Hey guys and gals! So a bit of a delay on this one but mostly because I haven't had time to do much editing. Don't worry, I am still very much into writing this story! We'll jump right into it and Happy Thanksgiving to my US readers! Thank you for reading/following/favoriting and reviewing!

Chapter 58

Jane awoke earlier than she had wanted. Garrus slept soundly next to her, his mouth plates against her shoulder and one set of talons firmly gripping her side. She watched, through her window, the delicate ballet of the ships traveling in Citadel space. One of her hands twisted her hair while the other stroked Garrus's scalp under his fringe as she got lost in her thoughts. Yesterday's events kept playing over in her head. She wasn't upset with herself for arguing with her mother in front of those closest to her but she was hurt by her mother's words. Did Hannah truly think that little of her or of Garrus? Or was she just lashing out because Jane hadn't done exactly what her mother wanted? Jane figured Hannah would get over the situation and learn to accept her choice; or at least she hoped.

And Garrus's confession about turian relationships… yes, she had learned about it prior but where did that put them? Jane loved him and felt comfortable with their relationship; almost far enough to say that she would commit to being his mate, but was she really ready? Could she guarantee that her love for him was true enough to last the rest of their lives? She understood why Garrus hadn't told her, because he had made his mind up. In his mind, she was already his mate. Looking over at him, she wondered how long he had felt that way about her. Maybe she would ask him later.

Checking the time, she gently untangled herself from the turian and dressed in casual clothes. There was one other issue that had been gnawing at her that she had to figure out. Bringing up her omni, she felt the pulsing itch beneath her skin. Not now, she thought. She had forgotten about her biotics but now that they were rising to the surface she realized she hadn't used them for a while. She knew it was too good to be true that they were under control. Shaking her head, she double-checked that the person she needed to see was in their usual location and headed down the elevator. The ship was so still and quiet, Jane almost felt like she was in a dream. Isn't this normally when something would jump out and her dream would turn into a nightmare?

The doors opened to med-bay and Chakwas greeted her visitor, "Need another hangover cured, Shepard?"

"No, that's not quite why I'm here."

The doctor leaned against a bed, "I heard about yesterday with your mother. I know how Hannah can be and I'm sure she was mostly taken by surprise. I wish I had been on the ship to help calm her down."

"It's ok. And yeah, where have you been lately? I don't think I have ever seen you disappear as much as this leave."

"Hey," she pointed her finger at the commander, "you came to visit me, remember? I don't appreciate being interrogated. It is leave, right?"

Jane walked closer to the doctor, eyeing her, "Hmm… you're being weird." Chakwas only shrugged, giving away nothing. "Fine, keep your secrets. But I need you to keep one for me too."

"That's kind of what doctors do, in a weird way of looking at it. What's going on?" She stood and patted a bed for Shepard to sit down. But Jane made no motion towards it.

Jane scratched her arm, feeling the biotics burn slightly. Giving her hands a quick shake, blue light crackled off her skin. "I need you to test me for something."

The motion wasn't lost on the doctor, "Your biotics?"

"No… something else. This," Jane raised her hand quickly, "will pass. It's definitely a more serious issue I need looked at."

Karen raised an eyebrow, "I'm going to need a little more to go on. What do you think you came in contact with?"

"Well… some might consider it a parasite."

"Jane, I find that highly unlikely since we haven't gone anywhere super strange in a while."

"Um… I," her voice dropped to a tiny whisper, "I need a pregnancy test."

Chakwas stared at Jane for a long moment. First, she wasn't sure she had heard the commander correctly, then her mind seemed to have trouble processing the phrase when coming from Shepard. Eventually, her mind came back to the present and she burst out into laughter. "Ok," she said between laughs, "who told you to try this? Was it Joker? God, that boy tries so hard to get back at me for sticking him with needles. He does realize it is to monitor his health, right?" She laughed a few moments more before wiping a tear away and looking back at Shepard, "Whew, that was good. So what do you actually need me for?" She looked at Jane's expression and saw the commander's fingers tapping and picking at the fabric on her sleeve. "Oh shit, you're serious."

Jane nodded.

Chakwas touched Shepard on the shoulders and guided her to sit at a nearby bed. "I know that you are faithful to Garrus so you do realize that this is medically impossible. I know our minds can kind of play with us but there is no reason to suspect it." As she finished her sentence she could tell nothing was getting through to Jane, "Right?" she asked more to get Jane on board with the thought than actually phrasing it as a question.

"I know… it's just. Miranda said something weird the night of the gala. When I said I didn't understand why I was being so emotional she made an off handed comment about me being pregnant. I brushed it off but she said some things that made me wonder. I mean, the cybernetics have been rebuilding me and adapting this entire time since I 'woke up'. I'm getting more benefit from turian tea, I'm able to eat and taste more dextro food than before, and… well… I'm with Garrus."

"I think that is a little far-reaching. And Miranda was pretty drunk that night." She could still see the worry in the young woman's face. "Sit still," she scanned Jane with her omni, a read out of her hormone levels filed through the screen. Nothing stuck out as unusual to her. "You look normal. No parasite." A small sigh escaped Jane but she still didn't look entirely relieved. "But I'll tell you what. I'll draw some blood, do a more thorough test and see if there is anything to worry about; both now and in the future. Does that sound better?"

"Yeah," Jane nodded. "If we can know that there is no possibility of it then I would feel a lot better." She stood, "Thank you. And I have one more request, can you recommend any better translators or know of someone who is in that field?"

"Is yours broken?"

"No, Garrus wants me to be able to hear subharmonics."

"Huh… I might have a few contacts," she typed on her omni-tool and sent the few she knew of to Shepard's omni. "I don't know if all of them are still on the Citadel but at least that can narrow your field of search."

"Thanks again. You're a lifesaver."

"Yeah, I know, that's part of my job."

"Aye, Joker," Jack stuck her head in the cockpit. She expected the chair to turn around but found that it was empty. "What the hell?" Since when does he EVER leave this chair. I've seen him sleep in it!

"Mr. Moreau is currently out to lunch with Commander Shepard. They do not have a specified time for their return."

"Um… no problem, computer lady. I'll just send him a message." Before she left the cockpit she turned back to the AI. "Oh, and can you send me the next batch of info Cerberus has? I'm almost done with that last set of files."

"Yes, Jack. They are waiting on your console now."

"Uh, thanks," she still couldn't get used to how the computer behaved.

Making her way back to her hidden part of the ship, she heard loud stomps coming from Grunt's area. Hesitating, she listened until a loud roar bellowed. "Oh shit," she muttered, "not getting involved in that..."

"I'm really sorry about your mother. I couldn't imagine dealing with that," Tali said. It made her wish she knew every detail of what happened over the last few years with him and how he appeared to manage everything so well; and think back to how she had left him. They were walking through the Citadel; their initial thought of lunch seemed to be on hold. Their conversation had been filled with nothing meaningful; even though, for Tali, it felt like John wanted to say something more. She wanted to say something more as well but couldn't seem to find the words.

"It's fine. I've learned to deal with it," he kept his hands in his pockets, mulling over what and how to say all the thoughts in his head. "I hate that you had to be part of that. It wasn't fair to you."

"I chose to be there. Besides, I wanted to be there with you."

John stopped. Tali walked ahead of him slightly before realizing he was no longer with her. "Um, let's step over here for a minute," he said and walked to the railing overlooking the waterway. Placing his hands on the railing, he rocked back before leaning on his elbows against the metal. He was worried that Tali would get annoyed with him and want to leave but he couldn't find his voice.

Tali watched him lean forward on the railing, slouching as he hung his head. She put her own hands on the railing, tapping her fingers as she shifted her weight between her feet. She wanted to know what was on his mind but could tell he needed time to find his words. In the meantime, she would wait patiently for him.

"Tali," he took a deep breath, "I feel like I need to tell you something and I don't want things to be awkward between us. I just want to be honest with you..."

As his voice trailed off Tali felt her chest cave in. She wanted to collapse right there. How could she have gotten her hopes up? I deserve this, I hurt him so much. But I won't make him feel guilty about this… "John, you don't have to say anything. I understand. I know that I hurt you and I just want you to be happy. Don't worry, I won't get in your way or make anything awkward between us or the crew."

John stared at her blankly. Finally, he got out one word, "What?"

Please, John, don't make me spell it out, she thought. "I have seen how you two interact with each other. I don't want to get in the way of your happiness together." The more she spoke the more it felt like her voice was rejecting the speech. Each word became harder and harder to say. "I'm glad we can at least be friends again but I don't want to keep you from her. I'll see you back on the ship."

John was left reeling and was finding it difficult putting her words into a tangible thought. When she started to walk away he collected himself enough to react. "Woah, woah, woah, hold up a second." He grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him, keeping his hand tightly around hers. "You don't get to say that and walk away without explaining."

"You know what I'm talking about. Please don't make me keep talking about it. I know you have moved on and I can't fault you for that but it can still hurt for me."

He shook his head, "I don't understand what you're getting at. I'm sorry, you know I'm kind of stupid."

"You're not stupid, John. And…" she swallowed the lump in her throat, "Miranda is lucky to have you."

"Hold on!" His hands flew up, "Back up!" He waved his hands around. "There is nothing going on between Miranda and me."

Tali stared at him, "What?"

"I wasn't struggling with telling you about me and anyone else. I was having a hard time trying to tell you that I still care for you and that if you would have me, I want to give us a chance at something meaningful."

"But… why?" she shook her head when she realized how her words came out, "No, I mean, after everything I did to you. And… I'm not human. With us being together… being with a quarian isn't the same as what you are used to with a human or asari… or even a turian. I just don't want to be the one keeping you from being happy."

John tentatively put his hands on Tali's shoulders. "I don't care that things will be different. Being with you would make me happy. Would you be interested in dating me?"

Tali couldn't help tear up behind her mask. Hanging her head she barely managed to squeak out, "Of course!"

He wrapped her in a tight hug, feeling her three-fingered hand press into him as well. They stayed like that for several moments before giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head and pulling back to look at her. Unsure what else to say or do, he managed to stutter out, "Come on, let's find ourselves some food."

"Thanks, Jane," Joker smiled. "I didn't realize how much I needed that."

"No, please, thank you. I've missed just hanging out with you." She waited for Joker to take a seat on the couch before she took a seat herself. "Things sure have changed for us."

He huffed out a laugh, "Damn you can say that again. I never thought I would be able to walk without crutches. I thought by this point I could even be in a wheel chair."

Jane rolled her eyes, "That's not exactly what I meant." He didn't say a witty response but winked and pointed finger guns at her. "You're such an idiot."

"Hey," he fired his finger guns again, "a loveable idiot."

"Of course," she grinned.

"It's good to hear that John is taking the news about you and Garrus better."

"Yeah, and I think he and Tali might be rekindling something. They went out when we were going."

"Good," Joker shook his head, "John can be almost as stubborn as you sometimes. I think they'll realize they need each other too. Kind of like how you and Garrus need each other to keep each other sane."

"Speaking of Garrus, he wants me to meet his parents when all of this is over."

"Oh, no shit? So you are going to Palaven. Be sure to take pictures for me. I could never go planet-side there."

"Yeah, the preventative radiation treatments are going to be a little taxing from what I've read. Hopefully my cybernetics will help with that. But even so, I can't spend much time outside during the day. Though, honestly, I'm more worried about his parents than the possible illness I could go through."

"Jane Shepard? Scared? Come on…" he teased.

"You know my experience with parents. And with what just happened with my own mother, it doesn't make me have a lot of confidence in my family interactions or first impression skills. If you remember, Garrus has said his father doesn't look too kindly on Spectres."

Joker waved his hand dismissively, "Sure it may be awkward at first but they'll love you. Besides, with how Garrus feels about you I don't think it is in a turian parent's nature to give ultimatums to their kids about who to love."

Jane nodded; he could be right. From what it sounded like, Garrus wouldn't find anyone else but would his parents really be okay with her being human and a Spectre? "So, what about you, Joker? Any ladies catch your eye?"

"Oh you know me, plenty." He thought he could leave off there but saw Jane's persistent look. "Come on, what kind of information are you looking for?"

"I don't know. Just curious really."

He quirked the corner of his mouth up in a weak smirk, "Yeah, you know the girls are just lining up to date the cripple. Who wouldn't want this brittle masterpiece?" He accentuated his words by gesturing along his body. He sighed, "I've made piece with my love life. Don't worry about me. Besides, I prefer to live vicariously through you. Well… maybe I should say that about John because I don't want to know what it's like to get railed by turian."

"Thank you for putting that so eloquently," Jane rolled her eyes as she blushed.

"So what's next on our docket? One more day of leave and then back at it."

"Not sure yet. I've been trying to enjoy the calm before the storm because I have the feeling that everything is only going to get more intense after this." Taking a deep breath, she propped her elbow on the back of the couch, leaning her head against her hand. "Do you ever wish you could go back? Try again and do something a little different?"

He sighed, giving it some thought but knowing that he couldn't completely relate to what she was going through. "Short of changing the fact that I have this bone disease, and it's not like a choice led to that. I haven't had to make choices anywhere close to what you have. I'm guessing that you would want to go back?"

"I don't know… sometimes. I wonder, if I hadn't been on this path, would someone else be here? Would the same events unfold? What would have happened to my friends?"

"It's hard to say, but I'm glad you're here. I know I wouldn't have left the Alliance for anyone other than you. My Commander. My best friend."

Jane smiled and moved to sit next to him and gently lean her head against his shoulder. "What would I do without you, Joker?"

"Eh, you would have another pilot. Not one nearly as cool. Or you would try to fly this yourself and possibly crash." He felt her poke him in the side. Chuckling, he adjusted to pat her head with a hand, partly to comfort, partly to acknowledge her jest, but also to let her know it was okay to stay there. It wasn't often he received any sort of physical contact; once people knew of his condition they would distance themselves in fear of hurting him. He was used to the lack of physical contact but he still missed it. Most times it was a lonely existence. Jane was never a touchy-feely person but she would at least interact with him where others would shy away. Whether it was a light jab, clasping a shoulder, or messing with his hat, he was always grateful to have her. He never had a romantic feelings towards her but only felt the truest feeling of friendship and family. "You know, I don't need Garrus thinking that I'm trying to steal you away."

"He can get over it," Jane smirked. "No one could ever replace you in my life. I hope you know that."

"Yeah, same to you, kid."

"Hey, I'm older," she glanced up at him.

"Technically..." he wanted to finish his joke, to say she had gone on hiatus for two years, or that she was born only months ago; none of those words found their way out. It had been his fault. "I guess I should say there is one thing I regret," he said thinking back to her earlier question. "Normally, I would say I was comfortable with every choice I had made. But there is one I can't believe I ever did."

She watched his face fall. Everyone had made jokes about her death to better deal with it and Joker had as well but every time he did she could tell it was a thinly veiled mask over the blame he held for himself. "You know I don't blame you." He didn't react to her. "It wasn't your fault."

"I didn't react how I should have. I was so concerned about saving the ship that I didn't think my actions could affect anyone else. My choice had real consequences and I am the reason we lost you. I couldn't fly for the longest time because I couldn't fly under someone that wasn't you. I considered flying under you mother only because I thought flying under her command would somehow fix what I did. Cerberus approaching me and telling me their plans for you… as much as I hated that it was Cerberus I couldn't turn them down because they were going to fix my mistake."

Jane sat up and looked directly at him. When he averted his gaze she lightly held his face between her hands so he had to look at her, "I need you to understand and believe me that it wasn't your fault. Shit happens. I know this wasn't the sequence of events we thought would happen but things happened the way they were supposed to. Even though I know there is nothing to forgive, I still forgive you. Now I need you to do the same and forgive yourself."

Joker started to fall apart and pressed his mouth in a hard line to keep his emotions together. Nodding, he slowly fell forward, wrapping his arms around his best friend in a hug. He didn't know how much time had passed but eventually he felt pieced together enough to separate from her. Unsure exactly what to say after such a deep heart to heart he managed to find a few words, "What a pair we make."

"A damn good pair."

He smirked and let out a sigh, "Well, I didn't expect the conversation to take that sort of turn. Really thought that would just be a fun hang out."

"It was still good hang out," she laughed, "I'm just happy to be with you. It's good to know we still have this friendship thing down."

"I suppose so." They both looked down at her beeping omni-tool. "Who is it?"

"It's Thane. He wants to talk to me about something. Sooner rather than later."

"You should go."

She gave a half-smile, "But what about you."

"Meh," he waved at her, "I'm good. Thanks for lunch and setting aside time for me."

"Of course, Joker. Anything for you."

"Shepard, thank you for coming to see me," Thane said, his voice rumbling low.

"Is there something wrong? Your message seemed urgent," Jane stood off to the side, waiting to see what

"Yes. Now that you are here though, it seems more… difficult to talk about. I wanted to catch you before we left Citadel space. Apologies that I ask this of you while leave is still occurring."

"I've got time. Take it at your own pace."

He tightened his grip on his hands with his fingers woven, "Thank you, but I fear I have already done that for too long," Thane stood, and walked over to his weapons wall. "I had a family once. I still have a son. His name is Kolyat. I haven't seen him for a very long time."

Jane moved to stand next to Thane, "Did something happen to them?"

He looked over at the commander, "I abandoned them. Though, not all at once. Nothing dramatic, no sneaking out in the middle of the night, no final argument or slammed door. I just… did my job. I hunted and killed across the galaxy. 'Away on business,' my wife would tell people. I was always away on business."

Jane could hear the deep regret and melancholy in his last few words. "How long has it been since you talked?"

"Ten years. He showed me some of his schoolwork and asked me if we could 'dance crazy'. We did that when he was younger."

"What sort of dance is that?"

"Nothing like your human dances. It's – " his words stopped as he slipped back into a memory. His eyes opened wider and his second pair of eyelids blinked rhythmically as he relived it, "Checking my extranet contacts. Expecting an update on my next target. The console plays. Music. Old. Unfashionable. Kolyat jumps into the room. 'Father!' He runs around in circles. I scoop him up. Toss him into the air. He shrieks. Laughs. 'Spin me!' The console beeps. I… put him down. Play the message. 'Father.' He pleads. Tugs my shirt sleeve. 'I need to read this,' I say. Don't look at him." Thane closed his eyes, bringing himself out of the memory. It always pained him to relive the memories of his family.

"You never mentioned this before. Why now?"

"When my wife departed from her body I – attended that issue. I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I have not seen him or talked to him since."

"That's not the choice I expected. Why didn't you raise him yourself?"

"My body is blessed with the skills to take life. The hanar honed them in me. I have few others. I didn't want that life for Kolyat. I hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me so be it. He would not have shared the path of sin. I used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become… disconnected. He does what his body wills."

Jane studied him, "You'll have to explain that one to me."

"The body is not our true self. The soul is. Body and soul work as one in a whole person. When the soul is weakened by despair or fear, when the body is ill or injured, the individual is disconnected. No longer whole."

"What's wrong with him? Is he hurt?"

"Something happened that should not have. He knows where I've been. What I've done. I don't know his reasons but he is on the Citadel. He has taken a job as a hitman. I would like your help to stop him. He is – This is not a path he should walk." Thane gently shook his head as he spoke.

"You don't hire a raw rookie for a contract killing."

"I'm afraid someone has seen we share a name and assumed we share skills. I don't know why he would accept the task."

"To be closer to you, maybe?

"That thought haunts me more than any other."

"Maybe he name-dropped you to get hired."

"It's possible but I don't think so. It doesn't seem right. My name… he should not respect it."

"What could make him go to the Citadel? Would it be a target with the gala taking place?"

"Possibly. But years ago I prepared a package for him. A relic of my ill-spent life. I had volus bankers store it and arranged for delivery when I died. He acquired it early. I don't really know how. I did wet-work on the Citadel around the time his mother died. That may be why he went there."

"Thane, I don't have your contacts and I don't have your tracking skills. Why do you need my help for this?"

"I don't need your help, I want it. The last time I saw my son – " he slipped into another memory. "They wrapped her body in seamoss. Weighted. With stones. He tries to pull from me. He calls for her. The hanar lift her off the platform. They sing like bells. The fire is gone to be rekindled anew. He begs them not to take her away. They let her body slide into the water. He hits me. 'Don't let them!' 'Stop them!' 'Why won't you!'" He paused, "It rains. It always rains on Kahje. Warm water pours down his face." Thane blinked heavily, shaking his head slightly to return to the present.

Jane looked away, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you relive that."

Thane gave a slight wave of his hand to dismiss her apology, "Not your fault. Perfect memory, it is sometimes a burden."

"I can be ready to go in an hour. You can pick who you want to go with us."

"If you don't mind. I think I would like to keep this fairly quiet. I don't foresee any firefights so just us if possible."

"Yes, of course. Whatever you are comfortable with."

"Thank you, Shepard."

"EDI," Garrus said as he stood at his console, "Where is Shepard?"

"She and Mr. Krios are returning from their mission. ETA five minutes."

"Thanks." He stayed put, finalizing his proposal for new upgrades to the Normandy. He waited a little longer, not wanting to jump them as soon as they were on board. He sat on his bed and took off his gloves to file down his talons. Ever since he and Jane had become an item, he had become much more aware of his sharp features. Although Jane would never complain, he still didn't like risking her safety for himself. When he stood he realized how different his bed felt. He had been spending so much time with Jane and staying with her that he hadn't realized how firm his was. He chuckled, maybe he was developing a taste for softer things; not that he would ever make that joke around her.

"Shepard is boarding the ship, would you like for me to request that she meets you?" EDI said.

"Actually, no, but I think I will meet Thane."

"He and Shepard have boarded the elevator."

Garrus walked out to the main hall of the floor and approached the elevator. He made it just as it hit his floor and the doors opened to the pair. The drell was in his usual stance, hands clasped behind his back, standing perfectly straight and Jane was very much in her commander stance but it was slightly relaxed.

"Uh, hey, Garrus," Jane greeted. "Sorry, but I've been called to check on Grunt. He could be tearing the ship apart from the sounds of it.

"No, it's fine. I'll wait," he stepped aside as Thane exited. He looked at Jane who was giving him a quizzical look as the doors closed. Once the elevator began to move, Garrus walked after Thane and called out, "Krios, can I have a moment?"

"Yes, of course," he stepped to the side. "I am just heading to my quarters."

"Could we speak privately for a moment?" Garrus asked.

Thane studied the turian. He didn't seem upset but that could be a front until they were in a more private locale. He nodded and gestured to his quarters. Once the doors had closed, Thane turned to face Garrus. "What can I do for you?"

"I need to ask you something. Well… it's more of a request."

Thane's mind was trying to fill in the blanks surrounding what Vakarian may have assumed. He thought he had made it clear he was not pursuing Shepard and he had the upmost respect for their relationship. He didn't want to spread his family matters around the ship but he would do it to clear the air. However, instead of providing potentially unnecessary information, he remained quiet and waited for the turian to confront him.

Garrus glanced at Thane who stood calmly and quietly near the desk. He couldn't read the drell. He barely knew him so how was he supposed to ask this? "I'm not really sure how to say it. And I know we aren't close and you may find this frivolous or ridiculous that I would ask." He checked Thane's expression again but still nothing came through. Taking a deep breath, he finally came up with his words, "About the gala… the dancing that you did with Jane. I was wondering..."

Again, Thane wanted to explain and clarify what happened but waited to hear what was really on the turian's mind. What was said wasn't what he was expecting.

"Could you teach me?"

It wasn't often that Thane was surprised but this was one of those moments. "Really?"

"Uh, yes."

"May I ask why? It's not often I have heard of a turian even wanting to dance."

"It's something Jane loves, and I want to learn that for her. I don't ever want to be the reason she can't do something."

Thane smiled, "You are quite the unique turian."

"I guess, but I've never been a good one."

Thane closed the distance between them and gave a slight bow and head nod, "You're a better one. I would be happy to teach you."