A/N: So, it kind of had to happen...we're switching to M eventually with this chapter. Hope you enjoy!

The quote at the beginning of the chapter is from a Twitter message that I noticed when atCarolPrince82 retweeted it a couple of weeks ago. Somehow it just fit this story perfectly...

"I missed you," I said. You laid there, still and quiet.

I took up my pen and dragged it across your pages. Suddenly we were one again.

-atVeryShortStory

Chapter 4: Because I've Been Missing You

Castle ushers Kate into the lobby of their building, his fingers pressed low down against her spine in that intimate dip he long ago claimed as his own. He planned to give Eduardo no more than a fleeting wave on their way passed. But the family man wants to see pictures, and so they both end up pulling out their cell phones to show him the latest shots of baby Jackson.

Jack sleeping, Jack with his eyes open, Jack being bathed, Jack smiling - swears Castle, though Kate is pretty sure it's just wind - and Jack with big sister, Alexis, the cutest picture of all.

Once the full set is exhausted, Castle bids the doorman a hasty goodnight and tows Kate across to the elevator faster than he intends, her heels clicking loudly on the marble tile to keep up with him.

"That was a little rude," she chides, once they are safely inside, and he sighs.

"Was it? I didn't mean to be," he replies, feigning ignorance, finger stabbing at the button for the top floor.

"And a little obvious," she adds, grinning, when he backs her into the corner of the car to pepper butterfly kisses all along her jawline.

"My wife turns heads wherever she goes. Can't blame a man for wanting to admire her himself," he grumbles, sucking her earlobe into his mouth and spiking her heart rate in the process.

Kate clutches at his shoulders, her head thrown back against the wall of the elevator car, flames licking heat all over her body, her chest heaving, a flare of pure electricity shooting straight to her core every time Castle sucks a little harder.

The bell dings and the doors slide open, but neither of them move. Kate's brain won't function, her body is on fire and Castle is…well, Castle is busy 'admiring' his wife, until…

Alexis clears her throat and they stiffen, so to speak. Quickly attempting to get themselves under control: smoothing down clothing, coughing awkwardly, before slowly turning around to face the music in what feels like the mother of all role-reversals. If she utters the words 'And what time do you call this?' Kate thinks she will not be in the least bit surprised.

Their daughter is standing staring at them, a knotted garbage bag dangling from one hand, Jack's baby monitor in the other.

"Good night?" she asks, barely containing a smirk, and they both choose to assume her question is rhetorical, since the evidence of their 'good night' is currently smeared all over Castle's mouth.

"Dad, you have…" says Alexis, pointing to his face.

"Spinach?" he asks, poking at his teeth.

"Lipstick," mutters Kate, mortified.

Quickly rummaging in her purse for a Kleenex, Kate pulls out a terry burping cloth instead. She looks down at it, shrugs, and uses the penguin-decorated flannel to wipe the pale pink gloss off Castle's face, stuffing it back into her bag and stepping out of the elevator with as much poise as she can muster, before the doors can close on them and the comedy deepen any further.

"How's Jack?" she ask Alexis, turning one way, while Castle takes the garbage bag from the girl's hand and heads off towards the chute in the opposite direction.

Alexis glances after her father, and then turns to follow Kate.

"Sleeping," she confirms, linking arms with her stepmom. "He woke at a quarter after nine and I gave him a bottle. Then he grizzled for a little while, until I read to him. Did you know he loves 'On The Night You Were Born'?" Alexis asks her, raising her eyebrows at the irony.

"If only he knew," mutters Kate, flashing back to the dire emergency that was her son's birth.

"Apart from that, all good. I checked on him ten minutes ago. And this," she says, waving the wireless receiver in front of Kate, "never left my sight."

Kate smiles gratefully at her stepdaughter.

"You're so good with him," she tells her, squeezing her arm, "we'll definitely be calling on you again."

"Does that mean you guys had fun tonight? Because it looks like you were having a whole lot of fun," she teases, and Kate shakes her head.

"Nothing remains a secret in this family for long. Speaking of, did you know about this?" asks Kate, holding out her hand to Alexis to show her the eternity ring.

"Dad might have given me a tiny sneak peek," she confesses, cradling Kate's hand in her own to get a better look. "But it looks way more gorgeous on."

"I was speechless," admits Kate, admiring the ring now they're home, under their own lighting.

"You deserve it. To celebrate the birth of baby Jack," Alexis tells her, running her finger over the stones.

"Well, I couldn't feel more blessed."

"How're my girls," booms Castle, closing and locking the front door behind him.

"Shhh!" they both hiss, turning to face him in perfect sync, each with a finger pressed to their lips.

"Now, that was just scary," says Castle, staring at his puzzled wife and daughter. "The way you two just…" he adds, waving a hand between both of them.

"Keep it down. You'll wake the baby," Kate warns him.

"I'm going to go up to bed," says Alexis, giving Kate a kiss on the cheek. "I'll give this to you," she adds, handing over the baby monitor. "But I'll check on him before I turn in."

"Thank, Alexis. I'll be up soon," says Kate, bidding her goodnight.

"You did good, eldest child of mine," jokes Castle, tackling Alexis in a bear hug.

Kate watches them wrestle for a second and then she heads off to the bedroom with a smile of her face.

Once inside, she drops her jacket on the chair and quickly slips out of her dress, hanging it back on the hangar in the closet. Then she heads into the bathroom to slip on her silky black robe over her underwear. She uses the toilet, washes her hands and quickly removes the disposable nursing pads she's been wearing from inside the cups of her bra.

"Sexy," she mutters to herself, tossing the pads into the trash with a grimace.

She unpins her hair, brushes it out, curls tumbling down around her shoulders, fluffing it up with her fingers until she's satisfied with the tousled effect. She's reapplying a touch of lipgloss to her smudged lips when she hears a light tap on the bathroom door.

"All good?" she asks, when Castle pops his head around the door.

"Mmm. He looks adorable," he replies, coming in to join her. "Arms thrown up above his head," he tells her, moving to stand behind Kate so that they're looking at one another in the bathroom mirror.

He rests his hands on her waist and nuzzles her neck, brushing her hair aside with his nose.

"You took your dress off," he observes, running his thumbs up over the underside of her ribcage. "That used to be my job," he whispers, sliding one hand over the silk of her short robe so it rests flat against her stomach. "But I like this too," he grins, rubbing a slow circle over the silky, black fabric with the palm of his hand.

Kate stiffens when she feels his hand on her stomach, her personal hang-ups over her scars resurfacing to undo the good work of the evening. But she knows she has to push past this. When she got shot, Castle accepted those scars as if they were his wounds too; he owned them for both of them. She knows this should be no different; because he loves her, he's her husband. But still nagging doubts remain.

"So…he's sound?" she asks, laying her own hand over Castle's, pressing her fingers into the spaces between his and resting her head against his temple.

Castle nods and closes his eyes when she lifts her free hand up to cup the back of his neck, feathering her fingertips back and forth over the short, soft hair she knows she'll find there.

The eternity ring sparkles in light from the halogen spots above them and Kate watches it in the mirror, twinkling back at her; three steppingstones of commitment now layered on her ring finger. From here to eternity, she thinks, glancing up at Castle, whose eyes remain closed.

He's humming softly next to her ear, rocking them from side-to-side, and a shiver of pleasure and contentment races down her spine; his warm, muscular bulk pressed against her back, his arms around her, surrounding her with his warmth.

When he opens his eyes, drawn by her stillness and silence no doubt, Kate looks torn – between wanting her husband and needing to see her son.

"Go," he tells her, reading her mind. "I'll be waiting," he whispers, kissing her cheek and raising his hands to quickly massage her shoulders.

She gives him a grateful smile for being so understanding and squeezes his wrist, before leaving the bathroom.

Jack is still stretched out just as Castle described. The white blanket is tucked low down on his waist, his head is turned to one side, and his arms are indeed thrown over his head, fingers curled into loose fists that flex now and then as he breathes or dreams.

Kate tips her head to one side, leaning over the bars of his crib to watch her baby sleeping, a deep feeling of peace settling in her chest, and she finds herself breathing in time with him – shorter, shallower, more rapid breaths – as she leans down to stroke her finger over the soft swell of his cheek.

Jack's lips twitch at his mother's touch, forming into a tiny rosebud pucker that he pulses in and out for a second, until Kate withdraws her hand and lets him settle. He blows out one long breath that sends his lower lip out and downwards and then he stretches, his fingers splaying star-shaped, his pale face flushing red for several seconds, until he relaxes again and his tiny fingers curl into his palms once more and he sleeps on; peacefully.

When she comes back downstairs, Castle is sitting up in bed, his book open in his lap. His eyes closed and he's sleeping soundly like his baby son. Kate tiptoes over to his side of the bed to turn out the lamp and he stirs at the click when the light is extinguished.

"Hey," he says, blinking and smiling at her.

"You were sleeping," she says softly.

"No," protests Castle, stretching just like Jackson – a rapid tense and relax. "I was waiting for you," he replies, setting his book aside on the nightstand. "All good up there?" he asks, holding out his hand to her.

Kate takes it, perches on the edge of the bed beside him.

"Perfect," she grins, unable to hide her pride for her infant. "Spark out."

"How long have we got until the next feed?" asks Castle, reaching out to check his phone.

"A couple of hours, if he goes to form," she tells him, butterflies taking flight in her stomach at the question.

"Come, lie down," he tells her, tugging the covers aside and holding them back for her.

Kate frowns, unsure what he means.

"Spoon with me, Mrs. Castle," he clarifies, rolling her into bed under the covers beside him.

Kate's mind is working over time. Tonight was supposed to be the night. She's waxed and primped and buffed to near perfection, and now she can't tell if Castle is giving her an out because he's trying to go easy and senses her hesitancy, or if he's tired himself or…

"Kate, stop thinking so loud," he murmurs, throwing one leg over her thigh and wrapping an arm around her upper body; cocooning her.

She's at a crossroads – accept that nothing's going to happen for them tonight and snatch the couple of hours of snuggling and blissful sleep that's on offer, or force the issue and reclaim the physical intimacy that's been missing from their marriage since just before Jack was born. If she gives in to sleep she realizes how disappointed she'll be with herself, so she resorts to dirty tricks, feeling a wicked smile growing on her lips once the decision is made.

Castle's breathing is even, but she can tell from experience that he isn't sleeping yet, just on the verge. So she wiggles her hips back against him, grinding the cheeks of her ass against his pelvis until she feels his fingers twitch on her arm and, after a beat or two, a responding press of his hips back against her rear.

"Kate?" he whispers, raising his head off the pillow slightly until he has a partial view of her.

"Mmm?" she purrs, with a smile on her face.

"Are you sleeping?" he hisses.

"What do you think?" she asks, moving against him with more intention now, a rhythmic circling of her hips that's turning her on with it's familiar, suggestive movement.

Castle hand slides down her side, coming to rest on her hip and his fingers tighten over the bone, drawing her back against him more tightly, and then she feels him press himself against her, his own body quickly stirring with need.

They rock quietly like that for a minute or so, neither of them saying anything, just slowly working one another up, their need growing, unfurling, breathing slow and shallow, heart rates increasing, two familiar bodies warming up together.

Eventually, Castle slides his hand across her abdomen and his fingers find the tie on the front of her robe. One gentle tug and the silk comes fluttering free and he slides his hand inside, seeking out warm skin, smoothing his palm flat against her stomach again. Kate holds her breath for a second, still circling her hips, and Castle leans in close to kiss her neck.

"We can do as little or as much as you want," he tells her quietly, brushing his lips over her ear.

Kate swallows nervously, and the sound seems gargantuan to her own ears.

"I want you," she whispers, thickly, rolling over so that Castle can see her face, can see the need etched into every hollow and curve, the swell of her lips, the arch of her cheekbones, the creases that border each eye.

"Are you sure, because—?" he asks hesitantly, until she places one finger on his lips to silence him.

"Shhh, Castle," she whispers, replacing her finger with a kiss. "I'm sure. Make love to me."

He kisses her then, smothers her lips with his own, steals the air from her lungs, desperate to have Kate, to love Kate, to show her her own magnificence. Because he knows that she's forgotten, can see that she got side-tracked, diminished, frightened and weakened by the experience of the attack that precipitated her son's birth. The attacked that robbed her of a natural delivery, scarred her body and added to the confusion and helplessness that followed for a few weeks after. He want's to help her find her equilibrium again, show her her own strength and beauty, let her see herself through his eyes – and the eyes of everyone else who gazes upon her.

He pauses his assault on her mouth to slip her robe off one shoulder, exposing the smooth expanse of skin and the delicate strap of her bra. He palms her swollen breast through the cup of satin and lace with more care and delicacy that he normally would, lingering there only briefly. Then he moves away to her neck, kissing his way down to her collarbone, licking the dip at the base of her throat, trailing kisses all the way down to the soft valley of her cleavage, and she writhes beneath him, her body so hot and feverish as she grasps his shoulder and cups his head to her chest.

Her hand is suddenly on his erection, and when she palms him through his shorts he lets out a loud groan of need.

"You're sure?" he asks her again, stilling to look at her, his heart racing.

"I won't break, Castle," she warns him, surging up to capture his mouth with her own, her fingers fisting his hair, pulling his weight on top of her.

He presses her back into the pillows, slides the robe down her arms until she's lying there in just her bra and panties. He kneels up to look at her, and she turns her head away, as if she's bracing herself for his gaze.

"You're so beautiful," he tells her, running his hands up her thighs, and then crawling up over her body to press a light kiss to her cheek. "Look at me," he asks gently. "Kate?"

She turns to look up at him, her gaze so open and vulnerable and he takes her hand, joins it with his own and lays them both flat on her stomach, then he leans down and kisses her scar – the one from the attack – smoothing their joined hands over the slightly reddened arc.

"All gone," he whispers, letting go of her hand to hook his thumbs into the sides of her underwear, easing the laces panties down a little on her hips, until her C-section scar is exposed too.

He looks up at her face so lovingly and she reaches up to cup his cheek with her hand, runs her thumb beneath one eye.

He turns his head to kiss her palm and then he lowers himself to kiss this scar too, soothing her with his fingers when she shivers.

Kate arches her hips up towards him this time, since he's achingly close to where she really needs him.

"Okay?" he checks, smiling when he gets a vigorous nod in response.

"Touch me?" she begs, her voice a strained whisper of need. "Please, Rick?"

Castle cups her between her legs with the flat of his hand, watching her face as she moves her hips, grinding herself against him. He can feel the moisture of her arousal soaking through the fine silk of her panties, and he rubs his thumb over the very base of her stomach, applying just a little pressure that has her arching up against him again.

Kate clutches at the sheets, her hands clenching into tight fists and she thrashes her head from side-to-side on the pillow. Her chest is flushed, and her cheeks are the prettiest pink, her arousal so evident, so needy.

He slips his hand into her underwear then, feeling himself grow even harder when his fingers glide through her slippery, wet folds, startled by how much she wants this.

"Oh, god, yes," slips free from her lips, and she reaches behind her with one arm to grip the headboard above her for support.

She begins to rock her pelvis back and forth, experimentally, gliding her body over Castle's outstretched, stiffened fingers, testing muscles she hasn't engaged in a while.

It doesn't take long, just a couple of minutes at most. He hasn't even penetrated her with his fingers when she comes, quaking and shivering, her legs spread wide as he gives her all the friction she needs against her entrance and her clitoris to make her come this first time, her sex pulsating strongly against his sticky palm.

She comes round quickly, as if from a trance, blinking her eyes open, and then smiling up at him, looking so pleased with herself, as if she just did something terribly clever. He thinks she might even laugh. She's learning to trust her body again, finding that it still works in all the right ways, and he's proud to be the one to help her do that; to give her back the supreme confidence she's always had as a woman.

"You look magnificent," he tells her, leaning down her to give her a kiss. "Good?" he asks, as she continues to come down from her high, stretching languidly.

"Great," she whispers, cupping his cheeks in her hands and kissing him thoroughly.

She wraps her arms around his neck, tugging him down on top of her, hooking one leg round behind his thigh as she continues to kiss him lazily, wetly, her mouth open, tongue juicy and succulent against his.

Castle feels himself hardening again and then Kate presses herself up against her erection, dipping the fingers of her free hand under the waistband at the back of his boxers to pluck distractedly at them.

"Your turn," she whispers, smiling serenely. "Let's take these off."

Castle tugs off his own underwear and then helps her off with hers. She's still wearing her bra and he thinks she looks so sexy, so wanton; her hair disheveled over the pillow, her pale skin glowing in the muted lamplight.

"Rick," she whispers, the hard k sound clicking on her tongue.

He looks down at her, the mother of his tiny baby son, and he sees how she needs him to see her now, so he brushes his fingers gently, achingly slowly up the inside of her thigh, and she lets her knees fall apart for him as he leans down to kiss his way up the inside of the opposite thigh, while Kate runs her hands through his hair, pressing her hips down into the mattress to fight the growing need that's overtaking her again; the need to be touched by him.

She finally curls one hand under his chin to get his attention, drawing his head back up until they are eye-to-eye.

"I want you inside me," she tells him, her tone close to begging, and he leans down, brushes his lips over hers so gently and then kisses her mouth so passionately that she digs her nails into his back and arches beneath him.

He cups the cheeks of her ass and tugs her towards him, sliding her down the bed until they are aligned, and then with one hand on his erection, her teases her entrance with his soft, glistening tip.

Kate's eyes watch him darkly, silently, her breath held. The operation to deliver Jack was unplanned, terrifying, but if ever there is a time for silver linings, thinks Kate, then this is it, as she lays her hand over her husband's, wraps her fingers around him and guides him inside of her. Her body is still as tight and elastic as ever. She sheaths herself around him, flexing her inner walls and Castle jerks slightly a couple of times, breathing heavily to contain his need, looking for all the world as if it's their first time all over again.

"God, I missed you," he chokes out, in a flood of honesty, his eyes shooting guiltily to her face.

But she smiles up at him, letting him know that it's okay, she feels the same way too.

"I love you, Kate," he whispers, as she pulls him down to kiss his mouth, while they begin their familiar dance.

She holds him close, her diamond rings sparkling every time he move inside of her, inching closer, a slow glide in and out, never moving very far, her arm around his shoulders, their cheeks pressed together, both aching with pent up need.

"I love you too," she tells him back, relishing the sensation of his body gliding up against hers, his smooth skin brushing over hers, every nerve ending alive, his muscles tightening and flexing under her hands as he does most of the work this time.

"I need you," he grinds out, through gritted teeth, his thoughts beyond filtered by this stage, breathing heavily through his nose.

"I need you too," confesses Kate, dropping her hand from his shoulder to cup his muscled ass and draw him further into her.

Her core needs strengthening, but her arms are strong and he takes the hint, increasing his thrusts at her urging, his eyes never leaving her face in case she ever needs to stop or take a break.

"Why don't we do this every night?" she blurts, almost giggling when Castle's eyes grow wide.

"Just say the word," he retorts, leaning down over her to plant kisses on her chest.

Kate slides one strap down her arm and then frees her swollen breast from the cup of her bra. She's new to this, doesn't know how her body will react, but she wants them both the enjoy this as much as possible, and if anyone appreciates a little comedy during life's more serious moments, then she knows it's her husband.

She cups the back of his head, guiding him down towards her breast. His eyes flash to hers and she nods, smiling her permission. So he flicks her peaked nipple with the very tip of his tongue and the most amazing sensation shoots straight to her core, forcing her hips up against his, tightening her inner muscles fiercely around him.

"Jeez," curses Castle, "that was amazing," he grins, flicking at her nipple again and glancing up at her to witness her eyes roll back in her head as she clutches at the muscles of his back, her fingertips gripping him hard.

"You're not kidding," she gasps, quivering, watching as he swirls his tongue around the areola, the tissue darker in color, swollen, the veins in her breasts more visible through her skin than before.

"Does it feel good?" he asks, genuinely curious, kissing the swell of her breast, cupping the extra weight of it in his hand, nudging the other breast with his nose as he slowly drags his tongue up from her sternum into the warm, sensuous valley between them.

"Mmm. Sensitive," she murmurs, sliding her fingers through his hair again, holding him to her, continuing to circle her hips in time with his. "So sensitive," she repeats, as a shiver rips right through her body.

"Good sensitive?" he asks, peeling the rest of her bra aside to devote some attention to her other breast.

This time, when he flicks the little hardened peak with his tongue, a pale, watery bead of foremilk crests at her nipple and begins a slow descent down the side of her breast. Castle gives her a dirty, mischievous look, arches his body into hers so that her mind is elsewhere and then he runs his tongue down the side of her breast to catch the trickle; tiny, rough little flicks of his tongue that drive her absolutely crazy.

"Ohhh! Oh, God," she exclaims, feverishly, grinding into him, "too good. Gotta stop," she hisses, guiding his mouth back up to hers, a little worried that the leaking will get worse, since it's been a few hours since she expressed milk for Jack.

"Always wanted to do that," grins Castle, dropping his hand to her hips to hold her still and take control.

Kate struggles beneath him, her chin set with determination, eyes darkening, but he holds her steady while she fights him, thrusting into her gradually, over and over again; this their game: one where she feigns submission while Castle overpowers her.

She usually takes control back at some point, but this time is content to let him keep it, content to be mastered a little this first go around. It does feel different, but better in some ways. Her body is softer, curvier, more womanly even, less toned and athletic for now, and Castle doesn't seem to mind any of these changes in the slightest. Everything is tingling, her senses heightened, her body so sensitive to the touch.

"I'm not going to last much longer," he confesses, rocking gently in place for a second to get himself under control.

"Right with you," assures Kate, dragging her nails over the twin mounds of his rock-hard ass to spur him on.

"Evil woman," he grins, snatching at her mouth, nipping her lip until she whimpers, all her insecurities forgotten thanks to Castle's playful, skillful, loving nature making her feel like herself again.

When he spills inside her, her own orgasm peaks, her body releasing with startling power for a second time that night. She trembles around him, aching, her open mouth pressed to his damp shoulder, fingers caressing his skin, arms tucked under his, holding him tightly against her.

"What was that?" she asks, stiffening, a second or two later, as the baby monitor flashes to life and they both let out a startled breath that quickly becomes a giggle, collapsing in a sweaty heap on the sheets.

"That was your son," replies Castle, kissing her damp forehead.

"Oh, my son?" laughs Kate, smacking his arm. "Perfect timing, Jack," she pants, dropping her head back against the pillow in exhaustion.

"Stay there," Castle tells her, pressing one last kiss to her lips. "I'll bring the little guy down and you can feed him in bed."

"Thanks," groans Kate, struggling to sit up.

Castle quickly goes to the bathroom to clean up and then pulls on some pajama pants, before running upstairs to see to a grizzling Jackson.

Kate uses the bathroom and tidies herself up, washes her hands, drags some clean underwear out of the drawer along with a cotton tank for later. She feels lighter, more relaxed and full of energy.

She's just settling back under the covers when Castle reappears with their wide-awake infant cradled against his bare chest.

"See. Here's mommy," he sings to the little boy, kissing the back of his head, and Kate holds out her arms to him.

Her heart aches when she spies the single tear resting on her baby's cheek, as Castle places him in her arms, and then catches sight of his puckered lower lip, looking as if he really is sad this time.

"Aww, baby," she coos, rocking him against her. "Did we ignore you?"

"I think he's jealous daddy got to have fun with mommy tonight," jokes Castle, handing Kate a blurping cloth and a glass of water.

She swallows down half the glass in one go, and then passes it back to Castle, laying the cloth over her shoulder in preparation for feeding.

Jackson begins to fuss again until she puts him to her breast and then he settles instantly, kicking his feet against her arm, long toes outstretched, his snuffly breathing breaking the quiet of the bedroom.

Castle climbs into bed beside them, careful not to jostle mother and son, and then he sits quietly watching his little boy nurse.

"That was quite a night," he says at length, stroking the baby's cheek.

Kate nods, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Think Alexis might be free again next week?" she asks, giving him a meaningful look and then taking his hand.

Jackson sneezes and they both laugh.

"If she's not, I'm pulling rank," says Castle, a little over-eagerly.

"I really had fun tonight," Kate tells him quietly, rocking Jack back and forth. "I love being this little guy's mom. But I'm still me, you know?" she tells Castle, turning to look at him to make sure he understands what she's saying.

"Kate, you never stopped being you. Not in my eyes," he reassures her. "You just became…more," he adds, leaning in to kiss her softly, threading his fingers through her hair.

Jack squirms in the middle of their group hug, punching the air with one tiny fist, the nails of his other hand embedded in Kate's forearm. But he keeps on feeding regardless; suckling, lip smacking sounds filling the air.

"Thank you," she whispers, reaching up to touch Castle's cheek, her eyes shining with so much love for him, before they both smile and then look back down to watch over their baby boy.

A/N: The End. I hope you enjoyed that. Love to hear your thoughts. Thank you to all who read and reviewed on the way through. You keep me going. Liv