"NO I REFUSE TO GO TO SOME FUCKING MAD HOUSE! I'M NOT CRAZY YOU BASTARD PUT ME DOWN!" the boy who Phil had heard yelling was being pulled into the building by someone who must have been his dad, who seemed to have a tight grip on the boy's shoulder if his white knuckles were anything to go by.
"Yeah I'd like to check this boy in." The man's tone was aggressive and frustrated, "My wife and I cannot deal with him anymore. We tried to help him but clearly he needs more intense care."
"Of course sir, we would love to help him but do you think you could try and remain calm? We don't want any of our other patients to be disturbed. Did you register before hand?" The nurse spoke calmly; after all she had dealt with this same situation dozens of times before.
"Yeah. Yeah I did, months ago. I would have brought him here sooner but my wife had a little too much faith in this little fuck." The man shook the boy's shoulder and pushed him forward.
Phil knew he shouldn't be eavesdropping like he was but A) he had nothing better to do and B) this new boy was one of the hottest people he could ever remember laying his eyes on.
The boy had big expressive brown eyes; Phil could almost read his mind. The boy was angry and afraid, it broke Phil's heart, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi. His hair was wavy and a dark brown color that reminded Phil of chocolate.
Phil could stare all day but that wasn't really an option. The nurse made eye contact with him; this was none of his business and she could report him for eavesdropping which, around here, was a big fat no no that landed you in an extra hour of therapy every day for a week. So Phil did the only thing he could, look down at the ground and run back to his room; grateful that he didn't have a roommate, seeing as his left around two weeks ago.
He stared up at his ceiling hoping he would see the boy again.
The next day Phil was woken up at the usual time, 8:30 or as he like to call it, way too fucking early. He yawned and got up stretching as he reached his dresser where he picked the most comfortable clothes he owned, his baggiest sweatpants and biggest hoodie, pulling them on as he started to make his bed.
"Wow, love the fashion sense," Phil jumped about 10 feet into the air and pivoted looking around the room trying to find the source of the voice. His eyes finally landed on the second bed in the room. Apparently he had a new roommate, who just so happened to be the boy from last night. "Sorry didn't mean to scare you." The boy winked and got out of his bed. Phil forced himself not to look at him, he was beautiful. He had a six pack and he wasn't even flexing.
Phil shook his head, partly to get rid of the shock and partly to keep himself form staring. "You're new. What's your name? I'm Phil." Phil walked over to him and held out his left hand, putting his right into his jacket pocket.
"I'm Dan, nice to meet you." Dan reached out and shook Phil's hand. Phil couldn't help but notice exactly how warm and soft his skin was. "And yeah I was dropped off last night, by my no good bastard of a stepfather. How long have you been here? If you don't mind me asking."
"A month," Phil didn't elaborate.
"Oi! Breakfast in five." Both Dan and Phil's heads snapped toward the door where an orderly was standing presumably waiting for one of them to acknowledge they had heard him.
Phil nodded mutely and the orderly walked away muttering about how he hated his job.
"Let's go." Phil smiled awkwardly at Dan and walked toward the cafeteria not exactly looking forward to the specially designed menu. All patients had their meals picked out for them according to allergies, weight, and occasionally preferences. For example if you were here for an eating disorder you would get food designed to help you gain weight, you could learn a lot about other patients if you just payed attention to what they ate.
Phil walked up to the counter and told the "nutritionist" his name; she leaned down and grabbed his plate. Today he got eggs sunny-side up along with some apple slices, orange juice, and a piece of whole wheat toast. It didn't sound that bad but he hated orange juice, eggs weren't really his thing and whole wheat bread was grainy; the only thing he actually liked of his breakfast was the apple. Not that it really mattered; here you were basically forced to finish at least ¾ of every meal. Weird rule but the author got bored.
He watched out of the corner of his eye as Dan hesitantly walked up to the counter and got his food, the same thing as Phil, not here for an eating disorder then.
"Um… Hey Dan would you like to sit with me?" Phil didn't look him in the eyes, what if he said no?
"Thank god you asked. I was just going to follow you and look like a stalker." Dan grinned at Phil, trailing behind him as he walked over to his usual table. Phil wasn't all that social; he normally didn't even talk to new people but… Dan was… Dan was different somehow… it sounds crazy even to him, he didn't even know this guy, but there was just something about him. It was stupid and sounded like it came out of a cheesy romance novel but it was true all the same.
They made small talk over their breakfast, Dan drinking Phil's orange juice (apparently he loved oranges) and Phil taking Dan's apples. It was the longest and most normal conversation Phil had had that whole month. Dan was a down to earth normal guy. Why was he here?
"Attention, would all patients rooms 1-7 please precede to group." The PA speakers were right next to their table leaving Dan and Phil to wince and rub their ear when the announcement ended. Scattered groans could be heard all throughout the room. No one liked group.
"Come on Dan, that's us." Phil stood up, grabbing his plate and taking it over to the nutritionist who nodded and pointed at the growing pile of other dishes on the corner of the counter. Dan followed suit.
Phil lead Dan into a small room with 15 chairs inside that formed a circle, each chair had a name tag on it. Phil walked over to the chair with his name and so did Dan. They were three chairs away from each other.
When every chair was filled the shrink in charge today started group off by introducing Dan, "As you all can see we have a new member of our group, Dan Howell."
A chorus of "Hi Dan." followed the introduction.
"Okay, why don't we all introduce ourselves to Dan? Say your name, your favorite color and why you are here."
Everyone took their turn and now it was time for Phil to share, he hated sharing, even though everyone here was dealing with problems he still felt afraid they were going to judge him.
But he manned up and took a deep breath, "I'm Phil. My favorite color is blue and I am here because I attempted suicide." Every time he said it he felt so ashamed, he felt like everyone was supposed to start laughing or yelling, they were supposed to stand up and start screaming at him about how he was so stupid he couldn't even kill himself right. It always shocked him when they didn't, but today there was one difference, someone gasped. Phil knew it was Dan, everyone else knew; Dan must be disgusted by him, just like his old friends had been.
People continued sharing until it was Dan's turn. "I'm Dan my favorite color is blue and I am here because I hate my stepfather who thinks I am crazy."
The meeting continues like it always did and neither Dan nor Phil shared again.
"Alright that was a good session. I'm proud of all of you for sharing, see you in two days." With those final words the shrink let everyone leave.
Phil practically ran back to his room, he could feel the eyes on him, their gazes boring holes into his back. He could almost hear their thoughts "What the hell is wrong with him? Did you hear that he tried to kill himself? That's so selfish, didn't he think about the people in his life? God what is so bad about his life that he wants to die I mean there are people out there who don't even have clean water and they don't try and kill themselves." Everyone always thought that. Phil slammed the door behind him and curled up into a ball on the bed, a position he was a little more than familiar with. He once spent an entire 48 hours like this.
Phil didn't move, not when he heard Dan open the door and not when Dan sat next to him on the bed.
"Hey Phil… are you okay?" Dan sounded so hesitant and nervous.
"Not really but I guess that's why I'm here in the first place." Phil wasn't sobbing, he never sobbed, his tears were always silent.
"I know this is weird and slightly creepy but I want to help you. I know I've only known you for a few hours but there's something about you. You're so sweet; you even let me sit with you. You're really funny and you let me have your orange juice. For some unknown inexplicable reason I really do want to help you. I really like you." Phil felt Dan's hand rubbing circles on his back, it was so calming.
Phil sat up and wiped his face. "You like me?"
"Yeah, and before you ask yes in a like like you way. That's actually the reason I'm here. My stepfather is a homophobic asshole who thinks the only way I could be gay is if I'm crazy and he is under the impression that this place will fix that."
Phil leaned up and kissed Dan.