Prologue
"Emily!" I squealed, rushing out of my house with an enormous smile on my face. I couldn't help it. My cousin, my best friend, had spent the last three years living abroad, and it felt like I hadn't seen her in forever. I'd been begging her to come back for the past two summers, but she'd loved it over in Rome too much to budge. I was half worried that she wasn't going to return even for my wedding. Hell, I don't think I really believed she'd come back until I actually saw her.
"You have no idea how much I've missed you, Lee," Emily said, a smile even bigger than mine spread across her beautiful face. Without even hesitating, she threw her arms around my neck and squeezed tight, and I did the exact same thing. It'd been way too long since I'd last seen her.
"As if," I scoffed once I pulled back. "I've missed you more, end of story." I noticed her suitcase lying forgotten on the ground and quickly grabbed it as I backed towards the house. "Now come on. You have to meet Sam. I seriously think I'll die if the two most important people in my life stay strangers any longer."
I heard a deep chuckle behind me, and I happily whirled around, grinning broadly at my beautiful, amazing fiancé… the man who was going to be my husband in two days. I knew a lot of people who disapproved of the marriage, saying that it wasn't right to tie the knot when I was still just nineteen, but looking at Sam's beautiful face made me melt. There was no one I'd rather be with, so what was the purpose in waiting if I already knew that?
"Well, I can't have that now, can I?" Sam teased with one of his wonderful rumbling laughs. He hopped down off the porch and landed right in front of Emily and me. Without even glancing at her- because his attention was always on me first- he bent down to give me a quick peck on the lips before he made a big show of turning his focus to my cousin. "Now, you must be the girl Lee Lee spends all her time gossiping with-"
Emily looked up to meet Sam's eyes for the first time, and Sam cut off as soon as they made eye contact. I looked at Emily first, worried that there was something wrong with her physically, something that Sam didn't approve of, but she was as perfect and beautiful as always.
Then I looked at him.
I recognized the look on his face instantly. I'd been there when Quil imprinted on Claire, so I knew the dazed expression that went with it… I knew the way that pure adoration flashed in the wolf's eyes, and I knew how the wolf immediately began looking at his mate as if nothing else existed.
Sam and I had talked about this. We hadn't imprinted, but… he just figured it was because I couldn't. Imprinting was supposed to match a wolf with whoever could pass down the gene best, and since phasing the first time had ended the chance of me passing down any genes, at least for the time being, he figured he hadn't imprinted on me because I couldn't be imprinted on. That he would have if I was human. He also promised that if he did imprint on someone else, his love for me would cancel it out. He promised me it wouldn't matter, that I didn't need to have any reservations about marrying him.
Sam had told me that it wasn't going to be a problem.
As soon as I saw the look on Sam's face, I knew he was full of shit. The adoration was too strong… he looked at Emily in a way he'd never looked at me, not even when I went to his house when he came back after his first change and reamed him out for avoiding me. He didn't look at me like that when he told me what'd happened and I'd kissed him and said I didn't care what he was, as long as he was mine. He didn't even look at me like that when I phased too, and we realized that we could be together forever.
I took a step back, staggering like I'd been shot. Emily was oblivious. She must have thought that he was still thinking of me. And Sam…
Sam didn't even know what he was doing. He was so caught up in Emily that he kept on staring, a small smile spreading across his lips as he subconsciously took a step closer to her.
There was a long, drawn out silence until, finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I looked back and forth between the two of them and whispered, "There isn't going to be a wedding, is there?"
Immediately, Sam jerked his head towards me like he'd forgotten I was there. We locked eyes for a long, terrible moment, and the guilt and pain and absolute anguish in his gaze threatened to make me ill.
What made me even more ill was the love that was there too. Love that he couldn't quite manage to hide.
"Lee Lee," Sam said softly. "It isn't what you think… it's…it's…"
"It's what, Sam?" I demanded, and he was speechless. I started to back away, my vision flashing red and my entire body shaking terribly as what just happened started to sink in.
I barely reached the trees before I let the wolf explode out of me with a pain-filled howl.
Ch. 1
One Year Later
I pour myself another glass of wine and toss it back in a single gulp. Honestly, I'm setting a shit example for Seth, but I'm too miserable to care. I'm also too miserable to care that my mighty wolf metabolism would keep me from getting drunk even if I downed all the alcohol at the wedding. Attempting to drown my sorrows in drink is just appropriate enough for the occasion that I feel compelled to do it despite the drawbacks.
Don't judge. It's what happens to a girl's attitude when her asshole ex-fiancé plans his wedding with her cousin a year after he was supposed to marry her.
The sad part is, everyone seems to have forgotten Sam has ever been with anyone but Emily. I mean, I could feel the stares at the actual wedding, could hear the whispers that came with acting as Emily's maid of honor, but now the pity and sorrow is over. The novelty that went with sympathizing over 'Poor Leah' has faded away, and everyone is having fun. All the pack brothers and Cullens and humans are together, acting like one big, happy family.
A big, happy family with a bitchy old terrier that everyone likes better locked up.
I come to the conclusion that pouring the wine into a glass takes much too long and take a swig straight from the bottle. It's disgusting, the way that the wedding turned into a huge wolf-vampire shindig. I can't believe Sam invited the leeches in the first place. Useless, inhuman, disgusting wastes of space. I hate all of them. Bella, Edward, the blonde bitch… at least I don't have to worry about the whiny little fashion twit anymore. Right after Sam ditched me for Emily, she apparently decided that having an evil, murdering military leech for a husband was even worse than dealing with a normal bloodsucker and skedaddled, spewing, from what I understand, a bunch of shit about how they were certain to fall in love with different people, and how she wasn't what he needed and blah blah fuckety blah.
I'd feel sorry for him if he hadn't completely and totally deserved it. Stick-up-his-ass, murderous bastard. He's by far the worst of the family.
Another drink. Really, I don't know why I'm bothering. I won't be able to forget, and wine doesn't give me any kind of satisfying burning when it goes down my throat. If this was a normal situation, I'd get up and grab something stronger, but I don't want to look like a bigger depressed loser than I already do. Besides, there are human guests here who don't realize I have a wicked high body temperature and speedy metabolism. They probably think I'm about two seconds away from alcohol poisoning.
I growl under my breath at my glass of wine. If I wasn't a werewolf, I'd be able to get drunk. Hell, if I wasn't a werewolf, I wouldn't even be in this situation. Sam would have imprinted on me, the one with the actual, legitimately flawless wolf genetics, and our wedding would have taken place last year like it was supposed to.
Like it was supposed to.
Supposed to. The thought makes me close my eyes, and, when I open them, the decorated ball room, the guests, Sam in his flattering tux… they aren't for Emily. They're for me. And I feel a longing so terrible that it's physically painful, and then, when reality comes crashing back down and I remember that this isn't mine, a desperate, terrible burning pain smacks me right in the chest.
"I know this invitation is probably unwanted, but… would you care to dance with me?"
I flinch at the sudden, too close noise; I should have heard it coming, should have smelt it, but I was too caught up in my pity party to notice anyone, anything, approaching me.
"Fuck off," I mutter. I don't even look up to see who it is; I don't have to. I can smell that it's a leech, and the Texas twang is a dead giveaway as to which one. I get that the guy is probably lonely after Alice left him, but he has another thing coming if he thinks I'll be nice to him just because I'm in a similar situation.
"How 'bout this," Jasper drawls in a low, now slightly impatient voice. "I can feel you from everywhere in this room, and it's about to drive me mad. You need to stop moping."
I wrinkle my nose in disgust. Damn leeches and their stupid powers…it isn't right. Not that shape-shifting is either, but at least that's a natural, genetic thing. My brothers and I… we aren't reanimated corpses with the ability to totally shatter anyone's privacy in a thousand unique ways.
"I'm not going to dance because you're uncomfortable. If it's so awful, maybe you should leave and let the humans party in peace." Then, in a lower voice, I add, "They'll all be safer that way."
"They're plenty safe-"
"Until one of them gets drunk and cuts himself on something," I shoot back. Impatiently, I take another useless drink of wine and try to wave the leech away. "Now leave me alone. I'm not in the mood to deal with a bloodsucker right now. Especially not you."
Jasper swallows, almost like he wants to say something but won't let himself. Then, like the perfect Southern gentleman he's portraying, he bows his head and hastily walks off. I let out a sigh of relief at being left to wallow in peace.
It isn't five minutes later that I notice something. I thought I was being ignored, and, for the most part, I am… by everyone except Sam. The asshat keeps glancing my way with pity all over his features. I glare at him. I don't want his damn pity. I don't have a problem with self-pity, and hell, Emily or my mom or even freaking Bella Cullen can pity me for all I care, but from Sam… no. It's too damn much.
It's not two seconds later that I'm on my feet and making a beeline over to the Cullen family. It grates against everything I stand for, but there's no way in hell I'm going to keep sitting there and letting Sam look at me like that. Like he feels as if no one will ever love me and it's all his fault.
We'll see about that, I think ferociously, and, with that thought, I come to a stop behind Beefy Leech and Southern Leech. Both of them ignore me, and, I impatiently clear my throat. They both slowly turn around.
"Blondie," I say, nodding towards Southern Leech. "We should dance."
Beefy Leech looks as if he might have a heart attack. Southern Leech opens his mouth like he wants to fire off a quick retort- really, I can almost see it in his eyes-, but, once again, he stops himself from being 'rude' and nods sharply.
"Very well then. Thank you for reconsidering my offer."
Rather than offering me a hand or gesturing for me to follow him like a normal guy would, he starts off without another word, and I trail after him just as silently.
It isn't until we're actually on the dance floor, in front of a ton of staring people, that the song switches from a sixties tune people were dancing to with siblings and cousins, to a slow ballad that has unmistakable connotations. I send the leech a death glare as if this is his fault, but the asshole just shrugs and gives me a look that says, 'What can you do?'
I know the silent question is supposed to be rhetorical, but I can't help but murmur, "We could leave."
Except I can still feel Sam watching me, and I refuse to give him that kind of satisfaction.
"But you won't," says Southern Leech softly. I shake my head in reply, and, in a move that I can't help but think of as extremely brave, I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck. The leech freezes up instantly, but I refuse to let go, and, after a moment, he relaxes and settles his cool hands on my waist. I can't help but shiver; it feels like someone just pressed ice on my sides.
"Sorry," he says sheepishly. I glance up and frown at how dark his eyes are. I know we smell bad to vampires, but this one is the weakest link, and I do have blood and a beating heart. He isn't thirsty… is he? "I'm fine," the leech says quickly, probably feeling my worry. "The warmth just surprised me a little. I haven't been this close to blood for a long time, but your smell is bad enough that it isn't really a problem."
"And all the humans around us…?" I demand, although I am legitimately concerned.
"I can control myself," says the leech, sounding like he's reassuring himself just as much as he's reassuring me. I snort skeptically, but don't care enough to push the issue.
Without us talking, I can't help but notice just how nice this is in a really weird, twisted way. For one thing, Jasper obviously knows how to dance. I can feel him gently guiding me one way or the other when I space out and don't do the right steps. And even though his looks are entirely a product of a little vampire venom, I can't help but be just a tad bit puffed up that I'm dancing with a guy who could pass as a male model, and in front of all of Sam's relatives no less. I almost want to start yelling for all of them to look at me, to shout, 'Emily may have gotten Sam, but I got the hot blond!'
I don't, obviously. Instead I stay where I'm at, a little too far away from the leech to be properly slow-dancing, but still close enough that it isn't suspicious.
"Did you go to college this past year?"
I jerk out of my thoughts to see the leech waiting politely for my reply.
"I refuse to make small talk with you," I growl. "I'm doing this out of vindictiveness, not as a favor to you, so shove it with the polite Southern crap."
He doesn't say anything, which, of course, makes me even angrier. "And for fuck's sake, stop that! You won't break me if you grow a pair and snap back! I'm a big Leah. I can handle it."
The leech only shakes his head. "I have no doubt that you can handle it, but that doesn't mean you deserve it. You're in a bad mood, and it would be foolish of me to get into an argument with you when you're so obviously looking for a fight."
I open my mouth to snap that I'm not looking for a fight and that my behavior towards him has absolutely nothing to do with the mood I'm in, but that would be a lie and I know it. "So maybe I am trying to get under your skin. Can't you play along? Let me have that little distraction?"
"Not when distractions don't help," Southern Leech murmurs. "Sometimes it's easier to face what's happening than trying to protect yourself."
"Look, I don't-" I start, but then I smell fall leaves and cinnamon and a hint of fancy cologne and I cut off mid-sentence. Sam. Of course.
Before I can so much as move, the bloodsucker takes a subtle half step closer to me, tightening his grip on my waist just slightly. My first reaction is to ask him what in the hell he thinks he's doing, but then I notice that he's smiling at me, just slightly, and my jaw drops in absolute shock.
He's helping me!
"Lee Lee?"
I growl under my breath and peer at Sam over the leech's shoulder.
"Yes?"
"Are you…" He trails off, shooting Southern Leech a look that clearly says he wants this to be a private conversation. When the bloodsucker ignores the hint, Sam scowls and shortly says, "I was just wondering if you're okay. You seem to be behaving rather… irresponsibly this evening, and I wanted to know if you were upset."
"Upset?" I bark out a rough laugh. He has to be kidding me. "Of course I'm upset, but that doesn't mean I'm behaving 'irresponsibly.' Southern Leech and I have just decided to make a 'Lost our Lovers to Someone Else' club. Really, it's kind of nice." I bar my teeth in something like a smile. "He isn't even half bad for a vampire. Hell, I can't call him anything less than a perfect gentleman. You might want to learn a thing or two from the guy."
"I had no choice, Lee Lee-" Sam starts, but the bloodsucker shakes his head.
"Leah realizes that you could not control your imprint. She's only implying that she doesn't appreciate your insistence on acting like you have a claim on her," Southern Leech interrupts. His voice stays as polite as it has been all evening, but there are undertones of warning beneath the slow drawl. I have to refrain from giving him a high-five, vampire or not. The guy is doing me a big favor, and no matter how much I dislike him, I'm also unwillingly grateful.
"I was only concerned," says Sam diplomatically.
"Well, don't be," I snap. "The bloodsucker and I are getting along just fine."
Sam, obviously not eager for a fight on his wedding night, nods sharply and retreats back to his dear wife. I watch him go, my eyes not leaving his retreating form until a honey-smooth voice says, "My name is Jasper."
My eyes fly to Southern Leech's face.
"Beg pardon?"
"I understand that you aren't a fan of my species, but I am at least attempting to be civil, and I would appreciate a reciprocal effort on your part. Please call me by my name. I don't much like being referred to as 'bloodsucker' or 'Southern Leech.'"
I narrow my eyes at him. "I never asked you to be civil, leech, so I really don't see why I should give a flying fuck as to what you want. You're a walking corpse anyway. You don't deserve a name."
Guilt flares up in my chest when I see a pained look in his eyes and I realize I took things a little too far. Sighing, I remind myself that it isn't his fault Sam imprinted on Emily, and, slowly, regretfully, I mutter, "Fine. I'll call you Jasper, but it hardly matters." The song ends, and I exhale sharply. "We're not ever going to talk to each other again after tonight anyway."
Jasper steps away from me. "I suppose not," he murmurs.
We walk away from each other. I tolerate the reception for another half hour before I take off, and I can't help but notice that Jasper has already left by then, too.
I'd half like to say that I spent the night thinking about the leech's (as if I'm ever going to call him 'Jasper' except to his face) advice about not distracting myself and facing my problems, or even that I fell asleep thinking about how sweet it was that he defended me in front of Sam, but I don't.
Instead I think about what Sam and Emily are doing. It's sick and masochistic and very, very twisted, but the thought that it's the night of their honeymoon makes me almost sick with anger and jealousy. So maybe, in a way, I listened to the vampire and faced my freaking problems head on.
Let me just tell you, that shitty advice kept me up crying all night.
…
A/N- Not sure where I'm gonna go with this, but I've always found the couple interesting so I'll give it a go. Advice and feedback is much appreciated.
Thanks for reading.