Please don't expect updates like this...I found chapter four in my computer partly done, and thinking that was the chapter I was on I continued with it. Then I went back and realized it was the wrong chapter so I went and found chapter three. Lucky for everyone it was already done, hidden in a folder for this story so...you guys get two chapters instead of one! Enjoy and don't forget to REVIEW!

"Back to the Burrow" Sirius read with a grin, "That's what you call your house, right?" he asked Ron as Harry made his way back over to his parents.

Ron smiled and gave as small nod as Sirius continued on.

"By twelve o'clock the next day, Harry's school trunk was packed with his school things and all his most prized possessions - the Invisibility Cloak he had inherited from his father, the broomstick he had gotten from Sirius, the enchanted map of Hogwarts he had been given by Fred and George Weasley last year. He had emptied his hiding place under the loose floorboard of all food, double-checked every nook and cranny of his bedroom for forgotten spell books or quills, and taken down the chart on the wall counting down the days to September the first, on which he liked to cross off the days remaining until his return to Hogwarts."

There were sad smiles aimed at him from his Dad and Papa.

"The atmosphere inside number four, Privet Drive was extremely tense. The imminent arrival at their house of an assortment of wizards was making the Dursley's uptight and irritable."

Ron gave a snort, "From what I hear they're always that way…" Sammy ducked his head and looked at his hands as his Dads glanced at each other worriedly.

They knew the Dursley's weren't the kindest of people but they still hadn't been able to get Sammy to say more about his 'not really relatives'.

Uncle Vernon had looked downright alarmed when Harry informed him that the Weasley's would be arriving at five o'clock the very next day.

Ron beamed at the mention of his family causing Sammy to chuckle slightly at his best friend turned…boyfriend(?).

"I hope you told them to dress properly, these people," he snarled at once. "I've seen the sort of stuff your lot wear. They'd better have the decency to put on normal clothes, that's all."

"Normal clothes?"

"Muggle clothes" Sammy said with a slight smirk causing Ron to turn a Weasley red.

Harry felt a slight sense of foreboding. He had rarely seen Mr. or Mrs. Weasley wearing anything that the Dursley's would call "normal."

"Dad has his share of muggle clothes." Ron said with a thoughtful look, "Comes with his job I 'spose."

Their children might don Muggle clothing during the holidays, but Mr. and Mrs. Weasley usually wore long robes in varying states of shabbiness.

Severus glared at his sheepish looking son before motioning for Sirius to continue reading

Harry wasn't bothered about what the neighbors would think, but he was anxious about how rude the Dursley's might be to the Weasley's if they turned up looking like their worst idea of wizards.

"I'm sure Mum and Dad can take care of the likes of Dursley."

Uncle Vernon had put on his best suit. To some people, this might have looked like a gesture of welcome, but Harry knew it was because Uncle Vernon wanted to look impressive and intimidating. Dudley, on the other hand, looked somehow diminished. This was not because the diet was at last taking effect, but due to fright. Dudley had emerged from his last encounter with a fully-grown wizard with a curly pig's tail poking out of the seat of his trousers,

Sirius looked absolutely giddy at that thought. "Who did it and what happened?"

"Hagrid came and gave me my letter and found Dudley eating the cake he had made me for my birthday. That and Uncle Vernon made Hagrid angry."

Severus raised an eyebrow, "So he gave the boy a pig tail?" Sammy just nodded with an amused look in his eyes causing Ron to snicker.

and Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had had to pay for its removal at a private hospital in London. It wasn't altogether surprising, therefore, that Dudley kept running his hand nervously over his backside, and walking sideways from room to room, so as not to present the same target to the enemy.

Lunch was an almost silent meal. Dudley didn't even protest at the food (cottage cheese and grated celery). Aunt Petunia wasn't, eating anything at all. Her arms were folded, her lips were pursed, and she seemed to be chewing her tongue, as though biting back the furious diatribe she longed to throw at Harry.

Severus and Sirius seemed to be fighting back their own urges to say something about Petunia herself.

"They'll be driving, of course?" Uncle Vernon barked across the table.

"Probably not!" Sirius said cheerfully causing his husband to roll his eyes at his antics.

"Er," said Harry.

He hadn't thought of that. How were the Weasley's going to pick him up?

Ron pinked again, "Most likely the floo."

Sammy just looked like he was holding back laughter as his family just looked at him in confusion.

They didn't have a car anymore; the old Ford Anglia they had once owned was currently running wild in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts.

"Why?"

"Because your son and his best friend thought it would be smart to fly all the way to school and then land in the Whomping Willow."

"Why is he my son when you're angry but your son when he does something great?"

Severus simply smirked and went back to reading.

But Mr. Weasley had borrowed a Ministry of Magic car last year; possibly he would do the same today?

"I think so," said Harry.

Uncle Vernon snorted into his mustache. Normally, Uncle Vernon would have asked what car Mr. Weasley drove; he tended to judge other men by how big and expensive their cars were.

But Harry doubted whether Uncle Vernon would have taken to Mr. Weasley even if he drove a Ferrari.

"He sounds like a charmer." Sirius said with a straight face, "would you like to make a visit with me, Sev?"

Severus gave an evil looking grin, "I would love to Siri." Sammy and Ron couldn't help the shudders they felt go through their bodies at the sight.

Harry spent most of the afternoon in his bedroom; he couldn't stand watching Aunt Petunia peer out through the net curtains every few seconds, as though there had been a warning about an escaped rhinoceros.

"A rino-saures?"

Sammy smiled indulgently at the red head, "A rhino-ceros, a big heavy grey animal with a horn on its nose. I'll show you some pictures later."

Finally, at a quarter to five, Harry went back downstairs and into the living room.

Aunt Petunia was compulsively straightening cushions. Uncle Vernon was pretending to read the paper, but his tiny eyes were not moving, and Harry was sure he was really listening with all his might for the sound of an approaching car. Dudley was crammed into an armchair, his porky hands beneath him, clamped firmly around his bottom. Harry couldn't take the tension; he left the room and went and sat on the stairs in the hall, his eyes on his watch and his heart pumping fast from excitement and nerves.

But five o'clock came and then went. Uncle Vernon, perspiring slightly in his suit, opened the front door, peered up and down the street, then withdrew his head quickly.

"They're late!" he snarled at Harry.

I know," said Harry. "Maybe - er - the traffic's bad, or something."

Ten past five ... then a quarter past five ... Harry was starting to feel anxious himself now. At half past, he heard Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia conversing in terse mutters in the living room.

"No consideration at all. We might've had an engagement."

"Maybe they think they'll get invited to dinner if they're late."

"Well, they most certainly won't be," said Uncle Vernon, and Harry heard him stand up and start pacing the living room. "They'll take the boy and go, there'll be no hanging around. That's if they're coming at all. Probably mistaken the day. I daresay their kind don't set much store by punctuality. Either that or they drive some tin-pot car that's broken d- AAAAAAAARRRRRGH!"

There were some snickers coming from the direction of Sirius, Severus reached over and smacked his husband over the head with the book.

Harry jumped up. From the other side of the living room door came the sounds of the three Dursley's scrambling, panic-stricken, across the room. Next moment Dudley came flying into the hall, looking terrified.

"What happened?" said Harry. "What's the matter?"

But Dudley didn't seem able to speak. Hands still clamped over his buttocks, he waddled as fast as he could into the kitchen. Harry hurried into the living room.

Loud bangings and scrapings were coming from behind the Dursleys' boarded-up fireplace, which had a fake coal fire plugged in front of it.

"A fake fireplace?" Ron asked in confusion, "Why do they have a fake fireplace?"

Sammy simply shrugged, "Honestly I have no idea."

"What is it?" gasped Aunt Petunia, who had backed into the wall and was staring, terrified, toward the fire. "What is it, Vernon?"

But they were left in doubt barely a second longer. Voices could be heard from inside the blocked fireplace.

"Ouch! Fred, no - go back, go back, there's been some kind of mistake - tell George not to - OUCH! George, no, there's no room, go back quickly and tell Ron-"

"Maybe Harry can hear us, Dad - maybe he'll be able to let us out-" There was a loud hammering of fists on the boards behind the electric fire.

"Harry? Harry, can you hear us?"

The Dursley's rounded on Harry like a pair of angry wolverines. "What is this?" growled Uncle Vernon. "What's going on?"

"They - they've tried to get here by Floo powder," said Harry, fighting a mad desire to laugh.

A laugh he didn't even try to hold in now, his Dads and Ron just watched him in amusement.

"They can travel by fire - only you've blocked the fireplace - hang on -" He approached the fireplace and called through the boards. "Mr. Weasley? Can you hear me?"

The hammering stopped. Somebody inside the chimneypiece said, "Shh!"

"Mr. Weasley, it's Harry ... the fireplace has been blocked up. You won't be able to get through there."

"Damn!" said Mr. Weasley's voice. "What on earth did they want to block up the fireplace for?"

"They've got an electric fire," Harry explained.

"Really?" said Mr. Weasley's voice excitedly. "Eclectic, you say? With a plug?

"Sweet Merlin, I missed Arthur." Sirius said with a grin, effectively darkening the mood of the room.

"Gracious, I must see that... Let's think ... ouch, Ron!"

Ron's voice now joined the others'. "What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?"

"Oh no, Ron," came Fred's voice, very sarcastically. "No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up."

"Yeah, we're having the time of our lives here," said George, whose voice sounded muffled, as though he was squashed against the wall.

"I think I like those twins."

Severus rolled his eyes, "Of course you do, they want to emulate the Marauders."

"Really? Maybe I should teach them a thing or two…"

"If you do you will be sleeping on the couch for the rest of your life."

"Boys, boys. . ." said Mr. Weasley vaguely. "I'm trying to think what to do... Yes ... only way. . . Stand back, Harry."

Harry retreated to the sofa. Uncle Vernon, however, moved forward.

"Ooh," Sirius said with a wince, "Big mistake."

"Wait a moment!" he bellowed at the fire. "What exactly are you going to -"

BANG.

"You've got to yell that, Sev, or it doesn't have the same effect." Sirius got silenced for his troubles.

The electric fire shot across the room as the boarded-up fireplace burst outward, expelling Mr. Weasley, Fred, George, and Ron in a cloud of rubble and loose chippings.

Aunt Petunia shrieked and fell backward over the coffee table; Uncle Vernon caught her before she hit the floor, and gaped, speechless, at the Weasley's, all of whom had bright red hair, including Fred and George, who were identical to the last freckle.

Ron chuckled, "They love it that you can tell them apart though they won't admit it. How do you do that by the way?"

"A magician never tells his secrets."

"That's better," panted Mr. Weasley, brushing dust from his long green robes and straightening his glasses. "Ah - you must be Harry's aunt and uncle!"

"Not really."

Tall, thin, and balding, he moved toward Uncle Vernon, his hand outstretched, but Uncle Vernon backed away several paces, dragging Aunt Petunia. Words utterly failed Uncle Vernon. His best suit was covered in white dust, which had settled in his hair and mustache and made him look as though he had just aged thirty years.

"Er - yes - sorry about that," said Mr. Weasley, lowering his hand and looking over his shoulder at the blasted fireplace. "It's all my fault. It just didn't occur to me that we wouldn't be able to get out at the other end. I had your fireplace connected to the Floo Network, you see - just for an afternoon, you know, so we could get Harry. Muggle fireplaces aren't supposed to be connected, strictly speaking - but I've got a useful contact at the Floo Regulation Panel and he fixed it for me. I can put it right in a jiffy, though, don't worry."

"Please don't." Sammy said softly causing Severus to glance at him worriedly.

"I'll light a fire to send the boys back, and then I can repair your fireplace before I Disapparate."

Harry was ready to bet that the Dursley's hadn't understood a single word of this. They were still gaping at Mr. Weasley, thunderstruck. Aunt Petunia staggered upright again and hid behind Uncle Vernon.

"Hello, Harry!" said Mr. Weasley brightly. "Got your trunk ready?"

"It's upstairs," said Harry, grinning back.

"We'll get it," said Fred at once. Winking at Harry, he and George left the room. They knew where Harry's bedroom was, having once rescued him from it in the dead of night.

After much flopping around Severus finally gave in to his husband and unsilenced him. "What do you mean 'rescued'?" Sirius asked with dark eyes.

Seeing as Sammy didn't look like he was going to respond to his Papa, Ron did it for him. "We were worried about sammy cause he wasn't answering our owls, so me, Fred, and George took the flying car to see if he was okay. He was in his room with bars on his window and broken things everywhere. Fred even had to go and get Sammy's school stuff and trunk out of the cupboard."

Severus and Sirius had outrageous anger in their eyes as Sammy glared at his best friend. Severus was thinking of ways to either poison the Dursley's or find ways to use their parts in potions while Sirius was thinking more along the lines of them meeting Moony during a full moon.

Harry suspected that Fred and George were hoping for a glimpse of Dudley; they had heard a lot about him from Harry.

"Well," said Mr. Weasley, swinging his arms slightly, while he tried to find words to break the very nasty silence. "Very - erm - very nice place you've got here."

As the usually spotless living room was now covered in dust and bits of brick, this remark didn't go down too well with the Dursley's. Uncle Vernon's face purpled once more, and Aunt Petunia started chewing her tongue again. However, they seemed too scared to actually say anything.

"Perfect. We like it when nasty muggles are silent and terrified."

"You are staring to sound like Lucius, Siri."

"Shut up, Sev! It's not like you weren't thinking the same thing!"

Mr. Weasley was looking around. He loved everything to do with Muggles. Harry could see him itching to go and examine the television and the video recorder.

They all gave a small chuckle at that.

"They run off eckeltricity, do they?" he said knowledgeably. "Ah yes, I can see the plugs. I collect plugs," he added to Uncle Vernon. "And batteries. Got a very large collection of batteries. My wife thinks I'm mad, but there you are."

Uncle Vernon clearly thought Mr. Weasley was mad too. He moved ever so slightly to the right, screening Aunt Petunia from view, as though he thought Mr. Weasley might suddenly run at them and attack.

Dudley suddenly reappeared in the room. Harry could hear the clunk of his trunk on the stairs, and knew that the sounds had scared Dudley out of the kitchen. Dudley edged along the wall, gazing at Mr. Weasley with terrified eyes, and attempted to conceal himself behind his mother and father.

"Good luck with that." Sammy and Ron said together causing grins around the room.

Unfortunately, Uncle Vernon's bulk, while sufficient to hide bony Aunt Petunia, was nowhere near enough to conceal Dudley.

"Ah, this is your cousin, is it, Harry?" said Mr. Weasley, taking another brave stab at making conversation.

"I'd just give up, Arthur."

"Yep," said Harry, "that's Dudley."

He and Ron exchanged glances, Harry's heart fluttering like mad,

Ron looked intrigued by this information, while Sammy was attempting to hide himself in his Dad's robes.

and then quickly looked away from each other; the temptation to burst out laughing was almost overwhelming. Dudley was still clutching his bottom as though afraid it might fall off. Mr. Weasley, however, seemed genuinely concerned at Dudley's peculiar behavior.

Indeed, from the tone of his voice when he next spoke, Harry was quite sure that Mr. Weasley thought Dudley was quite as mad as the Dursley's thought he was, except that Mr. Weasley felt sympathy rather than fear.

"That's because Arthur is a genuinely decent human being, these Dursley's are not." Severus said with distain coloring his voice as he spoke of the Dursley's.

"Having a good holiday, Dudley?" he said kindly.

Dudley whimpered. Harry saw his hands tighten still harder over his massive backside.

Fred and George came back into the room carrying Harry's school trunk. They glanced around as they entered and spotted Dudley. Their faces cracked into identical evil grins.

"Oh no." Ron said as Severus groaned. They both knew what that meant.

"Ah, right," said Mr. Weasley. "Better get cracking then." He pushed up the sleeves of his robes and took out his wand. Harry saw the Dursley's draw back against the wall as one.

"Incendio!" said Mr. Weasley, pointing his wand at the hole in the wall behind him.

Flames rose at once in the fireplace, crackling merrily as though they had been burning for hours. Mr. Weasley took a small drawstring bag from his pocket, untied it, took a pinch of the powder inside, and threw it onto the flames, which turned emerald green and roared higher than ever.

"Off you go then, Fred," said Mr. Weasley.

"Coming," said Fred. "Oh no - hang on -"

A bag of sweets had spilled out of Fred's pocket and the contents were now rolling in every direction - big, fat toffees in brightly colored wrappers.

There was chuckling and snickering coming from Sammy and Ron as they realized what was about to happen, Sirius and Severus however, were simply confused.

Fred scrambled around, cramming them back into his pocket, then gave the Dursleys a cheery wave, stepped forward, and walked right into the fire, saying "the Burrow!" Aunt Petunia gave a little shuddering gasp. There was a whooshing sound, and Fred vanished.

"Right then, George," said Mr. Weasley, "you and the trunk."

Harry helped George carry the trunk forward into the flames and turn it onto its end so that he could hold it better. Then, with a second whoosh, George had cried "the Burrow!" and vanished too.

"Ron, you next," said Mr. Weasley.

"See you," said Ron brightly to the Dursley's. He grinned broadly at Harry, causing his heart to soar again, before stepping into the fire, shouting "the Burrow!" and disappearing.

Now Sirius chuckled slightly seeing his son's mortified expression and Ron's pink tipped ears.

Now Harry and Mr. Weasley alone remained.

"Well . . . 'bye then," Harry said to the Dursley's.

They didn't say anything at all.

There were more grumbles from Sammy's parents.

Harry moved toward the fire, but just as he reached the edge of the hearth, Mr. Weasley put out a hand and held him back. He was looking at the Dursley's in amazement.

"Harry said good-bye to you," he said. "Didn't you hear him?"

"Oh they heard him alright." Sirius grumbled, "They just don't give a damn."

"It doesn't matter," Harry muttered to Mr. Weasley. "Honestly, I don't care."

"They still should have cared for you, Sammy." Severus said softly as he hugged his son tightly to his chest.

Mr. Weasley did not remove his hand from Harry's shoulder. "You aren't going to see your nephew till next summer," he said to Uncle Vernon in mild indignation. "Surely you're going to say good-bye?"

Uncle Vernon's face worked furiously. The idea of being taught consideration by a man who had just blasted away half his living room wall seemed to be causing him intense suffering.

There were some grumbles of "Good," coming from everyone.

But Mr. Weasley's wand was still in his hand, and Uncle Vernon's tiny eyes darted to it once, before he said, very resentfully, "Good-bye, then."

"See you," said Harry, putting one foot forward into the green flames, which felt pleasantly like warm breath. At that moment, however, a horrible gagging sound erupted behind him, and Aunt Petunia started to scream.

"Oh no, what happened?" Sirius asked cautiously.

Severus simply shook his head, "You can't do anything easily, can you?"

Considering they were reading a book about a future that wasn't going to happen…Sammy really realized that no, he cannot do anything easily.

Harry wheeled around. Dudley was no longer standing behind his parents. He was kneeling beside the coffee table, and he was gagging and sputtering on a foot-long, purple, slimy thing that was protruding from his mouth. One bewildered second later, Harry realized that the foot-long thing was Dudley's tongue - and that a brightly colored toffee wrapper lay on the floor before him.

Sirius was laughing his bark-like laugh as he realized what had happened, "Did they make that? Do they really work?"

"Yeah they really work." Ron grumbled as he scratched the back of his head, "A little too well if you ask me."

Aunt Petunia hurled herself onto the ground beside Dudley, seized the end of his swollen tongue, and attempted to wrench it out of his mouth; unsurprisingly, Dudley yelled and sputtered worse than ever, trying to fight her off. Uncle Vernon was bellowing and waving his arms around, and Mr. Weasley had to shout to make himself heard.

There were laughs all around the room.

"Not to worry, I can sort him out!" he yelled, advancing on Dudley with his wand outstretched, but Aunt Petunia screamed worse than ever and threw herself on top of Dudley, shielding him from Mr. Weasley.

"No, really!" said Mr. Weasley desperately. "It's a simple process it was the toffee -my son Fred - real practical joker - but it's only an Engorgement Charm - at least, I think it is - please, I can correct it -"

But far from being reassured, the Dursley's became more panic- stricken; Aunt Petunia was sobbing hysterically, tugging Dudley's tongue as though determined to rip it out; Dudley appeared to be suffocating under the combined pressure of his mother and his tongue; and Uncle Vernon, who had lost control completely, seized a china figure from on top of the sideboard and threw it very hard at Mr. Weasley, who ducked, causing the ornament to shatter in the blasted fireplace.

"Oh sweet Merlin, this is just one big cluster-"

"If you finish that sentence you will be on the couch forever."

"Shutting up."

"Good dog."

"Now really!" said Mr. Weasley angrily, brandishing his wand. "I'm trying to help!"

Bellowing like a wounded hippo, Uncle Vernon snatched up another ornament.

"Harry, go! Just go!" Mr. Weasley shouted, his wand on Uncle Vernon. "I'll sort this out!"

Harry didn't want to miss the fun, but Uncle Vernon's second ornament narrowly missed his left ear, and on balance he thought it best to leave the situation to Mr. Weasley.

"Smart thing really." Sirius said with a grin, "Wouldn't want you to get too caught up in the backlash."

He stepped into the fire, looking over his shoulder as he said "the Burrow!" His last fleeting glimpse of the living room was of Mr. Weasley blasting a third ornament out of Uncle Vernon's hand with his wand, Aunt Petunia screaming and lying on top of Dudley, and Dudley's tongue lolling around like a great slimy python. But next moment Harry had begun to spin very fast, and the Dursleys' living room was whipped out of sight in a rush of emerald-green flames.

"And that's the last bit of the chapter." Sirius announced handing to book to Sammy.

The teen shook his head and continued to read.

~oOo~

While typing this I had to look at some of my other notes on my computer as I have when Harry and Ron get together in the world where Sirius didn't tell Severus. I had to check it a few times to make sure I typed it out right in certain chapters as I don't want to mess it up when I get to later chapters of the books.