Write The Story

Abusive? A question I asked quite often to myself, but the question was…who was abusing who? I didn't understand sometimes; no punches were thrown but words were tossed about like gun fire. Fuck, shit, bitch, Jack-ass, ass-hole; they all have one thing in common they are words and they were all tossed about so freely.

My mother came in crying, begging me to stop something because I still had to be pulled into their relationship. I had heard of my father's temper but hadn't that changed when he'd become "A New Man" ah yes Christianity had saved him from the pits of Hell I suppose.

And yet they still yelled and while no marriage was perfect why is it that words could just be thrown about pointlessly. I had such a perfect, perfect looking home, and while life outside of my home was not wonderful life inside my home was not as perfect as it lead to be.

Sometimes at night time I'd day-dream about a different house and a different life. I'd dream about a world beyond my grounded one, one farther then the stars higher than the moon, a place where the yelling couldn't be heard.

The question was always asked sometimes straight forward and sometimes eased into the conversation. Did my parents abuse me? No. They abused each other. So in such I fully expected a relationship in that way, and I did get one.

It ended after a year, but three-hundred and sixty-five days of endless torture and bad romance was enough to make me scream. I never could understand why some woman wanted to be tied to a bed, spanked, yelled at then fucked senselessly, it was nice when a man was a little over-protective, when a man could be an alpha dog at times but yelling and hitting and sex were three words that did not belong together.

And yet they were put together in far too many cases, I was young and yet my sex appeal had not shot through the roof like some other twenty-two year olds. Yes I had been married at the tender age of twenty, divorced at twenty-one and I now worked as an advisor of sorts.

Oh, I'm a mentalist and I can do card tricks, yes don't I seem appealing? Well…to them I was, it felt nice to have friends. I didn't have a lot of friends when I was younger. I was a freak, I'll admit it…I was very shy, I am very shy.

And yet I still somehow bond with these people, my friends, my fellow crew mates. I was the person to go to whenever they had an issue. I kept people's problems private. However most of the time people decided to come directly to me, which is why it was a shock when letters began coming to my door.

Dear Angel Grey,

I have been experiencing problems in my emotions. I don't seem to quite understand who I am when I awaken each morning. I am growing tired and weak and one female continues to swim about my sub-conscious and my want for her teases me daily. Her voice teases at my ear, I turn and she is not there.

Her eyes glimmer at every dark corner teasing me and daring me to come closer, to follow her. She is never at the corner; she also does not realize I am so lost in her voice when I speak to her. I do not understand my emotions towards this woman and I am being tortured by my feelings. What am I to do?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Was I reading a letter from the script of Dear John? I read it once, then twice and then three times before I decided to respond to it. On one hand this was all some sick joke, on the other hand this was really a guy (or a woman maybe) who was confused on his feelings, who was really genuinely confused. So, I made the logical decision to respond to it.

Dear Anonymous,

How long have you known her? Do you talk to her often? Are you her good friend? To tell you the truth I felt like this before, desperately confused on my feelings towards someone, then I realized later I really didn't love their personality.

(My ex-hubby as Nyota called him was a real jerk, I didn't think that at first I was seventeen and felt misunderstood he tried his best to understand me, this part about my ex-husband was not going to end up in this letter, I didn't love speaking about him)

Be careful at first initial feelings about someone look closer at their personality find their bad points, and their good points. Would you love her at her worst?

Sincerely,

Angel Grey

I read over the letter twice then thought about who would send me the letter and just why they wouldn't send it to me in person. Then I realized the time, and that I was late for "Girl Time" a very confusing ritual in which I was dragged to the cafeteria with Nyota and Christine and we'd discuss anything that we felt like discussing, in a more guy term, we would sit shoot the shit.

I knew better then to be late; then I'd get the same exact wink from Nyota the same giggle from Christine and the same question.

"Late because of a hot-date?" Nyota licked her lips sensually and stared me down.

Christine grinned and pulled me down to sit.

"Yep, my pillow and I had a steamy make-out session, he's a real hunk." I let the sarcasm drip from every word.

Nyota laughed and took a sip from her soda. Nyota was a pretty girl, there was no doubt on that fact, she had long deep brown hair and a pair of matching deep brown eyes that gleamed in the light. Her skin was like soft cocoa and her smile could make a man's heart melt.

Christine was her complete opposite but all the same she was an eye-pleaser. Her blonde curls fell perfectly into place no matter what; her blue eyes held nothing but compassion and kindness and on her milky skin was a confident pearly-white smile.

Yes, they were every man's deepest desire, and I was sure they knew that. After all they were both in wonderful steady relationships.

"How is everything with Kirk?" My tone was back to its normal kind one.

"Depends, physically or emotionally, but in all both are a twenty on a scale from one to ten." She answered.

"I've just got to ask, is he really as good as most girls have said?" Christine could be dirty when she wanted to be.

Yes Nyota was dating the man of every girl, human or alien like's dreams, Captain James Tiberius Kirk. That was one man I would not pursue a relationship with, I just wasn't crazy for a man who was proclaimed a sex God by every girl and her grandmother, I just realized how wrong that last part sounded.

I was pulled from my own personal thoughts by Nyota's laugh.

"Better. He can work a girl like an instrument and he's real picky about who's on top."

Christine laughed at that, she had her own boyfriend who I had met. He was a tall ginger that loved to treat Christine like a princess. I had still been told of the sexual pet names of royalty she proclaimed when they had sex.

Hey, from time to time I felt like the boring third wheel, Christine and Nyota were a year older than me and they had strong relationships that were bound to last. I was that pathetic friend, and I was confused as to why they were friends with me.

I loved their company as friends, I loved them like sisters but I was that lonely sister that they most likely felt bad for on Friday nights when partying with their partners was their plan and I was at home asleep, or performing some card-tricks. Nyota and Christine must have gotten annoyed from time to time.

"Hey Angie, you feeling alright?" Christine asked in a motherly tone.

I being the youngest was subjected to the motherly tone. I was also subjected to being referred to as, "The Little Sister" by Kirk, Scotty, Sulu, and Pavel, I just nodded my head.

"I'm fine Chrissy, just tired is all." I made my lie believable.

I wasn't alright, not completely at least. I felt bad from time to time, like I was dragging everyone around me down. It was kind of funny how being with my friends was supposed to put me in the best mood possible, when in reality I currently felt horrible, I was disgusted by myself and I wasn't sure why.

Even so I sat through more conversation on love, and happiness, and sex. All the while I thought to myself about who I was…why I was on board the USS Enterprise and why I had friends. I even wandered if love was an option for me.

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() ()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()() ()()()()()()()()()

Author's Note: Well this is the start of my story, do you love it, hate it? Should I never write again? All questions you can answer! I hope you do like is so far though.