Pairing: Jeff/Annie (or is it Jeff/Britta? Mystery time! At least...for part of this chapter)
Spoilers: Through the finale of Season 4, and the steak dinner that Jeff's been waiting 4 years for...and got Tweeted.
Word Count: 4452
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Disclaimer: If I owned Community, you'd all probably absolutely hate it.
Description: Jeff has graduated and celebrated, but he still feels like there's something he has to do to have really come full circle.
Author's Note: I never, ever expected to write fan fic. I expected to do my stupid, emotionless analysis of the show, and be content to read others stories...but one night, I felt this story weaving together in my head, and I had to write it. Fair warning...it's going to be bad. I've never claimed to be the creative type.
I should also note that I make some assumptions...namely, that the steak dinner occurs on the same day as the graduation, because why wouldn't it? It just makes sense to me. I'm sure I'll be dropping edits on this thing as time goes by, because I knocked it out in about an hour and a half. I'm sure there's edges to polish. Also...very little original content this chapter. This is basically a "clip show" with my own interpretations mixed in, to set up for the REAL story.
Full Circle
Chapter 1
It had been a day. Not just any day, but a "DAY." Jeff Winger keyed into his apartment, and flopped down on his couch, a feeling of contentment settling over him. He'd had several good days over the past four years, but this was definitely in contention for the top ten.
He'd finally graduated today. He'd achieved what he set out to do when he first set foot on the campus shaped black hole that was Greendale Community College. He could get back to his "cool" life, with a "cool" job and "cool" cars, and "cool" people.
But, as he'd told Alan two years previously, he'd caught something at Greendale, and he while he wanted all of that, his perceptions had been altered a bit. The cool job wouldn't be a high-paying defense attorney job…but one where he could actually do some good. He'd still make decent money, but in general, the pockets of the worthy didn't tend to be as deep as the scumbags. He still wanted to hang out with cool people, but the cool people didn't include the strippers he'd just managed to win a case for anymore, or the other sharky lawyers he used to rub elbows with. Instead, the "cool people" that came to mind when he gave it some thought were an unlikely family he'd grown to truly love. Troy had mentioned Abed's prediction from their freshman year awhile ago, and Jeff was surprised to realize it had come true. He actually re-realized this on a regular basis, and never failed to be shocked by it. It was this group of misfits who he craved the company of, and whose opinions he cared about. At any given time, any one of them could be a younger or older sibling, or parental figure, or even just a best friend. Their group roles had become dramatically less defined from their first semester, as each of them realized that they could offer more to each of the others than any of them had originally surmised.
And of course…there was her. He had been caught completely off guard by this. When he started this fake study group, it was with the sole intention of getting Britta into bed. He didn't care about Greendale, and he didn't care about his reputation at Greendale. He didn't have any intentions of falling in love, and the very idea of it was ridiculous. He knew, from his parents divorce, as well as seeing how his colleagues and clients comported themselves in their own relationships that "love" was bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. And Jeff Winger didn't fall for bullshit.
But then he'd met her. Again, accidental, as well as the development of the feelings he was currently totally confused by. Britta had kissed him once very early on in the first year, but it was to fool a professor into NOT failing him, right? Sure felt real enough to him. He just didn't understand how these sorts of feelings could have developed over the past four years. Sure, he and Britta had gone onto do much, MUCH more, but it was compartmentalized, right? That's what he did with his feelings for anyone for the study group…so why did he carry these feelings for HER?
She'd sat next to him at the celebratory steak dinner that he'd intended to go to by himself, but at the last minute, he knew would be meaningless if his family wasn't there with him. So, he invited them. And SHE sat next to him. He enjoyed a fantastic steak. Ok, it wasn't Morty's, but still…it probably was even better, given the extra flavor added by the joy of having his family (he was still startled by the fact that, internally, he thought of them as his family. Not his friends, not his study group, but flat out, do-not-pass-Go, this is my final answer, family. The fact that he felt actual, genuine joy was a further surprise. Capping these surprises off was the fact that the joy came from THEM…not something like a new car, or gorgeous new suit, or even a glass of Macallen) with him. And, of course…she was next to him. Their hands had brushed (accidentally, he told himself, even though he'd thrilled internally every time) repeatedly. They'd shared coy glances, which almost prevented him from being able to eat. They'd laughed, and drank (fortunately, everyone'd kept it to a responsible amount. Tonight was about celebrating Jeff and each other, not about drinking for the sake of drinking) and generally, just enjoyed the fact that they were together…plus Chang and Dean Pelton, who, when Jeff allowed himself to be honest with himself…he was grateful for the presence of. He'd grown grudgingly fond of both of them, and they were, at the core, a fundamental part of his "Greendale experience."
But not Leonard. Never Leonard.
Jeff's thoughts drifted back to the graduation, when SHE had beamed at him the whole time. He'd be willing to do quite a bit in order to deserve that look on a more regular basis. He was weighing various options, including whether or not he'd be willing to sink so low as to learn to mime, just to get her to gaze at him with that sort of pride, devotion, and…love?
Did she love him? She'd said she did before, but she played it off as saying it to achieve her own ends.
More importantly, did he lov…he loved her. He actually interrupted himself mid-thought stream to confront himself with the inconvenient, annoying, not-at-all relativistic truth. HE. LOVED. HER.
He needed to do something about it.
A plan began to coalesce…he was nothing if not quick to act when the moment was upon him. Even before he'd finished laying the groundwork, he texted her, got a response, and told her to meet him in the study room.
He mentally composed the first steps of his plan before realizing that the damn kitten the Dean (Ok, Jeff…remember, he's just Craig now. If he hadn't insinuated himself into the apartment next door, he wouldn't be ANYONE except a bad Moby lookalike anymore…A bad Moby lookalike who somehow, had worked his way into Jeff's heart, and earned some measure of fondness. Since when did Jeff have a heart, anyway?!) had given him at Christmas time had fallen asleep on his lap, and he'd been absent-mindedly petting it the whole time he'd been thinking.
He had a cat, and wasn't even bothered by it. Jeff was convinced Greendale had fucked over his brain but good. He gently picked the feline up, and set him on the couch to the side, stroking him to get him to settle back in as he stood up, grabbed his coat and headed out the door.
-
Britta'd had more to drink tonight than anyone thought, but she still wasn't drunk. She'd been through enough shit lately to wish she was though. Between Troy deciding they needed to break up so they didn't hurt their friendship, and Jeff's graduating underscoring the fundamental idea that "to all good things, there must come an end," Britta was feeling incredibly alone.
Then her phone buzzed with an incoming text message. She checked it…shocked by both the sender and the content. She didn't expect to hear from HIM tonight, of all nights, and definitely not about THIS. She didn't have the energy to deal with Jeff Winger's drama tonight…but for the last four years, he'd been there (most of the time) for them and her, when it was needed. She wasn't about to be the one to break up the fellowship of the study group now. She shot back a reply, and grabbed her coat.
-
Annie had mixed feelings about today. She was thrilled for Jeff and Pierce, of course, and she wasn't about to complain about the steak dinner. Better-than-bad steak, drinks, and friends she'd become closer to than her estranged "real" family.
But she still feared she'd lose Jeff, and Pierce, for that matter. He'd assured them several times that it'd never happen, and a lot of his actions in the past had supported that…like abandoning a party with his former colleagues to help them win the Pop-and-Lock-athon. They'd lost…but had they really? She still remembered leading the charge onto the dance floor, and clinging to one side of him, with Shirley on the other. Everyone was so glad and grateful to see him make the choice to be with them. Again, they lost the dance contest, but she felt like they'd "won" Jeff, and in the long run, which was more important? She reminded herself that that was a question to keep private…or, barring that, at least never ask Chang. He'd been peeved about that one for a LONG time, and it was best left forgotten.
She'd found herself growing surprisingly close to Jeff over the past four years. Something that had started as a very sibling-like relationship had unexpectedly mutated into…something different. Something she couldn't define, whether for fear of facing what it meant, or fearing the possible rejection, or fear of it being "wrong." She knew there was a massive age gap between them, and at first, her raw attraction to him had half been safe in her mind, half creepy. She couldn't deny he was good looking, but she was devoted to Troy, and he was just so much older, and SUCH an arrogant ass.
Then, little things started sneaking through the cracks. She'd thrown a Halloween party for extra credit the first year, and berated him into attending, even though he'd ditched out as soon as he saw an opportunity to pursue Slater. She'd been crushed when she realized he'd left, but really because she felt abandoned by the "cool guy" who she'd identified as the linchpin to the success of her party, which his attendance would rely on. When he came back to rescue Pierce…she was just relieved that once again, she had a good chance people wouldn't leave en masse…leaving her a social reject. Again. But when he pulled her up to dance, something clicked. She felt safe in his arms, and that feeling of safety allowed her to abandon some of her normal defenses, and allow herself to actually enjoy herself. Even before this party…she'd been charmed by his addressing her as "Milady," and kissing her hand…and smarmy as it may have been, she knew he wasn't doing it in a creepy way, but just as a part of the charm that was an innate part of him. It was the affection she felt from him, combined with his, frankly, unreasonable attractiveness that made her start paying more attention to him. It also didn't hurt that Troy had been completely oblivious to her interest in him…and while Troy was a good looking guy, Jeff was better looking, more mature (in most ways…but even as smitten as she'd eventually become with him as she was, she had to admit that Jeff had some serious emotional maturity issues,) more experienced, smarter…just more of what she wanted.
But honestly, as she sat on her bed, staring blankly at the wall as she recalled old memories, she realized that this was all after-the-fact justification. Yes, she'd swooned, ever so slightly at being called "Milady," and flattered by the fact that he seemed to actually pay attention to her, rather than barely notice her, like Troy, and take comfort in his presence, and the silent apology at his abandoning her by dancing with her…but the moment that she'd finally, truly realized that she was developing feelings for Jeff, even if they WERE just a crush, wasn't even a moment that she was involved in as much more than an observer.
A single word came to her lips. "Simmons."
It was Jeff's leaping to her defense when Simmons started poking at the weak points in her psychological armor, especially after he'd just let Simmons' teasing of him roll off of him, that she realized that Jeff was an absolutely amazing guy. Whether it was because he looked at her as a little sister or not, he was, in that moment, her white knight. She hadn't even had to ask him to defend her…it had come naturally to him.
Then, as they were studying, she'd had the sudden urge to let loose a little bit…by letting down her hair. Hey, that was a big deal for her! When she'd asked Jeff for his opinion on the new look…all he could say was "Uhhh, yeah…" She had two options there. Either he didn't like it, but was letting her down easy, and couldn't think of any other way to put it, or he liked it to the point of not really being able to respond. Annie had made the conscious decision to go with the latter option. After all, she'd had years of talking down to herself, and she'd just barely had a wonderful experience with Jeff swooping in to her rescue…so what if she let her own desires influence how she was going to interpret his response? It was harmless enough, right?
Then Shirley came in to tell them about Abed's movie, and made everything awkward and wonderful all at once. Suddenly she was very aware of how close she and Jeff were, and how low cut this blouse was without her sweater tied over it…and how the concept of the evilness of man tended to veer a LOT into discussions of morality, and thoughts of morality lead right into…other thoughts.
Jeff was clearly feeling the tension as well, because he quickly suggested that they'd probably do a better job on prepping alone. At least, Annie allowed herself the vanity of assuming it was because he felt the tension…but when she agreed, SHE was the one who let out the embarrassing Freudian slip. She was sure that Jeff wasn't ever going to be in the same room as her again, let alone help her beat Simmons in the debate. She'd allowed herself to get a little hung up on "cool guy"…no, wait…"cool, sexy guy" Jeff Winger. She'd have stuffed more superlatives in there, but it starts getting silly at around three. But then she'd gone and ruined it all again. How had she allowed herself to think that he might see her as anything more than a little sister who gets good grades and helps him get good grades? Ridiculous. He had Britta, the more worldly, free-spirited, and definitely looser than Annie to chase.
The whole way home, all night long, and all the way back to school the next day, Annie was mentally berating herself for her stupidity. She couldn't believe how foolish she was, and she was just grateful that Jeff didn't seem to make a big deal about it, and showed up to the debate. She was going to beat the hell out of Simmons…and show Jeff, Troy, her mom (not in the audience…but Annie'll keep this in her chamber if she ever needs it), and most of all, herself, that there was something worthwhile in this little, brown haired, perpetually cardiganed package.
They were on fire. Simmons and the City College team didn't stand a chance. Seeing his last chance, Jeremy Simmons launched his gambit (and himself, to turn a phrase.) When Jeff, as much of an asshole as he tried to pass himself off as, saw it…he instinctively caught him. Annie felt her spirits sink…Jeff made a fool of himself in the first round through showmanship, but now Simmons was going to snatch victory back from the brink of defeat through the same thing.
Annie had a sudden idea, and in a split second, she realized that two could play that game, they could still win the debate, and she could do something she very, very badly wanted to do all at the same time. All of these trains of thought were running through her head simultaneously when she marched up to Jeff, grabbed his face, and pulled him in for a full on, open mouth, spit-swapping , tongue massaging kiss. Jeff, the "good boy" she knew he would be, dropped Simmons flat on his face, kissing her right back, and grabbing her hips, pulled her in close to his body. Annie wouldn't trade this moment for a thing…let the girls who made fun of her back in high school see this…little Annie Adderall kissing a suave, sophisticated, and just plain sexy man like Jeff Winger, and he was getting INTO it.
Annie's mind was in two places at the same time…on one hand, it seemed like they had been locked together, trying to become…better acquainted with each other, for an eternity. In the other part of her brain, she was keeping careful track of how long she allowed this to go on. She had to be able to play this off later, or else she'd scare him away. She might not have won his heart, but she didn't want to lose his friendship entirely. Not for one kiss. But, even still…that one kiss was enough for her to realize that she wanted Jeff, and she felt like he wanted her. She thanked all of the deities in all the pantheons she'd studied in her Comparative Religion class for the fact that she'd stuck with Debate, so she'd had this chance. She even played it safe, and thanked Pierce's weird Laser Buddha, and L. Ron Hubbard.
She decided finally, even though in reality, it had been a matter of seconds; that she had to break off. Regretfully, she reclaimed her tongue from Jeff's mouth, and pulled away, delivering her final retort. "He was horny, so he dropped him. Man. Is. Evil."
No one else knew that at that moment, her real thought was that woman, not man, was the evil one here. She wasn't looking directly at him, but her peripheral vision clearly caught Jeff's stunned expression, one of confusion, and…most astounding of all, loss. She felt like she had used him for the win, as well as for her own personal pleasures, because even though she would claim later on (with a meaningful "I'm totally bullshitting here" look to Jeff) that it was completely without feeling, she was actually floating in the clouds, both from the kiss, and the resulting win.
After the debate…neither one of them was sure how to handle the other. Do they kiss more? They could both tell that the other wanted to, but something about it wasn't quite right. Hug? Too close. Handshake? Too coolly professional. In the end, Annie just asked for one the head pats she'd grown to know from Jeff. It wasn't what she wanted, but it kept things…normal.
Back in the present day, Annie snapped out of her vivid reliving of the events nearly four years ago. There'd been a lot of moments between them since then, of course…the even BETTER kiss after she realized she didn't want to go to Delaware with Vaughn, and quite frankly…while she liked him, she didn't LIKE him. She just really liked that someone wanted to ask her out. She was grateful he'd allowed her to set the pace on things, so she'd never felt pressured to sleep with him. Annie rarely thought about him these days…off being the new Wing Wong Macadamia Nut Jr, or whatever it was. Any thoughts she ever had of him always tracked right back to getting ready to leave with him, backing out at the last minute, and then Jeff…just Jeff. How she had timidly kissed him again, and then pulled back…not sure if he approved or not, but terrified that he'd snap at her that he'd "already had two women throw themselves at him tonight, and he REALLY didn't need the pressure of a third, who was WAY too much of a child for him, thank you very much!"
But that wasn't what happened at all. One minute, she was looking into his eyes, desperate for him to say something, anything that would make her not feel like she'd just done something so utterly faux pas. He didn't though. What he did was even better. He pulled her quickly to him, and kissed her the way she'd never been kissed before. She wasn't sure how she managed it without passing out from the sheer intensity.
There were other moments, of course, over the next few years. Some good, some bad, some in between. Finding out about Jeff and Britta's secret sexing. Bad. Going off script and telling Jeff she loved him during the Professor Professorson debacle…in between. His impressed tone when he spoke about her performance later that night in the blanket fort? Butterflies. Then, when the fort came down, and they got oh-so-close again…someone issued those butterflies high octane engines. Then, of course, his "relationships are complicated" speech. Bad. He couldn't even say "no, I'm not interested in you," properly. His doting on her during the Annie Kim affair…she adored him for that, and after it, she always felt like she was viewed as less of a kid, and more of a peer in his eyes, which she'd never complain about, especially if it made her more viable to him as an option. Then, there was the embarrassing Mrs. Winger debacle. She wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but Jeff didn't seem to mind all that much, and honestly…he seemed nicer to her after it. More…couple-y.
Annie knew she had to stop. These reminiscences never got her anywhere but back to pining all the more. She hadn't dated anyone since she got turned down by Rich…and frankly, hadn't wanted to. She didn't even really want to date Rich, but she would have, and enjoyed it, if he'd said yes. But she thought she'd made it QUITE clear to Jeff, back in that men's bathroom, that Rich was a back-up plan, and he had first right of refusal, and he just had to say, quite simply, that he wanted her. Maybe she hadn't put it quite that way, but the implications were there, right?
Anyway, according to Abed, the ever-present and observant, she and Jeff were pretty much dating without actually dating…which is why guys steered clear of her. While she wanted more than a non-relationship relationship, for now, she was happy with what she had. At this thought, she laughingly said quietly to herself "Let's face it…you're still pretty young, a lot of years ahead of you. This is working out, for now." Despite being "Irony-Free Annie," ("That's NOT what they call you") she caught the full irony of her youth being both her big problem in the "Jeff and her thing," as well as her saving grace.
And then, just like clockwork, she felt the same sense of loss she always did…but much, much harder this time. She honestly felt like she was going to lose Jeff, and it was breaking her heart. She knew, logically, that it didn't make any sense for her to feel this way. He'd proven himself time and again…but logic be damned. She was going to be girly and emotional right now. She'd just watched the man she'd fallen head over heels for, offered herself to repeatedly, only to be turned down without REALLY being turned down, and become best friends with graduate today. Before…it was almost like he was trapped with her. Now, if they were going to maintain anything, and (if she allowed herself to be optimistic) move forward…it'd have to be because he WANTED to, not because she was possibly the best option (in his eyes) on a small campus.
It was going to be a long, long night. She knew she should probably TRY to get to bed soon, and hopefully wake up in less of a funk, but she couldn't bring herself to move off the edge of her bed. She could hear Abed and Troy starting up a movie outside her room, and could smell popcorn. At least it wasn't the absolute middle of the night, and at least they weren't doing their stupid fake morning show. Annie STILL held a grudge against Troy and Abed in the Morning, after Abed had a breakdown when she'd JUST TRIED TO MAKE THEIR ROOM NICER! UGH, BOYS!
With that, Annie finally mustered up the momentum to fling herself backward on her bed. At least it was SOME movement, reducing the chances that any ethereal passers-by would think her some sort of odd bed gargoyle or something.
Annie realized a couple of things when she thought of this. First of all, she'd either had more to drink than she thought, or the events of the day had taken more out of her than she'd expected. Second, if she was imagining ghostly critics floating through her room, and herself as a "bed gargoyle," she was spending WAY too much time around Troy and Abed.
Then she thought she felt her phone buzz. She almost dismissed it as phantom phone syndrome, but went for it anyway. When she saw it was a text from Jeff, her eyes snapped open wide, and she sat bolt upright, opening the message, but barely daring to read it.
"Are you awake?"
"Jeff, it's 11:30 PM on a Friday night…you know very well Troy and Abed don't get quiet enough for someone to sleep for a few more hours."
"Good. I need to talk to you." (Her heart leapt. This could be very good, very bad, or, it could just be another squashed yam.)
"Call me?"
"No, I need to talk to you, face to face" (She thrilled again, and another text came before she could respond.)
"Can you meet me at the study room in 10 minutes?"
"Jeff! It's 11:30 PM on a Friday. Isn't it a bit late for that?"
"What happened to you being up for a few more hours anyway?"
"Well, still…it's break. It'll be locked up."
"I'll handle that. Meet me in 10?"
"Jeff! You aren't doing anything…illegal, are you?"
"Dunno, maybe you'd better meet me so you can make sure I stay in line."
"Jeff!"
"Clock's ticking, Edison. 10 minutes, study room. Don't make me wait."
"JEFF!"
He doesn't respond.
At least she was still dressed. She only had 10 minutes. The drive to Greendale takes just under that.
Annie grabbed a bag, and headed out of her room. Abed looks at her quizzically, "Are you going out again, or are you dressed up to watch the Kickpuncher marathon (Of COURSE, they'd been talking about doing this to "usher in the summer" for weeks) with us?"
"Something came up, guys…I'll be home as soon as I can."
Troy and Abed exchange concerned glances as she steps out of the door.
"Should we be worried?" Troy asks.
Abed quirks an eyebrow and turns back to the movie.
Annie makes it to campus in 6 minutes.