A/N If there are anyone left still interested in this story, I want to say thank you for reading and sorry for the long wait since last update.
A huge thanks to gardenhead904 for a lot of help, comments, suggestions and inspiration.
Also, I want to say thank you for all the comments and reviews, thank you, thank you, thank you, they mean a lot.
Bo walked down the stairs slowly, not really noticing where she went. How could she have let this come so far?
Really? REALLY!? These thoughts had been running in circles for so long. FUCK! She knew how. Because she was weak and stupid and tired. Tired of running, hiding and lying about who she was. Because she had let her love for Lauren delude her into thinking she could ever have a normal life... that she could love someone and have them love her back. But she couldn't. Of course she couldn't. Her love would eventually kill everyone she loved. She was a monster.
She could not put Lauren through this, she did not want to put her through this... And yet she did exactly that... Bo had let Lauren fall in love with her. And now she had no idea what to do.
She got into her car, completely at a loss. Should she go up again? Lauren's voice echoed through her head, her plea for Bo to stay... the hopelessness... She wanted to run back up and tell Lauren that she loved her too, to tell her everything. But she couldn't, of course. How do you tell the woman you love that you are a monster? What she should do was tell her that they had somehow misunderstood each other... That Bo didn't love her, that it was just sexual attraction and it was better to break it of now and avoid more hurt feelings. But to tell Lauren that to her face? She would never believe her...
Oh god, how she wanted to do something... anything... there was an emptiness in her now, as she realized her dream about a normal life, the one with dogs and kids and Lauren, was nothing but a dream...
She wanted to fuck someone hard; forget herself in the mindless act, but she knew it would just be one long fantasy about Lauren... she wanted to drink herself into oblivion as she had done so many times years ago, before she realized she did even more horrible things when she was blind drunk. She wanted to start a fight and beat someone up, take it out on someone else and make them hurt like she did... She wanted to do a lot of things and yet she could do none... She hadn't felt so confused and helpless since the night Kyle died. And she did something else she hadn't done since the night Kyle died, she buried her head in her arms and cried her heart out.
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Lauren wanted nothing but sleep, to just be unconscious, but the bottle of wine on the table was almost empty and she didn't have the energy to move. The room was getting colder and she knew she should get into bed but... she didn't care. Nothing even hurt anymore there was just a horrible grey emptiness...
The muted buzz of her phone woke her up to the grey light of yet another cloudy day. Liv's smiling face lit up the screen... it wasn't Bo. She let the phone drop. If she didn't have to pee she would have just stayed where she was.
She stripped out of her clothes on the way from the bathroom to her bedroom and got into bed naked and shivering, hoping to fall asleep again. It was pointless. Bo was all she could think about, there was no escape from it... She resigned to the despair. No point in wasting energy on something she knew she couldn't do anyway.
Next time she woke up it was dark night, only the dim light from the living room lighting up the bedroom. She felt a little better, finally, and hungry. A shower would be nice and maybe something to eat.
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Monday morning the alarm clock beeped in an even more mocking way than usual, taunting her with the announcement of one more horrible day. How could she still be so tired? Why couldn't she just be dead?
But she had to get up. This time of year was crazy busy, she had office hours filled with students, all terrified of exams, and there were the final lectures before term exams, and there were papers to grade. If she lost her job... She couldn't even think of the consequences... she would never get a job like this again, let alone any research position. She could not let her job suffer no matter how much she wanted to slip into oblivion.
So this cold, grey Monday morning Lauren did the only thing she could do. She got out of bed, went to work and tried to appear normal. She shut down all of her emotions and just went through the motions. It was the only way she could function. She could fall apart on her own time. Thank god, there were only a few weeks until Christmas Holidays started.
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As Liv made her way across the street to Lauren's street door, she still hadn't decided whether to turn around and go home or go through with this. She really wanted to see Lauren again after last time. She was the only person in her life not silently reprimanding her for her choices the last few months. Leaving Randall, 'coming out'... Not that anybody said anything, they were just side eyeing her, making her feel weird. With Lauren she felt normal. They had had arguments, fights, make up sex, and periods of silence and ignored phone calls. But the last few times they had been together she felt like they had moved beyond that. And the sex was even better than it used to be. Maybe it was because she admitted to herself how much Lauren meant to her.
Lauren was warmth, sex, comfort, love. And Liv missed her like crazy.
But maybe it was better to keep her distance. Maybe it was too late for them, now, to have something real? Lauren had moved on and there was no sign that she was going to change her mind... ever. But had they ever had a real chance? Technically, they hadn't even had a relationship, so why was she even considering this? Maybe at the beginning, but she still wasn't entirely sure what Lauren had wanted with her then, or why Lauren had given in to her advances? And when she finally did, Liv had been so surprised at what she found. Beneath the cool exterior she initially enjoyed conquering, she found a warm, very experienced, sexually confident woman who had taken her by surprise. She certainly wasn't the innocent, nice girl she appeared to be, and that had almost blown Liv's mind.
But maybe if Lauren's new crush really didn't want her..? It would probably take time for Lauren to get over this person...
Who, in their right mind, could resist Lauren? Liv didn't understand, but she was more than a little happy about it, even if she felt sorry for Lauren. Whoever it was, was an ungrateful bitch. She shamefully remembered that not so long ago she had been that ungrateful bitch who didn't want Lauren.
No, that wasn't true... she had tried to convince herself that she didn't want Lauren like that, that she only wanted the sex. Things would have been so much less complicated if it was true.
Why was it that you never knew what you had until it was too late? Sometimes she wished she'd never met Lauren. Then she would still be with Randall. None of this would have happened, but she would still be living a lie. Without being aware of it, Lauren had given her the strength to be who she really was and she owed her a lot. So much more than she could ever give back.
What she really wanted was to sweep in, whisk Lauren away and live happily ever after, but she could see that was probably not gonna work. She wanted Lauren in her life any way she could. Whether she was with someone else or not, it was irrelevant. If she couldn't be her lover she could try to be her friend.
With her hand just inches from the door, she hesitated once more, wondering if Lauren was alone? She would so prefer not to come unannounced like this, especially now when there might be someone else here, but right now it seemed to be the only way to see Lauren. She took a deep breath and knocked.
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Just as she was congratulating herself on being halfway through sorting the astronomical number of emails she'd gotten since Friday, there was a hesitant knock on her door. She debated with herself if she should answer or not. It could only be Bo or Liv, and she didn't want to talk to either one of them right now.
Bo could call, as she'd said she would. A face-to-face talk was too much right now, no matter how much she longed to see her. And Liv had sent texts... and sexts (wasn't that what the kids called it nowadays? God, she felt so old sometimes)... There was no doubt why she would drop by, and Lauren couldn't deal with that either at the moment.
"Lauren?" Liv's muffled voice sounded through the door. "Lauren? Are you in there? I know you're home... I saw the lights... just... Just let me know if you're okay, okay? I know I've been pushy but I just want to see you."
She sighed and got up from the chair, still not sure if she wanted to open.
"Come on, Lauren? I can hear you. Don't let me stand here and shout through the door. I'm only leaving if you're not alone. Look I'm sorry about those texts. I missed you and I got carried away."
With a sigh Lauren gave in and opened the door a little. "Liv?" She kept one hand on the door and only opened enough for Liv to see her face.
"Hey. Are you alone?"
Lauren nodded, it would have been easier to say no but Liv would call her bluff immediately.
"You still don't answer my texts, so..." She looked a little apologetic "I just wanted to see you. Can I come in?"
"Some of the texts you sent me were just pics of your pussy. How was I supposed to answer those?" She raised her eyebrows pointedly, for a moment forgetting that she just wanted to be alone.
"Okay, yeah, I'm sorry about that. I might have been drunk when I did that. It seemed perfectly sensible at the time and I just expected you to send me a pic of yours."
She couldn't help smiling "Really? I never would have guessed. But still Liv, it's not a good time right now..." Not now when she could barely keep it together alone. She was a bit drunk right now, too messed up to have Liv poke around in her hurt. She would make her feel again, and she would break down. It wouldn't be fair to Liv... besides, her apartment was hardly ready to receive visitors.
While Lauren was thinking Liv brushed past her.
She groaned "Liv... Do you ever hear what I say? I'm not in the mood for visitors."
"God Lauren, what happened?" She looked around the room, ignoring Lauren's protest.
"Nothing much" She moved a stack of papers and sat down on the couch, watching Liv take off her coat and put it over a chair. Apparently she planned to stay for a while.
"Are you okay? You look like shit." She sat down beside Lauren, her concerned blue eyes sweeping over her, noting her drawn features, her greasy hair and stained t-shirt. She almost didn't look gorgeous and Liv realized she should have thought before she talked "Sorry."
"Why, thank you. You've never been much for subtlety have you?" She rubbed her face with both her hands and shrugged "It's just been a rough week. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you here?" She put her elbows on her knees, leaning her head on her hands as she looked at Liv.
"I hoped you might want to sleep with me?" Maybe it wasn't the best time to ask but if Lauren still didn't sleep with whoever it was she was hot for, she would need to relieve the tension by now. No point in beating around the bush. They had know each other to long for that, and to be honest she was crap at playing coy. And she would take anything she could get with Lauren.
"Straight to the point" So typical Liv. She had been a little more subtle at the beginning, thank god. And it was tempting... now that Liv was sitting beside her, her warm body, uncomplicated and horny, with her sure, hungry, warm hands and fresh smell, Lauren was very tempted. Liv could take her mind of Bo. Liv still wanted her. Liv came back. Liv was here.
"I really enjoyed last time Laur, I wanted you to know that, and I just... I want you, no strings" Her eyes darted past Lauren quickly, once more taking in the appearance of the room. "But I guess now really isn't a good time?" She had never seen Lauren's apartment this messy, and an uneasy feeling settled in her stomach. She reached her hand out, brushing away the hair hanging in front of Lauren's face, it was a little greasy and unkempt but she ran her fingers through it, her hand settling at the back of Lauren's head.
"Liv I..." She had no idea what to say. She pulled away and straightened her back.
"I just want to be with you Lauren. I love... being with you." Staring into Lauren's eyes was more than she could take and she closed her own for a moment. "I know you don't feel the same and it's okay. I mean this doesn't change anything" She searched Lauren's eyes for a reaction, but saw only confusion. "If there's anything I can do for you, please tell me." She had never seen Lauren like this and would do what she could to find out what was wrong.
It was just too much. "I can't be rational about you right now, I' sorry. I don't want to hurt you." But part of her just wanted to be with Liv. She needed the familiarity and the comfort. She wanted to forget Bo and the way she left... the way everyone left. Liv's warm, strong and soft body was just what she needed.
"I know you don't..." She reached out again and put her hand on Lauren's cheek, slowly bringing their heads together. "Just let me love you Lauren..." She kissed Lauren slowly and it felt more like comfort than passion.
She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to well up, and leaned her head on Liv's shoulder for a moment. This was exactly why she shouldn't have let her in. Liv would be sweet and caring and make her feel too much again.
"Are you hungry?"
"No, not really" She couldn't remember the last time she ate. Maybe yesterday evening after work?
"You look hungry" Lauren's face was drawn and her eyes looked too big. She really looked like she needed to be taken care of. "If you take a shower and brush your teeth I'll order some food and tidy up a bit, okay?"
"You don't have to. I should just..." She looked around the room and just shrugged in an attempt to encompass all the mess including herself. "Thank you."
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While Lauren was in the bathroom Liv picked up the crumbled junk food wrappers that littered the area around the couch (pretzel burgers? WTF Lauren?) and the empty bottles. Her first thought had been that Lauren needed comfort food, but maybe she should order something healthier? She looked over the selection of menus on the fridge and decided on sushi, Lauren loved that... maybe sashimi, some chicken yakitori, seaweed salad and plenty of edamame... She placed the order and tidied up the apartment a little. It looked pretty much like Liv's own room on a good day. There were discarded clothes and underwear on the floor and on the bed. The bed was a mess... She found clean sheets in one of the closets and changed the bed.
But this was Lauren's place... It had never been anything but shiny and spotless when she'd been here, everything always in it's right place, Lauren did not mess... and now there was a half empty container of food on the counter with something unidentifiable brownish and smelly in it, two dirty plates left on top of it. Empty glasses and half-empty mugs sat in the sink, forgotten. She sighed and got to work.
Something serious must have happened, for Lauren to let go of her control this much. Was someone dead? One of her parents maybe? She had never talked about her family. Did she even have friends? They had lived in the bubble of their forbidden liaison, never seeing other people together, and Liv realized she knew next to nothing about Lauren's past. And why was she still single? Lauren Lewis was ridiculously attractive and a somewhat hot topic on campus. Her charm probably worked outside of uni too, so why hadn't someone snapped her up long ago? Maybe Lauren was picky? She smiled at herself, at the thought. And Lauren had picked her...
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Lauren leaned her forehead against the wall, letting the hot water stream down her back, the heat and steam slowly making her feel less cold and stiff.
"Baby?" Liv poked her head into the bathroom, steam from the shower making it impossible to see Lauren "Are you okay?" She had been in there for a long time.
"Well... that's a very big question." Why did people always insist on asking that?
Such a typical Lauren answer. Liv smiled "Are you in any immediate danger?"
"No. I'll be out in a minute" She turned the water off when she heard the door close, stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around her.
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They were lying on their sides facing each other and Lauren felt so much better after eating.
Liv wasn't quite sure what to do now. After her shower, Lauren had climbed into bed in her underwear and a t-shirt and they had eaten in bed, propped up against the headboard. This was normally where they would start making love but Lauren still hadn't told her what was wrong and she didn't want to push it.
"So... Rough week?"
"Yes." She smiled "Thank you. For this." She didn't know how much to tell and decided that Liv could ask if she wanted to know. She would anyway, it was only a matter of time.
"Any time." She hesitated for a long moment, waiting for Lauren to explain or at least say something more. "What happened?"
"I don't know what to tell you..." It seemed impossible to explain all this, and at the same time so simple.
"Is it her? Your mystery woman, is she still giving you the brush off? What did she do to you Laur?"
"It's complicated..." She suddenly recalled how she had said these exact words about Liv, to Bo the night they first met. Bo... "I feel so pathetic... I told her I love her..." she blurted it out without really wanting to, "and she just left. It's just that she's so elusive and... one moment she's taking me against the wall and next moment she's gone or telling me that we can only be friends... I don't know what she wants. There is something she's not telling me."
Liv was unusually quiet and Lauren stopped talking and just looked at her. She was beautiful. Her auburn hair and beautiful blue eyes... so unlike Bo's. The familiar smell and the anticipation, like muscle memory, was coming back to her. She had never been here, like this, with Bo. But so many times with Liv. She knew what came now, they would kiss for so long their bodies would melt together, rub against each other until Liv would cave and just fuck her... or she would fuck Liv. Either way it was just the warm-up.
"Sorry to put all of this on you." She caressed Liv's cheek. She felt terrible telling all of this to Liv when she knew how she felt. But there was no one else, and if she didn't talk to someone she'd go crazy. And Liv had offered. So now she was lying here, trying to pretend that they were back to the time when it was just a convenient arrangement, back when Liv would tell her about Randall (god, how she hated that name!) and she would pretend that there were no feelings involved. It was so ironic. Maybe the universe already got back at her for being such a horrible person.
"Who is she?" Despite her best efforts not to, Liv sounded jealous.
"Don't ask me that. I still won't tell you. It would be pointless anyway, you don't know her." There had to be some kind of boundary between Liv and Bo in her head. She'd already told her too much. Why was Liv torturing herself like this? Everything about it felt wrong.
"Why are you still here?"
"Because I'm pathetic." She closed her eyes. She couldn't even try to explain it. "And selfish... I want to fuck your brains out. If I can help you in the process it just makes it better." She smiled at Lauren and hoped she would let the subject drop.
"You are." She smiled and pulled at the front of Liv's horrible, worn Nirvana t-shirt "Get out of this and you can help me even more." Her hand slid down to the hem and under, her fingertips leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake over Liv's hip.
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It was a quiet night in at the Dennis-Smirvoff-Alexandrovich household. Both members were home and eating together, an impressive number of plastic containers sitting on the coffee table. Eating together was a rare occurrence lately, since Bo had clients almost every afternoon and evening for the last couple of months, and Kenzi had been out with her almost-boyfriend Nate a lot lately.
"This is nice" Bo picked up her glass of wine and saluted Kenzi with a smile.
"Yeah, nice to see you're still alive" Kenzi just picked up another container and dug in.
"I missed you. How's Nate? Are you guys still seeing each other? I think I've been too caught up in my own things for too long."
"You have been a little preoccupied lately, but it's ok. It's not every day you fall in love." Truth be told, Kenzi had been away almost as much as Bo, but Bo probably hadn't noticed and Kenzi would like to keep it to herself for a little longer. The subtle tease was supposed to throw her off Kenzi's case... If she would even notice.
"Yeah..." Bo was oblivious to Kenzi's quib, an avsent look in her eyes. She still hadn't talked to Kenzi about what happened last week with Lauren, and she didn't know how to start for all the guilty conscience she had about it. It would come up, no doubt. Kenzi could be insistently nosy sometimes. "How are things with Nate? When will I get to meet him?" Get her talking about something else; yeah that was a good plan.
"Let's just keep it casual for a while yet. I'm not quite ready to take him home for Sunday dinner." She didn't want to talk about Nate yet. Things were a little rocky at the moment. "How's school?"
"Oh... ehhh... good. Good." She gave a little involuntary nervous laugh. She hadn't been there even once last week. And she couldn't tell about that without bringing Lauren up.
"GOD! Is this how families talk? We used to be honest with each other." They used to tell each other everything but since Lauren came into the picture, Bo had told her next to nothing. And the last few weeks they had barely spoken to each other. She knew it was partly because they hadn't seen each other much but there was something else too. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Bo had withdrawn from her and Kenzi blamed Lauren. What she did to Bo was not good. She just didn't know yet if she should do something about it or leave it and see how things would unfold on their own.
"Okay I'll start, then. Nate is great and I like him a lot but... I can't... we haven't..." She paused hoping Bo would catch on and she wouldn't have to spell it out.
Of course she did. You could always count on Bo to think of sex first.
"Oh, Kenz. Really? Not yet? How long have you known him? How can you go without sex for so long" She really didn't understand. "I was the last person you slept with? I know I'm a hard act to follow, but still?" The smirk was supposed to make Kenzi tell her not to be cocky but she didn't even notice.
She knew it was hard for Kenzi, but really? How long had it been? More than a year, at least.
"You know you can always ask me if you... you know... need something?" She kept the tone light on purpose but the offer was sincere. She was always able, ready and willing. Especially if she could help Kenzi. It was only sex after all. "Or we could use an extra hand at the agency you should know that." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively but quickly sobered up seeing Kenzi's expression "Sorry, just joking. Badly obviously..."
"No, that is so not for me, sorry I just... couldn't." She didn't comment on Bo's offer. She would rather not go there again. And it had only been a few times... well, maybe a little more than a few... But they had something really good without the sex... or at least they used to.
"Not everyone is a crazed sex monster you know." She shivered with disgust; more than a little miffed that Bo would even bring up working at the agency, working like that. She knew how Kenzi felt about that kind of sex... or maybe Kenzi had just assumed she knew. "You know that, don't you?"
"I do, sorry. I got a little carried away." There was a slight pause as Bo tried to figure out what Kenzi's problem was "You haven't told him have you? Have you told him anything at all?"
"A little. It's not easy telling that to someone you want to like you. He knows I ran away from home and he knows I lived on the street. But I haven't exactly told him I supported myself by stealing and that I was a kick-ass hustler,"
Her voice grated as she got a little defensive. They had had this discussion before. Bo stubbornly maintained that Kenzi had only done what she had to, to survive and Kenzi just as stubbornly maintained that Bo had just done what she had to, to survive, Bo would say that what she had done was infinitely worse and Kenzi would say Bo hadn't even had a choice whereas Kenzi did. The discussion was pointless and always stalled at that point since they both knew the other was right.
"...or how I was drugged and raped and nor how you saved me that other time I was drugged and almost raped."
She looked up and Bo could see she was almost crying. "I can't. What if he thinks I'm disgusting? What if he can't handle it?"
"I know it's hard Kenz. But you have to tell him. I'm the last person to give you advice on this, but I'm right, you know that." This was so ironic, but she didn't want to rub it in. "If he can't handle it, it's better to find out than to go around being unsure about it. Hiding something so important is just stupid... if you ever want trust between the two of you, you need to tell him."
"I know... It's just hard." At least Bo didn't tease her about it... at least not yet? Thank god for small favours. Bo was the only person that knew these things about her and she had played a big part in how good Kenzi felt now.
"Would you really? I mean would you..." She shook her head "Would you sleep with me again if I asked you? We joke about it but...?"
"I would. Kenz it's only sex. I love you as a sister; you're my family but... I don't know how to explain it. Sex doesn't have to be hard and... well I guess it's different for me. I know it's hard for you and I understand that, but we all need sex and if you want it... just ask, okay? Besides you're kind of hot..." She winked at Kenzi, determined to make her smile.
She was rewarded with a little smile and a swat at her shoulder. Kenzi indicated her own body with a swirl of her hand. "Kind of..? Oh please Bobo girl, you couldn't handle all of this hotness on a regular basis."
"Do you regret what we did then?"
"No, I don't. Best sex I ever had..." It had been smooth, comforting, amazing. Bo had done everything right, letting Kenzi take her time and just held her when she needed that, she had taken the lead without pushing when that was what she needed. Seduced her into letting go, when she was ready. Kenzi was relieved she wasn't into women, or she would have been a goner.
"It was just weird for me to... I don't know... find out how it could be. It's always been so difficult... before." On the streets, sex was always a threat; it was always there, no matter who you dealt with. And before that, at home, the suggestions lurking just under the surface, the looks from her moms boyfriends as she grew up. "With you it was never a weapon, a threat like that. I didn't get over what happened to me, but I've let it go. Because of you. You helped me so much, and now you're my family. Thank you." She blinked rapidly in an attempt to blink away the tears threatening to fall. "And I'm only gonna say this once so your head don't explode."
"Come here you dork. I won't explode on you." She put her arm over Kenzi's shoulder and pulled her close.
"And don't try anything funny either," she put her arms around Bo's waist. "I've missed you."
"Yeah sorry, I know I haven't been around much lately..." They sat like that for a moment.
"You could invite her here, instead of going to her place all the time? I could get to know her."
"Yeah... maybe..." No way. Things were much too complicated. "Are you done?" She drank the last of her wine and got up quickly.
She threw the empty containers in the trash and put a few full ones in the fridge, before she returned to the couch with one more bottle of wine.
"You can't escape BoBo..." Kenzi looked at her with a smirk and took the glass of wine Bo had just poured. "How are things with Lauren? And don't give me that "fine" crap. I can tell when you're full of crap."
"Okay, things are not fine but... I really want to make it work with her. I think she's the one..." Bo looked at Kenzi with a mix of revelation and uncertainty. It had always been difficult for her to make a choice, but she really wanted to make one with Lauren. Only she had no idea how.
"You don't seem sure?"
"I am." It felt so good to say it. "I am! When we're together, I'm sooo... just being in her presence... It's like I get charged just being near her. She's constantly turned on. I've never met anyone who lights up like she does."
"Nothing like RST... but please, spare me the nonessential explicit details. I'm still eating."
"No, you're not. I just put the food away. And what the hell is RST?" She rolled her eyes. "It's not just the sex. We haven't actually had much of that." It came almost as a confession.
"Oh, but..." She assumed they had by now, who could resist Bo for so long? In that case, it was UST. Surprisingly Kenzi felt some respect for the woman.
"Only twice and it was almost like... by accident both times."
"How? Did you accidentally rub your pussy on hers or what? Did you stumble and fall, face first between her legs? "
"No, but... we've kissed and a few times it just sort of happened." Kenzi was the only person in the world that Bo could talk to about this but right now she really didn't want to. "It's a mess Kenzi. I know you told me to tell her or leave her alone but..."
Kenzi knew Bo well enough to figure it out "But you didn't and now she has no fucking clue what goes on? I just don't get how the sex can be a bad thing, Bo. I guess it worked or you wouldn't be so calm telling me this. Oh, wait! Did you get her pregnant?"
"She told me she loved me."
"Shit! Really?"
"Yeah, shit"
"And that's bad because...?" She was looking to Bo for the continuation. "You have to help me out here Bo. A woman you're in love with, tells you she loves you is bad because...?"
"Come on, you don't have to be so smug about it." Kenzi was too good at pointing out sore spots. "You know why. And I didn't want to fall in love."
"Men and women throw themselves at you 24/7 Bo, how long did you think you could avoid falling in love with one of them?" An irrational anger filled Kenzi. She had barely seen Bo for months and when they finally talked it was all about Lauren... well to be fair, they had talked about Nate too. Okay then. She was still irritated though. Lauren had been nothing but bad news.
"So now you have to do something?" Big deal "I hate to say this but you painted yourself into a corner Bo. You could have avoided this if you'd just listened to mama Kenz. Hate to say it but..." She rolled her eyes at Bo.
"Yeah, yeah, you told me so. I know. And can we please just take a moment to recap how bad you are at taking your own advice? Remember Nate?"
Kenzi ignored her. "And...?" Was Bo dense or what "Now what?"
"I said I had to think and that I would call her..." She closed her eyes and rubbed her face. When she told Kenzi like this, it sounded horrible.
"How long ago was this?"
"A week?" Cold sweat broke out on her forehead. It was almost 2 weeks now. How would Lauren feel by now? She couldn't even begin to imagine.
"Let me guess. You haven't called her?"
"No. What do I tell her? Hmm? That I'm a freak? That I will most likely kill her because I love her? If I didn't love her, it wouldn't be a problem! I want to have a life with her, Kenz. I want kids and a place where I'm not afraid cops will knock on my door and ask me about some of my victims. I want nothing more than to tell her that I love her. But I can't. "
"Okay BoBo, I know we just had our own little love fest here, but dude, let me express myself clearly. YOU ARE AN ASS. We have had this discussion so many times before. I don't even know what to say."
"But that was before she told me she loved me. Everything became so much more real when she did. I've hurt her so much. She must feel horrible now" Bo looked at Kenzi again "Do you think she'll even talk to me anymore?"
"You have to get over your self pity and talk to her. Put her out of her misery... so to speak... The woman has feelings Bo."
"I know she does! I just feel like no matter what I do, I'll end up hurting her..."
"If she really loves you, she will listen to you... Isn't it better to get it over with? Or do you plan on avoiding her forever?"
"No...? I don't know..." The doubt and indecision was eating away at her insides and she felt awful.
"I dont want to gloat or anything but do you remember the advice you gave me not ten minutes ago?"
"Yes! I do Kenz, but..."
"It's not easy? I know, baby." She leaned in and gave Bo a hug like Bo gave her before. "No matter how it goes you'll feell better when you've talked to her. I promise."
"I know." She did know. Every day she felt worse. She missed Lauren so much it physically hurt. And she knew what she had to do. She just had to find the courage to do it.
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Lauren was breathing heavily as she thrust one last time and kept the pressure. Liv pushed back against her, arched her back and came hard, almost crushing Lauren's fingers. When the last waves of Liv's climax was over, Lauren eased her fingers out carefully, and sat back on her heels, admiring the look before her, the round ass, wet pussy, still twitching slightly, the strong thighs... the beautiful shape of the strong, sweaty back... unghhh she could never get enough.
Ignoring Liv's weak groan of protest, she leaned forward, reaching down to palm the generous, soft breasts, pressing her own pussy and abdomen hard into Liv's ass. She kissed down the back slowly, letting her hands follow the contours of Liv's waist and belly. She kissed the small of her back, her buttocks, and slowly licked over the length of her sex one final time before Liv stretched out and slumped down on the bed. Lauren let herself fall down beside her as she slowly calmed down and came back to reality. It was time to look into her eyes, smile and pretend it wasn't Bo she'd made love to in her mind.
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