He was filthy.

Positively filthy.

It wasn't even his fault.

He was walking in the area surrounding their camp, and next thing he knew he was laying face down in a mud pit.

There was no reason for there to be a mud pit, it had been dry as bone these last few days.

Well, no natural reason. It turns out that Kíli wanted to wash his hair. The reason he couldn't do it in the very conveniently located river less than 20 paces from where the mud pit was? Because while in Rivendell, he discovered the waterfalls that were in the bathing houses.

Kíli wanted a waterfall.

So what did he do? He made a waterfall.

And that lead the hobbit to where he is now, scrambling towards the river covered in mud and no doubt countless other substances. It's not that he didn't respect Kíli, it's just that he wasn't exactly the cleanest person, now was he?

He had always intended to bathe, just later. When there was zero chance of running into naked dwarves.

Like he did just now.

Okay, the dwarf in question wasn't fully naked. But he was a bit too close for comfort.

Thorin Oakenshield was standing in front of him wearing only his small clothes. While before he may have simply had the dirt and filth from a hard journey, he too was now covered with a layer of mud.

The thing that made this particular scene so very not comfortable, wasn't that Thorin painted an ugly picture, but rather that he was so very attractive. Even with all the mud.

He was very well muscled, even among dwarves, and especially so among hobbits. This was something that could be seen even when he donned several layers of bulky clothing and armor. It's just that it was especially noticeable when those multiple layers were missing.

Bilbo was quite speechless. After all, the object of his affections was standing right in front of him wearing barely anything. So, he did what one tends to do in situations where they are flustered. He blushed and sputtered and looked everywhere except Thorin's wonderfully sculpted chest.

His sputtering stopped however when he felt two very large, and strong, hands settle upon his shoulders. Looking up, he could see that Thorin looked slightly amused by the situation.

"Halfling, why are you, and now myself, covered with mud?"

He straightened out his shoulders, noticing that Thorin's hands did not leave them, and responded as gentlehobbit-y like as he could in the situation.

"It was your nephew."

A brief look of understanding crossed the dwarven king's features.

"He decided that he wanted a waterfall so that he could properly wash his hair. As there is obviously no waterfall anywhere close to where we are currently located, he had no choice but to make one himself. I had the misfortune to stumble across the remnants of such a thing."

Thorin nodded slowly, and then he finally removed his hands from Bilbo's shoulders, much to his disappointment. He then proceeded to gather his clothing from where he set it out on a nearby rock, and turned to him and said, "Well, as it is my nephew who is at fault for your current predicament, I'll give you the privacy I'm sure you desire so you can properly bathe as well as wash your clothing."

Written for wafflesandwifi on tumblr

He grabbed his boots from where they were lying on the ground and then walked downstream until he was no longer in the hobbit's immediate sight.

The one thing about hobbits is that they're natural gossips. Their ability to sneak around undetected aids this greatly. Now, a hobbit doesn't just go around and tell everyone they see their dirty little secrets, now do they? No, many hobbits are quite talented at eavesdropping, and peeking.

It just happens that Bilbo Baggins happens to be one of those many hobbits, after all he is a Baggins, and a Baggins is nothing but respectable and (most of the time) is the epitome of the typical hobbit.

So, really, he couldn't be blamed if he managed to see a glimpse or two of a very attractive dwarf as they bathed in two separate areas that were really not at all hidden from one another.