Finally! I had this for a couple of days, and I'm sorry I didn't put it up sooner, but I didn't think it was that funny. (I generally don't like what I write…) However, I've been informed it is, and as I don't want to deprive you when I got SUCH fabulous reviews, here it is and I hope you like it!

Warnings: SLASH! (Boy-boy relationships), possible OOC, a lime-type scene, and PWP… but the concept is humorous!

Pairings: Malik/Bakura, Yami Malik/Yami Bakura

Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! ::Sniffle:: I wish I did. Also, credit goes to Lucifer's Dark Angel for giving me this idea. I also don't own that Idiots Guide to (Insert hobby/whatever here) that inspired the title.

Thank you: Well, I had answered everyone's reviews individually before, but I accidentally erased them so… ^^;; But, seriously, a BIG thank you to everyone who reviewed! You convinced me to write another chapter! And special thanks to Lucifer's Dark Angel and iceangelalone for reading this beforehand and giving me undeserved flattery… You guys rock! :P

Note: To the people who liked Yami Yugi/ Yugi (and the reviewer who wanted a lemon) I will be writing a romance between them, so just be patient please… iceangelalone will make sure I get it out, never fear (else I'll get no Bakura/Yami Bakura! O.o)

Hikaris for Idiots

Chapter 2: How to turn your Hikaris revenge against themselves in two easy steps. Yami Malik and Yami Bakura discover the joys of flavored lube.

"W-what? You can't be serious!"

"Oh, I am."

"But… that's just wrong!"

"Yeah, we lived 3,000 years ago! How are we suppose to do that?"

"Well, you're living here with me now, and I refuse to do it anymore for you. So you have to go off and learn for yourselves."

"But…"

"No buts!"

"Heh… this could be the perfect time for revenge for what they did to us."

"I don't know… it did get us together."

"It also got us in a lot of trouble. Come on, don't you want to get them back?"

"…I suppose."

"All right, then, here's the plan…"

***

"Stupid Isis… making us do this…" Bakura's Yami muttered angrily, kicking the chair next to him repetitively like a spoiled child.

"Shut up, Bakura, this is all your fault. If you didn't have an overactive sex drive, we wouldn't run out of lube so quickly, and Isis wouldn't have gotten fed up with buying us more!"

"Well, I didn't see you saying no!"

"You expected me to say no? I abstained for 3,000 fucking years! Like hell I'd say no!"

"It's not like I spent those 3,000 years drinking and having wild sex either, you know. Though, come to think of it, that might've been nice…"

"Hey Bakura!"

Bakura's Yami slowly turned toward the sound of the voice, a tall, blond teen. "What do you want?"

"Oh, umm… sorry. I thought it was Bakura." Joey slowly backed away from the two Yamis, sitting on the other side of the room.

"Ishtar, Yami Malik?" Malik's Yami stood up and followed the short, dull looking woman.

Bakura's Yami continued kicking the chair, now bored out of his mind without the other to talk to. He contemplated picking on a nervous looking Joey, trying to decide the best course of action to alleviate said boredom. The Yami grinned to himself, stood, then immediately sat back down.

Something didn't feel quite right. Bakura's Yami narrowed his eyes in concentration, trying to pin down the source of that odd feeling tickling the back of his mind. He ignored it as it spread through his body, following it back up, out, and straight to his…

//Aibou?// That not-quite-right feeling changed, shifted into something more, and pleasure slowly built up in the Yamis body, running over his skin and seeping deeper into him. The connection with his other half wouldn't cut off properly, and his already overactive libido merely took things one step farther with a few selective images and thoughts, leaving Bakura's Yami with a raging hard-on.

"Fuck," he swore quietly, then became angry. He was about to storm around, throw something, yell, anything, when a sudden uncharacteristic burst of reason ran through him, and a wicked, wicked idea formed in the back of his head. 'They want revenge, do they? I'll teach 'em that you can't use the same trick twice. We came up with it; did they really think they'd be able to use it against us?'

Bakura's Yami gave a few fake, hacking coughs, attempting to catch the attention of the small group of people in the room, one in particular. He watched his target's eyes automatically seek out the source of sound through his peripheral vision and mentally grinned. Bakura's Yami carefully set his face into a blank mask, clearing his thoughts as he ignored the pleasure arcing through him. There would be plenty of time for that later.

He widened his eyes in an expression of shock, then shook his head to seemingly clear the dazed, not-quite-all-there look he had adopted. Bakura's Yami frowned, appearing to be deciding something internally, before turning to look directly at Joey.

The Yami ignored the way Joey jumped guiltily and did his best to put on a mildly angered expression, which wasn't particular difficult for him. "Joey!"

The name sounded different, rolling off his tongue like that, and it didn't fit the other at all. Keeping his lap carefully out of view, Bakura's Yami continued in a serious voice. "It's my Aibou."

"Wha'?"

"He wants to talk to you. Now. He says it's an extreme emergency. You can't call, just go to his house." Then, Bakura added some extra bait. "It's about Yugi."

"Yugi? What about Yugi?"

"How should I know? I really wouldn't give a damn if he was throwing up blood on the floor, dying. I only told you because my Aibou begged me to when he realized you were here."

Joey's face seemed to pale, and he stood up quickly, knocking his chair over in the process, and ran out.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Bakura's Yami smirked and slouched in his seat, closing his eyes and letting the feelings wash over him as his hand came up to massage the hardened bulge in his pants.

***

Malik's Yami nearly swerved the car off the road as ghostly touches aroused him, pleasured him. 'What the fuck?' His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, trying to stay on the road like he was supposed to. If he failed the test, after all, who would buy him more lube?

"Turn left, here." The voice was monotonous and truly dull; it would have put the Yami to sleep had his forming erection not snapped him abruptly out of his dazed trance.

"Right, next. Come to a complete stop at the stop sign." Malik's Yami shifted, trying to release some of the tightness in his pants, but was unsuccessfully. 'Damn Bakura! I know my ass looks good in tight pants, but this is damn uncomfortable…'

"Make a K-turn here." His skin tingled, begged to be touched. Pleasure rolled around in him, washing over him in waves, radiating out from his groin. His fingers gripped the steering wheel even harder, and he bit his lip hard, drawing blood, as he resisted the urge to touch himself.

"Go backwards in a straight line until you reach the cones." The Yami gritted his teeth as he looked over his shoulder, pants constricting and rubbing him as he stretched to turn. A small noise escaped him, and a throbbing sensation built in his crotch.

"Parallel park here." Malik's Yami kept his foot on the brake and let his head drop to the steering wheel. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he exerted amazing self control, and his breathing was ragged.

"Young man, are you all right?" The woman seemed unconcerned, if not a tad bit annoyed at his sudden stop.

"I'm just fine," he answered, angered at the woman. "I've been driving this WHOLE FUCKING TEST WITH A RAGING ERECTION! I'm HORNY and I want some, and I want some NOW!"

A string of curses in Egyptian followed, and the Yami tried to grab the remains of his tattered control so he could park. 'Then this gods forsaken test will be over!' Isis had refused to let him bring the Millennium Rod, saying if he didn't pass on his own he was liable to cause some accidents, so he really needed to pass if he ever wanted lube, therefore sex, again.

"There, I'm done." Malik's Yami smirked at the shocked woman as he put the car in park, turned it off, and practically flew out the door while rubbing himself, looking for his boyfriend.

***

"Bakura? Bakura!" Joey knocked on the door, but got no answered. He couldn't be bothered to wait either; what if Yugi was in trouble? He opened the unlocked door, ignoring the odd half-strangled moans completely, and just following the sound. Another one of those moans, and Joey ran. Was Yugi in a lot of pain?

"Bakura! Where's-" Joey stopped short and stared, jaw dropped.

"Don't you knock?" Bakura and Joey stared at each other in surprise, but Malik had no such inhibitions and immediately snarled at the intrusion.

"I-I did… b-b-but you… I-I and your Y-y-yami…" Joey stuttered, stumbling over his words. Bakura managed so bright a shade he very nearly glowed, and immediately dove for covers, disentangling himself from Malik and trying to hide his naked, aroused body.

"You what? Fuck it, tell us later. Leave, now." Malik was incredibly irritated at the moment, though modesty did prompt him to at least cover himself up.

"Err, sorry Joey… Really, we were… umm, and…" Bakura tried to apologize, but he seemed to get even redder, and Malik growled in annoyance as the two stared in uncomfortable embarrassment.

Then, he gasped as the feelings he had been sending to his Yami, came right back at him. Malik tried to tell Joey to leave, but a spark of pleasure forced it out as more of an incoherent squeak. Shamelessly, he jumped on Bakura, unable to resist, and kissed him hard.

Joey gaped for a moment, then ran out as fast as he could.

***

Malik's Yami thrust his tongue into the other's mouth, grinding their hips together hard. He was straddled over Bakura's Yami, still sitting on the chair in the room with several shocked and appalled people, but was hard pressed to care at the moment. The white-haired Yami's nails dug painfully into the blonde's sides, but he just moaned in pleasure.

"Young man! What are you doing? That's no behavior for a public place!" They ignored the man and continued grinding together.

The feelings coiled inside of the Yami, reaching upward, before bursting outward. Malik's Yami reached his climax, letting Bakura keep grinding against him to find his own release. They collapsed in each other's arms, sweaty and messy, yet incredibly smug.

"Ah… u-uh… Y-y-yami B-bakura…?"

The white-haired Yami smirked at his boyfriend. "Get off of me. I need to go take my driving test now."

***

The two Yamis stormed through the door, arms weighed down with plastic bags, and were immediately accosted by their other halves.

"What did you do that for?" Bakura demanded, blushing. "How am I ever supposed to look Joey straight in the face, let alone talk to him ever again now?"

His Yami shrugged. "I doubt you do anything 'straight'. Besides, it's no big deal. I never liked him much anyway."

Bakura gasped, and Malik cut in. "Look, we were just trying to get you back-"

"I know," his own Yami replied and smirked. "And it didn't work, did it?"

"Hey, you two. Where's the milk I asked you to get?" Isis walked in and eyed their bags.

"Not here," Bakura's Yami replied promptly. "Didn't have enough money."

"What do you mean you didn't have enough money? I gave you more than enough to get milk and lube!"

"But Isis," Malik's Yami protested. "You never told us there was flavored lube!"

"So many to choose from!"

"How could we pick?"

"So we got 'em all!" They held up the four plastic bags, filled completely up.

"This should last us a couple of days, at least." The two made their exits, running upstairs and slamming the bedroom door shut.

"Oh god," the three left said all together. There was a pause, then Malik and Bakura exchanged a glance.

"Think they'll share?" They grinned at each other and left for their own bedroom.

Isis sighed and looked upstairs, where currently two horny Yamis and two horny teenagers resided, and sighed.

"What have I done?"

**I don't know if there actually are THAT many flavors of lube, but I figured the Yamis would take what was there and clean out the entire shelf. :P

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/yugioh_slash Yes, a shameless advertisement. But it's a slash list for YuGiOh! What more could you want? C'mon, join, you know you want to!

Well, I hope you enjoyed and please drop off a review to tell me what you thought. And, as I'm fresh out of ideas, if you want this continued, I'm open to suggestions (Which will be properly credited), otherwise you might be in for a long wait… Anyway, review please!