I don't own Team Fortress 2 or Rosario + Vampire

"This sucks on ice!"

The RED mercenary huffed in disgust as he watched the landscape go by. He wore his fast learner, though he bet it was still out of uniform. The bus was leaving the city and going through a large tunnel. Scout paid it no mind as he pulled out his lucky ball and threw it against the bus window.

thump

and again...

thump

thump

thump

The bus driver turned his head and cackled, his lifeless glowing eyes bored into Scout's. The delinquent stopped for a moment. There were no others on the bus but the two, and an uncomfortable silence followed.

"Kehehehehe," The Bus Driver, snickered."So you're the new student enrolling at Youkai Academy?"

The Scout said nothing his jaw dropped open and his eyes widened.

"Heh...be careful," He warned, as the bus was approaching the other end of the tunnel. "Youkai Academy is a veeeerrrryyy horrifying school!"

The mercenary had only one thing on his mind throughout all this.

Nice Hat...

Unfortunately, just as he was about to offer the creepy driver some hats to trade, the bus made its stop and he was obligated to get off. Scout looked around him, and groaned. What the hell was this?

Scout thought for the briefest moment that he had been dropped off at Mann Manor. Everything looked dead and desolate, if the RED mercenary was more eloquent he would describe the area around the school as "eerie and horrifying" rather than "fuckin' freaky". As he took in the surrounding landscape, on guard for a random appearance of the Horseless Headless Horsemann, he wondered how he got into this mess.

Teufort: RED base

1 week ago...

"Success! We have captured the enemy intelligence!"

"Whoo! That's what I'm talkin' about!" Scout cheered. "What would ya chuckleheads do without me?"

"Good work partner," Dell Conagher, known as the Engineer, said. "I reckon about now those BLU dummies are getting riddled with bullets courtesy of Heavy."

"Heh yeah, wusses are probably shaking in their boots," Scout replied, but there was a distinct lack of malice in his tone. Ever since taking on the Gray team, hostilities have lessened between the teams (much to the Administrators displeasure).

Bzzt!

Bzzzt!

'Who the hell is callin' me during work?' Scout thought. He pulled out one of those fancy phones from that fruit company. He was surprised that technology had advanced so quickly since he started working for RED. Time had become...distorted since he respawned for the first time.

"Hey if this is BLU spy, ya should just hang up ya dumb bastard," Scout answered rudely.

...

"Oh! Ma' I didn't know it was you!"

…

"Yeah yeah! I know I never call, I've just been busy ya know?"

…

"Huh?"

…

"WHAT?"

…

"I don't need to finish High School! I've got a job!"

…

"I'm 23 now anyway!"

"Actually," Dell, chimed in with a grin. "Thanks to respawn we're all biologically the age we were six years ago. You've got the body of a 17 year old."

"Hey! Stay outta this!" Scout snapped. "Look ma' what school would even take me anyway?"

"Honey, it's this prestigious japanese school," Scout's mom gushed. "It's called, uh, Yolk-eye Academy or something."

"How did I get accepted into that? I neva even heard of a Yolk...eye academy."

"My boyfriend found this nice man with an application and we decided to enroll you!" His mother said."Isn't that wonderful?"

"Boyfriend?! You don't mean that shapeshiftin' son of-"

"Now now son!" She scolded,"Watch your language, and you should be glad at this opportunity. Besides you should finish school at least. I don't want you to end up like your brothers."

"No way!"

"But...don't you think it would be good for you?" She said miserably. "Don't ya care about the things your mother does for you? About this family?...Y-you're going to make me cry..."

She began to sniffle as Scout became stony faced on his end.

Youkai Academy

Present day

In the end he was guilted into going. The RED mercenary was hoping that his employers would bar him from going, but to his surprise they had been... insistent. He was stuck here, and it was all because of BLU Spy! He sighed.

'Oh well maybe I can join the track team or something' He thought. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here after all.

"Coming through!"

The merc turned student had been so absorbed in his sulking that he had no time to react to approaching bicycle. With a yelp and an undignified curse he collided with the bike.

"Uuugh, why don't ya look where you're goin' or I'll...I'll," Scout mumbled as he realized he was talking to a gorgeous pink haired girl. "Take-you-out-on-date!"

He inwardly berated himself for the awkward response. Still, he was hot stuff, she wouldn't be able to resist him anyway. Totally.

"Huh?" The pink haired girl replied, still dazed. "Oh! I'm sorry, my anemia's made me all dizzy!"

The Scout then realized how close they were. His hand was on her thigh and she was looking at him with a concerned expression. He couldn't help but blush, and feel flustered. He was touching a girl! That hasn't happened in...ever! The mercenary moved his hand away suddenly feeling less confident around this girl. A small amount of blood trickled down his nose, much like the the cartoons Heavy watched when he thought no one was looking.

The beautiful girl was about to wipe his bleeding nose when the scent overtook her. She couldn't help it, couldn't stop herself from lunging at his neck. 'His scent,' She thought. 'Almost like a humans, and it's so heavenly.' She then bit down much to Scout's displeasure!

"Yeesh!" He cried out, more from surprise than pain. He was unsure if this was some kinky thing this chick was into or a greeting in this country. Some strange part of him was hoping the answer was both.

Moka noticed his discomfort and reluctantly pulled away from him. This boy had been her first! The taste of fresh blood was so delicious, there was no way she could go back to transfusion packs.

"I couldn't help myself you just smelled so good," She apologized with a sheepish grin. "I'm Moka Akashiya and I'm a vampire."

"V-vampire!?" Scout mouthed in shock. A few years ago he would think she was just being weird, but over the years he discovered anything was possible. The spooky atmosphere in the school wasn't helping either, places like this attracted ghosts and giant flying eyeballs. It wouldn't be much of a stretch to assume vampires could show up. Though he did not retaliate, the RED mercenary gave her a wary look.

"Er...so you hate my kind...," Moka sulked with a hurt expression. He couldn't help but feel all sorry and sympathetic, especially with her cute puppy dog eyes. Wait. What was he talking about?! He was a tough guy, and wasn't swayed by "cute" things.

'It's only cause she's hot yeah...'He flashed her a mix between a cocky smirk and a reassuring smile, but it ended up looking like a goofy grin.

"Nah, ya seem like an alright broad,"Scout said dismissively.

"That's great!" She said excitedly."Let's be friends then!"

Scout blinked. A genuine offer of friendship? From a girl? He wasn't sure how to respond, friendship outside of his team along with long term interactions with people outside of RED was discouraged. Hey, it wasn't exactly against the rules either. Besides maybe he could be more than friends with her, and by the way she acted he felt silly for thinking she was a vampire. There's no way this young bright eyed chick was the real deal.

"Sure," He replied casually. "If ya wanna see me without my shirt just ask."

Moka giggled as Scout wiggled his eyebrows. He was so funny!

"Well, I'm glad to meet you...um," She blushed in embarrassment, she didn't know his name!

"Just call me Scout."

"Scout," Moka added happily."Come talk to me after the entrance ceremony."

"Heh sure thing beautiful."

"Hello everyone and welcome to Youkai Academy!" A perky young woman, with suspiciously cat-like tufts of hair, addressed the room."I am your homeroom teacher Shizuka Nekonome!"

The Scout tapped his fingers impatiently, a few students glanced at him for some odd reason. Was it because he was out of uniform? He inwardly shrugged, if it was because they were thinking of picking a fight then they were in for an unpleasant surprise. He was about to tune out the teacher entirely until he heard.

"...a school built for the sake of monsters to attend!"

Huh!? Was this a joke? It wasn't a very good one if it was, still this introduction was getting more interesting.

The teacher went on about how the Earth was under control of humans and that monsters had to learn to coexist with them.

"So for that reason as a school rule," Nekonome said."You will all live your lives at this academy in human form!"

Scout's mouth was gaping so wide that one could fit several sandman balls in it. The realization that there were real monsters here (it didn't help that the teacher's tail showed for a brief moment) hit him like a truck.

"Hey teacher, would it not be better for us to eat those puny humans," Some punk asked. "In case of the girls molest them?"

If the RED merc's mind wasn't reeling at the moment, he would have thrown his favorite ball at the knucklehead. He was a lot of things, but his ma' told him that "no meant no" .

"All students and teachers are monsters, there are no humans here," Nekonome explained. "To those humans that come to know of our existence, we will bring them death...or something."

'So if everyone finds out I'm human I'll die!' Scout thought frantically, and without respawn he would stay dead.

Then it hit him. The true horror of this entire situation.

Disguises...

Not allowed to reveal their true form...

Learning to blend in...that meant...

He was surrounded by...

He was at a school for...

He shuddered, it overtook him. Years of reflex and training urged him to react, every fiber of his being cried out at the realization that everyone was a...

"SPY!"

A/N: A very stranger crossover indeed. Will update infrequently (sorry about that).

Edit: Applied minor corrections.