A/N: The plot bunnies made me do it.

I'm baaaaaaackkkkkkkkk….with a new weird story!

Look! It's a mult-chapter story…not. Sure, it will have 36 chapters but every chapter will be a different story. Anyways, here I go! ENJOY! It includes Parental!RoyEd and also (sometimes…maybe in just a few chapters) EdWin.

Kidnapping #1: Three Idiots

Date: October 17, 1911

He should have known that something like this was going to happen. But he hadn't expected it to happen when he had been in the military for only two weeks. It wasn't like he had thought he'd be popular and well-known around Amestris.

It had started when a citizen had asked him to fix his broken vase when he'd seen him coming out of the headquarters. And then all the other citizens had come to him, asking him to fix their shop, car, clothes and other things. In just a few hours, Edward had already made himself a name as Hero of the People.

But being popular and well-known also meant trouble.

Another innocent-looking citizen had asked him to fix his car in front of his house, which was on the street that was deserted. So Ed had followed him, telling Alphonse to help other people in line.

"So you're telling me there's something wrong with your car, but you don't know what it is?" Edward asked.

"Whenever I turn on the engine, weird noises come from the trunk of the car and the engine stops…" the man explained.

Edward furrowed his eyebrows and walked towards the back of the car. He slowly rose up the trunk and bent down.

The blow to the back of his head came quickly, knocking him unconscious. Ed fell down into the trunk, and the man closed down the lid. The man got in the car, and drove away, the slight smile of victory in his face.

Dean Michel grabbed the phone a few hours later after he was sure that the young alchemist was in his possession. He dialed a number and waited while two of his men bickered in the background.

"Password?" the woman on the other end asked.

"Screw the damn password." Dean answered. "I need you to connect me to Colonel Roy Mustang-"

"But you can't-" the secretary tried to cut him.

"-or I kill his State Alchemist."

There was a slight hesitation on the other end. "Hold on a moment, I'm connecting you to him."

A few seconds later, there was an answer. "This is Colonel Roy Mustang."

Dean smirked. "Hello, Colonel. I have something of yours, which I'm sure you have noticed." He began.

"Not really." Mustang answered, a hint of annoyance in his tone.

Dean's smirk dropped. "Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric…sounds familiar? The new alchemist who can transmute by just clapping?"

Silence.

"He can transmute without drawing a circle?" one of the men behind Dean asked.

"You didn't know?" the other one replied.

In the next room, Ed awoke on the bed with his wrists bound in front of him. He didn't even need to wiggle his wrists, his hands were already together. He met his palms and touched the ropes. They quickly fell apart and Edward stood up, rubbing the back of his head. He looked around. On the far right corner, he spotted a door.

"What do you want?" Mustang asked, his tone cold and serious.

"I-" Dean begun but his men behind him had begun arguing.

"You didn't know?! Did you at least make sure his hands were tied apart from each other?"

The other man looked at the ground. "Uh…"

"You idiot!"

Dean's eyebrow twitched. "Shut up guys, I'm talking on the phone."

Mustang sighed on the other line, feeling a headache coming up. He really didn't have time for this. How could his subordinate get himself kidnapped when he'd only been in the military for two weeks? TWO FREAKING WEEKS.

"I want you to-"

There was a creak in the background as the door opened. Someone with a red jacket entered the room and punched the two man in the face.

"AGHHH!

"STOP! WHAT ARE YOU-AHH!"

Dean turned around, agitated, holding the phone away from his ear. "SHUT THE HELL UP BOTH OF YOU, I'M TRYING TO TALK-"

A punch hit him directly in the face and he fell to the ground, unconscious.

Edward picked up the phone from the floor. "Hello?"

"Edward?"

"Colonel?"

Roy Mustang almost gave a breath of relief. He had really hoped that nothing happened to the kid right from the start.

"A-Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah…" Ed replied, looking around the house and out the window.

"Where are you?" Roy guessed he needed to send a few MPs to arrest the criminals.

"Brine Lane." He mumbled. "Uhh…It has red shutters and a black and blue door."

"Good, I'll send a few MPs. Honestly, pipsqueak, I would have never thought that you'd get kidnapped so easily, in only two weeks too." He smirked and waited for the outburst.

"HEY SHUT UP! Let's see what you do when your own kindness is used against you. OH I FORGOT! You don't have anything like that to begin with! AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING A TINY LITTLE PIPSQUEAK!" Ed yelled, glaring at the unconscious crooks from the side of his eye.

"You better hurry up and come back before your brother blows a gasket. He must have been really worried."

Ed stopped yelling, and smiled. "Yeah, I'll be right there."

A/N: Aaaaaaaaaaand that's the first chapter! I'm willing to take requests and ideas! SO TYPE UP THAT REVIEW! I'll see you on the next chapter!

THANKS FOR READING! ;D