Important Author's Note at the end...

The night air is crisp and dark as we head out into the city, armed with cans of spray paint. According to Uriah, this has been a tradition since freshman year, and I would be a 'pansycake' if I didn't come. I went with my friends to make them happy, although honestly I would rather have stayed home with Tobias. It goes without saying that this is illegal, but I'm kind of used to it by now.

It's gotten colder in the past week, and I pull Tobias's black jacket tightly around me. It's huge on me; Christina told me I look like I'm wearing a cocoon. I don't care. It's warm and fuzzy and smells like him.

Speaking of Tobias, where is he? I turn around just as he runs at me, pulling me into a ferocious bear hug "Put me down," I shriek. But It's probably not very convincing seeing as I'm laughing like a maniac and climbing piggyback onto his broad shoulders. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he grabs hold of my legs and goes charging off into the darkness. He feels strong and untouchable and beautiful, and I still can't quite believe he's mine.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I still see him with Lauren.

"Well, aren't you both just too cute?" Marlene says with a toss of her hair, now aquamarine blue. I notice that she is holding hands with Uriah, who's smiling at her. Beside him, Lynn scowls and rubs her hand over her shaved head. My old friends would say they were crazy, hellions with their tattoos and piercings and dark clothing. And they are, but my old friends could never understand the camaraderie that comes from doing crazy things together.

"This way," Uriah orders, pulling us into an alley that smells like cat piss and is already decorated with bright paint, declaring things like "punk is life" and "go to hell". Uriah unscrews the lid of his paint and scrawls "For Zeke" in bright red.

I worry about him. Zeke went back to the hospital a few days ago, and all Uriah will say about it is that he isn't doing well. We haven't visited- "only family", they say- but we did send a bunch of junk food in with Uriah. Uriah seems distant and sad- I don't know what he'll do if the unthinkable happens.

Grief does crazy things to people.

I climb down from Tobias's back and slide the lid off my own paint can, surveying the bricks with an artist's eye. What should I write? How will I choose to leave my mark on this place?

I watch Marlene scribble "fuck you" with yellow paint, and Christina giggles. This won't last forever, I know. We'll grow up and

I lift the can of paint and write the beginning of a song.

Well I never really thought that you'd come tonight/ While the crown hangs heavy on either side/ Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die.

"What's that from?" Tobias asks, resting a gentle hand on my shoulder. I lean into him and close my eyes. "It's a song. Far Too Young to Die by Panic! at the Disco."

I feel him breathe as he traces my cheek with a fingertip. "Didn't know you liked them." I shrug.

"I like a lot of music. In fact, the music is probably why I'm still alive." Tobias stiffens, and I wince inwardly. Neither of us need the reminder of what I almost did over the summer. Not tonight.

I turn and pull him closer, resting my head against his chest. "Hey. It's okay, I'm over all that now. Really."

He's still worried about me, I know. I'm scared for him, too, with that awful father of his. Even though he got a restraining order and his own apartment, he still has the scars. I'm terrified of waking up one morning and finding out that he's gone.

I can't lose him. I have so much more to live for, now.

I'm chasing roller coasters
I've got to have you closer now
Endless romantic stories
You never could control me

A police siren wails in the distance. It's not for us, but Christina drops her can and streaks towards the train station. Laughing, the rest of us follow suit.

What is it about doing crazy things that turns my blood to liquid adrenaline?

Give me one last kiss while we're far too young to die

In the moments of shadow before the train comes, Tobias puts a hand to my face and slowly kisses me. When we finally pull apart, he whispers, "I love you, Tris."

Author's Note:

Sorry I've been AWOL for forever- my math grade is really suffering, so I haven't had my kindle or computer privileges. Also, I've been working on a novel of my own- It's called After, and the link is on my profile if you want to read something of mine that's updated more frequently. Anyway, I thought you guys deserved an update/apology/explanation.

Hopefully I'll write more at the end of the week- I have a three day long drumline competition and the drive takes five hours (if I'm able to write on the bus with the crazy people, wish me luck...)

Be Brave,

divergentandproudofit

(P.S. Uriah wants you to review!)