Usual Disclaimers.

Emotional Bug Bomb

"So Don Juanito thinks it probably wasn't a bio-toxin, but that the… the… you know the dead guy had a demon. And that when you … gulp… sawed his head open, the demon just flew into you." Penny explained, as she enthusiastically dunked her teabag.

Amy and Bernadette exchanged glances.

"He says you will need a mini-exorcism…" Penny continued, "How do you feel about smoking peyote in a sweat lodge with a shaman for purification purposes? The Shaman's name is Dave and you'll have to drive to Arizona, but Sedona is supposed to be great. We could make a weekend of it."

The neurobiologist slowly drank her tea as if trying to find a diplomatic way to phrase her next sentence, "Weekend in Sedona sounds good. I am not going to lie, I am not too enthusiastic about Dave the Shaman. Also peyote? Isn't that a gateway drug to the mystical nether realm…"

"Let's put a pin in the Brujo's demon theory and peyote therapy for a minute." The smaller blond smiled indulgently, "The blood work up really didn't show anything interesting. Except that you are insanely healthy. So nice work…"

Amy shook her head, "The blood work doesn't matter. Toxins happen. All it took was a course of the Super STD antibiotics and I am going back to work on Monday."

"Super STD? What was that? Air born Syphilis?" Penny asked alarmed.

"No. Amy just meant it was the strong antibiotics used to treat drug resistant… We just call it that!" Bernadette huffed and then turned back to Amy. "So what does the university say?"

"They reminded me of the confidentiality clause in my contract and gave me a month of paid vacation." Amy toyed with the tea bag sitting on her saucer, "I'll be fine. My brain may dissolve when they open my skull though, but that will be someone else problem."

"Why would they open your skull?" Penny asked.

"After death, I am donating my remains to UCLA." Amy responded.

"You want people to play real life operation with your corpse?" Penny's eyes were wide.

Amy raised her tea cup, "Amy Farrah Fowler. Even after death, she is the life of the party." Seeing her Bestie's face go ashen. "Penny, I'll be dead. I promise I won't care." Bernadette clinked her water bottle against Amy's cup.

"You people are gross." Penny said, pointing at them, "At least the boys don't talk about squishy stuff."

The biologists burst out laughing, "God bless 'em. They are so easy to gross out," Bernadette choked.

"They are, aren't they?" Penny beamed affectionately, "Okay, change of subject. The dinner with Michael is tonight. Are you ready to unleash the Sith Lord within?" she pointed at Amy.

"My midi-chlorians are ready to rock." Amy dead panned, taking a sip of tea.

"So, not looking forward to it?" Bernadette smiled.

"No." Amy replied, "I am doing this as a favor to Leonard."

"I wish it was as fun for you as it is for us to watch. You are so good at it," Bernadette paused, "What is Leonard's game plan, anyway?"

"I don't know. Bring the pain, maybe?" Amy shook her head. "Listen, I know that if I wanted to emotionally torture one of my relatives, Leonard would have my back. Although, he would be completely useless at, so I don't see it coming up…"

"I think he just wants Michael to go away and not come back." Penny observed.

"Like when we made the bug bomb after the ants from Penny's apartment migrated to 4A." Bernadette noted to Amy.

The brunette grinned, evilly, "Hmmm…That was some good mad science!" she took a sip of her tea, "We really should have either gone to jail for that one or pursued a patent." Then they both got pissy looks and their faces and snarled, "Non-compete clause." In unison.

"Those ants didn't come from my apartment." Penny stated.

"Let's not do this again." Amy said, "We lied to the boys about the ant origins, we shouldn't have to lie to ourselves. So, Bernadette, shall I bug bomb Leonard's brother."

"He's a lawyer. I refuse to make the lawyer/cockroach joke." The tiny blond smirked, "I am better than that. But yeah, I think Leonard wants you to emotionally bug bomb his brother."

Penny smiled, "You should see her outfit for tonight."

"What's it like?" Bernadette asked.

"Executive Dominatrix." Amy said, staring into the depths of her tea.

"Nice!"

Penny nodded, "It is pretty hot actually. Have you showed it to Sheldon yet?"

"No. He isn't going to like it." Amy frowned.

"Why do you say that?" Bernadette asked.

"The skirt is too long. Sheldon seems to like my hems just above the knee." Amy replied. "I get more compliments with above the knees skirts."

"But," Penny told Bernadette, "It is tight around the butt area."

"Okay, quit it. I have never seen any evidence that Sheldon stares at my butt." Amy said.

"That is because your back is turned when he does it. Trust me. Your Dr. Cooper is an ass man." Bernadette nodded. "What else?"

"Penny is forcing me to wear 4 inch heels with a platform." Amy blushed a little , wondering if Sheldon's being an ass man was the reason he always insisted on walking behind her on the stairs. "So I'll probably be on crutches when we have brunch tomorrow."

"Force you? How could I force you?" Penny scoffed.

Amy batted her lashes, "Ah, Penny. You know I can never refuse you anything."

"Also if she tried, you'd get bossy and mean." Bernadette giggled. "Amy, go put the outfit on so I can see what you are talking about."

"That is the pot calling the kettle bossy and mean. And we need to start getting ready," Penny agreed, "We still have make up and hair to do."

Once Amy had disappeared into Penny's bedroom, Bernadette leaned over, "Executive Dominatrix?"

"Oh, yeah. Big time." Penny nodded, "Severe is really a good look for her."

Across the hall, Sheldon wasn't looking forward to this evening, either. As much as he adored Amy's instinctive villainy, he didn't want to watch her interacting with Leonard's brother all night. And if Michael so much as touched her arm, there would be some sort of beat down.

Also, he'd been forced to do his laundry on Saturday morning instead of Saturday night. And Leonard wouldn't let him wear the plaid suit that he and Amy liked so well. So he was stuck in that dark, dull nightmare Penny had coerced him into purchasing. The collar was itchy and he felt overly warm. He never should have agreed to this dinner.

His sulky thought pattern was broken by the arrival of a cheerful Raj and Howard.

"So ready to send your woman to the sexual lion's den?" asked Raj grinning.

Sheldon took a deep breath, "There is nothing sexual about this evening's agenda."

"At least not as far as Amy is concerned." Howard agreed, "I am more concerned with jerkass's agenda. But she'll have 3 protectors. You know Sheldon, if shit gets real, he'll have that spurt of spastic strength… Michael will have a bruise and Amy's virtue shall be well protected."

"Thank you for that Howard." Sheldon said, rising from his computer chair.

"Well, what if Amy starts to like Michael better than Sheldon?" Raj looked at Sheldon expectantly.

"Don't be ridiculous." Sheldon scoffed.

"As much as I'd like to board the let's make Sheldon twitch train, that isn't likely." Howard said, "Michael is an asshole."

"What is Sheldon?" Raj laughed.

Howard shrugged, "Apparently she is into Sheldon's kind of crazy."

"Exactly," Sheldon huffed, "Though, as you know I am not crazy. My mother had me tested."

"Okay," the engineer mused, "She is turned on by Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, mysophobia and Histrionic Personality types. You aren't crazy so much as mentally disordered."

"It isn't narcissism when you really are better than everyone else." Sheldon noted.

"See," Howard pointed to Sheldon, "That is what she likes."

Leonard walked out from his bedroom, wearing similarly dull attire. "You look good, buddy." He said to Sheldon with a wide grin.

"This is the guy I want to talk to," Howard announced, "He is the one who wants to watch Amy break his brother's brain."

The grin didn't waiver, "She's so good at it. If you are feeling sorry for Michael, let me put it this way, I called my sister, Anna, and told her the particulars. She begged to be allowed to attend the dinner. Then she called Elsa and told her about my plans. This morning Elsa sent me an email of possible trigger points for Amy to exploit. And then I got emails from his secretary, his cleaning lady, his golf friend, his college landlord, 3 ex-girlfriends and our father. They were all full of helpful hints."

"Your father?" Howard looked surprised, "Shouldn't he be trying to foster good relationships between his sons?

"Michael ratted to Mom about Dad's affair with the lunch lady." Leonard said, "Dad took a bath in the divorce settlement… he holds a grudge."

Bernadette peeked through the open door, "Okay Jedi knights, here comes Darth Domatrice." She flung the door open, and Amy walked through looking… well… every inch the executive dominatrix.

Sheldon scanned her appearance. Minimal eye make up; good. Blood red shiny lips; bad. High heels; dangerous and distracting. Glasses instead of contacts, good. Hair pulled back into a fairly severe bun; caused him to want take it down and touch her shiny hair… Dressed all in black; Suitable for a Sith. Modest neckline; attractive and sensible. Skirt; Too long. It hid her knees. Amy's derrière in skirt; Holy God!

His mouth went dry as he took Amy by the arm and guided her to walk directly in front of him and out of the apartment, "Let's get this over with!" he snarled.

Aside from being hauled out the door, Sheldon's reaction had been about what Amy had expected. Compliments on clothing were quite rare and were usually restricted to addressing if a new cardigan's color choice was acceptable or gave him a headache. He had on 2 occasions told her that he liked her skirt. Both those occasions had featured a slightly raised hem line and no tights.

As they walked down the stairs, he muttered, "Clearly Penny is trying to kill you."

"So you noticed the shoes?" Amy glanced over her shoulder at him and then she slipped on the stairs. Sheldon seized her under her armpits and hauled her back to safety.

"Yes." He said, "I have mentally cleared my schedule tomorrow so we can go select crutches for you." He was now walking even closer with his hands around her waist.

"Thank you. I have that penciled in as well. I have an older pair of socks in my purse for when I twist my ankle." Amy said. "I also have aspirin for when the tightness of this bun gives me a tension headache." As they arrived at the bottom of the staircase, she turned around and looked at his dark, suited figure. "My, aren't we a sharply dressed pair of goth kids?" she said as she straightened his perfectly straight jacket. He looked distractingly handsome.

"Well, this is a Sith operation. Black is the color." Sheldon nodded, "Since we are going to torture Michael, I have to warn you that there may be a cloying amount of compliments over dinner."

Amy restrained herself rolling her eyes, "Thanks for the heads up. I might have mistaken them for sincere compliments."

"You're welcome." Sheldon said, missing the sarcasm. "It is a nice costume though." He brushed some imaginary lint off her shoulder.

"Costume?" Amy was puzzled.

"I hope it isn't going into the normal rotation. It is professional look for your duties as a sith lady. However, I don't want to have to worry about your ankles snapping." Sheldon considered, "You should have worn your Star Trek boots."

Amy blushed, the Star Trek boot request was rare, but always caused capillaries to burst in her cheeks.

"Black leather boots would have taken this outfit to a different level of… what are we calling this? Evil?" Penny said coming down the stairs with Leonard behind her.

"They are also mid-heel and much more practical." Sheldon had no desire to discuss female footwear with Penny.

Leonard got a good look at Amy, circled her once and said, "We maybe need to take the Domme factor down a notch."

"Can I ditch the shoes?" Amy asked eagerly. "I have some less dangerous pumps in my car."

"Or we can stop at Amy's place for the boots." Sheldon suggested, firmly.

Leonard was amused by how Sheldon had fixated on the idea of Amy in those boots. "Penny, you are shoe marshal. Boots?"

"Fine." Penny looked at Amy for a second, "I also have a less bloodthirsty shade of lipstick…" She took her arm and guided her out to the limo.

Leonard turned to Sheldon, "did you see her ass in that skirt…" Seeing Sheldon angry eye twitch, "I like that energy. Save it for dinner."

By the time the gang arrived at the restaurant, Amy was feeling better. When she and Penny returned to the limo, she sported her Starfleet boots and a less threatening shade of lipstick. She'd also gotten an "You should wear those boots more often…" out of Sheldon and a knee pat when her skirt hiked up to where he seemed to think it belonged…

Sheldon was going to grab her ass tonight.

So switching to the lower heels had been wise, if Sheldon felt spontaneous, she definitely would have need the crutches tomorrow.

Michael waited patiently at the bar for his group, sipping some insanely expensive scotch. He knew what Leonard was doing with Amy, but it didn't matter. The fact that the deck was stacked so firmly against him, made the neurobiologist an even greater challenge. The unattainable conquest was always the most desirable.

Seeing the quartet stroll into the restaurant, he signaled to the maître 'd that he was ready to be seated.

He thought Amy looked stunning in a ruthless way. He frowned deeply when Leonard whispered something to her and she threw her head back laughing. The frown went deeper when her robot boyfriend held her in front of his body. He really hadn't considered the Texan competition. Perhaps that had been a mistake.

Leonard saw him across the room and Michael signaled him to the maître 'd. His little big brother was not going to be too pleased by tonight, he grinned.