished and blrh! and home and away aint very motivating anymore :( anyways there is no excuse.

and im sorry to say that updates might be even worse over the next 3 months because im going on a holiday in 2 weeks! im going to the middle east and will be gone for a while , while im on the plane im going to try finish the next 2 chapters but yeah... sorry! tho I am petrified of planes *shudders* so scared!

the last chapter I only got 2 reviews and its abit disheartening , my motivation goes abit down and I just feel like nobodies reading and it isn't the best feeling in the world because I don't know what I have to improve on or what u guys enjoyed/hated. anyways so if u are reading , whether good or bad please leave me some feedback ,it'll be greatly appreciated.

I've recently finished Divergent (the first one coz im fussy with covers and have 2 order online) and TFIOS :) OMG! it is so amazing! Im seeing it in cinemas 2mozz and im just... so excited!

anyways enough of my nonsense... enjoy the chapter and please leave a review!

love you loads xoxo:)

The small ringing of glasses clinking , bubbles of expensive champagne , the stench of heavy drink and sweat, The sound of drunken laughter echoed through the air , dresses creating exquisite patterns on the walls , thumping music caused the floor to vibrate , like the buzzing of a phone. The occasional soft music bought a calm aurora to the atmosphere. You could say it was her ideal environment , somewhere she could take care of business , have a night out with the girls , get a drink ,however that slowly faded into the background and she came here to see the man she loved, this place , it held a great meaning to her , how during the day it could be such a calm, peaceful place to go for lunch , yet at night it had such a buzzing energy; here was a place where the man she loved life earnings came from , he earned it… he didn't need a gun in his hand , he didn't need tonnes of money. He had a heart, a yearning telling him he could do it. When she first met him she had told him that he'd never understand, the nightmares , the sleepless nights , the constant threats, the feeling you get once that bullet has rung and you hear a body land on the floor… he'd grown accustomed , she'd dragged him into the underworld , he'd seen what happens on the other side… she'd tainted him.

She shook her head in dismissal, she was here to have a good time; even if she had to sit there and watch her friends drink like a dead man in the desert. She watches Heath walk around the club, she observes the way he walks, the way his shoulders sagged, the way his smile looked more like a grimace. He was hurting , his chest would ache, some days he'd feel like he couldn't get out of bed, whenever he got good news one of the first he'd want to tell would be his brother ; the way she knows this is because that's what she feels… Grief is different for every individual person but, to her it's the same. You still feel like a burden , you feel like your lungs are closing up ,like your swimming around in a dead body, like your sinking to the bottom of the ocean but never getting there. She waved her hand to signal heath to come over, she notices the way he exhaled before he walked over.

"Hey Charlz, what's up?" he inquired, his voice sounded somewhat robotic, the kindness that once resided had disappeared…

"Im surrounded by people who are rubbing the fact that I can't drink in my face…. How about you?" she responded with a sarcastic tone. She imeadiantly saw his demeanor change when she asked how he was, knowing he was going to avert the topic back to her she changed to the topic,

"Heath, I'd love a diet coke if that's not too much trouble," he nodded and began to walk away, "thank you!" she yelled after him and exhaled, what on earth was she meant to do.

Her eyes danced around the room , old memories flashed across her ocean like eyes , she often got complimented on the bright blue of her eyes , apparently they were the doors to heaven , they were the exact opposite; they were the gateway to all her inner demons… to Hell. The times she'd danced, the times she'd laughed, cried, drunk and nether the less been happy. It was nice to remember those times, it was what you'd call a true distraction, and it took her mind off all her problems. She snapped out of her trance by the buzzing of her mobile, she peeled her eyes away from the flashing lights and looked intently at the caller ID, a habit she'd grown up with. A look of confusion passed across her as she saw an unknown number, Charlie took one more look around her before grabbing her phone and walking onto the balcony. The cold night air was stiff, the soft breeze let a shudder run through her body, the thousands of stars that'd be forever numbered as infinity glowed, and they shone like a diamond ring. Putting the phone to her ear, the voice she heard caused the edges of her lips to turn upwards.

"Miss Buckton"

"Declan! How are you?" she exclaimed , Declan a very loyal person who'd stuck through her life through thick and thin , she'd saved his life from a Russian mafia several years ago , he always had her back… most would say he was a bodyguard, but for a long time he was the only family she had.

"Hearing your voice made me feel much better" he joked causing a soft laugh to escape her body "Are you at some sort of club, last I checked under 18's aren't allowed in clubs" He must have heard the blasting beats in the background, she imeadiantly realized he was talking about the baby, Charlie couldn't help but roll her eyes at his not so subtle attempt to ask about the baby.

"Declan the baby is fine, thank you for asking" her free hand was resting on her stomach; she didn't think it'd feel real until she held her little miracle in her arms. Charlie had some ideas what this conversation was meant to be about and it wasn't something the public needed to hear. She scribbled down a note for the girls and left a few hundred dollars on the table and left, at least she had a reason to leave! As she hobbled down the stairs she resumed the conversation, "clear" she said into the phone.

"Miss Buckton, you have a few appointments that have been arranged and people are getting… let's say, cranky. They're wondering where you are, I can't put them off any longer" he began but was interrupted by Charlie,

"Well let's meet up tomorrow and put these people in a good mood"

"You're not doing any 'business' for a while Miss Buckton, your first priority is going to be protecting this baby, whether you like it or not… you're going to have to deal with it. And nobody on the other side is to know about this child, OKAY? I assume you understand why?" he scolded her; this was going to be a long year…

" Declan ,im quite aware of the past , it haunts me every night" she replied in a rude manner , she sighed "im sorry, my head is pounding , I didn't get much sleep last night" she yawned

"I've got to go anyway, Miss Buckton be safe and protect that baby will you… You have a little solider there; she or he's going to be very special. Goodnight Miss Buckton" she could almost hear him nodding

"Goodnight Declan and you too" with that she ended the call, she looked down at the phone with a blinding smile, that man always made her smile. She'd missed him; she'd missed the company of someone who understood every aspect of her life, someone who also had inner demons.

Until she came to this town her life was so wild, but alone, closed off…

A small sigh escaped her lips as she looked out to the big moon, this was going to be a bad night, a long night.

….

Her night was long, plagued with nightmares of the past, cold, paralyzed, vulnerable…Now a new string of nightmares had begun, her baby was getting taken from her. A horrible repeat of what people had called childhood. Something she never had.

A time where you make friends, go to school, eat food, go places, discover yourself, and get loved by your family.

She got loved, but in a completely different way.

They called it tough love…

"If you truly loved someone you won't become their enemy. You will become their guardian angel." An old friend once told her this, that night she rethought everything, every mistake she had ever made, every slap, every kick, every whip, every wound…. It was never her fault, it was her parents, not her mothers of course, but her 'fathers' yes…

She exhaled deeply and rolled onto her back, her droopy red eyes blinked as they examined the ceiling. Charlie had good nights and bad nights. Tonight was most definitely a bad night.

3AM, She felt like something greasy, something fatty. Something that she never usually felt like. She was all for the good stuff, 5star meals. Sometimes she'd feel like this and whenever she did…. She took great advantage of it.

…

Noah woke up abruptly; he was dreaming of food, he sighed when he finally remembered he was at Charlies. Hayley and his roof was leaking and Charlie offered for them to stay, they gratefully took it, they could also see if she was alright at the same time. He cursed under his breath when he saw how early it was in the morning 3:31AM. The smell of fast food filled his senses and this confused he… was he still dreaming?

Noah slowly padded down the staircase, his droopy eyes were half open/half closed to see Charlie staring at him, cheeks full and eyes wide. Damn she heard him, she had such quick reflexes, and a simple footstep was enough to make her move, quicker than a rabbit… It was then he realized what she was eating, A large all American burger, Large chips, a box of about 10 nuggets and a large coke. Her appetite was anything but ladylike… she ate more than a man, a large man at that.

"What are you eating?" Noah exclaimed, his eyes popping out of their sockets

"Food"

"A lot of it" he added

"If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all." Her voice was laced with sarcasm, dripping with attitude. "So what" she shrugged

"Charlz that is more junk than a bodybuilder would eat in a week! You can't eat all that!" he exclaimed and she snorted at his over exaggeration.

"That was a real lame attempt at asking me to share my food" she smirked slyly knowing she was right, "if you want some food, you're going to have to get your own!" she teased, making no attempt at hiding the amusement in her eyes.

"But Charlz" he groaned

"No buts, this is mine!" She scolded him as if he was a 5 year old. A sigh escaped him and his shoulders sagged. Charlie grabbed a frie from the box and threw it at Noah

"Suck it up!" she laughed taking a sip of coke.

…

"It's adorable!" she eyed the pink plush teddy, picking it up she scanned over it lovingly.

"it's gorgeous, it'd be perfect if you had a girl" Her father stated looking into her bright eyes , "what do you hope to have?" he asked her , Ross examined her reaction to his question, she fumbled with the bow on the teddy bears neck , her face expressionless but her eyes told a completely different story. Her left eye twitched her thoughts deep and precise.

"Dad as long as she or he is healthy, I don't mind. I'll still love it, no matter what" she stopped and paused, cocking her head to the side. "You know what… I'm going to buy it" Rosses face lit up, she wasn't letting anybody in, but slowly, slowly she was letting that gaping hole in her heart be filled.

hope u enjoyed it! please leave a review and hopefully a next update will be ASAP! no promises tho!

xoxoxo love ya all :)