The HuMaN CondITIon

~Winds of Change~

I wake up to the sound of chirping. The notes waver and cluster in the corner of my room where my window is located surprisingly. I attempt to turn my head and gaze at the welcoming bird, but then I remember I'm supposed to be on bed rest. Dang it.

Ah, sorry. My reaction might of seemed a little overdramatic. When I say bed rest it's not the accommodating bed rest where you can lounge on the bed, sigh with content, and possibly go to the restroom if you're not too lazy. Bed rest for me means no moving at all. A twitch of the fingers will get me a scolding; a turn of the head equals a slap in the face. Sitting up? Yeah, just kill me now...

Yeah, who could be so cruel and sick, right? Well, our hospitals work a little . . . differently than most. Well, at least to Hosts. No, I'm not talking about the people who run a party with fake smiles and crap. It's me. I'm a Host.

Oh, what's that? You don't know what a Host is? Ah, you do know but the definition you received is incorrect. At least according to my country's terminology . . .

Confused? Do you want to know what it means? Seriously, I don't mind going into detail. After all, I'm stuck in this deathtrap anyway; I might as well put that AP History status to use. Ah, actually hold on to that thought. Someone's coming in . . .

Oh, it's just the nurse. "Sora-Kan, you have a visitor," She says, tone perfectly flat and neutral. Her eyes shine with contempt and disgust, a sharp blue icicle that matches her blue hair that's tied into a strict bun.

I smile back. "Does this mean I am free to move now?"

"Mr. Kan, you do realize that your condition is fatal, right? Must I show you the results of your last physical?" Again, she keeps the same neutral peaceful voice. It's a sign of respect really. But her eyes speak otherwise.

Despite the fact that she hates me Aqua has always been my favorite doctor. She doesn't try to hide; she'll let you know when you've made her upset. She's pretty honest, which is not what I can say about everyone else here. "Yeah, I saw the X-rays. But if I'm stable enough I'd really like to get out of this bed, Ishura-sensei." I slowly sit up and wince. Looks like my chest is still a little sore. Ugh.

Aqua's neutral frown turns into a small smile; a slight upturn of the lips. Boy, I'm about to get it now. "Sora-Kan, I'd advise you to just stay still. To be honest, I have a lot of patients to work through today. You won't be helping anyone if you have another heart attack."

I laugh. "Aw, you know me better than that. I wouldn't push myself that hard."

Aqua's smile turns into a soft smirk. "I beg to differ. You seemed pretty passionate about overcoming your own limits last week."

My eyes widen and I gasp. "Whoa, you actually watched it?"

Aqua's eyes darken considerably, a faint warning. But in a second her eyes are closed and all I can see is her forced smile. "I am a sucker for politics."

I smile. "Well, it means a lot to me. You took time out of your busy schedule to listen. You're probably the only one in the hospital who hears my-well, the F.C.R.'s voice." Yep, I said it. F.C.R. What does it stand for? You'll find out soon enough.

Aqua starts writing on a clipboard she brought as she glances back and forth between the various machines monitoring my heartbeat. "There's always someone listening out there, Kan, especially when you go viral."

I shrug. "I understand that."

"Then you also understand that what you're doing is a major risk. You're declining . . . " She sighs and looks at me seriously. "There's a difference between a man giving a speech and a teen with . . . exceptions."

I roll my eyes at the word 'exceptions.' "Please, like that's going to stop me."

"No, it probably won't. But if you want people to take you seriously you might want to think about how your sickness will influence the people's decisions."

"But that's the thing, Sensei. I'm not sick." I stare at her, never letting my eyes leave her now pale face.

Aqua looks away, rummaging through a white cabinet in the far left corner. "Your vitals say otherwise. I suggest you stop deluding yourself and let me do my job in peace." She turns, one eyebrow raised threateningly. "Is that clear? I can't afford any mishaps. Not today."

See? Honest to the core. Most people would either fill their words with sugar, feign ignorance, or reassure me like I'm a baby or something. But not Aqua. She'll tell it to you straight. "Right. I understand." I gesture towards my lone ride in the corner. "Could you please help me get into my wheelchair, Sensei?"

"I guess that's fair, though I would recommend that you take it easy for the next couple of days."

Whoa, the next couple of days? That means . . . no, she must be bluffing. "Um, did I hear you correctly? A few days?"

Aqua smirks as she walks over to me, removing the tubes and other various unpleasant hospital stuff. "You're trying to resign, right? With a little tweaking, and a lot of medication, we may just be able to get you home, Kan."

"Are you serious?" I can't help showing off my meter wide smile and I start laughing like an escaped convict, which I am in a sense. With the state of my country and the opinion of the masses most would probably consider me as such.

Well, to them I say, screw it. I made my choice. I stand by it. And I'm not going to back down just because other people find my decision immoral or unjust. I'm proud to be a Host. I'm proud of the injuries I have now. I'm going to stroll out of this room in my wheelchair with pride! Heck, I'll even start singing if they let me.

"Sora, Sora? Sora!" It takes a couple of seconds for me to register Aqua's voice. It enters a haze. It muffles and cuts off in random intervals. Colors flash through my eyes in streams and sparks, like mini fire works, clouding up the corners of my vision. My body thrusts forward and I gasp when I feel my chest protest.

"Sora, your heart!" Her voice sounds like a screech now. The cacophony blasts through my ears, buzzing through my entire frame as the monitors beside me go crazy.

Then I feel it; the sharp pounding in my chest. It hurts, oh man it hurts. Sharp, needles stabbing into me, hammers blasting through my sides, something crushing me from within . . .

It's just all going thump, thump, thump, thump, Pound, thump, pound! Gah, I can't breathe. Oh man, I can barely get out a puff of air!

"Sora, Sora listen to me!"

Ugh, her voice is killing me! Everything is killing me! My chest is on fire, I can't breathe, I'm choking, I'm freezing, I'm . . .

Wait, everything is white. I can't, my heart . . . it doesn't hurt anymore. What's going on?

There's . . . nothing here. I mean, I really can't see anything. I can't . . . I can't feel anything either . . .

"Hello, is anyone there?" My voice carries, echoing into nothing. I really, really don't like it here. This is bad, this is really bad. "I need to get out of here, need to leave. This isn't right. I don't belong here."

"How true."

"Eh?" I glance around and run across the white plains and fields. The sounds of my footsteps don't match. It feels like I'm running on a tiled surface when the ground looks rugged and bumpy. But it's all white, so much white. "Hello?"

"So annoying."

I turn around, frowning as blank whiteness meets me. "Well that was pretty rude."

"Your voice is. It's too high, I don't like it. And no one said I had to be polite."

I grumble and keep turning, searching for the weirdo. "Look, could you just come out?" It takes a couple of seconds but eventually tan contrasts with white. And yellow too. And blue.

Sorry, weird descriptions. Everything is still hazy, I can't fully see . . . what the, is he naked? I step back as he fully comes into view and then I'm . . . puzzled.

Okay, let me explain. It has nothing to do with the geled up blonde spikes that spiral down into bangs and up into twisting spirals around his face. It definitely doesn't involve his soft, baby like face or the toned abs and legs. Even the fact that he's not wearing anything isn't causing me to freak out.

No . . . it's his eyes. They're my eyes. "Who are you?" I whisper, and then I frown.

The boy in front of me smiles, a cruel slow raise of the lips. More of a mocking glance than anything else. "My name? Huh . . . what's in a name anyway?"

Now I'm frowning. "Excuse me?" This is getting strange, his voice . . . there's something familiar about it . . .

He laughs and crosses his arms. His posture is straight and speaks of arrogance and confidence. I guess being naked doesn't really bother him. "A name? It's not important, roses still smell like roses, even if we call them something else, right?" He holds up a hand and suddenly a flower appears in his palm. "What if I named this plant 'crap' specifically. It still smells nice, why does the label matter?"

"Um, you're losing me here." I start to fidget. I'm growing more uncomfortable the longer I stand in his presence and I have no idea why.

He starts laughing even harder; a sad harsh laugh. "You don't read much Shakespeare, do you?"

I shrug. "I'm more of a history person."

His expression goes from bitter form of humor to serious in an instant. "Sorry. I guess the point I'm trying to make is . . ." He sighs and looks at the ground, dropping the flower. "Do you think labels define us? At the end of the day, are words the only thing that matter?"

"Hmmm, well if you want my opinion I do think they matter. But whether it becomes a limit that restricts someone . . . well, I think that's up to the individual." I bite my bottom lip, still unable to shake the uneasy feeling in my chest. "Why do you ask?"

His answering smile sends shivers down my back. "Because my name doesn't matter. People don't care what I'm called, the label they want to see is something I don't know . . . so I'm basically screwed."

"I see." I tilt my head. "Well, if you feel that way then I won't ask you. But if you don't tell me your name . . . it's almost the same thing as disappearing anyway, or in your words, screwing yourself over." I smile reassuringly, ignoring the bubbling queasiness rising in my chest. "Look, I won't judge you. And I will never push you away, no matter what your name suggests. I don't believe in limits personally." I chuckle bitterly, as thoughts of recent injuries surface. Well fought and hard won injuries, nevertheless. Ah, but I digress . . .

He stares at me critically, like he's trying to look past me. "Tell me yours first."

Huh, how rude of me. No wonder he's so paranoid, I spout all this knowledge and yet I'm an enigma to him. How silly of me. "My name is Sora, fitting right? But if you want the title society usually hands me, it's Sora-Kan or plain Kan. Sometimes Mr. Kan if you want to be formal." I shake my head, mumbling under my breath. "But, anyway, I honestly prefer Sora, so I'd really like it if you kept the horonific out."

"Y-you're a Host?" The disbelief in his voice almost makes me laugh.

"Yes, I'm a Host. I admit it." I smile proudly. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I, Sora the magnificent, have shamelessly committed the controversal act of cloning myself. Bring on the hatred.

Except . . . I don't see that in his eyes. Hmmm, he doesn't look mad . . . I hope he's not going into shock. "Hey, hello? Are you okay?"

His eyes harden and he looks down, covering himself up as if he just realized that he was standing five feet in front of me with nothing but the wind to shield him. "My name is Roxas."

I almost don't catch the words, but it doesn't really matter. The moment he finishes his sentence my eyes roll back and the pain comes back full force. I cough roughly, falling towards the white, rough terrain with tears in my eyes. And just when I feel like things can't get worse, my chest lays down the final card.

And that's when I feel my heart burst.

Hmmm, well I've been resting on this for a very long time. I feel like releasing it now, just to see what you all think of it. I have a lot of great ideas and more characters to introduce, but I'd also like some criticism just so I can see if it's peaking anyone's interest at all.

Well, until next time, thanks for reading! Also, just so everyone knows, this alternates between Sora and Roxas as far as POVs. If you want to know about pairings so far all I see is one (no, it's not Roxas/Sora) but romance really isn't the focus of this story so I suggest you guys don't worry about it for now.

Also, this story does involve some honorifics. Some are from the Japanese language and culture and others are ones I've made up. I'll explain the Japanese ones before or after the chapter if you guys like (though I'm assuming most of you already know them).

Justice T.