Notes:

The Twilight community was my first home in fandom. It provided me with solace in a very tumultuous time in my life and I will be forever grateful to the people that I met there and the friends that I have made.

My fic Knight in Silver Armor has sat unfinished for over two years. It is very very unlikely at this point that I will ever get around to finishing it. This has been an incredibly difficult reality to come to terms with.

I'm not an active member of the Twilight fandom anymore and when I do venture back there my interests have seriously strayed from this pairing which makes it very difficult for me to find the motivation to even work on this one. That combined with my spare time being devoted to other avenues of creativity means that this story just won't get done. For that, I am very sorry.

So I am posting my story notes and the bits and pieces that I have written for anyone that might be interested. It's disjointed and in point form for the most part but hopefully, it will answer any questions that my readers may have had along the way. I am so grateful to the people who read, commented, shared, and nominated this story for various awards over the years. I am truly sorry to break my promise to finish this.

Part 1: KiSA basic outline from chapter 33

Missing plot items

• Leah's mystery man – It's Embry – because unless Embry is with Paul, he's going to be with Leah in my world. I had thought about a possible side story about how Leah and Embry got together – they chatted while Embry was sitting with Seth after the battle with Victoria. He was the one that comforted Leah after she found out the guy she had been seeing was married. They got close and it just sort of snowballed from there.

• How can Jake redeem himself with Bella and make it clear to Paul that he's going to keep his nose out of it even if he's not fully over Bella? This will take time and a whole lot of building bridges. Paul never fully gets back to a point where he's totally comfortable with Jake and Bella's relationship, but he trusts Bella and that makes things easier for him. Bella eventually lets Jake back into her life after he starts proving that he's okay with her and Paul together – after he sees the impact Bella has on him and how happy Paul makes her.

• Jake starts seeing someone – a girl from school maybe? He finally gets over himself and accepts that he and Bella just aren't going to be what he wants them to be. He understands that unless he wants to lose her completely from hislife he's just going to have to move on. He also understands that that means that he can't go on blaming Paul and hating him. He is a pack-mate after all.

• Bella and Paul fixing up his old room – possibly turning it into an office of sorts where Paul can study correspondence to upgrade and possibly eventually get his degree. Bella helps him to realize that even though he is stuck on the Res. that doesn't mean he has to give up on his dreams of making something of himself. Maybe Sam grants him leave to leave for short periods at a time so he can complete any work that needs to be done on campus or for practicum type situations. Seattle isn't very far away after all.

• Paul asking Bella to move in/ possibly more organically - that she eventually starts staying there more and more over time. Paul says something like how it feels more like home when she's there than when she isn't.

• Charlie and Paul interacting (probably after Bella starts staying at Paul's more often) and Charlie telling Bella that he was wrong about Paul, that he can see that he really cares about her and he's glad that she's happy.

• Potential out take or a little blip in the story about Paul searching for information for his mother or Bella searching for her after Paul says something about wondering what ever happened to his mom. I've always sort of felt that she's probably dead and that maybe they find where she's buried and go to see her grave so Paul can make his peace with his childhood.

• Rachel comes home for Labour Day weekend (is this too soon? – they would have only been together for just under two months – maybe Thanksgiving instead?). She wants her family to meet Cass (not sure on the name) because they've been talking about getting married / having a family. Is she announcing their engagement? Or talking about finding a sperm donor with Quileute blood so they can start a family.

- Paul sees Rachel for the first time on the beach during the bbq (this might need to change if this takes place at Thanksgiving instead of Labour Day). He realizes the imprint instantly and tries to hide it from everyone.

- Leah recognises the imprint in Paul and tries to play go-between when he leaves. Bella knew all along that that could happen, but knowing and living it are clearly two different things. Does Paul leave the bbq first or does Bella and he goes after her, trying to explain, or convince her that it's going to be okay. That he loves her and that he can fight this. Possibly decides not to even tell Rachel what's going on?

- Who would be the one to interfere and let Rachel know? Or would she feel the imprint and be drawn to Paul. Would she possibly know the histories and sort of figure it out on her own from being Billy's daughter / witnessing the changes in Jake etc.

- Paul goes to Bella after a couple of days of avoiding her and struggling with the imprint. He tells her that he loves her and that he doesn't care about some mystic bullshit, that Bella is who he wants to spend his life with, not Rachel. He asks her to stand with him, to fight for what they have, to not leave him alone like everyone else in his life has.

- Obviously, Paul is going to be the donor for Rachel and Cass' baby. That's what his imprint needed from him and that's it. He talks it through with Bella first, of course, and they all decide together.

Part 2: Chapter 30 outtake: Bella talks to Renee

Bella's POV

I headed upstairs after clearing away the leftovers and doing the dishes; deciding to make it an early night. The last couple of days had taken a toll on me and I was exhausted. As I stood in front of the bathroom sink brushing my teeth before heading to my room, my mind drifted. I thought about the small neat house in La Push that I had gotten so familiar with over the last couple of weeks and its sole occupant.

It had only been 2 weeks since the battle with Victoria, and so much had changed between Paul and I since then. He was nothing like I had originally thought he was. He had always presented himself as a loud, gruff, opinionated jerk. I had thought he hated me; finding out that he didn't was a complete shock. I never imagined before two weeks ago that I would be spending so much time getting to know him—that I would be in a relationship with him. I missed him, I realized as I walked down the hallway from the bathroom to my bedroom.

I hadn't seen him since yesterday afternoon; had hardly even talked to him since I'd found out about his fight with Jacob really. He was working a job with Sam for the last two days and was on patrol right now. I would hopefully get to see him tomorrow. I was only scheduled for a short morning shift at Newton's tomorrow; maybe I would head out the La Push afterward.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes at myself as I remembered to make sure to tell Charlie where I was going. The drama with him had taken a lot out of me, but I was glad that I had stood up for myself with him. I wasn't a little girl, and it was time he stopped treating me like one.

Thinking of my argument with Charlie made me realize I hadn't spoken to Mom in a while. It wasn't unusual for her to get busy with her latest side project and not call for a while. I decided to send her a quick email before turning in for the night.

I turned the old computer on and let it warm up while I changed into my sleep shorts and a tank top. I grabbed the throw blanket from the end of the bed and sat down at the desk. I opened up my email and thought about what to tell her; so much had happened in the last two weeks. MY argument with Charlie was at the front of my mind, but I didn't want it to seem like I was running to her for help; I'd managed that battle all on my own.

Hi Mom,

I realized this evening that I haven't spoken to you in a while, so I thought I would send a quick note before I hit the hay. The last two weeks have been pretty eventful as far as my quiet life in Forks goes.

I've sort of started seeing a friend of Jacob's from La Push. More than sort of really. I started getting to know him a couple of weeks ago when I was staying out there helping out after he was in an accident. Charlie doesn't like him because he got into some trouble as a kid, but he's really not a bad guy. Charlie is just being over protective, like always.

Jacob is upset with me too. I thought that he was okay with us just being friends, but he got his nose bent out of shape about me dating someone that's not him—at least I hope that's what it was and not specifically about me dating Paul (that's his name). I'm not really speaking to Jacob right now. I hope we are able to be friends again, but right now he really needs to do some growing up.

Anyway, I'm just heading to bed for a much needed sleep. I wish you could meet Paul. I think you'd really like him; I do. Miss you.

Xo

B

I gave the letter a quick re-read and hit the send button, shut the computer down and crawled into bed. I snuggled down into the blankets and thought about sending a quick text to Paul to say goodnight; I knew he wouldn't get it until his patrol was over at midnight. I was holding my cell phone in my hand, ready to open it when it ran, making me jump.

It was Renee. She must have already checked her email, which was completely out of character for her.

I debated not answering it, but if she had read the email, she'd call back again and again until I answered; it was best to just get it over with.

"Hi Mom," I said, flipping the phone open.

"Tell me everything!" she squeaked excitedly. "What's he like? How did you meet him? Are things serious between you?" she rambled her questions, not letting me answer any of them before jumping on to the next one.

"Mom!" I laughed into the phone, managing to get her to focus just a little bit.

"What does he look like? Is he cute? Of course he is...Bella! Tell me," she whined into the phone.

I couldn't help laughing at her enthusiasm and getting swept up in it. I hadn't had a chance to talk to anyone about what was going on between Paul and I—I didn't have anyone to talk to— and talking to her had always been easy.

"He's not so much cute and he is...gorgeous."

Renee squealed on the other end of the line. "He must be if he's a friend of Jake's. Those Quilaute boys are all gorgeous! What's his name? Is it serious. Come on Bella, spill."

"If you'd let me talk, I'd tell you, Mom!" I chastised her. "His name is Paul. He's only 17, but you'd never guess it looking at him. I've known him for a while, but didn't really get to know him until 2 weeks ago..."

I fell into telling her the background information of how I'd been taking care of him after he was jumped. She pumped me for details on our dates and asked if he was treating me well. It was nice to talk to her even though I was hoping to get to sleep early.

"It sounds like things are serious between the two of you, Sweetie." She said after I'd given her the detailed back story.

"I think I actually really like him, Mom. He's nothing like he pretends to be when he's around the other guys. He's really smart and genuine, and he's actually sweet and gentle, but he'd totally deny it if he found out I'd said so.

"Oh! I'm glad to hear you so happy, baby," she cooed. I laughed a little hearing her call me by the same name that he had; it sounded completely wrong hearing it from my mother now. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, just remembering something he, uh, said, that's all."

"Bella, are you sleeping with him?" she asked. Mothers Must have some sort of sixth sense for embarrassing their children, I'm sure of it.

"Mom!" I gasped. I shouldn't have been surprised, but the blunt question caught me off guard.

"You are, aren't you? Oh, my little girl is all grown up. Is he treating you right?" she rambled of on another tangent, then almost remembering that I was her daughter and not her girlfriend, she added "I hope you're being safe, Bella. I'm too young to be a grandmother"

That's what Charlie said," I grumbled.

"You told Charlie?" she exclaimed, shocked.

"Not exactly,"

Part 3: snippet - shower scene out take

Summary:

smut, written as part of another chapter and then taken out and re-written. I saved this bit.

Explicit content.

I should have known that having her in the shower with me was a bad idea. It hadn't taken very long before watching the water run over her smooth white skin had me hard as a fucking rock again.

"Fuck, I want to be inside you," I breathed into her neck.

She moaned, and pulled away a little. "I'm not on the pill," she cautioned but still rubbed herself against me.

"I know. I can smell that you're not," I said dragging my tongue over the front of her throat. She pulled back and looked at me disbelievingly.

"Wolf," I reminded her, and bent my head back to her neck.

"You can smell that?" she panted, her eyebrows knitting together slightly.

"Yeah." I felt like a fucking sleaze just thinking about what I was going to say, but I said it anyway. "I can also smell that you're not fertile," I whispered into her ear. "You can't get pregnant right now, baby." I had never fucked anyone bareback before—had never even considered it—but I wanted to be inside her bare, wanted to be able to feel every inch of her.

I studied her face waiting for what I'd said to register and silently praying that she'd give me permission.

Bella's POV

Flashes of ninth grade sex-ed. class ran through my mind; I knew better than to take a risk, but I wanted to, and I trusted him, and I wanted him, too.

"Paul," I breathed as I wiped the water off of my face and pushed my hair behind my ear. His eyes flicked between mine, and he held his breath, waiting. His hard length twitched against my throbbing center as if emphasising the need we were both feeling.

"It's okay," he said with a resigned note in his voice. He reached his hand out to pull the curtain, ready to head back to the bedroom.

I pushed my hand between our bodies and wrapped it around his erection, angling him into my opening."Please?" I begged him. His eyes came back to mine for a split second before he pushed me back against the wall and thrust deep into me, causing us both to gasp and shiver at the sensation.

He paused a moment buried deep inside me. "Oh. Fuck! You feel so good, baby," he crooned, his breath coming in short puffs at my ear.

Paul's POV

My mind was instantly blank. There were no words to describe the feeling of her wet cunt wrapped around my cock. Guys always said that bareback was better, but there was no fucking comparison. I could feel every twitch and pulse her sweet little pussy made around me.

She pushed her hips against me urging me to move. I'd never had any fears of coming too soon before, but feeling her clench around me, feeling how tight and wet she was, I finally understood the concern.

Focus, Lahote.

I moved my hands one at a time, hooking her knees over my forearms. I pressed my hands to the wall behind her and spread her legs wide, giving me room to move freely and a great view at the same time. She keened and arched her back steadying herself by gripping my shoulders.

I buried myself in her and drew all the way back before repeating the delicious motions over and over again, savouring the almost overwhelming sensation. I leaned forward and ran my mouth along the wet skin of her neck, stopping to lap my tongue over her pulse. Her throat vibrated against my lips as a deep moan rose up from her.

My wolf wanted to take her hard and fast; he urged me to bite the soft skin like white chocolate on her neck and mark her as ours. Fuck I wanted to do it too, but knew better. I could never make that choice for her even if I did already think of her as mine.

My girl.

I could feel her flutter and pulse around me, but wasn't sure I'd get her off before I lost it myself, she just felt too fucking good.

"Baby," I growled into the skin of her shoulder through clenched teeth. "Make yourself come for me," I pleaded drawing back to watch as I withdrew and plunged into her in a smooth escalating rhythm. I looked back up to find her eyes hooded with lust, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted as she drew heavy panting breaths. "Touch yourself for me, Bella," I asked again.

She ran her right hand down from my shoulder over my chest and between us letting her fingers brush lightly over my cock as I pushed into her again before starting to lightly circle her middle and ring fingers around her swollen clit.

"Fuck...just like that..." I could feel the pulses of her sweet cunt strengthen as she pushed herself closer. I picked up the pace as she bit her lip and closed hers eyes, throwing her head back against the shower wall.

"I want to feel you squeeze me..."

A string of nonsense words all run together flowed from her mouth in heavy moans and whimpers. "...ohgod...sogood...yeahsoso , oh..." She was so close; I could feel the tremors starting to spread.

I leaned back into her so I could whisper into her ear. "Say my name when you come for me baby."

She nodded her head against the wall and my mouth, uttering more unintelligible chants, and erupted into a shuddering twitching mess as she clamped around me and came hard.

"Oh! OHGODPaul!...oh...fuck! FUCK! Paul!" My name from her mouth sent me over the edge right behind her just like I knew it would; I pumped into her hard, filling her.

After we'd let the aftershocks ride through us and I'd caught my breath a little I brought my mouth back to her ear.

"You've got a dirty little mouth, girly. And I fucking love it," I said kissing her hard and demanding.

I let her legs down slowly and held her to my chest, burying my face in her wet hair.

Part 4: snippet - the morning after

Summary:

smut

written originally as part of the first night that Bella stays over but reserved to be part of the night that Paul confesses he's in love with Bella - or the morning after I suppose. Just a snippet.

Explicit content

Bella's POV

I woke feeling hot and more than a little light headed. A soft tingling sensation unfurled in the pit of my stomach. It took me a moment to recognize the feeling through the haze of sleep that was still dissipating. Once I did, my eyes fluttered open to Paul's beautiful face leaning over me, his head propped on his fist, his other hand ghosting lightly over the puckered sensitive surface of my nipples. My back arched instinctively with the desire that coursed through me, pushing my breasts further into his touch.

"Good morning," he crooned.

"Hi," I breathed; the only response my brain seemed able to push from my mouth. He smirked, and trailed his finger tips over my chest and lightly up my throat.

"I couldn't sleep," he said. "There's somebody in my bed distracting me."

He leaned further over me, pushing my head gently to the side and sweeping my hair away from my neck. He placed hot, open mouth kisses over the now exposed skin of my collar bone causing me to moan softly.

The room was still dark but had that very early pre-dawn softness to it.

"It's dark," I mused, still not able to think clearly; my level of coherence drifting further and further away the more he toyed with me.

"Don't worry, Baby. The sun will be come up around the time you start screaming my name." With that he latched his mouth firmly over mine and kissed me roughly, his mouth forceful and demanding. He pressed his solid erection hard into my hip.

My heart skipped a beat.. He ran his hand firmly down my stomach and I felt his hot fingers rub through my already slick folds.

"Are you sore?" he asked, breaking his mouth away from mine, his hand pausing until he had my answer.

I shook my head. I was slightly tender, but I certainly didn't want him to stop.

"Good," he purred around a seductive grin, "but, you're going to be." He returned his mouth to mine swallowing the shocked gasp that slipped out as he slid his middle finger into me. A moan followed as he curled his long finger forward brushing against a spot within me that nearly caused my eyes to roll to the top of my head.

He pulled my lower lip roughly with his teeth and growled. "You're going to be able to feel tomorrow where my cock was buried inside you here," he indicated just where by curling his finger forward again.

The dirty words spoken with his deep gravelly baritone into my ear had me reeling; I was putty in his hands.

Notes:

Notes I made on this part : I think this next part would be best written in Paul's voice. His feeling of contentment with Bella having stayed the night is making him want to show her more of his 'real' self. What he considers normal for him.

Part 5: snippet - Labour Day BBQ

Summary:

This was the first little bit of the fateful BBQ chapter that I had started writing. It's nothing really, but it's written so I might as well share it.

Bella's POV

The Labor-day long weekend bonfire had always been one of my favourite Reservation traditions; the whole community came out for the festivities. I had shown up at Emily's the day before to help her with the huge amount of food she'd agreed to bring for the pack, and we'd spent the day laughing and gossiping.

There was a certain excitement amongst the wolves as this was the first Tribal celebration since the pack had settled into its current form—it had only been Sam this time last year. The guys were all looking forward to hearing Billy tell the old stories now that they had firsthand knowledge that they were true. Of course the rest of the tribe didn't know that, so a certain amount of discretion would have to be used when telling the stories this year as to not draw attention to the wolves. The stories only ever really got told near the end of the night anyway where there were only a few people remaining—most of whom already were in the know.

Most of the guys were off playing football with some of the local guys who had made it out the beach; it was hilarious to watch them hold back and act like normal teenagers after seeing them be themselves so often. I watched as a kid I'd seen around the Res. tackled Paul to the sand. The other boy's friends cringed—someone yelling out "you're in for it now, T.J."—clearly expecting Paul to retaliate to the tackle with his reputed level of violence. It was sometime difficult to think that he'd been so different before we'd gotten together despite the fact that it had been less than two months. I chuckled as he hauled himself up from the sand and looked over to where I stood watching. He grinned at me before turning his attention back to the game, only giving the kid a light shove as he passed him.

Having the boys occupied was also a good time to get the food all set up without having to shoo them away. Emily and I worked on getting the food tables set up, knowing that it wouldn't last long once the wolves descended. There were similar groupings happening all along the beach as different families set up their own meals before it got dark and the fires were lit.

Embry walked up carrying a huge tray covered in foil in one hand and two large tubs in the other. "Here's the baking from Sue. Leah's getting the rest of the stuff out of the car," he explained, passing the tray to Emily.

"Mom got called in, but she'll be by later," Leah added as she dropped the bags of soda and cups she was carrying in the sand next to the cooler. She looked nervously over to where Embry stood at the end of the table looking uneasy, and it hit me. "Do you guys need help, or can we go join the game?" she added, seeing the recognition on my face.

I grabbed Emily's arm and motioned toward Leah with raised eyebrows, hoping that she'd pick up on what I had. She smiled and nodded.

"You and Leah are a 'we' now, huh, Embry?" Emily teased. He ducked his head, trying to hide the flush of his cheeks and the smile that

I wandered over to where Charlie was talking with Billy after we had everything set up. I had been spending so much time with Paul over the last few weeks that I hadn't had a lot of time to spend with him; I missed him, but he had actually been really reasonable about the whole thing once I had forced Paul to come over for dinner and he found out that they had a shared love for the Mariners.

"Are you still stepping all over my little brother's heart, Swan?" The familiar warm voice made the question easily seem more like a taunt than an accusation. I turned around to face the young woman behind me, a grin spreading across my face.

"Rachel!" I said, wrapping her in a big hug. "I didn't know you were going to be home this weekend."

"Jake didn't tell you?" she asked, giving me a curious look as she stepped back. "I thought he'd still be following you around like a lost puppy."

"He's finally given up on this one," Embry laughed giving me a playful slap on the shoulder as he and Leah walked up. Leah shoved her way past Emily and I to hug Rachel herself, smiling and telling Rachel how good it was to see her.

"I didn't think he'd ever leave you alone, Bella," Rachel joked.

Part 6: Epilogue

Summary:

This was the epilogue for an earlier version of the story before I decided that I was going to add in the Rachel imprint.

I tend to write an Epilogue near the beginning of my longer stories to help me figure out the plot along the way.

Paul POV

I never did imprint on anyone, but Bella and I didn't stay together either. We spent as much time as our schedules would allow together and we were happy.

Really happy.

She and Jacob even managed to patch things up for the most part, although he and I still didn't see eye to eye on most things. We tolerated each other for the sake of the pack, but we definitely weren't chummy. He eventually met someone and settled down.

So what happened to Bella and I?

Life happened. She and I weren't destined to be together right from the start. The time we did share was borrowed.

Once I realized I was in love with her, my walls started to crumble; and when she said she loved me back, my whole world changed. The fact that I was able to love, and that someone loved me back, allowed me to let go of so much baggage I had been carrying with me my whole life. I didn't need to hide behind a front, and pretend I was someone I'm not. I wasn't afraid to let people touch me, physically or emotionally.

We spent the year after Bella graduated together almost non-stop. She worked at the cafe and took a couple of classes through Peninsula College by correspondence.

She talked about trying to do her whole degree that way, but I wouldn't hear it. I would have to miss out on college myself being part of the pack, and I couldn't allow her the same fate. She was college bound and there was no way I was going to stand in the way of her experiencing that. She didn't wind up going far though, just to the University of Washington in Seattle. But, it was far enough.

We tried the long distance thing for a while, but it drained on both of us. Not being together had us falling back into the old pattern of fighting and getting under each other's skin. We decided that it would be better to just take a break while she was away at school and see how things went when she came back.

I missed her like fucking crazy.

She had become such a huge part of my life in such a short time, that being without her caused me almost physical pain. It was so bad at times that I felt like phasing and running to Seattle just to see her. I didn't though. I had to let her live her life and have her experiences.

She came home the summer after her first year and we tried to pick up where we left off. We had both changed so much that it didn't work. We still spent almost as much time together, but the passion that had driven our relationship before she left wasn't there and we wound up being not much more than friends. Really fucking close friends, but friends all the same.

She didn't come back to Forks for summers after that first year, though, and I felt an empty spot in my heart that she had filled previously. I missed her, but more than that I missed how I felt about myself when I was with her. We kept in touch, and it was that lifeline that kept me going.

I realized over time that I had to let go of the hope of her returning after graduation. She was meant to do big things and I couldn't allow my selfishness to hold her back. I wanted her to be with me always, but I wanted her to be happy more. So I set her free despite not actually having a hold on her anymore, and in turn set my own heart free as well.

Bella Swan had saved my life and taught me what it was to be loved and how to love someone else. Something I had never known in my life until she took a chance on me. I would forever be indebted to her for that.

Notes:

Note I have on this part of the story:

I'm not sure if this is how I want this story to end. This just popped into my head tonight and I thought I would write it out before I forgot it. I think the idea of Paul's point of view for the end is neat because the story was really about him and not about Bella even though it was written from her perspective for the most part. He was a broken child living in a dangerous world that made him hard and angry. She saw his vulnerability at the very worst and taught them both how to love again...this will have to be re-worked extensively I'm pretty sure.