A/N: This is sort of a belated birthday present to my dear friend quasi-suspect. She's pretty much responsible for convincing me to write this, adding to my head canon for weeks about it, and then being an awesome beta for it. She's the coolest and if you're not reading her stories, you should be.

"I'm definitely forgetting something. What am I forgetting?" Rachel scans down the to-do list she's made on her favorite pale pink stationery. She drops her pen onto the table with a huff and starts pacing around the living room as she tries to think of what she forgot to put on the list.

"Take a chill pill, Berry. Your audition is still two weeks away and you're already driving everybody fucking crazy."

"This is for Fanny Brice, Santana! On Broadway! This isn't just some NYADA play audition that I can waltz into unprepared and still walk away with the lead role."

"From what I've heard, your waltzing isn't up to par, so I doubt that's a possibility," Santana taunts.

"Look, I have no idea what you've been doing with Cassie lately, but we discussed that you are not to be talking about me with my professor, Santana."

Santana just smirks at getting Rachel all riled up. At least it's a one minute break from having to hear about her upcoming Funny Girl audition.

"Who said anything about Cassie? All I said was that I've had drinks and other extracurricular activities with a blonde off-Broadway choreographer."

"Stop distracting me! I need to figure out what else needs to be on my to-do list. I have thirteen days to find the perfect outfit, I've already scheduled extra dance practice at NYADA, I have vocal lessons lined up. What is it that I'm missing?"

"Getting your brains fucked out so that you're not so damn uptight every moment of the day?" Santana suggests, glancing over the edge of her magazine to watch Rachel pace. Her legs look impossibly long in the short dress and heels.

"Does that actually help with stress levels?" Rachel inquires, her eyes wide as she stops mid-pace to face Santana.

"Spoken like a true lady-virgin. Was sex with Finn that bad that it actually managed to make you more tense?" Santana asks with an amused chuckle.

"Well, I loved him. So even if he couldn't perform in the ways I necessarily needed him to, it didn't make our connection any less special. When I was preparing for my NYADA audition, he was sweet and incredibly supportive the entire time. He kept me calm when I was on the verge of losing control."

"He obviously didn't do that great of a job keeping you calm considering you choked on a song that you knew cold," Santana replies with a shrug.

"Finn was a great boyfriend. So what if he isn't particularly skilled at intercourse? He didn't need to be. The physical intimacy is just a part of the complete package and he excelled in the areas that most other high school boys fail at. But again, this is about my audition, not about your opinions of my personal life. Do you think an all black ensemble would be too depressing? I think it could look classic if done correctly. Or should I actually dress like Fanny Brice? At least at this audition, they won't be telling me that I need a nose job. It's the major benefit of filling a role played by Barbra. My nose is right for the part, but what about the rest of me?"

Rachel returns to her pacing and Santana sighs, knowing there's no way of swaying Rachel's fixation on this. She gets to her feet, figuring she can at least escape behind her own privacy curtain while Rachel rants to herself.

"Do you think I'm too young to play the role? Barbra was into her mid-twenties when she portrayed Fanny Brice."

Santana wishes she knew what to say to make Rachel shut up for once in her life. She justs wants to read about Jennifer Lawrence in her trashy tabloid magazine in peace.

"Why couldn't they have waited another three years when I would look mature enough for the role? This will probably be my only opportunity to audition for my dream role and -"

It's frustration and flat-out annoyance that makes Santana do it. It's just an instinct. But if Rachel's mouth is otherwise occupied, then she'll shut the hell up. So Santana grabs the back of Rachel's head and pulls her in, pressing her lips fiercely against Rachel's.

Rachel squeaks in surprise and freezes. Santana doesn't hesitate, allowing her tongue to slip along Rachel's lips before pulling the lower lip between her teeth.

She feels some of the tension ease from Rachel's shoulders when she releases her lip and runs her tongue soothingly over it again. Rachel pulls back slightly, leaving their lips only a centimeter apart.

"What are you -"

"Will you just shut up for once in your life?"

"If I don't are you going to find a way to make me?" Rachel challenges.

"Do you think I'd be kissing you otherwise?" Santana retorts, moving her mouth slowly down until she is nipping at Rachel's neck.

"Well, you'd have better luck if you're occupying my mouth. That's just basic logic, Santana."

"Don't apply logic to Lopez." She wraps her arms around Rachel's tiny waist and pulls her into her. She knows more ways to make a girl loud rather than quiet, but all of it seems like a challenge when it comes to Rachel. As much as she wants her to shut the hell up, there would be something satisfying about seeing if Rachel can keep her perfect pitch when she's in the throes of a good orgasm.

Her lips ghost Rachel's jaw line, lingering for only the briefest touches of her mouth against Rachel's skin. Right as she reaches Rachel's ear, she bites down on the soft flesh and drops her hands to grab Rachel's ass. Rachel responds with a sharp intake of breath. She leans into Santana, allowing her to tighten her grip on Rachel's ass.

"Was foreplay with Finn this extensive?" Santana whispers against the shell of Rachel's ear. "Or did it just start and end with you lying there while he flopped around like a sack of sweaty potatoes?" She emphasizes her point by running her nails along the back of Rachel's thighs, earning her a shiver of pleasure from Rachel.

Rachel's hands find their way into Santana's hair and pull Santana's lips back to her own. She kisses her deeply, not hesitating as she pushes her tongue into Santana's mouth and strokes her tongue with her own. Santana, not one to relinquish control, starts sliding her hands under the hem of Rachel's dress and moves them up until the material is bunching around her waist. She lets her hands wander along Rachel's bare skin as she kisses her.

Rachel moans into her mouth as she grabs Rachel's ass roughly. She's not quiet, but somehow this noise is a million times better than the incessant rambling.

Santana loops her thumbs around the thin material of Rachel's thong and breaks her mouth away just long enough to tear the material down to Rachel's ankles. It catches on Rachel's heel and Rachel goes to pull the whole shoe off, but Santana stops her hand.

"Keep them on," she rasps and she watches Rachel's eyes immediately start to get impossibly darker. Rachel obeys and untangles the thong from her shoe before placing her foot firmly on the ground again and grabbing a handful of Santana's shirt and pulling her back in for a hard kiss.

Santana's hands rest on her waist as their tongues slide against one another, her fingernails leaving tiny semi-circles on Rachel's hips as they dig in. She's impatient and every nip of Rachel's teeth playfully against her lip makes her realize that she has been stupid to have waited this long to use this method of distracting Rachel from her crazy obsessions.

Rachel starts getting impatient and she tugs at Santana's shirt until the fabric is over her head and it hits the floor. Her hands run over the silky material of Santana's bra, her fingertips finding hardening nipples as her mouth moves down onto Santana's neck. She runs her tongue along the skin, nipping with her teeth with every twist of a nipple. Santana throws her head back, giving Rachel more room to lick and bite down the column of her neck.

She reaches behind Rachel and tugs roughly at the dress's zipper until the material slackens. She pinches the clasp of her bra between two fingers until it comes apart, allowing her to pull both the dress and bra down Rachel's arms.

They pull away long enough for the dress to fall to the floor. Santana takes Rachel's hands and helps her step out of the dress. Santana leads Rachel the few feet over to the couch and pushes her forward lightly so that she's kneeling on the cushions and her forearms fall forward to rest on the back of the couch.

Santana takes a moment to appreciate the curve of Rachel's back and the way her hair falls down over her shoulder blades. Her eyes dance along the expanse of exposed skin as she pulls off the rest of her own clothes and moves forward.

She wraps her arms around Rachel, cupping her breasts and letting her thumbs flick over stiff nipples. Rachel groans and buries her face into the couch.

"No screaming, Berry. I wouldn't want to be responsible for you going hoarse right before your big audition," Santana orders with another twist of her fingers on Rachel's nipples. Rachel's muffled moan fills the empty apartment and she pushes her ass back into Santana's stomach.

Santana scratches down Rachel's stomach with her left hand and uses it to nudge Rachel's knees apart. She steps closer so that she's between Rachel's feet, her heels still very much in place. Rachel spreads her legs even wider without coaxing. Santana continues to take her time; she kneads the flesh of her inner thighs, she leaves a train of wet kisses down her spine.

Rachel shivers and writhes impatiently with every caress. Her whimpers and moans still ring out despite being muffled. The game started as a way to keep Rachel quiet, but now Santana wants to know exactly how loud she can make her.

She reaches between Rachel's legs and cups her which immediately makes Rachel grind her hips into Santana's hand. Santana lets out a chuckle at her enthusiasm.

"Someone seems ready for me," Santana teases, running her fingers along Rachel so lightly that Rachel isn't sure if she's actually making contact or if she just feels the heat radiating from Santana.

"Will you get off your high horse and just prove to me that your method is the best one for stress relief, please?"

"How do you manage to still talk like that when I'm seconds away from being two fingers deep in you?"

"Well, you see -"

Rachel is cut off by Santana making good on her word. She doesn't have time to prepare before Santana has two fingers buried in her and she's pressing up against her ass as she drags them out again. Santana rubs through her with more force, letting her fingers linger for only a second on her clit before they are moving down again and pushing inside of Rachel. She's up against Rachel's ass as Rachel pushes back into her with every thrust and she uses her other hand to tease a stiff nipple.

Rachel's hips grind into her hand, pushing her in deeper with every stroke. Santana brings her other hand down to rub Rachel's clit as she thrusts in deep, long strokes. Rachel is writhing, her legs shivering with the task of holding herself upright. Santana can feel her getting close, her body squeezing her fingers tightly inside and she ups her pace a notch, biting down on Rachel's shoulder to contain her own moan as Rachel's body begins rolling with the waves of her orgasm. She lets out little, breathy pants as she comes and Santana has an urge to laugh at how quiet Rachel is in the throes of ecstasy when she's so damn loud the rest of the time.

She continues to stroke her until Rachel's knees give out and she rolls to land on the couch. Santana lets her hands fall away and she smirks at her own handiwork of seeing Rachel collapsed on the couch, her face flushed and her chest rising and falling as she tries to regain her normal breathing. She stands next to the couch, eyes raking the gorgeous girl. She's anxious to climb on top of her and continue to de-stress her until she hits absolute exhaustion.

Rachel cracks an eye open and catches Santana gazing down at her. She gives a sated smile, but then seems to realize she's lying naked and exposed in front of a girl that spent so much time torturing her in high school. She reaches for the throw blanket that sits on the arm of the couch behind her head and Santana reaches out to stop her in mid-motion.

"Rach, you're gorgeous. There's no need to hide from me."

Rachel looks mildly pleased at receiving a genuine compliment, but she still throws an arm over her chest in a protective manner. Santana, who is entertained by this suddenly shy Rachel, strips out of her own clothes quickly and slides onto Rachel until their bodies are lined up and her mouth is hovering a few inches above Rachel's.

Rachel's breathing has slowed and her chest is no longer heaving, but Santana steals away her oxygen again with a long, deep kiss. Her own arousal has grown from watching Rachel and she can't help the movement of her hips against Rachel's thigh as they kiss. It causes Rachel to giggle, which makes Santana pull away, confused.

"You could just ask me to reciprocate. You don't have to grind on my thigh like a horny middle school boy."

"Santana Lopez does not beg for orgasms from a girl who probably hasn't even found her own clit," Santana bites back, though she stops the rocking of her hips.

"I am well-informed of my own anatomy. Do you really think that I go into any experience without being at least mildly informed?"

Santana chuckles, because Rachel does have an annoying habit of always being prepared like the Boy Scout motto is the slogan for her life. She's tempted to test Rachel's skills, but right now she's still focused on making sure Rachel realizes how much better she is in bed than Lumps the Clown was.

She kisses her again, her mouth easily finding a rhythm in time with Rachel's, who has become more than willing to meet Santana stride for stride. She pulls Rachel's arms up from her sides and pins them above her head against the armrest of the couch. Rachel whimpers at the pressure as Santana holds them there and starts grinding into her again, this time even farther up on her thigh. Rachel squirms beneath her, lifting her hips as much as she can under the weight of Santana's body so that she can add more friction to Santana's thrusts.

Santana knows it won't be enough to drive her over the edge, but it does feel so good as Rachel moves against her, the friction ebbing and then returning even harder with each undulation of her hips. Having the control, especially with Rachel voluntarily giving it to her, is a power trip and she wants to milk it for all that it's worth.

She knows she's wet and that Rachel can probably feel it where she's rubbing against Rachel's leg, but somehow that's just more of a turn on. The deliberate movement of Rachel beneath her as they steal one another's breath is frustrating and tension building and it's not enough. She needs more. She needs to feel Rachel's hands and mouth on every inch of her body.

Maybe this wasn't planned, maybe she really did just want to shut Rachel up. But it's happening and the burning within her feels so much stronger than anything she's had with the string of girls that have come along since she broke up with Brittany. This is Rachel, the girl she tortured endlessly simply because she was jealous that she got recognition for having talent. She's the girl that got the fancy acceptance letter and the quarterback boyfriend and the strength to be a huge outcast while still managing to come out on top.

Santana knew she was going to nail the audition, even with all the tension. She knew that Rachel would find a way because Rachel always did when it came to making her dreams come true. She didn't need Santana to help her get there, no matter what her stress level was like. But Santana thought of her as family, as one of the closest friends she had ever made. She wasn't good with words of encouragement. She had no patience for spending hours in a dance studio helping her with her turns.

Sex was what Santana excelled at. It was what she could contribute to helping Rachel get the role of Fanny Brice. Even in her head, it seems completely and utterly ridiculous that sex is her contribution to the cause. But the way Rachel bucks up into her and how she grabs at Santana like she's afraid that she's not real makes it all fade into the darkness of her mind. Rachel is here, pinned beneath her on their living room couch wearing nothing but pumps.

She can't stop herself. Her hand slides down Rachel's hip and she lifts herself enough so that it can slip between their pressed bodies. Rachel is warm and soaking wet where Santana's fingers press into her and the groan that Rachel releases is one of the sexiest noises Santana has ever heard. Her fingers find a rhythm and she watches Rachel's face this time, wanting to see the emotions so blatantly displayed there.

Her own body rocks into the back of her hand as her fingers find Rachel's clit. Rachel's eyes met hers for a brief, intense moment before they close. Rachel's legs shift slightly and Santana feels the heel of Rachel's pumps press into the small of her back.

The mix of pain and pleasure is overwhelming and she feels dizzy with arousal as she moves her fingers faster, feeling Rachel's muscles tense and jump beneath her. Rachel's nails dig into her shoulders, adding to the pressure from her heels. It's all too much for Santana and she moves her hips faster, rubbing herself hard against her knuckles as her hand moves against Rachel.

She can feel how close she is and Rachel seems to sense it from the changes in her breathing. Rachel moves one hand in to roll a nipple between her fingers and she leans up to meet Santana's lips, stealing her panted breaths. It's all Santana needs to fall apart and she lets Rachel's mouth swallow her moans.

Rachel follows her shortly after, her moans much more vocal as she pulls away from Santana's mouth, gasping for air. Santana's arms give out once Rachel finally goes limp beneath her and she lets her weight collapse onto Rachel.

The silence lasts for all of thirty seconds.

"I understand how this method could be used as a way to release nervous energy. Now, my audition is not for another two weeks, so does this type of activity have a lasting effect or will I need to seek out other resources to keep me in this calm state of mind?"

Santana sighs into her shoulder. She should have known that the talking would be flipped back on immediately after Rachel's mouth was no longer otherwise engaged.

"Just don't hire a hooker or something," she mumbles against Rachel's skin, resisting the urge to give it an affectionate kiss. This was just sex and they weren't going to cuddle up and bask in the afterglow now.

"I was thinking about enlisting your services instead. You obviously are talented and we could arrange it around your work schedule. I would be glad to take over your household duties as payment for your time."

Santana sits up and rolls herself off Rachel so that she's sitting on the far end of the couch between Rachel's still spread legs.

"You want to hire me as your sex relief by paying me in chores? And it's scheduled sex? Are you fucking insane, Berry?"

Rachel looks a little hurt, but tightens her jaw and looks straight at Santana.

"Sorry that I was trying to pay you a compliment on how helpful you were being. If you don't want to help anymore, that is perfectly fine." She moves her legs and gets up briskly, collecting her discarded clothes.

The bending motion leaves Santana staring at her ass. God, she'd do anything to have her hands on that while Rachel's face was down against the mattress.

"I don't do scheduled sex. And you are not doing my chores because that just makes me feel like a prostitute. But I never said that I'm against a repeat performance."

Rachel turns back to her, her eyes shining with delight at this turn of events. She smiles, showing two rows of perfectly white teeth.

"You're an amazing friend, Santana," she replies, beaming.

"Yeah, yeah. Just put some clothes on before I show you how sex can also make every muscle in your body ache in the best way possible."

Rachel winks playfully at her and Santana swears that she walks agonizingly slow towards her bedroom area. Santana takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. This is just about her helping a friend out. It definitely does not mean that she has feelings for her roommate. At least, that's what she keeps telling herself.