Bleeding Heart - Chapter 1

[I don't own Glee or any of these characters.]

Kurt could just see Tina's shadow wisp a quick goodbye to whoever might still be milling around the stage after rehearsal as she took off scampering through the auditorium doors. Mr. Shue had wrapped up rehearsal fifteen minutes later than usual because he wasn't convinced that everyone's Booty Camp bods were up to the endurance required at nationals just a few weeks away. Sue had lent him a spare Cheerios whistle to help him tighten up what everyone hoped would be McKinley's future National Show Choir Championship team, but by 4:15, even Mr. Shue looked exhausted, and when he called it a wrap, everyone scattered quickly. The shrill sound of the whistle still hung heavy in the air, thick with stage lighting and sweat.

It was Friday, and Kurt couldn't be happier. From center stage, he took a deep breath and stared out into the auditorium. The empty seats were full of anticipation, quiet, waiting. Kurt felt the warmth of the lights on the stage, and rather than letting his ivory skin recoil from the harshness, as it had throughout rehearsal, begging with complaint, his sweater too tight, his face sweating, uncomfortable and tired of the same old steps-now he relaxed. Now, on the stage alone, he let the warm yellow light rain over him, closing his eyes, letting his head fall back and smiling at the rigging above. A trickle of sweat dripped down his spine and sent that old familiar shiver up from his knees to his ears. His head snapped forward, eyes locked dead ahead on the empty seats, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth as an excited breath escaped his lungs. He was ready. He was exactly where he should be, on stage. He stood there for a moment, waiting for some sound to peal out, something like applause. Instead, his ears pricked when he heard the soft sound of another pair of shoes moving behind him backstage. He'd thought everyone had gone home, but then he remembered Blaine never said goodbye. He whipped his head around and walked directly toward the sound, as though leaving a dramatic scene.

"Blaine?" he called out, casting a quick glance around him. Everyone else had gone. They were alone. Kurt's eyes fell upon Blaine's jacket and scarf backstage. Yep, still here. He would. He turned the corner to where the dressing rooms started, the yellow bulbs glowing softly in the shadowy space. It was so quiet back here. Kurt loved the way it smelled like dust and old costumes.

"Of course I'd find you back here putting your face on-" Kurt trilled as he made the last turn to the boys dressing room. Kurt had been watching and singing to Blaine throughout rehearsal—a move Mr. Shue did not overlook, "Eyes on the audience, Kurt!" He watched Blaine hit every mark with a kind of ferocity that reminded him of some warrior, a Broadway-bound warrior. By the end, he remembered catching a glimpse of Blaine drenched in sweat and hurrying backstage immediately after rehearsal ended. It was almost romantic, catching Blaine in the dressing room alone, all sweaty after rehearsal. Something warm churned in Kurt's stomach. "Hey," he breathed.

Blaine had his back to Kurt and was bent over rifling through his show bag amongst all the boys' costumes. Kurt made no attempt to be quiet as he came in but Blaine still didn't turn around.

"Blaine?" he started again. Kurt watched as Blaine dropped down to his knees and started searching more frantically than before. He still hadn't acknowledged Kurt was even there, and he was getting kind of annoyed. Um, hello. Boyfriend?

"Blaine!" he almost shouted, tapping him on the shoulder. That was when he noticed Blaine's shoulders moving up and down quickly between heaving breaths, noticed him clutching his chest. At the touch, Blaine whipped around and tried to stand but his face was completely drained of color, sweat dripping from his temple, his whole body shaking. He had managed to get halfway up from the ground when he began crumpling down again. Kurt caught Blaine under his arms, his whole body quaking. Oh my god.

"Ku-ur-ur-uurt-" Blaine breathed, leaning against him.

"Oh my god, baby! What's wrong?" Kurt gasped, trying hard not to panic. Blaine had been looking for something. "What do you need?" No response, except for a strangled grunt of pain and Blaine's curling his shoulders inward, like his chest might split in two if he didn't. "Blaine, what do to you need?" Kurt demanded, as Blaine's eyes started slipping closed. "Blaine, look at me!" he shouted, and Blaine's eyes peeled open again, with much effort. Kurt gently laid Blaine's head down is his lap. Blaine was concentrating on his breathing, trying to slow it down as his pulse beat furiously through the veins in his neck and his heels dug hard into the floor of the dressing room, twisting signs of pain.

"My-pi-ills are in-n" Blaine's eyes rolled slowly in the direction of his duffle. Kurt saw a small rectangular box sitting atop everything else that had fallen out of his bag when Blaine collapsed. Holy shit. Ok. Blaine's small fists gripped the edge of Kurt's pants weakly.

"OK, ok, shh shh, it's gonna be ok," Kurt reached for the box with the days of the week stamped into each plastic section. He flipped open the F for Friday, and let the small pill roll out onto his own shaking hand. "Do you need water?" he asked as he placed the pill between Blaine's parted lips. They're blue. His lips are blue. Blaine nodded yes and Kurt reached around for one of the half empty water bottles that had been rolling around this room for weeks, mentally preparing to dial 911, and thinking he probably should have already. He lifted Blaine's head a few degrees and poured the warm water into Blaine's mouth carefully, still spilling it all down his neck. "What else?" Kurt asked after Blaine swallowed and continued to work on slowing his breathing. It seemed like whatever Blaine was doing was helping. Blaine closed his eyes and breathed "Ba...na" was all he could get out before Kurt squeaked, "Banana, ok, I've got it here, in your bag." He quickly ripped open the peel and broke a small piece off the top to give to Blaine, who was still panting but his face seemed more relaxed. After a few minutes pause, Blaine had gotten his breathing to slow down enough to open his eyes again although dark circles had bloomed beneath them. He looked terrible, but at least a bit more in control.

"I-I think I can try sitting up," he said slowly.

"Ok" Kurt replied, still blocking his own panic from bubbling up in his chest. What the hell just happened? Kurt half-pulled, half-pushed Blaine into a sort of lounging position against his own body, breathing with him, Kurt's hands splayed protectively across Blaine's chest, supporting him and nudging a small piece of banana into his mouth. Blaine leaned his head back against Kurt's chest and chewed tiredly as Kurt prepared another piece. Blaine seemed relieved, getting calmer, his breathing becoming normal. Kurt helped him eat the rest of the banana in that position and for a few minutes they just sat there, breathing with each other. Blaine was the first to speak.

"So I guess I need to tell you something," he almost whispered.

If Kurt closed his eyes, they could almost be in bed, under the sheets, telling each other secrets no one else knew. Kurt squeezed his legs tighter against Blaine's body, their skin cooling down against each other.

"You can tell me anything," he exhaled. Please tell me what's wrong. Please be ok.

"First, I think we're okay, I'm feeling a lot better, and thank you...for..." Blaine searched for the right words, "being here..." Kurt felt their bodies humming together in a symphony of fear, adrenalin, and exhaustion.

"Second," Blaine found Kurt's hand and wrapped it in his own on his chest. He had waited too long to do this. It had been stupid for him to wait even a day, he knew that. Wes and David knew. All his friends in the Warblers knew about him. It was necessary. He should have told Kurt as soon as they became friends, and it was way overdue when they started dating. But it was nice feeling invincible, Blaine had liked seeing Kurt look up to him, he liked the way he looked at him like he was so strong. He'd felt strong. Too strong apparently.

"Yeah?" Kurt urged him on, clearly hanging on his words. He felt Blaine take a slow breath in, and listened as the words tumbled out.

"I have a pretty serious heart condition. I take pills for it every day and I normally take meds right before Glee. I forgot today because," he paused. Because we were making out, oh my god, Kurt thought. "We were running late..." Blaine continued.

"When I get too worked up, things can get really bad, really quickly." Blaine breathed while Kurt digested.

"Wait, so what does that mean-like what happened today?" Kurt started,"...did you just have a heart attack?"

"No, well no I don't think so. It sucked though. Basically, when I get too worked up, my heart can go into overdrive. That's what just happened."

"Ok, well that's... scary. Are you ok now?" Kurt asked timidly.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm just really tired. And I officially should not drive. Not to freak you out, but I'm pretty sure I blacked out for a few seconds during that." Great yeah, not freaked out at all. Keep your cool, Hummel.

"Ok well that's easy, I'll take you home-actually, since your parents are out of town...I'll take you back to my place? Is that ok?" Kurt hoped. There's no way I can leave you alone.

"That sounds amazing," Blaine smiled tiredly, stretching his neck to place a soft kiss on Kurt's lips. Their eyes fluttered closed and Blaine only broke when he felt something flip flop inside his chest again. It startled him but it didn't hurt.

"And I want names and details about all this stuff and you don't get to tell me not to look it up. I'm Web MDing the shit out of this tonight." Kurt mumbled nervously, pressing his head against Blaine's. "I like your heart," he whispered, "I want it to be ok." Kurt's chin quivered but he swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes shut until the tears went back in. He thought of his dad after his heart attack, so still in his hospital bed. Not now. He's fine. Kurt thought.

"I love you," Blaine whispered. "And I'm ok." Kurt stared back sadly until Blaine added, "I'll let you buy me frozen yogurt on the way home." A smile betrayed Kurt at his eyes.

"Alright," Kurt breathed into his hair, kissing Blaine's head, "deal. And I love you, too." Way too much and I'm terrified. Kurt helped Blaine get up slowly and was surprised when Blaine could walk almost normally, just leaning on Kurt a little.

They made their way to Kurt's Navigator slowly, Blaine's eyes twinkling in the late afternoon light, holding Kurt's hand tightly. Kurt thought he looked different, but maybe it was that he was seeing the man he loved for the first time. Kurt had seen Blaine squint into the sun so many times before, he'd been caught breathless thinking about it actually, but Kurt couldn't shake the feeling that the persistent glow and vigor Blaine always carried with him had something to do with the way he was looking into that sun—appreciating it, appreciating the air in his lungs, appreciating being…alive. Everything started clicking together, serious heart condition, and Kurt squeezed Blaine tightly as he helped him into his seat.

"I can buckle my seatbelt, Kurt," Blaine said, smiling down at him. He pulled Kurt in closer, into a deep hug, his fingers sliding up the back of his neck and holding him still. "I'm okay, I promise," Blaine breathed into his hair. Kurt always smelled so good, like fresh laundry and cedar. He sniffed and nodded against Blaine's chest before kissing him lightly on the lips and closing the door.

As Kurt got in from the other side and stuck his keys into the ignition, he paused, watching the sun slip behind the school. Blaine watched Kurt stare numbly ahead for a few minutes, before reaching out to grab his hand.

"Are you ok?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shook his head, snapping back to the present.

"Yeah, of course. Yes." But Blaine barely believed him. He plugged in his iPod without another word and they harmonized to "Blackbird" all the way home to Kurt's house.

Of course.