I know I already have a ton of fics to update, but I really felt the need to write this one, so forgive me. Besides, a little oneshot can't hurt :) And yes, I know, it should really be Jackson who has some sort of big declaration next season because April has already done her part, but everybody loves a good Kepner ramble, don't they? Enjoy reading and don't forget to review!

He ignores the older woman coming towards him, choosing instead to pick up his glass of scotch and take a long sip.

"Baby," His mother starts as she stops in front of him, cupping the sides of his face affectionately. She raises her eyebrows with a slight smile, "What's wrong?"

He rolls his eyes and fakes a smile, "Nothing."

Catherine Avery pouts. She rests her hands on her wedding dress covered hips and sighs. He's always been a momma's boy, no matter how much he tried to deny it. She's his mother, she knows when something's wrong. "You underestimate me, Jackson. I can tell when you're unhappy. Now, tell me, what is wrong with my baby boy?"

Jackson takes the last sip of his drink before placing the glass back down on the bar, ""Nothing is wrong, okay? I promise." He eyes her carefully, trying to convince her of something that he is unsure of himself, "Go and... dance with your new husband." He nods his head over to Webber, who appears to be in a deep conversation with Hunt and Shepherd.

His mother grins, "I will. But not before I know if you're alright."

"Mom, I'm serious. I'm fine, I'm great. I'm happy for you, really. Okay? I'm happy for you and Dr. Webber, and I'd be even happier if you walked away and left me alone for five minutes. There's nothing to be worried about."

She watches his face, trying to catch him out. He seems honest and sincere, sure of his words. If he says he's happy and content, there's not a lot she can do. "I hope you're happy... for me." She leans up and kisses his cheek motherly and grasps the side of his face, "You should ask April to dance, Baby. She misses you." She tells him before beginning to walk away.

He frowns and eyes her curiously, "How do you-"

"Like I said, Jackson. You underestimate me." She teases with a smirk before heading off into the arms of her new husband.

Jackson watches as she goes away, and looks on as Richard takes his mother's dance and leads her out to the middle of the room to dance.

He's happy for them, he's sure of it. But, if asked if he was happy, he's not sure what he'd reply.

For the past few months, his life's been a complete mess.

He's in charge of a hospital where nobody seems to want to listen to him or his ideas. He hasn't operated in days and the stress is getting to him.

He was in a dead-end relationship with a whiney intern. Safe to say, that ended badly.

Oh, and he was infatuated and in love with his former best friend who wouldn't even look at him. And it was all his fault.

The idea of asking her to dance, or even talking to her, was frightening. And it wasn't because he was a nervous guy, or a bashful man. It wasn't because he was afraid of the opposite sex, quite the contrary. It wasn't because he was scared of rejection.

He just, in the simplest of terms, didn't know what to say to her.

They were awkward around each other, and had been for the last few months. Ever since she'd asked him to say something, to basically stop her wedding to another guy, they were awkward around each other. They only spoken when necessary, and the only time she ever asked him anything was for his signature on a document.

It's his fault, he thinks. He should have just given her a reason. He should have just told her, instead of letting her go.

"Avery, have you seen Owen?" He turns around and spots Cristina walking up beside him.

He nods over where the man was previously stood chatting, "He was talking with Shepherd 'bout something. Why?"

Cristina raises an eyebrow and scowls, "None of your business. Hey, can you and Kepner sort your crap out already, because she keeps crying and stuff, and nobody wants to see that."

He frowns, "She's crying?"

"Not right now, well... that I know of. Every day, she's like 'my life is such a mess' and 'why can't I have the things that I want?'. Frankly, it's annoying. Can you just take her in the coat closet or something please, just to shut her up for five minutes?"

Jackson rolls his eyes for the second time that evening and shrugs her off, "No. Why don't you try to sort her out, you're a girl-"

She cuts him off and crosses her arms, "Ah, you see, I would. But she said she wanted you, and I don't think I'm a good substitute for the Jackson Action." She jokes and laughs, patting him on the shoulder a few times before she stalks of in search of her ex-husband.

He's not quite sure how Yang knows about April's declaration. Either, she's somehow overheard what happened two months ago or April's been going around telling everything the same thing.

That she wanted him.

And that he threw it in her face.

He's not okay with the thought of her crying over it, over him.

But he reassures himself that she's partially crying over losing her fiancée.

Maybe that's it: it's because she dumped Matt and now she's regretting her decision. She's always been one to make quick choices and act fast.

Jackson glances over at the redhead, watching the way she sits quietly between Meredith and Alex. He notices the lacy outfit she's wearing, a fancy top and skirt. It's not a dress but he reminds himself that that's a good thing. He remembers the last time they'd been to a wedding, and her dress had basically been his fueling to sleep with the intern in the first place.

She'd been pulling him in, with the green colour and the absence of straps, and he'd almost pulled her into the restroom.

He now thinks that maybe that would've been a better idea then getting it on with an intern and jeopardizing their whole friendship.

She runs a hand through her hair before brushing a strand behind her ear, and crosses her legs beneath the table uncomfortably.

He notices the way she leans over to talk to Alex, resting the palms of her hands on the table.

He pinches the edge of his nose before he sighs and heads over to their table. It's pretty quiet, apart from little Bailey's cries on Meredith's lap. He smiles at the small child and takes a seat on the other side of Alex, across from the object of his attention.

Upon seeing him approach, April ducks her head and fidgets her shoulders, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear again. It hasn't even fallen down but it's a nervous tic of hers.

"Hey." She ignores him and chooses to look over at Bailey, who grabs her finger between his fist. She smiles at the baby and avoids Meredith's questioning eyes.

"Hello." Alex mutters back, glancing down at his plate. He looks back up with a slight grin. A grin that disappears when he notices the deadly expression of his friend's face.

Jackson sighs and gazes up at the ceiling irritably, obviously pissed at her ignorance.

"April-"

Meredith cuts him short by standing up and hiking Bailey further up her hip. "Alex," She nods her head toward the bar with a warning look.

Karev stares back at her curiously, only catching on when she clears her throat. He sends her a knowing look with a slightly grin. "Uh, yeah, let's go."

They walk away from the table, leaving the two former lovers to sit in stiff silence.

"April-"

She shakes her head and bites her lip, not even looking over at him. She shrugs her shoulders, "Don't. Please, just- Don't." She finally peeks at him and swallows a harsh breath, "I'm here for Dr. Webber and for your mother. I'm here for them, not for you. I was invited, I didn't come here for you."

"I never said you did."

"Well, then, don't look at me like that."

He frowns, "Like what?"

April bites her tongue and folds her arms tighter, "Like you always do when you think I'm not looking. Like I'm going to cave. Like I'm going to give in to you. I'm not going to, okay? And do you know why? It's because you walked away. It's because you were too freaking scared to tell me how you felt. It's because you didn't want me. So, no, you don't get to look at me like that." She leans over the table, her voice low and her face determined, "You can't look at me like I'm some idiot who's going to submit to you. You can't look at me like you want me over the kitchen table, not anymore. And you can't look-" She pauses and licks her lips before continuing unsure, "You can't look at me like you want me back, because you made it very clear that you didn't."

Jackson grins, "Are you ever going to let me talk?"

She shakes her head with a slightly sarcastic laugh and scratches the back of her neck anxiously.

He stands up and walks toward her, kneeling down at her side, "You won't let me talk? Fine. You don't want to hear my excuse, my apology? Great. You don't want to know what I'm thinking right now? Okay. But don't tell me that I can't look at you. I'm not doing it on purpose, it's not intentional. Believe me, I'd rather not be looking at you, because every time I do, it's just a reminder that I let you go. It's a reminder that I wanted you to be happy, and it's a reminder that that decision blew up in my face."

Before she even has time to speak again, he's up and walking away from her, heading over into the lobby. Catherine had booked the ballroom in a San Francisco hotel for their wedding. She'd told April that it was the place she'd fallen in love with Richard a little over a year ago when they'd first... connected. The words still make the trauma surgeon cringe and she wants to kick herself for actually accepting the invitation to the wedding, to the hotel when she'd- yeah. So, now, she's eight hundred miles from home, and she's stuck in a memory of that night.

She just watches as he walks away, stopping at the main desk to retrieve his room key. He looks back at her briefly as they hand him his key, before he turns back around and heads off towards the elevators.

April remains seated, hands in her lap as she contemplates what to do. There's only three options.

She can stay where she is and bask in the lovely wedding festivities.

Maybe she can get her key and go up to her room for the night, and sleep everything off until tomorrow.

Or, she can choose to follow him and finally clear the air.

She's just a little bit torn between the last two options.

She works up the courage to talk to him.

So, as she makes her way up, she finds herself joined in the elevator by Alex and his date.

Karev pulls sway from Wilson for a second and frowns, glancing over at his somewhat-friend, "You do know it's only eleven o'clock, right?"

"I'm not going to sleep." She speaks, apprehensively bouncing up and down on her heels and staring straight ahead at the closed doors.

Alex smirks and holds out a hand, "Kepner's gonna get some. High five."

April ignores his gesture and rolls her eyes with a small smile. "Have fun." She calls out to Jo as the elevator doors open wide on his floor. She anxiously heads down the hallway, her eyes following after beige carpet as she walks. It takes a few deep breaths and nervous sighs before she finally stops in front of his door for the weekend.

Room 623. The number seems to remind her of something, and she suddenly recalls why. Room 623 had been her room for the night before the Boards. Oh, she was going to kill someone for booking him this room.

April gathers herself after a few seconds and raises her hand to knock against the door. She taps three times before she hears him shuffling around inside, clearly making his way over to open the door.

The door swings open and she finds herself under his confused gaze.

He creases his forehead and licks his lips, "What are you-"

"I feel like I have to explain myself, and you haven't exactly given me a chance to do that."

"Hold on... I haven't given you a chance to talk?" He asks, slightly shocked. He's trying to stop her for her own benefit, mainly because he knows what she's like when she starts something. She goes on rambling and chatting forever until she gets her point across. And he thinks he has a pretty good idea of what she's going to say.

"Shut up."

Her aggressive side comes out and she folds her arms over body, a slightly pissed off look on her face. He figures that he should just let her talk before she assaults him again.

He doesn't want to hear it, to hear her apologies. He knows that maybe he should correct himself and apologize for his own faults, but he's stubborn and he won't say sorry for hurting her feelings. And it's partly because she hurt his first.

"I'm not quite sure how to put this, uh... Okay, so you're going to the movies and there are so many options, you know. And you don't know what you want to watch, you just don't know. I mean, there's drama, and action, and thriller, and comedy and-"

"April." He cuts her short, stopping her from listing off every movie genre possible.

She nods and swallows a breath, "There are just so many things to choose from and you have to make the right choice because if you don't and you choose a terrible movie then you've wasted money and a giant bag of popcorn, and it's just not fun. So, you narrow it down. You choose two movies and... you go from there."

He frowns, rubbing his hands against the back of his neck, "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."

He's used to her rambling on about stuff, coming up with crazy metaphors and whatnot but this takes the cake.

He fondly remembers the time she'd held up two potato chips (one salted, one paprika) to force him to choose between cars. She'd told him that the salted was plain, average and wouldn't thrill him, whereas the paprika had more flavour so the car would be more powerful and faster. Of course, he'd gone with the paprika.

"I'm saying: you have two movies. You can either choose the comedy, or the horror." She holds out her hands, and moves the right one forward. "So... the comedy, I mean, it's nice. It's easy, right? It's nice and easy. You're not going to get any drama or anything because it's a freaking comedy! It's got to have a happy ending. You know what's going to happen, and even if you don't, it doesn't matter because it can't turn out bad because it's meant to be a happy movie. It's gonna have romance and laughs and everything, right? You know what I mean? Like, you can't finish the movie and end up feeling depressed and miserable because it's meant to make you smile. And Matt was the comedy, he was the safe choice."

Jackson leans against the doorway, sliding his hands into his pockets and softly sighing because he can feel that she won't be finishing any time soon.

"And then, there's horror. You choose the horror if you want to have fun, because deep down everybody likes to be scared every once in a while. So, say you choose the horror movie. You don't know what's going to happen, and you can guess as much as you want but it'll probably lead to nothing. That's because it's a horror movie, right? I mean, you're meant to be frozen to your seat and afraid of what's going to happen next and the unexpected scares the crap out of you. You can't be optimistic because it's going to end badly, it always does. People are going to die, but you make your peace with that because you chose the movie so you should have known that it'd happen. But that doesn't mean it makes it any easier. And it's not funny, or cheesy, and it might not always put a smile on your face. It's gonna be scary because you don't know what to expect, but people like to be scared, right? And maybe in the end, it doesn't turn out so badly.." She gulps before continuing, "And I wanted to be scared. I still want to be."

She looks at him expectantly, her chest slightly heaving from rambling so fast.

He just stares at her for a second, an unclear expression rushing over his face, before licking his lips again and slowly lifting his head as he eyes her, "Are you saying that I'm like a horror movie?"

April blinks a few times and bites her bottom lip as she watches his face. A silence washes over them and she glances down at the hallway floor, lightly taping her feet against the carpet as she speaks up, "I'm saying... I don't want to know what's going to happen. And with you... I'm scared. You make me scared. When you say something meaningful, I'm afraid that you might immediately regret it and that you're gonna take it back. When a bus explodes and you almost die, I'm freaking terrified."

She takes a quick breath before continuing, "You make me scared, scared in a really crazy and insane way that makes me want you even more. And it's not an impulse, it's not out of fear of losing you. It's not a rash decision because I thought that you had died. I want you because- I don't know, I just do. Because you challenge me, because you beat the crap out of Alex for me, because you stuck up for me when you didn't even have to." Her eyes flicker up to meet his and she bites her bottom lip when he just continues to stare at her across the doorway, a small smile toying on his lips. "Because you're my best friend. Because I'm in freaking love with you, and because you make me happy." She nervously fidgets and brushes a strand of her red hair behind her ear, "I do, I- I want this. I want you."

They stand in a quiet peace for a few moments before she feels him tug on her hand and pull her to him, his lips crashing down on hers as he grasps the back of her neck in his hand. She melts against him, her hands landing on his shoulders for support. The door slams locked behind her and she figures that he kicked it shut as she feels the low of her back come in contact with the door handle.

"Ow!" She moans and he chuckles against her mouth, his hands cupping her face.

He smiles against her lips, "You alright?" He asks quietly and she simply nods her head, resting her hands on his chest.

She's not entirely sure how they went from being completely mute and awkward around each other to making out against a door. She figures that maybe it's still there, their connection and pull toward one another. It's always been there, she thinks, it's just been wasted a lot lately.

She bites her lip with a deep breath and blinks a few times before staring up at him assuredly, "I, uh- I-" She cuts herself short for a second, placing her hands on his belt and fidgeting her shoulders, "It's just been a while." She feels the need to remind him.

Jackson watches her face and rests his forehead against hers, "I know. Remember?"

He continues to smile and she brushes off her comment, reminding herself of an earlier conversation, "Yeah, I just-"

"We don't have to do anything, April." He speaks against her mouth and her eyes flicker down to his lips as he talks. "I don't- If you're not ready or- I'm not going to force you to do anything you're not ready for. Again."

She doesn't need another word from him before she practically attacks his lips, her fingers pulling on the edge of his shirt.

He pulls away slightly and frowns, "April-"

April ignores his call and undoes the bottom button of his shirt, working her way upwards.

"April," He cups her chin in his hand and tilts her head to look up at him, "I- I won't be able to stop if you keep doing that." He whispers and she just stares at him, continuing to undo his shirt. Her finger pushes the final button through the hoop and she watches his shirt fall open.

She grabs the collar and starts to push the sleeves down his arms, her fingers lingering over his tough shoulders and her gaze never leaving his eyes. "I don't want to stop." She licks her lips and leans closer to him, her hands trailing down his arms as she removes his top, "And I don't think you do, either."

"April," He whispers her name quietly and she barely listens to him, "You wanted to wait this time."

"I did, but-" She speaks, "That's what I wanted, I wanted to wait. But now, I want you. I want you, and I don't want to wait anymore." She tells him confidently, toying with the buckle of his belt.

Jackson slips his hands up her waist, "You're sure about this?" He talks so quietly and his voice is so husky that she wants him to just do it already, to just take her. She nods and he asks her again to be positive, "You're sure?"

She softly laughs and pauses, taking a quick second to remove her own top and discard it on the floor, "Please." Her face flushes and her skin covers in goosebumps when she notices the way he's staring down at her bra-covered breasts before his green-blue eyes meet hers hungrily. He's the only person who has ever looked at her like that, like she was something so special.

"Wait."

She stops her hands on his pants innocently and pauses, "What?" Her face softly reddens, and she bites her bottom lip.

"I just-" He cuts himself short and tries to find his words, "You- I need to say something." She grasps the sides of his face and listens to him intently, her eyes flickering from his eyes to his lips as he talks, "I shouldn't have doubted you. I shouldn't have doubted your decision. But I just thought that you weren't thinking straight, that if I would have given you a reason, given you something, that you would have regretted choosing me. I thought that if I walked away, that if I let you go, you'd go back to him because that was what you really wanted deep down. I thought you weren't thinking straight. And you know just as well as I do that you have a habit of doing that, of acting on impulse. And I admire you for that, I do. You're a trauma surgeon above all else and I love you for that, for acting fast, and being a soldier, and jumping right into things. But I didn't want us to be one of those things."

"We're not." She tells him.

Jackson smiles and rests his hands on the backs of her thighs, "That's good." She gently giggles when he lifts her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. Her long skirt raises up and she pulls it up around her waist. Her hands reach out to turn off the light switch, leaving the room lit by the street lights outside the window.

He keeps hold of the backs of her knees as her hands find his belt and quickly unzip his pants along the way. He grunts when she desperately presses herself against him. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" She bites her bottom lip and glances up at him innocently.

He lightly chuckles and sets her down on the ground, his hands gripping her hips. Within a second, she finds her hands pushed against the door and her back pulled against his chest firmly.

April softly moans when he trails his mouth down her back until he reaches her bra clasp, his hands moving to her shoulders to pull own the straps. She moves a hand behind her and slips it down his pocket, scrunching his pants and dragging him closer. He presses his lips to the back of her neck as he moves her hair to one side with his left hand while his right hand slides down her front.

She gasps and leans forward when his hands skims past her skirt and slips lower, down the front of her underwear, caressing her body delicately.

"D'you miss this?" Jackson asks her quietly, placing sloppy kisses down the side of her throat.

She nods slowly, trying to regulate her breathing as he touches her. It's been so long since he's touched her like this, so long since he's touched her at all. She wonders, now that his skin is touching hers, how she ever went without him.

Eventually, she lets herself fall back against him, her eyes closed as he moves his hand away and smirks.

April swallows a deep breath before turning back around and staring up at him. She softly blushes under his gaze and bites her bottom lip.

He doesn't say anything as she rests her hands on the top of his pants and pushes him backwards toward the bed.

"I missed you." She tells him as she lays a leg on either side of his body.

He touches her thighs before grabbing her behind and pulling her down on top of him, "I missed this."