I Accept it.

I'm a monster.

I sat in the small interrogation room quietly. It was way too small, almost claustrophobic.

They left me in here for minutes on end, leaving me to dwell on everything that's happened so far on my own, enough to drive me insane. I held back the tears. It would be too pathetic to start crying now. It reminds me of those serial killer documentaries I've seen in the past. There was one where the guy was caught and he cried in the court room, like he was trying to prove to everyone that he felt guilty, that he felt bad, even though we all knew by just looking at him in the video that he was only faking it, putting on a show. It didn't work for him, so it won't work for me. But I do feel bad. I've felt like my insides have been tearing it apart the whole time. I've felt so angry and sad and scared for so long that I don't even want to go on myself anymore. I regret everything, and at the same time I feel like I've lost any sense of care now. It hurts too much to think about it.

I bit my lip until it bled. I gnawed into my nails until my fingers throbbed, and when I imagined swallowing my tongue in the hopes of killing myself, not too fussed that it would have been in an interrogation room enough to drive me fucking insane –someone walked in.

That someone happened to be the very bitch that I met in the hospital. She watched me silently, entering the room and seating herself across from me. Her yellow eyes shone under the light in the room, her dark purple hair tied in a high ponytail on her head. She leaned back in the chair.

"Ichigo. Hello again. In case you've forgotten, I'm Yoruichi."

I remain silent; looking at her while she continued to look at me. She's the homicide detective. It looks like I won't be seeing Urahara to confess to my sins anymore. He was a missing person's detective after all. Now I'm with the real deal. Shit just got real. And she's serious, making the nerves inside of me flair.

"You want to tell me how you did it?"

I roll my eyes, "That's pretty straight forward, don't you think? What, not gonna be polite and ask me if I want tea or coffee first?" Where the fuck is this coming from? Am I that fed up with life that something else is taking over me, making me into this? Into this fucking piece of shit who finds it funny to be in a situation like this after everything I've been a part of?

She doesn't get angry too quickly, but it's obvious to see that she doesn't like fucking around. She doesn't like wasting time. And if I keep this up, she's going to make me wish I hadn't.

"Don't grow a mouth on me, Ichigo. I'm only doing my job." Yoruichi tells me.

"You think I've got a mouth on me?" I smirk, ignoring the part of me that's still got some sense left in me, warning me to stop being an idiot. But that other part of me, the bad part wants to give her a piece of my mind before I start settling down. "Clearly you haven't spoken to Grimmjow yet."

Yoruichi sighs.

"Where is he anyway?" I ask quickly. I want to know. I need to know. I want to see him. I don't know if it's because I'm checking to see if he's okay, or that I want to see how messed up he got thanks to me.

"Look, it doesn't matter where he is. What matters are the questions I ask you, and the answers you give me. So stop messing around."

I sit back in my seat. Fine, I'll answer her damn questions. That's why I'm here anyway! Let's just get this shit out of the way so I go on my jolly way to court and then prison, but not before I tell them how I fucking killed my friend by accident and watched my best friend turn into a bloody monster, -how I became something so disgusting myself. I want to tear myself apart.

"What do you want to know?" I ask finally. That will be the last thing I ask. From now on I'll answer whatever. I'll tell her all I know. I won't bother with lies anymore. The truth is all that will leave my mouth, and quite frankly, the truth hurts. But I will do this. It's the last time.

She watches me silently for a second before continuing, "First, I just want to know how Uryu died."

I trek back to the day it all rolled out. How it began. How our intentions were not sinister. Yoruchi listened carefully, writing on a pad of paper while I spoke. I couldn't help my voice from shaking when I described how Uryu looked when he died, how he looked at me. I couldn't help myself from straining for air when I explained that it was all an accident. That I was too scared to tell the police because I don't want to go to prison, and Grimmjow just started to freak me out too much.

I don't know if they found the warehouse. Yoruichi never asked me where it was. Then I figured out that they had found it because soon she pulled out photographs from her open bag under the table by her feet and placed them right side up for me to see.

I covered my mouth and gagged. I didn't have to smell it or be there to make me sick all over again. When I saw the stark white rotten body in the images, the dampened and messy black hair, the cuts, the bruising, the holes that formed in his skin, I wanted to throw my whole stomach up.

"Oh shit," I mutter, gasping for air, feeling myself begin to dribble because I can't stop my stomach from churning disgustingly, making me shoot up from the chair to stand. It's so hard to keep myself from vomiting. I think I won't, and I think I can sit back down, but then I gag again and cover my hand over my mouth tightly after catching another glimpse of the three images, all at once.

Yoruichi doesn't look too fazed. She looks at the images with no problem, and then looks at me. "We found the warehouse. As you can see by these images, we found Uryu's body too."

She watches me sway on my feet like I'm about to faint. I feel really light headed and sick.

"Sit down, Ichigo."

"I'm gonna throw up," I tell her.

She folds her arms over her chest and kicks a plastic bucket. It slides easily over to me, stopping right in front of me. It's like she knew this would happen.

I sit on the chair, grab the bucket with both hands and wait. I swallow the spit in my mouth thinking its passing and that I'm alright. But the next second I heave making my ribs and stomach ache, my throat burning while I throw up into the dark blue bucket.

When I stop throwing up I pull myself away from the bucket. Smelling it and looking at it would only make me sicker than what I already am. I look at the table, realising that Yoruichi has taken the images back, away from my sight. Oh thank god for that. I can't stand looking at it any longer.

I breathe in and out just to calm myself down. When I look up at her she asks me her next question.

"Want some water?"

I nod. Yoruichi leaves the room for a moment. When she returns she holds a cup of water in her hand, places it on the table in front of me, then seats her across from me again.

I drink the water, emotions just at bay. I can't wait until this is all over. I can't wait for her questions to come to a stop, for the court case I suspect to happen to be done with. But what will come after that makes me shudder. We tried so hard to get out of this, to get away. I wonder how Grimmjow feels right now. I doubt it's anything good. It would be far from it actually. He would be so angry.

"I don't want to see any more pictures," I tell her when she leans over and rummages through her bag again. The thought of Renji's body makes me shudder. I know we dumped his body in the river, but searchers have way of going through the water to retrieve dead bodies easily.

"There are no more images I will show you," She assures me, pulling out a pen because the pen she had been writing with seems to have run out of ink. She begins writing quickly again on the pad of paper –with the new pen this time. I have no idea what she's noting down. It could be my reaction to seeing Uryu's body in the images like that.

"Your friend, Renji had a deep cut to the throat. It's obvious this killed him easily." Yoruichi continues, "But he could have also been saved, Ichigo. If only you had taken him to the hospita –"

"I didn't kill him!" I cut her off. "I-I…" Shit. I shake my head angrily and make myself continue. "I wanted to take him to the hospital. It's not like I wanted to just watch him…die."

"Is it because of Grimmjow? Is that why you didn't take him?"

I nod. Yes, that's right. That's why he died. Renji lost his life because of Grimmjow. I couldn't stop save him because of Grimmjow.

"Did Grimmjow threaten you, Ichigo? Is that why?"

I nod again. "Yes," I mutter, staring down at the table in front of me. "He said he'd kill me too."

"I see." Yoruichi's voice had become much calmer since we first started talking. I guess it's because I'm cooperating. There's no point putting up a fuss anyway. But although her tone is less confronting, I still feel nervous. I look up at her, deciding the table isn't so interesting anymore. Her yellow eyes look into mine in silence, her arms still folded over her chest as she sits back comfortably in the chair.

"And that's why you stabbed him, isn't it?"

A shiver runs through my body. That's right. I stabbed him because I didn't want Grimmjow to have a chance against me. I didn't hesitate because I thought about him killing me. Was this my way of getting back at him? I suppose so. I was thinking about Uryu and Renji while I did it. I was thinking about my very own survival. It was somewhat animalistic when I think about it. I don't know what came over me. But now, it makes me feel like I did it in a way of defence. Attack the enemy before they can attack you first. But Grimmjow was my best friend for crying out loud. I must really be a bad person to think about myself so much, to call Grimmjow the enemy. I'm so selfish.

But that's good. Being selfish is good. That's what kept me alive. That's what made us drag this out for so long. I could have given us in. I could have even saved Renji. But I didn't think about them. I was only thinking about myself and the darkness that played within my mind.

"That's why I stabbed him," I whisper back.

Yoruichi nods as she starts writing some more.

"Do you have a lawyer, Ichigo?" She asks me soon after, dropping the pen onto the pad of paper and looking at me seriously.

"Why?" I ask like an idiot. Obviously I need a lawyer when I go into court.

"Because, Ichigo, you will be trialled for manslaughter and attempted murder."

That's what I thought. I already know that.

"What about Grimmjow? I ask.

"You're not stupid, you would have probably already guessed," Yoruichi says, but she ends up telling me what will happen to Grimmjow anyway.

"It'll be manslaughter and murder for him."

I've given Yoruichi everything she needs to know. I told her the story, everything that happened from top to bottom, start to finish. And that's it. I'll be retelling my story in court. How am I even going to look at my family and my friends? If they decide to come into the court room and watch my session they'll surely remain quiet, but their eyes will do all the talking for them.

Oh and what about Uryu's parents? Renji's family? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! I don't know which one makes me feel like my insides are tearing apart the worst. How people will perceive me, or how long my sentence will go.

On the morning of the court case, I told myself that I was ready. I tried to keep calm but despite the efforts, it still stirred a range of emotions inside of me that I'd rather not feel. I don't think I've ever felt so scared in my life. So intense that I feel like I'm about to die, and at the same time, it makes me feel alive.

Alive because of how much I'm hurting inside, how much it stings and burns into me. How much it's made me feel. I feel emotions like any other human being, but I also feel as though I am something far worse. My heart is beating and my hands are clenched into fists while I sit beside my lawyer. He gives me a brief look, and then his eyes wander the court room.

"Your friends, I presume?"

I look back but my gaze doesn't stay long. I make myself look at the lawyer instead. I nod, swallowing hard, trying to get the huge lump in my throat to go away. But it only seems to become more irritating. I focus on breathing. In and out, just inhale and exhale. I have to remain calm. And if I want to remain calm, then I have to make sure I'm breathing right.

Yes my friends sat in the court room behind me. I caught a glimpse of Orihime, her face telling me how sad she really is. She probably hates me now. She probably thinks I'm a disgusting excuse for a human being. She might not even see me as a human being anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if she called me a monster for taking Uryu away from her, lying to her face and letting this happen.

I saw Chad, his face unemotional. Rukia was looking straight at me, her eyes spilling worry.

"Is my father here?" I ask numbly, hoping my lawyer would look for me. I can't look back. I just can't. Because when I look at my friends faces, all I see is the pain. I don't know if they feel sorry for me, or if they hate me. All I know is that it makes me feel like complete shit and I won't bring myself to see.

The lawyer turns in his seat, surveying the court room. He turns back to me.

"Yes. Your father is here."

I nod, "with who?"

"A young girl with black hair…"

"Is that all?" I ask, knowing that he's talking about Karin.

"Yes." He answers.

Good. That means Yuzu is not here. I don't want her to see me like this. I know she'll know about what I've done but she's so young. I don't want to taint her like that. The court goes into session when the judge enters. We're prompted to stand while the proceedings were in session. Grimmjow told to tell the story how he recalls it, which all goes by the way it actually happened. And after, there's a short break since the case has been going on for long enough and we're all getting restless.

I walk outside, hoping the air will help me settle my nerves down a bit. But to no avail, because outside stands a very tired, timid looking Grimmjow that doesn't notice me and I only watch him, feeling like I've completely fallen apart, a whole part of me feeling hollow while he smokes a cigarette, looking down at the concrete under his feet that are folded over as he leans against the wall. It feels like I haven't seen him in so long since the crash, even though we were just in the same court room together. I don't know what to do while I just stand there, feet rooted to the cement like an idiot. His lawyer is close by, and I'm sure mine is too. But from what I can see, at the moment it's the both of us here. I realise it's the smoking area, that's probably why.

"Sorry."

I can't stop myself. I just feel like the best thing to do now is apologise to the one person who I never thought I'd turn against. And I can't believe I did something so wrong yet thinking it was right at the time. But everything we've done leading up to this point has proved to be a hazard. If apologizing to Grimmjow now is my pathetic attempt at fixing the situation between us, then I'm disappointed in myself. A simple sorry doesn't feel like it's enough, not at all. But it's all I got. It's all I'm here for.

He looks up at me; bright blue eyes pierce right into me. Grimmjow gazes at me, and remains silent, taking another drag from the cigarette between his fingers while he continues to watch me.

It makes me feel exposed, open for him to see. And I don't like it because it makes me feel vulnerable and lame and just plain stupid. I watch him blow the smoke out of his mouth.

Maybe this wasn't a very good idea. Maybe I shouldn't have gone anywhere near Grimmjow, especially not now while we're going through legal shit. But I'm just a big idiot. I figured that much while I had time to take in air and recuperate my thoughts. Now rather than fresh air, I'm second hand smoking Grimmjow's cigarette as he smokes it and somehow the nicotine soothes me even though it stinks and I don't really like it. I've been standing there for the whole time, debating with myself if I should remain here or run off inside. Grimmjow stubs it out.

"Ya don't need ta be," he tells me suddenly, voice low.

I look down at my feet.

"Yeah, I do."

"Hmph," I watch his feet as he moves them from where he leans. "Whatever."

"Shit," I mutter rubbing at my eyes. I look at him again. "I really am, Grimmjow. I just…"

What did I want? What was it I wanted to do now that I stood here across from him when the thoughts of what I've done and how we attempted to kill each other still lingers on my mind? Did I hope for retribution? Forgiveness? If so then I am looking in the wrong places, because Grimmjow won't give those to me.

"I just wanted to talk this last time." I continue.

"About what?" He asks, clearly annoyed. "You want to talk about how you stabbed me like that?" I watch his hand hover over the area where the knife was once stuck into him. It's like one big nightmare now. Like it never even happened even though we both know it very well did.

"Karma got me," I tell him. "I got stabbed too, when I crashed."

He smirks.

"You know what, Ichi? I didn't think you had it in you to do it." Grimmjow admits, watching me. "Like something else took over…"

It sounds bad –what he's implying. And as bad as it sounds, it may also look bad to someone else observing us, because I smile back at him. It makes me feel sickhappysad. My face just changed on it's own. I'm smiling like a teenager who rebelled against his parents and got away with it, like I'm untouchable. And he smiles back, like we never did anything wrong in our lives. I stupidly feel happy, like I'm getting mocked by my own emotions at the thought that my friendship with Grimmjow may not entirely be broken. But my heart knows better, by the way it's tapping against my chest.

"Look at us now, Ichi," Grimmjow says, "who would 'a thought, huh."

But soon my smile is replaced with a frown. Yeah, who would have thought we'd kill our friends and try to get away with it? This isn't some action packed feature film, damn it. This is real, and we got caught. End of story. I'm not surprised it turned out like this. No matter how much I feared it and didn't want to believe it, inside of me I had a feeling we'd be going through court like we are now. I just didn't think it would have been so fucked up and twisted like it has leading up to it. How can Grimmjow be so calm?

"Aren't you sorry, Grimm?" I blurt out, my emotions surfacing, the reality hitting me so hard it could drown me. I might as well suffocate from the lump forming in my throat. He looks at me, the smile slowly disappearing, a blank face looking back at me.

"No," it's a quick blunt answer and I find myself shaking my head, unbelieving. He's lying. Liarliarliar! How can he still lie, when I see it in his dull eyes?

"You don't feel sorry for the others? You don't feel sorry for their parents, or friends, or family? Doesn't it make you sad, Grimmjow?" I press on, determined to spark some type of regret or emotion or anything from him. He can't just do this, go through it like there's nothing wrong!

He glares at me. I notice he's folded his arms over his chest and his got a tight grip on his arm. "What do you want me to say?" He demands, "You want me to tell you that I'm scared or something?"

I shake my head again, angrily this time. "You can't just hide how it really feels, Grimm. You're feeling bad, I know. Cause I feel so fucked up myself. How can you not care?" Grimmjow grips his arm harder, a sign for me to stop pushing him but I continue.

"I don't know what to do. I'm so fucking scared," I admit feeling like I just want to cry but I stop myself, taking in a few breathes instead. Damn it for being so emotional!

"Shut up." It's a whisper at first. Then it becomes a growl. "Just. Shut. Up." His voice is low and menacing; a deadly look shines in his blue eyes as they stare deep into mine. I look straight into his eyes, and he only continues to stare back with that hard look, threatening me.

And I actually stop, nodding my head because I don't want to fight anymore. He doesn't want to hear my internal struggles or fears, or anything. Maybe he is scared. That's probably why he doesn't want to listen to me go on about it. Grimmjow probably knows his fate all too well. Nothing good will come out of his sentence. He is guilty, guilty, guilty. And he knows it. And so am I. I turn on my feet, urging myself to leave. "Fine," I say over my shoulder, but there are still so many questions, words and thoughts that stick into my very being like thorns.

But he stops me before I'm too far away. The words that leave his mouth are quiet, like he's sincere about it.

"It's okay."

But it's not. When someone says 'it's okay', generally it won't be. It's just words that are supposed to make us feel better, but it doesn't stop me from feeling broken and numb and just plain stupid. I turn to look at him, but he doesn't look back. He watches the lush green trees sway from the wind in the garden outside instead, like it's the last time he'll have a chance to see something like that again.

Thirty years.

That's how long Grimmjow got. Thirty years in prison.

Even though his lawyer persisted that his actions were uncontrolled, it was clear that Grimmjow had committed first degree murder. As the judge puts it, 'Murdering Renji was premeditated when Grimmjow had suspicion that Renji was going to tell the police about our accidental killing of Uryu.

Simply put, Grimmjow pleaded guilty for murdering Renji, and was involved in the manslaughter when Uryu died –which in both of our cases was without intent, thus resulting in his death from our reckless behavior. And it all literally made me feel the hairs on my arms stand up on end. My entire body feels cold, like freezing lithium is running through my veins. My knees feel weak and I can't bring myself to look at anyone right now. Not at the lawyer sitting by me. Not at my family or friends sitting behind me. Not even the judge in front of me. Instead I bow my head and close my eyes, squeezing my eyes tight when I feel hot tears bubbling in them. I take in a big breath, holding it in.

Calm down.

Calm down!

This is not my sentence, its Grimmjow's.

But even though mine hasn't even been said yet, I can't help but begin to tremble with fear and anticipation. I have the balls to look at Grimmjow. He just stands there, looking ahead of him, unmoved, like he's disconnected. Somewhere else.

The hammer hits loudly, making me jump in my spot. I look up, catching the judge in time for him to go on with the one thing I've been dreading for so long, and yet, the event that I wanted over and done with. From now on it will only get easier, I suppose. No more lying. No more hiding.

Be brave, Ichigo.

"Ichigo Kurosaki," the judge starts listing out the wrongs I have committed.

I bite my lip, ready to hear the final verdict. I hold my breath, frowning so hard it makes my forehead hurt and my eyes sting.

I will not cry. Not anymore.

I close my eyes.

I'm ready. Get on with it. Get me out of here.

"Pleaded guilty for involuntary manslaughter and attempted murder."

I take a breather because I feel like I'm going to start choking if I don't.

"Nineteen years in prison."

The hammer goes down. I huff, opening my eyes to look forward.

Nineteen years because of two things. The involuntary manslaughter led to 64 months imprisonment, which equates to five years and four months. And I'm also pinned as being an accessory to murder with Grimmjow the night he killed Renji – since I helped him dump the body into the river. But my lawyer made it clear that I was forced, and if I had not complied with what Grimmjow had wanted me to do, then I may have become another victim that night. And my attempted murder tacked onto it did me no justice. There's no way I'll turn to look at those seated behind me now. No way. Yet my eyes wander to where Grimmjow is, and he looks back at me silently, expressionless.

There are two sides to every person. The good and the bad, and I've been feeding the bad, dark, sinister side of me this whole time. I fooled myself into believing I was the good guy in all of this. I looked at Grimmjow as the bad one, the one that was dangerous and wrong. When really, I was just as bad as he was and I just refused to believe it or admit it. I should have looked in the mirror sooner, should have realised that I could have stopped this from going on for so long. But I see now. I understand. And it took two deaths, secrets, endless fear and crashing my father's car and almost killing me to prove it. Oh, and not to mention my crazed attempt to kill my best friend.

What could be going through Grimmjow's mind? He may be thinking the same things that I am, or he might even be blocking it all out, because his eyes tell me nothing. The usually bright blue orbs now look dull, almost empty. This is not the Grimmjow I know, and yet it's the way I feel about myself. I no longer feel like I'm innocent. I don't feel good about myself, and the situation is clear to see why. It's not just the sentence, or how the judge had said I was guilty for these crimes. It was the realisation that hit me so hard, that it made me want to close my eyes and disappear forever. I had lost myself, and now I don't even know who I am anymore. I look at the judge as the court is being adjourned. It's all over now. And I've lost it all; my friends, my family, and myself. But worst of all, I had no idea where to look now. No way for me to find that inner peace I once had.

But it's okay now, right?

Like Grimmjow said: 'it's okay.'

Even though we both know it's not.

Just another way for us to feel better about it all.

And when Grimmjow's eyes lock onto mine, that face still expressionless, and mine might as well be just as much, I see a small twitch of his lips. I doubt anyone else had seen it, or perhaps I was seeing things. Because soon that twitch turns into a small, hidden smile. And I just look back, my mouth twisting on it's own accord, my muscles having a mind of it's own as I smile back just as silently, just as hidden as his was.

A/N: That's THE END. I hope you enjoyed this fic. It feels weird finishing it since it's been a while since I first started it, haha! I hope it wasn't rushed or anything. I kind of had trouble with this final chapter (doubting sentencing and shit) but I'm happy with it :)

So there we have it! Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, follows and continued support from start to finish, I greatly appreciate it!